Your “A Year’s Salary to Stay Under 250? Sign Me Up!” Monday Evening Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Eddie Lacy met his first Seahawks weight target Monday, coming in at 253 pounds, well under the 255 pounds he was required to be by this date in order to receive a salary bonus of $55,000.
    • By July 1, his next goal is 250 pounds. August will bring the same limit and the Seahawks want him at 245 pounds for four monthly weigh-ins during the regular season.
    • The Seahawks and Lacy agreed to a one-year contract that includes $2.865 million guaranteed. Lacy can earn an additional $2.685 million through incentives, including the weight clause.
  • It’s hard out there for a first-round draft pick, as Chiefs rookie QB Patrick Mahomes and three others were robbed Friday night in Tyler, Texas.
    • two men have since been arrested in what police call a random robbery.
  • The Cowboys have officially submitted a bid to host the 2018 Draft.
  • At least Dan Quinn has a good sense of humour: his offseason motto has been “Embrace The Suck”.
    • When asked about it, he said the Falcons would need to “eat a crap sandwich with a smile,” Quinn explained.
      • He knows other teams will bring up what happened, so he wants the players to use that as fuel for growth.
    • Besides, their bigger worry is a stadium that may not be ready on time for their home opener.

Finally, a Seattle-based company will be outfitting 25 teams this spring with a new helmet designed to reduce head trauma.

  • The Vicis Zero1 “features a pliable outer layer and an impact-absorbing core layer that cushions the wearer’s head against violent collisions — all, for the most part, while maintaining the look and shape of a classic helmet.”
  • From the company’s website:

The ZERO1’s multiple layers work together to slow impact forces. The helmet features a soft outer shell and an underlying layer of columns designed to mitigate collisions from multiple directions.

  • The company was founded by three men:
    • Sam Browd, a neurosurgeon & pediatric concussion specialist and the medical director of the Seattle Sports Concussion Program, came up with the idea behind Vicis (pronounced VYE-sis).
    • Per Reinhall, who chairs tUW’s school’s mechanical engineering program,
    • Dave Marver, recruited to be the business brains behind the operation.
  • CBS notes that several current and former NFL players are part of Vicis’ “coalition.”
    • Current Seahawks Richard Sherman, Doug Baldwin, Bobby Wagner,
    • KC Game Manager Alex Smith,
    • Former Seahawks great Jerry Rice,
    • for publicity purposes, former Cowboys Tony Dorsett & Roger Staubach
  • Bloomberg has your best breakdown of the research, helmet and how the world of “big helmet” operates.
He needs to work on his taunting, however.

Canada 150:

May 15, 1919 – The Winnipeg General Strike starts.

  • At 11 a.m., 30,000 workers walk off the job and take to the streets after negotiations over wages and working conditions break down.
  • The same day, police officers, public servants and municipal employees join the private-sector workers in solidarity.
  • The strike will last for six weeks and paralyze the city.

May 15, 1981 – SCTV Network 90, a variety/comedy show debuts on NBC; it is a sequel to Toronto’s Second City Television.

  • Brought into the NBC fold to fill gaps in the schedule caused by the cancellation of “The Midnight Special”.
  • It started off at first as a repackaging of the 30-minute shows SCTV did on the Global & the CBC.
    • Later, they created original content, using themes to carry the comedy across the 90-minutes.
  • It won an Emmy in 1982 for “Outstanding Writing for a Variety or Music Program”, setting a record by having separate episodes nominated in all 5 nomination slots.
  • For my money, this was their greatest episode:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hS8yZnevvRk


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Senators at Penguins – 8:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
  • NBA:
    • Game 7: Wizards at Celtics – 8:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • MLB:
    • Astros at Marlins – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Braves at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

Netflix released their first trailer for their series about GLOW. It seems like everything I could ever want:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZqDO6cTYVY

JUST PUT IT INTO MY VEINS!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JJFozz HAS to be related.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have 2 active conversations open with teachers, the first one I am the dick who fucked up, hes being cool. The second is I keep bitching to my teacher that in a 5 week project I have yet to get one email reply from anyone in my group. We had 3 hours of class to work on the project last thursday, I swear to god 2 of the group never said a god damned word. While I talked to them straight in the face.

Unsurprised

Good times.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I might have anxiety problems (I do). This is driving me insane. My teacher came back with you are a good student, even if the worst happens it won’t mess up your grade much. That did not help me.

blaxabbath

If there’s one thing I don’t miss about school, it’s being partnered with the dunbshits so your teacher can make you pull all that weight.

