So it has come to this, we have the Old Lady v Blancos for the YUGE trophy, no, the YUGEST trophy in glorious Cardiff Wales! Seriously have you seen the size of this thing? Compared to the World Cup trophy it is a wee bit excessive. Perhaps UEFA has a bit of trophy envy.

When I think of the Champions League Final in Cardiff I think of the NFL giving a Super Bowl to Jacksonville. Cardiff is a grey hole and will be infiltrated by an estimated 200 000 people including fan bases from Turin (gorgeous), and Madrid (stunning) so  let the mocking begin. I will wholeheartedly be supporting Juventus because of Buffon. I have said this before, he is the greatest keeper in the world and he needs to win a Champions League trophy.

I often compare my hatred for Real Madrid to the Dallas Cowboys, I hate them both so much it’s astounding. Ronaldo is my Irvin/T.O./Dez , any fuckwit coach from either team are assholes at all times, and both fan bases are smug and arrogant. I hate everything about both of those clubs but they consistently beat the clubs I support usually in embarrassing fashion. They both are rich, consistently reload with talent and are think that they can do whatever they want. Real has 5 targets this summer in the transfer season, Lewandoski, Griezmann, De Gea (which was rebuffed by Utd), Mbappe, and Dyabala from Juventus. They will land a couple or three and just reload again and again and again.

Real is loaded or else they wouldn’t be here. They won La Liga again this year but didn’t get their trophy at the finale and some of the players were a bit miffed. This couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of guys and anything that makes Ronaldo unhappy gives me pure joy. I will post this new link because it is just so goddamned funny now including a Welshman! 

The only real question mark for Real this weekend is whether they play Isco or Horseface Bale. I feel that they have to play Isco as Bale is often injured and doesn’t influence the game as he has in the past. Isco’s game is more suited to the silky Spanish League and I see Juventus’ defense similiar to an rough, physical Premier League defence so that is why he hasn’t (at time of writing) been named on the starting 11. HOWEVAH the game is in Cardiff and with Bale being a sheepshagger I have no idea who will start. Real is so deep, and their bench is loaded that you have to give them an advantage in this game. Asensio is the real deal and having fresh legs like that to come off the bench is a huge advantage. Varane and the detestable Ramos at the back are very skilled but Ramos has been known to come in spikes high it would give many people in this world pleasure if that asshat gets sent off.

Buffon is the best.

Juve’s back 4 are normally rock solid (v Barca) and are going to need to be once again. If their form holds it gives Dani Alves room to be sneaky up the side of the pitch. Ballsofsteelandfury wrote his 25 questions concerning this individual please read and then answer the damn questions would you?. The back end will have to be at their best to fend off Ronaldo, Benzema, Modric etc. Juventus has to push up the sides and fire in crosses to Higuain and Dybala for their offense to be effective. Higuain can hold up play from the offensive midfield and wait for the rest of the lads to flood up field if need be but having crosses fly in is more their style.

I will be supporting them at the footy pub tomorrow morning but sadly I just that they lack the overall talent to beat Madrid. If their back four can stay strong, not make any stupid fouls they definitely could get one.

Prediction Jerks 2 Juventus 1.

In closing, a Deadspin item, I ask you if they will teach park goers how to evade taxes?