NFL Notes:
- The pre-season schedule begins in earnest tonight, with 7 games, “highlighted” by a game of musical QB chairs in Chicago between the Bears & Broncos.
- Elway could come out of the box & be as effective. Hell – mid-stroke Kubiak would be better than most of what we’ll see tonight.
- Ooh – look who’s friends again?!
- The Dongslinger was speaking at a Green Bay charity dinner, and had a fair bit to say – positively – about #12 and his desire to keep playing until he’s 40 & for the Packers.
- I’m sure no teeth were ground about how that’s what someone else wanted too, but the team totes let that unknown person down, so then he was all “Jets 4 Life!” before **record scratch** “LOLs – Vikings, bitches!”
- The Dongslinger was speaking at a Green Bay charity dinner, and had a fair bit to say – positively – about #12 and his desire to keep playing until he’s 40 & for the Packers.
- Speaking of the Packers have decided to call one of their defensive packages “Nitro”, which will allow Clay Matthews more freedom to hunt his targets. I can’t wait to see the others, especially, “Gemini”, “Blaze” and “Lazer”.
The resemblance is uncanny.
- In an ultimate show of pointlessness, the Rams & Chargers held a joint practice where – SURPRISE! – fights broke out.
- But, GRIT!
Finally, talk of “collusion” in the Kaepernick unemployment saga is getting louder. Forbes is the latest mainstream outlet to question why no one has hired someone with better 2016 numbers than 3/4 of the free agent signings at that position. CBS has an article on its sports website detailing the various theories behind who is doing what to keep Kaep benched.
- The change.org petition threatening to boycott the NFL over this has reached 130,000 “signatures”.
- Mind you, the petition to force Trump to release his tax returns has over 439,000 signatures, and I believe he totally did.
- So I’m sure Roger Goodell is quaking in his Oxfords over this one.
- Mind you, the petition to force Trump to release his tax returns has over 439,000 signatures, and I believe he totally did.
- Bleacher Report says that #2 on the Dolphins wish list was Christian Ponder. Kaepernick wasn’t even an option.
- It’s gotten to the point that even lickspittles like Florio are noticing the changes in verbiage Roger Goodell is using when asked the inevitable questions at every presser.
- Prior to August, his tone was about how each organization does what they can to “improve their team”.
- This month, the tone now is about decisions are about “what’s in the best interest of their team”.
Any real noise will be made during the regular season, when – not if – someone high-profile goes down and Kaep doesn’t get a call.
So, a box was delivered to my door yesterday afternoon.
SQUEE! It actually means the season is actually almost here.
It contained the usual minimalist provisions for a >10 year season ticket holder:
Still, it’s nice to see what my $2350 CDN gets me:
- two ticket books
- a fan guide / new stadium rules guidebook
- a team portrait in a delightful tube the puppy will enjoy chewing on.
One possible improvement spotted in the fan guide: the Seahawks have apparently brought the food & beverage operations in-house.
Hopefully, this means fewer cold hot-offerings, and an actual way to complain – versus the old response of “Charity volunteers. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ LOL!” I’m just hoping they keep the delicious beer selections they introduced last season, to offset the #UpForEverything taps at every station.
Game preview: Broncos at Bears
Oof. If you thought last night’s QB feeling out / discovery process was rough, tonight is going to be probably more painful. The Broncos starting three of
- Trevor Siemian,
- Paxton Lynch &
- Chad “Not Jim” Kelly
look like Staubach & Grogan (or Elway & Kubiak) compared to the Bears tranquilizing threesome of
- Mike Glennon
- Mark Sanchez
- Mitch Trubisky
The best receiver on both teams could end up being some kid in the fourth row of the end zone, who will no doubt be the beneficiary of some hilarious overthrows.
Although neither team’s fan site wanted to really pump the tires on this game, I’m still thanking the Mile High Report & the Windy City Gridiron for sharing their paucity of interest in this game.