I’d say fuck it, take intro and conclusion , and then give the most compelling bookends to a presentation that that dumb bitch teacher ever did see!!!

Wakezilla

I was in about 2 or 3 group projects throughout my post secondary career. It could have been a lot more, but, I find visiting the prof during their office hours and looking stressed (whether real or acting, which was usually the case), you tell them due to conflicting issues, you can no longer with the group. Worked like a charm.

It’s always harder to say no in person. Especially when it’s the paying customer

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Uh huh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Congratulations. The ring passed and can be rated for up to 3 tons.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I tuned in for the last 5 seconds of play. I thought I was gonna get half of the third but I missed it.

Wakezilla

I cant be bothered to watch the Ice RED BLACKS play, but, the fact they supposedly are so defensive that they have a nickname of the Kanata Wall, makes me hope the Ice Steelers win this series, for the sake of pro hockey.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

Ook? *Sigh* Ook.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Another fucking day….. another banana.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

can see why Trump does bidness with him

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t. Trump outright said he wants to date his daughter. He doesn’t give a fuck and neither do voters.

Wakezilla

It has always creeped me out how famous fundy Christians in America have a creepy incestuous vibe to them with their comments and pics

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Drumpf wants to date Cohen’s daughter, but would gladly switch hit with Cohen, if need be.

scotchnaut

Poop.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t have to right now, but I’ll keep it mind; prolly with the “morning constitutional.”

scotchnaut

Sens have so few quality scoring chances relative to the Pens.

WCS

Which is precisely why Sens will win, 1-0, in triple OT.

Wakezilla

A year ago, I worked with Asian Barbie who wore hilarious inappropriate for work miniskirts, Peggy Carter with bigger boobs and Ethnically ambiguous spinner. Now, a year later they are all gone. Theyve been replaced with wierd guys who dont like sports and older, grumpy women whom resemble Miss. Passmore from Downton Abby. Working here is sadly, no longer sexy. 🙁

WCS

Demand a refund.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I want to work for a place that has an Asian Peggy Carter with bigger boobs. I volunteer for overtime.

Wakezilla

Oh, Peggy Carter with bigger boobs was white

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I still volunteer

King Hippo

“ethnically ambiguous spinner” is just some quality wordsmithing there!!

Gratliff

This is an allegory for life

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Welcome to the real world.

Wakezilla

If i wanted to enter the real world, I wouldn’t have pursued a career in education!

Unsurprised

That fucking sucks

Gratliff

If any of you haven’t seen this fucking beauty yet:

https://twitter.com/KrangTNelson/status/864192288829956098

JustStopDude

Louis Wain was a modern painter from England. He was most famous for his whimsy cat paintings like this one.

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He was a pretty famous child book illustrator, even touring the US in the early 1910’s or so.

His family had a long history of schizophrenia which he also developed. He spent his last 15 years in mental hospitals but never gave up his love of painting cats.

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King Hippo

a new friend for Dubya??

Brick Meathook

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WCS

I find this game to be rather irritating.

scotchnaut

If only you had another Penguins fan to commiserate with….

[raised eyebrow emoji]

Gratliff
King Hippo

I will surely agree if one of these assholes don’t score in period 3. Took a nap, but still sleepy. Would wonder if dying, but noes I’m not that lucky.

JustStopDude

I’m on a bit of an “outsider art” kick. The previous gifs of mine are from an systems engineer that went nuts. Once he stabilized, he created his own operating system from scratch to be able to talk to god.

Now…

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Francis E. Dec mailings. A crazy dude that for years would send out at random long rambling typed letters. He did it so much that he eventually got a following.

Gratliff

Hoo boy. That fella there is a fucking problem.

Unsurprised

Yeah, and that is that NO ONE IS LISTENING TO HIM

JustStopDude

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Gratliff

Moses Catches The Clap (1996, MS-DOS)

JustStopDude

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King Hippo

that’ll explain DAT burnin’ bush…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“What’s that? You say you have credible reports of a plan to assassinate Donald Trump and you’ve just emailed me all the details we’ll need to thwart it? Sure thing, I’ll pass that right on to my superiors.”

[clicks delete]

– Every single agent at the C.I.A. and F.B.I.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I don’t understand the writing of the amazingly talented Morena Baccarin’s character on Gotham this year. It seems to be what would a person with a 1st grade education, an ear infection and UTI just causing pain and a personality that refuses to acknowledge facts that are explicitly told to her is short sentences with small words. I remember when she was an awesome M.E.

WCS

Interesting strategy by the Pens to continuously hit posts and the side of the net.

Mr. Ayo

Looks like they’re sticking with this bold strategy.

