Your “It Seems Like The Super Bowl Was Just Yesterday” Thursday Night Football Season Opener Open Thread.

I guess you’re wondering why I called this meeting. I’ll tell you why but first I think we need to give a round of applause to all the dickbags that provided summer (ie., ‘unfootball’) time content on this here football-centric blog. Y’all did yeoman’s work to keep us engaged and coming back again and again. Nicely done. And now to the matter at hand. You’re here because you love football. Or maybe you hate football in that weird way that you hate your ex. Or maybe you love to hate football. Or maybe you hate that you love football. No matter-it’s back and your jaundiced eyeballs are begging to see that sweet, sweet large man on large man action. Perhaps for just a little while we can forget about those players (too many) and their penchant for domestic abuse or the brain-addling inconsistencies of the punishments meted out against them. (Okay, Zeke gets to play the first game and then his suspension kicks in? Got it.) The garbage surrounding the game is hard to take but the game itself? I do like it and commenting with you fellow woebegone souls makes it that much better. So let’s dig in and enjoy the shit out of this. TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Pats: Good old Alex Smith. For a guy that is only behind Russell Wilson and Tom Brady in games won over the last four years he sure gets a lot of grief for being the game manager that he is. Most of the rookie qb hype that I came across in the pre-season was centered around Mitch “Truth Biscuit” Trubisky but out Kansas City way the folks are drooling over a certain Patrick Mahomes and his big-ass arm. Apparently the Chiefs cut CJ Spiller about five hours before game time so that his contract isn’t guaranteed for the entire year. I hope I’m wrong because that seems remarkably petty. The guy is on the books for 615k, for Goodell’s sake! That leaves KC with only two rb’s for the game and the starter, rook Kareem Hunt, will be joining the illustrious company of Duce Staley, Brian Westbrook, LeSean McCoy and Jamaal Charles as players that Andy Reid has run into the ground. Freaking Brady is forty and it looks as though his arm strength is still there and he’s got a full complement of toys to play with. Recent acquisition Brandin Cooks is going to stretch the field (don’t sleep on Phil Dorsett and his 4.33 speed though) so that Gronk can work the middle of the field. The guy I’m looking to have a career year is Chris Hogan-it takes a year to wash all the Buffalo Bills stink off so I think he’s ready to make some noise. Perhaps your thinking Amendola is going to be the guy? Jokes on you-simply by mentioning his name out loud you caused him to strain a hamstring.

Well, the meeting is adjourned. Go out there and do your worst/best. If there are any new commenters out there this is probably the second best place to introduce yourselves aside from the new guys post that Seamus put up a few days ago. Have at it and I’ll see you down below.

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Doktor Zymm

I thought that was gonna be a trick play…punt on 3rd

Senor Weaselo

Pass short of the marker? DRINK!

Smithchez

Matt “SULLY” Patricia

King Hippo

Nice murder ball, Alex!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Attempted Hill kill.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Please let’s not talk about balls getting murdered.”

– Nate Solder

Spur

Possible Ghost of Aaron Hernandez curse?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nothing against Colquitt but I sure would love to see him get injured so we could see a Khunt punt.

Doktor Zymm

Pats fan : I AM IN A STATE OF DISBELIEF THAT THIS IS A CLOSE GAME!!
Everyone else : Holy shit it’s worth staying awake for the second half! HOORAH!

WCS

Here’s where Andy Reid calls three consecutive wide receiver screens, all going for one yard.

King Hippo

and it will end 30-28. In our hearts, we know this.

ALXMAC

Some West Texas HS needs their playbook back before tomorrow night

King Hippo

Sad fat guy is sad.

Gratliff

Is that 3 straight 4th down stands?

Horatio Cornblower

Too bad that Hunt wasn’t running for the Pats on that play because then we could have laughed about New England’s Khunt getting stuffed.

Smithchez

WOMP WOMP

King Hippo

NEIN!!! The Allies have held!!!

Doktor Zymm

NOPE

Spur

Put in Mahomes!

King Hippo

Feel good about my DFO League team, thanks solely to not-Abdul Jabaar.