Tonight’s sports:
- NFL:
- Broncos at Bears – 8:00PM | NFL Network
- CFL:
- Eskimos vs. Redblacks – 7:30PM | TSN
- Baseball:
- MLB:
- Yankees at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
- Little League Baseball:
- Mid-Atlantic Regional semifinal – 7:00PM | ESPN
- West Regional semifinal – 9:00PM | ESPN
- MLB:
I think – and this is just me – it might be preferable to view tonight not as Broncos versus Bears, but as Coors versus Goose Island. WHO YA DRINKIN’?!
Matrix on Netflix,
GET OUT OF MY BRAIN
(we have about an hour left)
This sucks. I need a life.
Well, I got banned from twitter for all the fucks about the giraffe for 12 hours. Tittiesss!
Banned forever or makeitsnow banned?
??
…… i’m just happy about mitch.
This wasn’t “looked kinda good” in context
this was “looked far better than the bears deserve” in context
I’m getting paid to bulge out a chicken’s eyeballs so you will know where your tuna comes from.
You read that right.
Great. I like tuna.
Kinky
https://funnyjunk.com/nsfw/pvzMLci/Biology+101/22#22
I’m not creating an account for that.
Pfft. I choked a chicken today too.
Just got banned from twitter for telling the giraffe to fuck off. Bear badge: Achieved!
I spent my day doing an Outlook and Quickbooks reinstall even though I have told people I never used the software. My night was dealing with people looking to buy my mom’s house even though it is literally the last thing I would want to do. Also got to take care of her dog then too. I am smoking a cig and going to bed. Or just drinking a lot more. I might do the second thing.
I want to do the drinking. Will someone get me some ice?
LISTEN ASSTAINS, I AM DONE WITH YOU FUCK HOLES. I NEVER SIGNED ON FOR THIS.
You’ll be back for more
–NFL and also dominatrixes
I can’t wait until the first openly gay active NFL player comes out.
In other news, I heard all Aaron Rodgers got last year for Christmas was closets and Kevin Spacey movies.
He’ll probably be the 2nd, and everyone will be like “yeah, NO SHIT Aaron.”
“Wait why is Anderson Cooper telling us he’s gay…. oh, right”
You got a new joke yet?
Just wondering.
I love how the Christian Hackenburg updates are akin to the IEP goals of a non-verbal autistic child.
“only hit one reporter with a pass at practice today…given choice of lollipop”
“Christian displays lots of ability but sometimes can lose focus on simple tasks. We are working on a behavior plan the treats the antecedent of the loss of focus.”
Translation: “He’d be really good if he didn’t suck so much.”
I’ve seen smoother writing with epileptics.
G’nite gents.
Enjoy the mental masturbation. (no offence)
I gotta write some shit now.
Stinky prose.
VINCE IS RISING. I’M NOT PLEASED. YOU FUCKS HAVE MUCH TO EXPLAIN FOR.
that guy too Vince’s left is rising if u noe wut I mean ,, smh
Now now, VY had his moments on the field. Out of a million tries.
“Fuck y’all everybody in the Friday’s is gettin’ a blue fruity pussy drink on Vince!”
You joke, but he lives in here! I write to not die.
I have gone to…. 3 preseason Jets games and about 10-12 regular season games in my life. I am praying for Kotite-level awful this year.
I vaguely remember the 1997 season as my first being semi-aware of this team (I was 7) and the Jets broke a nearly two-year winless streak at home against the Raiders, aided by Cole Ford missing an extra point and three field goals, and having another one blocked and returned by Ray Mickens for the game winning touchdown. I have since watched Prime Time of this week on YouTube and Boomer and Tom Jackson make multiple “Well, it was nice seeing Cole Ford’s last day as a Raider” jokes.
I love this goofy sport.
Name three coaches worse than Rich Kotite. You can’t!
My father is a Giants fan but loves all things sports kitsch, so on the fridge in our garage there is a 1996 Jets magnetic schedule on the side that I don’t think has been touched in 21 years.