Gratliff

Miss Bliss is getting better by the week. https://twitter.com/totaldivaseps/status/864289778866556928

scotchnaut

Pens: Way more talented.

Sens: Way more disciplined.

scotchnaut

This Ceasar I just made? It’s hotter than Kate Upton in a sauna.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought a “Hot Caesar” meant something else entirely.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s goddamn $300 in my neighborhood, smh.

scotchnaut

POST!

herodotus450

We just call it the mail down here, ya hoseur

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Don Cherry is the Trump on top of the President of the United States pie.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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and it’s only Monday.

Redshirt

I wasn’t so sure about the GLOW series…until I saw the series.

First The Crown and now this. Are all Netflix series good?

WCS

Bloodline, Kimmy Schimtt, and Peaky Blinders (though not an Netflix original) are all great.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Bojack Horseman, Marvel series other than Iron Fist also very good

Gratliff

Don’t watch Hemlock Grove

WCS

I just remembered I forgot to record Saul, I’m at my parents’ watching the game, and I trust Drumpf with keeping classified information secret more than I trust wifey to manage to figure out how to set up the DVR.

Also, it seems every Penguin is going to be broken before the end of this series.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

DVR the 2:40am showing, watch it with the little one!

scotchnaut

Is no one talking about the Sen/Pens game?

I’LL TALK THE FUCK OUT OF THIS GAME!!!

/it’s the intermission?
//well, shut my stupid mouth!
///for now…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
herodotus450

Sens are trying out their new strategy of “surreptitiously injure everyone on the other team,” but unluckily for them, the Pens see that every day in practice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I missed the entire second season of Mike Tyson Mysteries. Was the second season as good at the first? I bring it up because the first ep of season 3 seems to have been released.

King Hippo

I enjoyed it. You can probably find them on YouTube. Some were sillier than others.

Yes, twas a nice surprise in the DVR this afternoon.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Wouldn’t it be much simpler to just outlaw concussions?? smh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Players can Tweet directly from these new helmets.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky

God damn, they’re just setting roman up to fail at this point. show 4 pictures of guys who are actually over, crowd goes nuts,

show roman’s picture?

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I had to research and write a paper on a research experiment today to pass Psych 101 for the 3rd fucking time. I went with a study on Altruism because “fuck it it was one of the options”. They really wanted religious people to appear more giving and loving than the rest of the people so that was their intro and conclusion. The problem is the data said the difference was statistically insignificant, and actually non-religious people had the better numbers overall. This was a peer reviewed article and it still got published

Brocky

So, pretty much the same bullshit the rest of the world deals with

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

If a gun was held to my head by a crazy person/huge Canuck comedy fan and he asked me, “Who is the most under-rated Canadian comic of your lifetime?” I’d be forced to answer, “Joe Flaherty”. His stock comedic characters were always done tongue-in-cheek or completely over the top. He was brilliant.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Dave Foley. Still criminally underrated

Gratliff

Also criminally liable for like a million dollars in back child support.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Norm MacDonald

Unsurprised

His Netflix special is great, btw.

Don T

Rick Moranis. Not even close. The guy could do everything.

King Hippo

Because the existing level of Russia ball-fondling treason just wasn’t quite enough…

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/more-thoughts-on-the-post-story

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

I’ve just attempted to initiate contact with baby Shogun. Despite his cunt of a wife that wrecked mother’s day. Let’s see how it go!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Good evening gentlemen and ladies. How were your Mondays? I started my day at like 4:30 am and spent a good 10+ hours doing bullshit, so I started drinking before puck drop, I also forgot to eat since the sun went up so it is kicking in quick.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I totally missed out on a gummy bears and scotch reference because gummy bears were the only thing I ate today

http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/54/5431a3a1e39d151a78e513ce78f8b511db9a3a4083e456e6389a1acc9bed29ca.jpg

JustStopDude

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herodotus450

Is that a… Jewish operating system? I guess they made it to be more dependable than Windows, which only works 5 days a week.

JustStopDude

Terry A Davis developed this operating system from scratch to talk to god.

He is legit schizophrenic. Not someone you want to meet in person. His youtube and twitter account are…Intense…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Finally, a Seattle-based company will be outfitting 25 teams this spring with a new helmet designed to reduce head trauma.

Unfortunately, the helmet designated for Richie Incognito was “lost in shipping” so he’ll be using the traditional helmet until a replacement arrives.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

DFO has obtained EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE of Eddie Lacy arriving for his weigh-in.

http://www.clusterballoon.org/index/index_01.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

The sequel to Up looks ok.