Roy G Biv was a smart sumbitch. If you didn’t take physics in school, you have no idea what that means probably.
Foreshadowing? Yes. But we’ll get to that, I promise. First, some final business….
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Sexy Friday has been on a bit of a non-hiatus-hiatus, in a manner of speaking, for the past couple of weeks. If you’ve been reading along, then you already pretty much know why. Or could at least figure it out in general unless you’re stupid. Or drunk. Or high (ooooh…foreshadowing for future weeks).
Well, that ends this week.
After weighing things in my (admittedly not perfectly normal) brain for a couple of weeks, I’ve decided two things:
- I’ll never publicly put my email address out there again. Not worth it. No good deed…etc., etc.
- The time has come to get back to the sorts of things I believe most of our readership is looking for on a Friday to unwind from the stress of a work week.
I realize that I’ll never please all of the people all of the time. If anything is ever considered untoward by anyone, please do feel free to tell me. But only if you can also manage to tell me why. If you can also provide constructive suggestions that would be a bonus.
I promise I won’t bite. Unless you’re a hot chick who wants me to bite.
Or pull your hair. Or spank you, or…..
But I digress….
As I’ve already stated, much more harshly previously, I don’t know what you want if you don’t tell me. That’s actually true for a lot of things in life now that I think about it.
But again, I digress….
Where was I? Oh right……If you can’t tell me something constructive then it’s probably best for you to just not even read TGISF anymore. I frankly don’t care either way anymore.
Televisions and radios have different stations for a reason. Changing the channel is not difficult. The button is right there. Similarly, if TGISF isn’t your bag, no worries. Your mouse won’t click on it without your approval.
From now on, I’m doing this the way I want to do it. I’ll consider any and all suggestions, and promise to try to incorporate people’s requests as I’m able to. Just ask Brocky…he’s still rubbing ’em out to the Glove Theme from several months back….
(Dammit….in about an hour, someone is gonna need to go get Brocky out of the DFO Clubhouse bathroom, btw….just saying….freaking weirdo)
Let’s listen to some shitty music and get that image out of our heads, shall we?
Well dangit, that didn’t help, did it?
OK….Bottom Line
Myself and the rest of the authors here do this for fun and fellowship. With one another and also with all of you. But we work our asses off to do it and none of us have a need nor a desire to hear pointless criticism without something constructive. To hell with that.
Where TGISF is concerned specifically however, The Pimp of DFO now considers himself to be a benevolent dictator.
tl;dr : I do it for you, but it belongs to me. Imma do it how I see fit. Fuck you if you can’t take a joke.
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Now Let’s Get On With This and Have Some Fun FFS
So, what is this week’s theme going to be, considering I kinda want to make a big splash back into walking that line?
Body Painting.
So let’s saddle up and do this already, Cowpokes. Yippe-kay-yay, MF’ers!!!!!
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The Colorful World of Sports
NFL
There’s some football tonight. Allegedly. It won’t be good. But you’ll watch anyway.
- Yinzburgh at Juice Boxers – 7:00pm EDT – TV: NFLN (oh god help us)
- Crablegs at Bungles – 7:30pm EDT – TV: No idea (and don’t care)
- 69’ers at Chefs – 9:00pm EDT – TV: NFLN (loads pistol, opens mouth)
MLB
While I haven’t mentioned it specifically up until now (because Chavez Ravine can suck a dick) … But Holy hell have you seen what the Dodgers are doing? Love or hate ’em (I hate ’em, fwiw), you can’t help but be impressed. One month into the season, they were under .500 (10-12 is my recollection, but don’t quote me on that). Now? 81-33. Do the math. That’s fucking insane. Which only means they’re likely to lose in the NLDS and go away quietly. Which is fine, but still. What they’ve done since April is pretty amazing.
Now fuck off Dodgers, mostly because of your fans like this douche who wrote this for the LA Times. As an aside, the LA Times might want to demand better standards for itself in the future.
/remembers it’s the LA Times
//understands now
Tonight:
- Boston at NYY – 7:00pmEDT – MLBN (regional split)
- Cleveland at Tampa Bay – 7:00pmEDT – MLBN (regional split)
GOLF
Shut up. I’m not gonna bore you to death with golf. But it’s the PGA at Quail Hollow and it’s the last major championship of the year so it’s getting mentioned.
I told you, I’m doing what I want from now on.
I’ve played this course before. Relatively speaking for tour players, it is not a difficult course. There will be some very low numbers posted I think (already have been, actually).
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Body Painting
Bodypainting first really came to my attention when I first noticed the work of this lovely lady, an artist in Baltimore (shut up)…..
Yes, her top is painted on here…and I am in favor…
I remember thinking (and maybe also telling her, I can’t remember, we were acquaintances at best) that bodypainting was probably not a growth industry, so staking one’s financial and professional career on it might be a mistake. Boy, was I ever wrong on that one. Not only did it take off, but she’s making some pretty good scratch, and doing what she loves. And good for her, I say.