This should be our Fall Event. Buddy takes us to a J-E-S-T match. We all have to take Greyhound and/or Amtrak to get there, and share our harrowing experiences.
MetLife Stadium is so sterile and such a nightmare to get to, I’d rather you came to Casa Buddy. It comes with my father making derogatory comments towards Elisha, usually, “He has that look on his face like a fucking deer that enjoys getting run over by the car!”
Marc Trestman, Dick Justin, and Wannested
This team simply has to be seen to be believed. It’s a marvel of the salary cap/floor era. No QB. Bottom 5 OL. Like 2 good defensive players. Robby Anderson is the #1 WR. Robby. Anderson.
I still want to understand exactly how Hackenburg screws up breaking the huddle. Christ, even I could fucking do that much.
I guess I’ll go make tuna.
I just found out I’m going to the Vancouver brew fest tomorrow.
WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I AM ABOUT TO BE UNHAPPY.
“Unhappy? Ask your doctor if Superdooperhappeez is right for you.”
How is Joe Webb still in the league?
cuz he REPSECTS the FLAG insted of neeling!111! #MAGA
You fuckstains.
Just wash the sheets.
Shane Black, in black & white
And a good day to you, sir!
Polite Slurs get the win and are still undefeated
“That’s a bit much, don’t you think?”
-Nicki Minaj
Polite Slurs miss a field goal that’d put the game away. REDBLACKS can now win this one
I overheated my computer and now I am gonna miss my the rest of the game because I constantly told my computer to fuck off when it said a major update needs to be installed
Don’t just walk away from the game. Fight back!
Oh my me. You’ve gone and done it. WHY! BASTARDS! YOU’VE KILLED US!
Mind the ledge…
Ook….oook.
Dude… Don’t Scare me like that!
Game is on in the other room, wasnt paying attention, I read your comment, then I came back to see a bunch of trainers out there, had me worried the prophecy of mitch getting killed in the first game came true.
….and that’s why your beer tastes like liquid ass juice, Bud Light.
Ass herpes?
So is Asheville, NC as insane as people have described it?
I wouldn’t describe it as insane, just weird.
Not sure what you mean. it is a great place for beer and food and getting better about the music. I am from near there and it is where I would like to retire. Are you considering a move? And it is a little weird but a good weird.
It’s supposed to be full of crystal-worshipping hippies.
Anyway, I was just curious.
You’re not wrong, but not right either.
It’s an odd convergence of hippie v redneck.
Weird
Agreed.
Maybe
Its not any where that bad. I think it is mainly when you compare it to the surrounding area who think the Tea Party assholes are too liberal is what makes it seem to weird. I have been to Sedona AZ and they are some crazy crystal worshipping freaks.
I must disagree.
Sedona knows Asheville. Asheville is no Sedona.
Not even close.
Never spent a great deal of time in Asheville, but I’ve never had a bad time there. Plus these guys are from there….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LndPQw0-lA
Housing is getting expensive as fuck there.
AGNIZAB!
You spelled Benghazi wrong
So is Trixbiscuit good or is this more 2nd/3rd string defense?
I mean, he’s nickel and diming the Donks’ non-starters.
The 3 offensive rookies have looked good today. Not like we have a chance this year good, just better than the garbage somehow higher on the depth chart
(2017 Wild Card Game)
(ring)
Andy Dalton: “Hello?”
Redshirt: “Okay. This is what you need to change for the 2nd half.”
Dalton: “Who is this?”
Redshirt: “Does it matter? What is your coach doing now.”
Marvin Lewis (in background): “If it works in the 1st half, it will work in the 2nd half. Trust me.”
Andy Dalton: “Okay, caller. What do you got?”
Only fucking Mike Brown, when Pacman Jones put his hands on the Ref, letting the Steelers get that win, would allow a head coach that clearly had lost control of his team, continue running the show. My fucking god.
https://youtu.be/-5_GzVRpDyI
Yup.