NATO Pats Fan

Faaaahhhk. REALLY punches self in dick for keeping KHunt on the bench. Especially with homer Brady as QB.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He has 28.60 points for me so far.

King Hippo

I thought maybe NE would focus their D to take away Tyreek, but I always thought KHunt would get his.

Horatio Cornblower

Nice to see a Khunt beating up on Tyreek for once.

Horatio Cornblower

Just another guy hurting his dick because he doesn’t get khunt.

Smithchez

Why punch yourself in the dick when you could kick yourself in the KHunt?

Senor Weaselo

You mean, a KHuntPunt?

Doktor Zymm

We live in a new era of America where TINY HANDS RULE

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Going deep is the new checkdown?

Doktor Zymm

Is this grabbing the Pats by the pussy? I’m conflicted about all this

Gratliff

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King Hippo

PICKLE RICK!!

Sharkbait

I want old Alex Smith and Andy Reid back

Spur

That ref got ran the fuck over

The Maestro

Man what in the fuck did Alex Smith take before this shit??

Smithchez

Awkwardly, he spent his offseason practicing that “Every play that goes wrong must be a result of an uncalled flag for my team regardless of whether there was actually any penalty” motion Brady and the Pats make every single fucking play, which surprisingly resulted in increased arm strength.

Horatio Cornblower

Aw yeah, the first audible “LET’S FUCKING GO!!!” for the season! Now we’re cooking.

King Hippo

not-Abdul JabaarDOWN 2: Electric Boogaloo

WCS

“Let’s fuckin’ go!” indeed.

Senor Weaselo

KHuntdown!

Dick E. Phuck

A Khunt explosion

Smithchez

KHUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

I like new Alex Smith

Doktor Zymm

Open betting : If I go to one of every Bay Area’s team’s games, which will I be most likely to be stabbed at?

Brocky

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The Maestro

I’m calling the internet police because of this picture.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tony Sparano is a big fan of all these shovel passes.

...

Lenny Dykstra wants to fuck Lena Dunham.

What a goddamned world.

Dick E. Phuck

Gross, have a thumbs up.

Col. Duke LaCross

How’s the slot?

ALXMAC

I wouldn’t fuck Lena Dunham with Darren Daultons dick.

The Maestro

A match made in hell.

NATO Pats Fan

Cris sounds like his ass was on a set of metal bleachers

Senor Weaselo

If he got drilled there, even though it was an illegal pass, there would’ve been a roughing the passer, right? Even though he’d be a runner technically?

Dick E. Phuck

Any more gushing from Collinsworth and his brain will start hemorrhaging.

Smithchez

Wait, why isn’t Collinsworth talking about how amazing it is that Brady could commit such an obvious penalty as a 40 year old!?! “TB12”

Doktor Zymm

I really hope this is the start of a “disoriented old man” thing on the Brady front

King Hippo

/Imagines Dreamboat walking around in shit-filled diapers

//smiles

Brocky

If brady becomes the sympathetic figure who finally gets people believing in CTE…..

I don’t know what I’ll do. Probably stop believing in CTE

Smithchez

NAWT FAYUH!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

smgdh

King Hippo

Just 2 yards past the LOS, TAWWWMMMMY

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Yup, that’s the Pats. Even the black guy is White.

Senor Weaselo

Banner?

WCS

No argument from me.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Gratliff

Put it up on the board

Spur

Carrie needs to wear less clothes

King Hippo

BLEERGH is masturbating EVERYWHERE

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Just a little pick-me-up for your nostrils from the good Dr. Guerrero.

...

I’ll drink myself into a stupor before sitting through Giants-Cowboys on SNF AGAIN.

Senor Weaselo

Somehow that will be defensive holding. And PI.

King Hippo

prophet!!

King Hippo

They shoulda faked it, better believe it was absolute no rush

Doktor Zymm

IT’S NOT FUCKING THE PUNTER UNLESS THERE’S PENETRATION
-Bill Clinton, probably

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Anybody else playing Destiny 2? I’m noodling around on the Xbox version.

Gratliff

Played the opening in beta. Can’t be bothered with another timesink grind.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hit him again, dammit!!!!!!
(sorry I just think it’s funny now)