As an aside, if it interests you, you should buy her book….
But here is some of her work…
Oh settle down, I can hear your groans from here.
I told you she was from Baltimore. You all know me, you knew I was gonna find a way to slip the Orioles and the Ravens in.
Seriously, it’s as if you people just met me or something.
But in all seriousness, I find bodypainting interesting. In addition to the appearance, also the process. And not just for the artist. I cannot imagine holding still for that long as a human canvas.
But in any case, the examples I’ve shown you so far have been tame. Now we’re about to push some boundaries.
You’ve been warned.
*I should also mention that the rest of these photos are randomly chosen and are from no particular artist (including Jen) nor model. Just whatever I find which fits our theme.
Let’s do this….
OK, I should probably quit now. Imma already hear about nipples all weekend probably. Probably won’t actually see any, other than my own perhaps. Meh, mine are pretty cute, so I can accept that. Maybe next week I’ll even show ’em to ya’s.
But that would excite LowCommanderoftheSuperSoldiers way way too much so…yeah, probably a bad idea. He’s already way too gay for me.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
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Sincerely, I hope all of you are well and have a fun and colorful weekend.
Love ya’s.
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While not all Dodger fans are violent criminals, all violent criminals are Dodger fans.
so…we have a really awesome riot to look forward to this autumn?
Shit, remember when wars were fun, and you could flip to ’em at commercials of the ballgame? None of this “end of the world” fuckery.
NOTE: OF COURSE I AM KIDDING
/I am pretty much only reading dystopian/post-apocalyptic fiction now. Parable of the Sower/Parable of the Talents currently, “Station Eleven” up next.
A part of me dies each time I see a gif or video like this and the idiots getting hit/hurt don’t end up crippled and/or killed like they deserve to be.
I’m pretty sure all these politicians still have the images from CNN covering the Gulf War stuck in their heads.
oh, mos’ def
Succint and distutbing. B+
[Ron Howard voice] He wasn’t kidding.
We’ve been in a state of perpetual war for 16 years and no one cares. We will attack North Korea and they won’t even be able to fight back because at the end of the day they are human beings too and I refuse to believe that anyone in that country is so evil and nihilistic as to want to shell 30 million civilians into dust.
Unfortunately for Asia, Trump and the U.S. military is exactly that evil and nihilistic.
oh no, I have every belief if we attacked them like that, the world will be ash. They aren’t going to surrender their fiefdoms without extracting a pound of flesh from their enemies. Look what they’ve been extracting from their own people.
And it would be 100% our own fault. Arrogance.
Also I watched enough preseason football last night to get my fill for a while….
BLASPHEMER
Huzzah, it is Friday, a day of sexiness and imminent leisure. May the libations flow and the genitalia of your choice be revealed in consensual abundance.
Even black athletes have” the audacity” to protest their right to live and be treated as an equal!
Touchdown Stillers
oh, NFLN flipped back. FG #7 coming right up.
As soon as this next tennis match starts I have a 2 hour drive to the in laws beach house. At least there will be booze. Copious amounts of booze.
Also; happy Friday.
Strong taek alert: Corporate media doesn’t always have to have war profiteers on their channel to explain why war with North Korea is good. Seriously can’t tell the difference between fox news and MSNBC these days.
That’s a lot of fear over a country that fiances their army less than the NYPD is financed and has blatantly said they won’t start a war, just retaliate in self-defense.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/onpolitics/2017/08/09/trump-north-korea-robert-jeffress/554709001/
Hey man, god is on their side, be cool man.
Xenu o’mighty.
Not surprising. The copious amount of genocidal and lacist writing/statements from politicians with most people not even flinching, is a little alarming.
This has all been a long time coming.
#Hehasrisen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgk7MXWQOAM
Oh, no. The U.S. is going to start the war. That’s the sickest part, because we are controlled by war profiteers.
Shit. I’m drunk and it’s barely after 7pm here
We all know you are a professional and very good at what you do, but it would be appreciated if you didn’t rub it in to those of us who just started.
Candidly, the gin got away from me there….
See; this is why PhDs are PhDs.
I’m about to be drunk and it’s barely after 6 here.
I would be, but I decided to try a new varietal of cider, and it is total ass.
See picture below.
Cheifs look good against the scout team. Oh wait, that’s the 49ers defense.
Work fucked up my promotion last month to the tune of missing 20% of my checks in July. They decided to fix it by dumping the backpay in one check, and I think it’s time we discuss the many ways in which taxation is theft, folks.
Seriously. So can we count on you to donate $2000 to Paul Ryan so we can get the corporate tax rate down to 15%?
I mean, if you put your bathtub in the foyer and bathe with the door open…. you’re asking for it.
Some feminist you are….
NFLN switches games in the 3rd quarter. Shows how much the results matter. Chefs/Niners now.
The Knotmaster is foiled again!
Cris Cremons dates the basketball team. Not certain members of the team, Lane. The entire team.