Touchdown Polite Slurs!
Chris Getzlaf is still playing? Good for him. 27-20 EDM
Hmmmm…the more I read about ancient Mexico, methinks there would be a better mascot…
Huitzilopochtli
The Mesoamerican god of war, sun, human sacrifice, and the patron of the city of Tenochtitlan. He was considered to be the national god of the Aztecs, who was the patron god of war, in a pantheon of deities where every god and goddess had a hard on for war.
He was credited with both the wins and the defeats of the Aztecs when they went to war. He required constant sacrifices to protect the Aztecs from the dreaded infinite night. Effectively, if he did not get the best sacrifices, the world as the Aztecs knew it would end.
He wielded Xiuhcoatl as a weapon…which in itself was a mythical fire serpent.
Rex Grossman is also a mythical fire serpent.
The shots seemed to clear that up tho.
One thing I love about Lucha Underground is when they mention cool little nuggets like this. Pic looks pretty metal
OOne thing I love about Lucha Underground
I like that…. and other things…
http://zippy.gfycat.com/DownrightDependableFlyingfox.webm
He’s my favorite.
…. so anyone talk to packman Jon lately?
He’s become extremely online on the Twitter.
Fuck off thats in
….me durine my wedding night
But could you tell with her? Would it matter?
Somewhere, ballsofsteelandfury’s head just went all ‘splodey n junk.
Durine is a hellava drug.
If they ever make a live action Dilbert, I hereby cast Dan Harmon from this video in the role
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ_wDKpFeK4
Bears fans are pre-seasoning in their pants.
See TWBS, this is what I am talking about!!!!!
/checks to see Fek didn’t come in here and post this.
I am a fan of this ass.
You’ll get your payoff soon. Not this week, but soon.
The REDBLACKS/Eskimos game is pretty good
Yep, far better than Truth Biscuit.
…..not going to lie, thats as perfect execution of a play action pass as you can get
Trubisky actually looks not-crappy, which means his Achilles will explode in roughly three more snaps.
Nah, it’s gonna be something worse than that. Like his spine is going to be severed.
Two things:
1. that “Chicago style football” commercial is inaccurate, doesn’t show one random fat asshole in a packers uniform
2. Jim miller gets wider and wider every preseason. In 8 years, he’s going take up two lanes.
I still maintain that the Jags need to move to Mexico City.
Keep the Jaguar theme…You just got to change up Jaxson…
Into Tepēyōllōtl, Aztec God of Earthquakes, echos, and Jaguars.
Truth Biscuit had a 130 QB Rating in the first half!
I ordered a mandolin and it arrived today and I just sliced up an apple for the fuck of it. I feel fancy.
This seems like two different thoughts which converged.
Though I might just be an idiot.
I think it’s pretty clear he used the force of his playing to cut the air.
Gotta be careful with that thing though
Nope, due to weaselo I assumed that Rod bought a musical instrument.
In your defense, it is *I* who is the idiot.
Thank you for defending my stupidity.
About time someone did.
I slice up an apple for the fuck of it all the time. What’s a mandolin?
Hark! Verily a mandolin!
Based on two data points I am now ready to declare “Eliza” the hottest name ever
http://
38.media.tumblr.com/cefe814bcc7588fa30e21ff8c0cf0555/tumblr_nxt9by4hIX1u08gzyo3_400.gif
What’s that from?
Something called Casual. Fukin Casuls
They seem nice.
I definitely am interest in they newsletter
She was great on Happy Endings, too.
Donald Drumpf is the Golden Corral prime rib and seafood of Presidents.
I’ve never set foot in a Golden Corral, but I’m gonna assume that’s bad.
So how do you strengthen your immune system?
Vodka.
That’s actually pretty much my universal answer.
That’s why I love the Beast.
I love his wife more, granted….but gotta love the Beast.
That’s how I’d describe the media covering the North Korea/US conflict atm.