Most training camps open between July 25-27. As such, it’s nothing but “here’s how we’re gonna do this year” quotes coming out of most players & teams. Of note:
NFL Notes:
- Cam Newton is throwing footballs again, having recovered from shoulder surgery.
- And get this: he wants to win a Super Bowl before he retires. That’s crazy talk! Typical me-first attitude.
- Nick Fairley has been placed on the non-football injurt list, ending his season.
- The third opinion he was hoping would allow his career to continue also said “no”.
- ESPN is all-in on the Derek Carr paycheque.
- They’ve cursed him by comparing his deal to Rich Gannon’s.
- They’re comparing how intervening deals have dropped Joe Flacco from first to fifth in QB salary.
- PLAYER TEAM Avg. Per Year
Derek Carr Raiders $25M
Andrew Luck Colts $24.6M
Drew Brees Saints $24.2M
Kirk Cousins [*Redacted] s $23.9M
Joe Flacco Ravens $22.1M
- PLAYER TEAM Avg. Per Year
- ‘Borrowing’ from Crimebeat! again:
- Michael Floyd had a sentencing violation hearing for testing positive for alcohol while under house arrest for his DUI.
- He tested at 0.055; he’s blaming Kombucha tea.
- UPDATED: he was sentenced to one day in jail, and the remaining five days of house arrest.
- Tyrunn Walker has been released by the Rams due to sexual assault allegations.
- Former Packer Ahman Green has been arrested for suspected child abuse.
- Michael Floyd had a sentencing violation hearing for testing positive for alcohol while under house arrest for his DUI.
Aaron Rodgers beat Erin Andrews on the Michael Strahan hosted “$100,000 Pyramid” Sunday night, as football metaphors & dating innuendos abound.
- The woman was a fucking half-wit coug thrilled to be on the TV.
- It was clear her churching prevented her from getting the innuendos in the questions.
- FYI – Rodgers has been linked to SI model & “Baywatch” movie “actress” Kelly Rohrbach since his breakup with Olivia Munn.
- I’m going to say a move-up on looks, but a move down on experience, with a lateral move in terms of overall flexibility. Judge for yourself:
- The woman was a fucking half-wit coug thrilled to be on the TV.
Guy knows how to beard, I’ll give him that.
Tonight’s sports:
- NBA:
- Annual awards – 9:00PM | TNT / TSN
- Beisbol:
- MLB:
- Twins at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Rockies at Giants – 10:00PM | ESPN
- College World Series:
- Finals Game 1 in Omaha: LSU vs. Florida – 7:00PM | ESPN
- MLB:
- WWE:
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- International Rugby:
- British/Irish Lions vs. Hurricanes – Tue 3:35AM | TSN2
UPDATE: Senor Weaselo has a buddy competing on American Ninja Warrior – 8:00, on NBC.
- He’s the guy with the pink goatee.
What will tomorrow bring? THE MIND WONDERS!
Just because your pics below reminded me of it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFPI9b9N6CQ
Good Lordy Lord…
That’s the porn parody, right?
No, but in our minds yes.
Tommyknockers?
https://www.instagram.com/p/BVsBRw1hu6h/
I’m going to grab a soda. Later, taters.
Rex Ryan Goes Russian
Nice. https://imgur.com/efFVV09
Any of you watch(ed) Bloodline on Netflix? First season was amazing, second was up-and-down, and I’m almost to the end of the third. I’m seeing a lot of negativity for the third season, but, I’m really enjoying it.
Maybe the third season is in and out.
I spent a solid 30 minutes yesterday laughing at “LEG-HAVIN ASS LAND BITCH”
I was a day too slow…… in this case.
Call G-49 motherfucker, I dare you!
CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!
Not quite the kind of pie I’d expect there…
I don’t know what’s the most awkward about this picture.
Capri jeans, obviously.
Here’s a short film I made and narrated:
https://youtu.be/6lutNECOZFw?t=14s
So, did you come at the one minute mark or were you able to hold it until the end?
I’ve never been as excited about anything in my life.
Gesundheit
Dale Gribble approves.
Does TNA Wrestling still exist? I thought Kurt Angle worked for them…
It’s Impact now. Billy Corgan was president for a while. He got booted out at the end of 2016. It’s basically garbage. Most of the good younger guys went to WWE’s NXT brand, and the Hardy Boys went back to WWE after they struck gold with their Broken Universe gimmick. Kurt Angle is currently the GM for RAW.
