Your “You’ve Worked Like Heck To Get The Week In Check” Saturday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

I hope you got outside, and it was nice where you live.

Rain is forecast for Vancouver tonight and into Sunday, and none of us can fucking wait. This goddamned smoke is killing the summer. The last few days have been humid as fuck, and the reflective properties of the smoke that was beneficial in keeping the temperature down is now killing us because the moisture can’t leave the surface, so the humidex is telling us we are now getting no benefit from fires that are cumulatively the size of either PEI or Delaware.

Plus, everyone I meet sounds like Jon Lovitz’s imitation of Harvey Fierstein.


Game Preview: Cowboys at Rams

You can tell the difference in the two teams perceived fortunes by reading their respective fan blogs. Blogging The Boys is all about the Cowboys simply determining positions to be filled or requiring effective backup for what talent they already have. Y’know, what you expect from a Cowboys fan site now that they’ve had a couple of winning seasons in a row.

Meanwhile, Turf Show Times has a slightly less-optimistic outlook on the Rams upcoming season:

So, it seems safe to say that tonight’s contest will not so much be a feeling-out process for teams looking to evaluate talent, but a match between one team pretty much ready to go and another team looking to figure out how to make 7-9 a functional reality without the master at the helm.

Suck my 7-9 inch dick!

Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Cowboys at Rams – 9:00PM | NFL Network
  • CFL:
    • Blue Bombers vs. Tiger-Cats – 7:30PM | TSN
  • Baseball:
    • Little League Baseball:
      • West Regional final – 9:00 PM | ESPN
  • MLS:
    • New England vs. Whitecaps FC – 8:00PM | TSN2
    • LA Galaxy vs. New York City FC – 11:00 PM | ESPN2
Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I had a good night and I am not about to let it be ruined by reality and the fact that there is nothing I can do or should do to fix it because I have my own shit that I’m not even taking care of to worry about first. So here’s another picture of the model someone posted a photo of earlier (Her name is Nadia Moore Ali) and anyway, fuck everything.

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Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

I see the world has continued to slide towards the gaping maw of oblivion.

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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yeah right
Member

Since we’ve crossed the DFO time line and since I’m hammered let’s just go ahead and post Sunday Gravy early.

Don’t feel compelled to rush off!

It will be there in the morning.

Carry on!

Beastmode Ate My Baby
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You’ve broken the time-space continuum!!!

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the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

That fool! He’ll awaken the Meeping Angels!
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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
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Another Newfie story:

We got Lucky after he was already grown & older. We had no idea how he would be with our cats, so a friend let us borrow her indoor kennel for awhile. He turned out to be kennel-trained, which was great. What was even funnier, though, was that one of our cats, a grey ball of fluff who knows just how pretty he is, took to the kennel as well. He would happily settle into the middle of it and sleep…this little 10-pound cat in a big-ass kennel. So when the Newfie wanted to go to bed, sometimes the cat would already be there, and he’d get that uncertain look and come over to us, then go back to the cage and watch the cat. There was no way he was going to go in there and scare the cat, so he’d just wait.

Big Black Richard
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Big Black Richard

I saw “another Newfie story,” and I thought it was going to be a tale about a guy who works in the tar sands all day and drinks Screech all night.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

That is adorable! Have a story in return:

Our newfie, like many, got nervous when we would go swimming or boating. One time, we were at my Grandmother’s cottage, and my mother took the canoe out by herself. While no one was watching her, our newfie swam out after the canoe. When my mother realized she was being followed, she stopped paddling, and let Pippin catch up to her. She decided to toss the bow line overboard and see what Pippin did with it. Now, my parents had trained Pippin to ride in a canoe without tipping it over, but that was the extent of her aquatic training. Nevertheless, on her own initiative, Pippin grabbed the bow line, towed the canoe back to shore, and then got up on the shore and dragged the canoe so it was partially beached. It’s amazing what instinct can do.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Ours, for reasons we never knew, didn’t like the water. We took him to the river and figured he’d have a good ol’ time, but he was all NOAP! He had no interest in it at all.

yeah right
Member

I’ve seen a lot of really cool bands this year. A lot!

