I guess you’re wondering why I called this meeting. I’ll tell you why but first I think we need to give a round of applause to all the dickbags that provided summer (ie., ‘unfootball’) time content on this here football-centric blog. Y’all did yeoman’s work to keep us engaged and coming back again and again. Nicely done. And now to the matter at hand. You’re here because you love football. Or maybe you hate football in that weird way that you hate your ex. Or maybe you love to hate football. Or maybe you hate that you love football. No matter-it’s back and your jaundiced eyeballs are begging to see that sweet, sweet large man on large man action. Perhaps for just a little while we can forget about those players (too many) and their penchant for domestic abuse or the brain-addling inconsistencies of the punishments meted out against them. (Okay, Zeke gets to play the first game and then his suspension kicks in? Got it.) The garbage surrounding the game is hard to take but the game itself? I do like it and commenting with you fellow woebegone souls makes it that much better. So let’s dig in and enjoy the shit out of this. TO THE GAME!
Chiefs/Pats: Good old Alex Smith. For a guy that is only behind Russell Wilson and Tom Brady in games won over the last four years he sure gets a lot of grief for being the game manager that he is. Most of the rookie qb hype that I came across in the pre-season was centered around Mitch “Truth Biscuit” Trubisky but out Kansas City way the folks are drooling over a certain Patrick Mahomes and his big-ass arm. Apparently the Chiefs cut CJ Spiller about five hours before game time so that his contract isn’t guaranteed for the entire year. I hope I’m wrong because that seems remarkably petty. The guy is on the books for 615k, for Goodell’s sake! That leaves KC with only two rb’s for the game and the starter, rook Kareem Hunt, will be joining the illustrious company of Duce Staley, Brian Westbrook, LeSean McCoy and Jamaal Charles as players that Andy Reid has run into the ground. Freaking Brady is forty and it looks as though his arm strength is still there and he’s got a full complement of toys to play with. Recent acquisition Brandin Cooks is going to stretch the field (don’t sleep on Phil Dorsett and his 4.33 speed though) so that Gronk can work the middle of the field. The guy I’m looking to have a career year is Chris Hogan-it takes a year to wash all the Buffalo Bills stink off so I think he’s ready to make some noise. Perhaps your thinking Amendola is going to be the guy? Jokes on you-simply by mentioning his name out loud you caused him to strain a hamstring.
Well, the meeting is adjourned. Go out there and do your worst/best. If there are any new commenters out there this is probably the second best place to introduce yourselves aside from the new guys post that Seamus put up a few days ago. Have at it and I’ll see you down below.
I thought that was gonna be a trick play…punt on 3rd
Pass short of the marker? DRINK!
Matt “SULLY” Patricia
Nice murder ball, Alex!
Attempted Hill kill.
“Please let’s not talk about balls getting murdered.”
– Nate Solder
Possible Ghost of Aaron Hernandez curse?
Nothing against Colquitt but I sure would love to see him get injured so we could see a Khunt punt.
Pats fan : I AM IN A STATE OF DISBELIEF THAT THIS IS A CLOSE GAME!!
Everyone else : Holy shit it’s worth staying awake for the second half! HOORAH!
Here’s where Andy Reid calls three consecutive wide receiver screens, all going for one yard.
and it will end 30-28. In our hearts, we know this.
Some West Texas HS needs their playbook back before tomorrow night
Sad fat guy is sad.
Is that 3 straight 4th down stands?
Too bad that Hunt wasn’t running for the Pats on that play because then we could have laughed about New England’s Khunt getting stuffed.
WOMP WOMP
NEIN!!! The Allies have held!!!
NOPE
Put in Mahomes!
Feel good about my DFO League team, thanks solely to not-Abdul Jabaar.
Faaaahhhk. REALLY punches self in dick for keeping KHunt on the bench. Especially with homer Brady as QB.
He has 28.60 points for me so far.
I thought maybe NE would focus their D to take away Tyreek, but I always thought KHunt would get his.
Nice to see a Khunt beating up on Tyreek for once.
Just another guy hurting his dick because he doesn’t get khunt.
Why punch yourself in the dick when you could kick yourself in the KHunt?
You mean, a KHuntPunt?
We live in a new era of America where TINY HANDS RULE
Going deep is the new checkdown?
Is this grabbing the Pats by the pussy? I’m conflicted about all this
PICKLE RICK!!
I want old Alex Smith and Andy Reid back
That ref got ran the fuck over
Man what in the fuck did Alex Smith take before this shit??
Awkwardly, he spent his offseason practicing that “Every play that goes wrong must be a result of an uncalled flag for my team regardless of whether there was actually any penalty” motion Brady and the Pats make every single fucking play, which surprisingly resulted in increased arm strength.
Aw yeah, the first audible “LET’S FUCKING GO!!!” for the season! Now we’re cooking.
not-Abdul JabaarDOWN 2: Electric Boogaloo
“Let’s fuckin’ go!” indeed.
KHuntdown!
A Khunt explosion
KHUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I like new Alex Smith
Open betting : If I go to one of every Bay Area’s team’s games, which will I be most likely to be stabbed at?
I’m calling the internet police because of this picture.
Tony Sparano is a big fan of all these shovel passes.
Lenny Dykstra wants to fuck Lena Dunham.
What a goddamned world.
Gross, have a thumbs up.
How’s the slot?
I wouldn’t fuck Lena Dunham with Darren Daultons dick.
A match made in hell.
Cris sounds like his ass was on a set of metal bleachers
If he got drilled there, even though it was an illegal pass, there would’ve been a roughing the passer, right? Even though he’d be a runner technically?
Any more gushing from Collinsworth and his brain will start hemorrhaging.
Wait, why isn’t Collinsworth talking about how amazing it is that Brady could commit such an obvious penalty as a 40 year old!?! “TB12”
I really hope this is the start of a “disoriented old man” thing on the Brady front
/Imagines Dreamboat walking around in shit-filled diapers
//smiles
If brady becomes the sympathetic figure who finally gets people believing in CTE…..
I don’t know what I’ll do. Probably stop believing in CTE
NAWT FAYUH!!!
smgdh
Just 2 yards past the LOS, TAWWWMMMMY
Yup, that’s the Pats. Even the black guy is White.
Banner?
No argument from me.
Put it up on the board
Carrie needs to wear less clothes
BLEERGH is masturbating EVERYWHERE
Just a little pick-me-up for your nostrils from the good Dr. Guerrero.
I’ll drink myself into a stupor before sitting through Giants-Cowboys on SNF AGAIN.
Somehow that will be defensive holding. And PI.
prophet!!
They shoulda faked it, better believe it was absolute no rush
IT’S NOT FUCKING THE PUNTER UNLESS THERE’S PENETRATION
-Bill Clinton, probably
Anybody else playing Destiny 2? I’m noodling around on the Xbox version.
Played the opening in beta. Can’t be bothered with another timesink grind.
Hit him again, dammit!!!!!!
(sorry I just think it’s funny now)