The Cubs are doing their damnedest to fuck away this game.
Careful how much you drink.
It’s like I’m wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all.
STUPID SEXY FLANDERS!
The Rickmobile is coming to Portland on Thursday. Should I get something?
Schedule: http://www.adultswim.com/promos/rickmobile/#eSepysHYIGqm
Yes. Because I didn’t. Also get there early if you want to buy shit.
How much for the sex robot?
And if they’re not selling a plumbus, they don’t really want your money.
I misread it earlier and thought I saw a plumbus on the list. Fuck that shit.
$40 – Gwendolyn Pool Float
I’m thinking the Poopy Butthole Towel would make a fine gift.
Just threw some brussels, onion, carrots, garlic, carrots, and parsnip in the oven to roast. Gotta pick a beer to go with it and undo this healthy shit.
I just fried up three brats with a bunch of melted cheese on top and put it on some fresh greens to pretend to be healthy.
Monday Gravy!
The melted cheese was half pepperjack half habañero cheddar. The best part was the cheese that slipped off the brat pieces into the sausage dripping and fried just perfectly.
Later that night, they both died.
I lold
/is a horrible person
Same. Also kind of a derelict.
Aaron Rodgers is more closeted than a pair of Chris Christie’s size 32 waist jeans!
Andy Reid would have also been accepted.
Nah, an Andy Reid reference after time has run out is perfect!
NC State Oedipack
Stop following my mom.
Granted; I’ve been following her VERY closely.
For general principle I am not +1’ing this.
But yes, I laughed.
You should; best 26 seconds of her life.
Cookiethulu’s looking svelte!
Sorry if posted already, but da-yam.
http://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/note-to-nfl-[*Redacted] s-do-not-play-in-washington-state/ar-BBDhqJS?li=BBmkt5R&ocid=ientp
THIS? THIS, IS WHAT YOU ARE SORRY ABOUT???????
Only if posted already…. OK, maybe about a teacher somewhere who’s patient explanations and assignments didn’t take on a dipshit student and their supervisors/ editors.
https://img-s-msn-com.akamaized.net/tenant/amp/entityid/BBDhoJq.img?h=1080&w=1920&m=6&q=60&o=f&l=f
http://cdn.playbuzz.com/cdn/6a160996-da13-43d9-8c43-f305e8a8349d/38b3fb0f-dc51-4027-9344-74a4567ea184.png
That license plate is as offensive to Indians as this gif. Insensitive bigots need to get their facts straight. Also, what’s up with Olive Oyl? That chick’s got issues, but I guess Popeye has been at sea and will take whatever he can get, and that may include Wimpy every now and again but a guy’s gotta do something and Wimpy sure loves hamburgers and at least he’s not like Bluto and let’s not even get started on that but you gotta admit that Gandhi looks funny in that diaper thing he wore even though he had a law degree and he was alive when this was made but I’ll bet everyone involved with this is dead by now.
This is someone’s son. I would like to see that guy!
Future Prom King.
His face is as smooth as his brain.
I’ve seen this guy before:
http://trackingboard1.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/tumblr_o20eznBM2b1qhhssxo3_250.gif
I love how Brock Lesnar has made millions doing professional wrestling yet he still has not learned how to talk on a fucking microphone…so Paul Heyman has to do all the talking.
I also like how despite being a notoriously loud mouth homophobic prick, Lesnar has what looks like an erect penis tattooed on his chest.
I swear to god, whenever I see him without a shirt on, it looks like he is titty fucking a ribbed dildo.
Seriously…what the fuck is that suppose to be? A set of brass knuckles with a feather coming out of the top?
He dislikes people so much he spends most of his time on a farm in the middle of nowhere Saskatchewan right now.
Its smart as shit of him to stay off TV except for big paydays. The dude has the screen presence of a dead mule. If he was on TV day in and day out, his stock would drop like a stone.
I do wish the biggest draws weren’t so problematic. Most of the guys getting in through the indies and such are super liberal/Canadian, but then you’ve got the classic problem types like Lesnar and AJ Styles, who happens to be the consensus best performer in the world. WWE is like American capitalism taken to its natural conclusion, with John Cena promoting LGBTQ rights and shit, while the soulless McMahon clan runs the show from the shadows, doing everything in its powers to strip the hardest workers of their rights. Of course, most of the indy bookers are equally scumbags, but the WWE has someone actually working in the federal government. holy shit, how is it this stupid now?