This was perfect for San Bernardino in the summer.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
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the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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yeah right
Member

Still, that’s a sexy fucking car.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Yeah, right; that’s why it knocked those people off their feet

yeah right
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Yep, we’re good. Yes, everything is FINE.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky
Member

Weird sequence of events today:

Old friend from out of town calls, says a mutual friend is driving in the adjacent county fair demolition derby.

Go to fair, have the pitstop access, stand ten feet from deep contest, get sprayed with a lot of mud. Friend doesn’t win his trial, walk around fair, realize adjacent county isn’t nearly as rednecky as mine

Go to a local bar, upscale enough to scare off rednecks, low scale enought to not attract hipsters. None the less, every one orders beer from local brewery, they run out, customers raise enough of a stink that a bar employeegoes across town to get more.

Juke box selection is random as fuck. Jim croce, Linkin park, beyonce, toto, and incubushe

Luke Bryan comes on, friend starts line dancing, a bunch of people jump in, are all line dances really that similar.

More friends showup, push 4 tables together. Other people at bar complain about lack of seating. We gload over our table empire. People get in a heated debate over politics and dr. Who. Guy joking pills out pocketknife. I pull out 1.5 inch knife that I carry for the sole purpose of cutting tape. It’s apparently the funniest fucking thing ever.

One friend leaves, I commandeer their seat as a footstool. Aparently that violates some sort of protocol. My feet are still up.

Not sure where i was going with this

yeah right
Member

Remember to get your credit card from the bartender, kiss the hottest girl there and then uber home and jerk off.

Success!

And NO jail time!.

Bonus!

Brocky
Member

kiss the hottest girl there and then uber home and jerk off.

Attractive bartender is wearing a shirt that says: “sorry i was late, I was masterbaiting”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

That’s about as coherent as any given episode of HRTN.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
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Just checking out what’s going on in the world…

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I Will Dye Blonde
Member

It would take too much energy to escape.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Newfie being a big, doofy fuzzball

https://youtu.be/IANi998cJSU?t=10

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WOOOOOOPS!

Shoulda labeled NSFW!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Dat stack doe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BACK IT THE FUCK UP!! BOOOOOP, BOOOOP!

the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

I just want to spread my syrup and cream all over it, and then break out the strawberries

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

That could have gone so much worse

yeah right
Member

One of you all motherfuckers must have said my name 3 times.

herodotus450
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herodotus450

Yeah, right, you probably think this comment is about you

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brocky
Member

Yeah, seamus was bragging about his sexual conquests, we all say the expected phrase

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla
Member

Jesus. I didn’t realize how much I have had to drink until I walked to the store and ordered food. That was an adventure.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

To prevent myself from boring you all with Newfie stories, I’m rereading some of the Wade and Jerry series. Close to ten years later and it still has some gems:

Marion Barber III: TANK WILLIAMS DON’T PLAY FOR SHIT! MOTHERFUCKER BRINGS GI JOE DOLLS INTO THE HUDDLE!

Beastmode Ate My Baby
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I Will Dye Blonde
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Newfie!

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

I blame you guys for this.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Newfie stories?

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Stories about Newfoundland dogs, not people from Newfoundland.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

i just read below. now i get it.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
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yeah right
Member

Oh man, BeerGuyRob I wish you could be in LA right now.

Marine layer on the beach. High of 74 today. Offshore breeze.

No unintended smoke for miles.

Beautiful fucking day.

Hey cool kids and hep cats!

The fucks going on!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don’t read down.

yeah right
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower
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In these days of uncertainty and tension I have to say the most frightening thing is John Travolta’s hairpiece and facial reconstruction.

JerBear50
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JerBear50

Hair piece < Side piece

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Side piece < Side arm

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Side arm < Side car

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Side car < side boob

yeah right
Member

Pimp side > weak side.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
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herodotus450

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the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

I’m trying to avoid getting another Newfie. You are not helping.

I Will Dye Blonde
Member

So cute!

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Do it pussy. I dare you. You won’t.

/may be drunk

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Man, he adored IWDB. Sometimes he’d get left out in the rain when we were out shopping or whatever…he would be so pissed at her. Not me…he’d sit next to me, with his back to her, and look back at her over his shoulder every couple of minutes. Like, “I’m mad at you! You know that, right?”

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

They do seem to have their favorites, see the little story I wrote above about ours for another example.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Do it, so I can live vicariously through you. It’s the right thing to do!