4-nil Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals!
6 combined FGs in the Meadowlands. Or whatever the fuck they call it now, still Meadowlands to me. FUCK YOU, NEW JERSEY.
…and I somehow survived another week of work.
I still have 12 hours on sunday
Pray for sharkbait
I can’t think of a single thing Monica Bellucci could ask me to do that I would say no to
Meow……
Scratch dat kitty cat
Fast bacon is cute.
DOOOOOOO IT!!
Why is this NEVAR my public transport experience? smh
Alouettes had it at first and 2 and still only managed a field goal. What a change in misfortune
Speaking of rainbow, I think it’s pride here this weekend.
On some of those, it’s almost like they are wearing clothes. Amazing work!
I say if it’s good enough for the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, its good enough for us
Needs thinner…….. no not skinny, paint thinner.
According to Jen, body paints are water soluble. No need for mineral spirits of any sort. Just a squirt gun (phrasing)
Water; the universal solvent….. and joke killer.
Sorry man, sincerely.
Not feeling terribly jokey this week for many reasons.
Didn’t mean to dickstep your joke.
In fact, probably best if I just call it a night.
Enjoy yourselves imaginary friends.
Wake back up and come back later.
I’m awake. Just best I don’t be here tonight.
No worries. Reasons.
OK, I need to see Amber’s panties for REASONS, different ones, but still. I hope you get to shake free of the negative reasons. Cheers brotha!
No problem…… it enabled me to add the universal solvent joke.
You shoulda seen some I opted to not use.
HOLY SHIT…IT’S A LABIA!!!!!!!! CALL THE PUSSY POLICE!!!!!!!
I didn’t realize we were in Saudi Arabia. SMH
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYNyJnOZdqg
/Closes curtains, thinks about roast beef.
Work is killing me like it does every summer. So frickin busy. Not enough trained staff. WHO LOVES REN AND STIMPY?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwLKI4ivhOk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fQGPZTECYs
My all-time favorite Ren & Stimpy
“All kids want Log!”
That video looks like a good place to kill 12 minutes.
You can watch it as long as you don’t covet my ice cream bar.
/the game show host daring Stimpy to push the the button? I lose it every fucking time
I miss kids’ shows like this. They also taught youngsters words like “covet.” I’d bet anything neither of my bright, college-bound daughters (HS juniors) know what it means.
Existential crisis brewing in the Montreal tennis tournament: Do the fans root for the Canadian? Or, because they are in Quebec, do they root for the Frenchman?
They’ll root for the Canadian because it’s the rich kind of swamp singers.
The great thing about NFL preseason is that for a few weeks, the CFL is clearly the superior product.
?w=600&h=750
Also applicable to any game involving the Browns
game update – JuJu has a BooBoo
Sales pitch for Everton – they are just good enough to be relevant/interesting (i.e., not fucking hopeless), but nobody would ever remotely consider you a bandwagon jumper. Unless you time traveled a REALLY long time.
Tomorrow is supposed to be hotter than Satan’s nut sack. I hope I don’t die.
If so, at least you died happy. Happily masturbating.
That’s how I’ll go if there is a god.
I’ll die happy, and the assholes who find me will get one last fuck you.
There are two good parts about Valerian (which you shouldn’t watch). The first like 3 minutes of the film, and this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vd64KAE0qL8
Los Gigantes’ local broadcast (simulcast on NFLN) is in goddamned SD. Where are we, fucking Equatorial Guinea, 2004?
Forget HD, we live in an era of 4K and 3D. How is SD even allowed anymore?
Watch out for your buttholes, Small Bears…GUESS WHO is 1 game back?? 😀
Good trade made by the Bills. Internet Dad should enjoy having a nice laugh at RAM IT!!’s expense. Trading away even MOAR high draft picks? What, they think Baby Buster has a Superb Owl run in Sammy Watkins’ walk year? Assuming he can still walk on that one good foot, that is.
G-men and Yinzers can kick them some FGs on NFLN.
Everton kicks off at 10am tomorrow morning. You shitlickers better wake up and offer some Lesser Footy support.
I can support Everton I guess. No real lesser footy allegiance.
You should join us, balance out that…uh, unfortunate other thing.
Lots of super fun paranoia, and we hate absolutely EVERYBODY. I guess maybe not really City.
TBH it was either them, Leicester or Tottenham
Of course the NFL network game is blacked out on sling. IM NOWHERE NEAR THE GAME DAMNIT
Eagles making trades. Cowboys getting suspended. Good times had by all.
Made my day
Pop quiz hotshots: where is pink in the rainbow?
Technically, it’s not. It’s a filtered down wavelength of red, mixed with all the other colors.
Pink technically doesn’t exist.
Cropped
“Geno Smith to Darius Powe.” Sweetest words that have ever been typed.
/Seamus, them girls is sexy btw.
Glad you like ’em.
If I don’t get fired this week, we’ll see what bullshit I can come up with next week.