Mirror?
UMMMMM, HEEEELLLOOOOO?!?!?
http://media2.giphy.com/media/12Nxp9loRy1yPC/giphy.gif
Giphy, you bastard.
Dat S
Yes, I didn’t check that one because giphy’s have always been s’d until then.
Omg you killed giphy!
Holy shit. LaVar Ball was doing a guest spot on RAW, went off script, and just started cutting a goofy as fuck wrestling promo even as other wrestlers were talking. It was so good.
Lakers PR department must’ve loved that, and are looking forward to the upcoming season.
Lonzo’s gonna be the first professional athlete too embarrassed by his parents to come out for a game.
Even Sherman’s mom thinks Lavar should turn it down a notch
Fun fact: I saw Luke Walton at breakfast yesterday. He inadvertently followed us outside so I waved and said “hey, man.” He said “how’s it goin’?” pleasantly enough but clearly in a way that indicated that he did not, in fact, have much interest in hearing how it was going.
Luke will always be a distant second in that household.
That’s pretty cool.
So how I say it at work, then.
Dear gwyneth. Go away, disappear. Just…no more goop or you. Kthnxbye.
http://www.salon.com/2017/06/06/gwyneth-paltrow-goop-jimmy-kimmel/
We’re in the 3-4 pocket week in Vancouver where it is hotter than Satan’s nutsack and everyone wants to be an air conditioner but never does because you’d only use it for like a month at most.
It sucks. Especially for me because the sun is directly in my apartment window from 7pm until 9pm and the heat sits there for hours, making it impossible to sleep
On the bright side, you live in Vancouver. I LOVE that city!
I feel you Wakey, it is 30 degrees here, we have no air con as it would be such a waste and our place faces west. Sleep is impossible until late.
Well they showed a clip. Ah well.
Heh…wingnuts.
/sorry senor.
Boooo wingnuts.
Now now, his beard got more splash than Aaron Rodgers ever has.
Hot taek: Kelly Rohrback is an incredibly attractive woman.
A few more ladies like this and Rogers will be “rivaling” Derek Jeter. Of coure, we need brackets cause they’re beards, but still
Does Rodgers send girls Swiss Colony gift baskets after?
I watched the pyramid last night. It was uncomfortable and Andrews owned Rodgers by cracking wise on him the whole show.
Just in case anyone was wondering, there is still a person in the world named Korbinian Holzer, and he plays hockey in the NHL.
Ice Rams oe Ice Cowboys at one point had Korbinian Holzer, Clayton Stoner and Vern Fiddler.
#Allnameteam
The line of Tyutin-Kucherov-Tootoo could give them a run for their money
However in my opinion, which is perfect and binding, Illinois best musical export will always be these gentlemen. Suck it billy.
https://youtube.com/watch?list=PL_Mf2KPwW2F1MG9as9bEHWdaNV-8v9rzO&v=gs5nzdDExoQ
Now, now, I hear Aaron likes his dates clean shaven.
This whole Aaron Rogers write-up made me bust out laughing.
A recent wedding in extreme northern Illinois took me through Zion, where I was happily reminded of this EXTREMELY UNDERRATED man and his band. I literally went through Fritzs Corner to boot!
https://youtube.com/watch?v=E2Oe5YKhzCE
If you could condense my high school years in that particular part of Illinois into a song, this would be it.
I had just started college in Milwaukee. I relate. Their regular shows at The Rave were a staple.
I apparently, for no good reason, cannot like this comment. Weird.
In the case of Munn vs. Rohrbach, I’m gonna need the two parties to make out before judging respective hotness. I’m tough but fair.
I support this. Before or after a 10 question quiz? Brains can’t be discounted.
Well, $460 and a new alternator later, my Monday is certainly less than ideal. Also…
The good news is I’m going to see Street Light Manifesto after work tomorrow, so there’s that.
Additional shout-out, a friend of mine from my undergrad is competing on Ninja Warrior tonight. (We played on the same intramural flag football team.) He’ll be the one with the beard dyed pink.
Haven’t we had enough beard jokes in this post?