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Even our cats loved him. Big, stupid, lovable oaf.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Ours was so attached to my mom, that she refused to hike ahead with my dad as he carried our stuff to the campsite while my mom stayed back with us kids (going at a much slower pace). This was a problem because she was carrying/pulling some of our gear. So my mom had her “stay” then hiked ahead on the trail until she was out of sight, then went off the trail. Pippin (our newf) was then eager to hike as fast as my dad would go in an attempt to catch up to her. I think that she eventually figured out something was up, but she wasn’t sure what so she just kept going.

Horatio Cornblower
Member

Newfies will never not be awesome.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Awwwwww, i miss our newfies

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

It’s been damn near 20 years, but I still miss our newfie too.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Northwest Ohio, the hotbed of national socialism appartently
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2005_Toledo_riot

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Desolate areas breed extremism. In NW Ohio, you’re right near Toledo and you don’t have many great options. Go East, you’re in Cleveland. Go North, you’re in Detroit. Go south, you’re in Cincinnati. Go West, you’re in Indiana.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Extremism has a happy home anywhere humans are located.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

I am aware; I was just taking the opportunity to rag on OH & IN

herodotus450
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herodotus450

Also lots of Germans. And Arabs. And rocket factories. And riots apparently:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Auto-Lite_strike

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And they do deserve the rag…. keep on ragging.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
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Tea Pain is good fun.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
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herodotus450

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BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Lesson of the night: strangers at the bar love it when you bring a penis cake.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Always check your lug nuts
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Horatio Cornblower
Member

Hard to pick up the 7-10 split but damn if that tire didn’t nail it.

WCS
Member

Still haven’t heard back from two of my old neighbors in Charlottesville, and I’m genuinely starting to get worried. One, I’m positive would have been counter-protesting. The other, mostly likely wouldn’t have been there, since she’s in her 60’s, and rarely leaves her house. I’m not really concerned about her. The former, though, I can easily see at The Mall, fighting fascism.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

When shit like that goes down, the cell network can get flooded. They might not have gotten your messages yet.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

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Fronkenshteen
Member

Just got off work. I’m at the bar now. CNN is on. In LESS than five minutes, I’ve been treated to the following reactions to the C’ville terrorist attack:
1) The alt-right people were on the scene tending to the wounded. They’re heroes.

2) The driver actually ran over people on his own side.

Fuck FOX News so fucking hard.

Romonobyl
Member

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Birth defects and intentional death; I would give you a hard time if I hadn’t done the same thing.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

If they had on those swoopy helmets, I’m ok with it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, I was hit by some dipshit while wearing my swoopy helmet, totally deserved it.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Not hard enough, apparently.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, he shoulda killed me, certainly would have avoided having overcrowded servers on WP.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JerBear50
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JerBear50

Due to possible assumptions about my being in the south and the already existent tension currently floating around, I’m gonna let someone else pick that peach I see dangling there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

shy and hairless brother

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

The ol “Three Beavers in the Pool”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

No ook! No ook!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl
Member

Nothing like a good waxing:

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I know we rag on pants a lot here, but, man, socks. It’s like, what can we do to capture all this foot sweat in an ecosystem that will encourage bacterial stench growth? Oh I know, a cotton sleeve. And what the fuck, you ever try to put these fuckers on when your foot is still wet?
/Is this what going insane feels like?

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

One of the best things about FL is year round Birks. Fuck socks, fuck shoes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“!?!?!?!?!?”

-Rex Ryan

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Legit lol on that one.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Oh yeah? Try getting out of one these when you’re all sweaty.
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Romonobyl
Member

What gets me is that there is a factory somewhere making this shit.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

What? It’s just a side-business. Really.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Oh mistress let’s you get out?

Romonobyl
Member

But think how disgusting your shoes would get.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I only wear these from now on
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Redshirt
Member

Try putting on a rubber glove when you hand is sweaty. Its like you hand has drops of glue on it.

Wakezilla
Member

Never wear a rubber. Got it.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Goddammit, glad I looked up before I hit post.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

So never put a rubber on when wet, got it.

Redshirt
Member
Senor Weaselo
Member

Drifting fail!

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Always check your lug nuts
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Romonobyl
Member

Good thing she held off on that boob job.

Wakezilla
Member

Looks like someone is going to have to retire.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That take out place; she was………………….. TIRED of it anyway.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

BOOSH

Wakezilla
Member

*fingers crossed this works*

So, Bryce Harper looks like he might be done for the year:

I hope Bryce Harper is okay after slipping on the base and hurting his knee 😳🙏🏽 pic.twitter.com/N3tJnuklFl— Baseball King (@BasebaIlKing) August 13, 2017

//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Wakezilla
Member

Fuck. Didn’t work. Twitter is impossible to figure out in terms of how to post their content on here.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

“Twitter is… [shit]”
FTFY
Ok, maybe not an appropriate use of quotation rules.

Romonobyl
Member

You had me at Fuck Twitter.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

Always check your lug nuts
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Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

It’s always sad to see those mechanics hit the unemployment line.

Redshirt
Member

NSFW: Language

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Ron White is fucking great. The rest of the Blue Collar guys, not so much.

Romonobyl
Member

Torque wrenches are your friend.

Redshirt
Member

BREAKING NEWS: I didn’t win the lottery. I gotta go to work on Monday.

Romonobyl
Member

And to think you could have had me as your very best friend.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Sorry, dude.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The burrito Zach ate at Taco King surprised him a bit later.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl
Member

Couldn’t bring myself to watch the ‘game”, checked the score and see that I chose wisely.
The Dame and I finished our CCL course today, can’t wait to see how many hackles that’s gonna raise. Many of you will likely have to Google that, please do.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I’m going to assume CCL is one o’ them christian programs for kids who don’t go to christian school? In the immortal words of Timothy 2:12 “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence”.
/In my state CCL is a 12 hour course offered in ONE day with no masturbation breaks, no thanks,

Romonobyl
Member

8 hours here, plus 50 rounds. I’m actually not a gun nut, not really a fan, but watch the movie Nocturnal Animals and you’ll know my reason.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

When I got mine in Indiana at 18, there was no test. There was an application, a check to the state, and a check for the PD for running the background check and that was it. I should have transferred it when I moved down here but I let it lapse like a dumbass.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

It’s been a few years but I’ve heard about some states, perhaps one of the Virginias, where the ccl course is basically a joke. You show up, your check clears, you get the license.

Romonobyl
Member

Typical East Coast. Here’s the test:
“One if by land, two if by…”
It’ll be open book as well.

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450
Romonobyl
Member

You are going to ruin Schoolhouse Rock for me, aren’t you?

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Don’t worry. Three is still the magic number, not that it did Shannon Hoon much good.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Member

Train? Moped?? Horse-drawn carriage???

Yer leavin’ me in suspense here…

Romonobyl
Member

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Romonobyl
Member

You can’t rub one out during a bathroom break? Fucking rookies man…

herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

Without Arman’s copy of Swank I am nothing.

Romonobyl
Member

I stole my copy from the sperm bank. I was pretty pissed they only accepted deposits.

Brick Meathook
Member
Brick Meathook

250?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NICE! Superb owl!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hackles? It’s when people don’t get training that really scares me.

Just because you are prone to road rage is no cause for concern.

Romonobyl
Member

I’m pleasantly surprised. Yeah, I don’t do the road thing much, I’ve resigned myself to the reality that people are stupid. I can’t change that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
Member
herodotus450

I keep drinking but I’m not throwing up or calling ex-girlfriends yet: which one of you fuckers drank all my booze and refilled the bottles with water?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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“He looks different from his profile picture, but he certainly dresses nice.”

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Good to see the NFL hasn’t figured out what a catch is!

/actually agrees with the call, just wants to be a contrarian dick.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Shocking.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

So now, if I say something about the white official, I’m OK, right?
But if I say something about the black player, I’m a racist.

That’s how this goes, yes?

And yes, I’m baiting the hell outta you. We’re gonna find out just what you’re made of.

I’ve fucking had it with your race baiting shit. And since no one else seems to care, looks like we’ve got a Mexican Standoff.

Oh shit….now we’ve brought Mexicans into it.

Secure your shit once and for all and get a fucking clue. If no one else cares, that’s their prerogative I suppose.

But Imma call you out for your racism every fucking chance I get. So yeah, just keep going.

JustStopDude
Member
JustStopDude

Sorry, I feel asleep.

Cracker says what?

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

/peeks around corner…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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