Your “FEED ME MORE!” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Scotchy worked hard all weekend on the liveblogs – 2149 comments! – so I thought I’d give him a break and tie tonight’s matches into my usual falderal.

NFL News:

  • The NFL has filed an appeal of the injunction that’s allowed Ezekiel Elliott to remain eligible to play the 2017 season.
    • They had to file it in the Fifth Circuit, which is Texas, rather than their preferred venue of New York, which is the Second Circuit, because that court ruled first & against them.
    • They applied for an expedited appeal, as the season has started & waiting until the end would make any 2017 punishment meaningless.
      • The last time, “expedited” meant 6 months in the Brady case, so look for Zeke to play the whole season, unless something goes awry.
  • Finding a third party to blame is the Patriots, who are replacing the turf at Gillette Stadium.
    • It “doesn’t meet team standards,” said a spokesperson. The surface is apparently “too soft”.
      • Interestingly, the team touted that very feature — it “plays soft, feels real, looks great and hangs tough” — when it announced the installation of the surface this year.
    • It should be done in time for their next home game on September 24th. The finest crews in New England shall be ‘recruited’ for the task.

Finally, this shit from last night was ridiculous.


Game Preview: Saints at Vikings

It’s the AP Bowl, because after 10 years under contract – and 8 years of actual game play – with the Vikings, Minnesota gets to experience what Packer fans felt when the prodigal son returns home. Get ready to see a bunch of yahoos shaking twigs & belts at AP (because child abuse is HILARIOUS!)

Actually looking at the game, each QB has a semblance of a receiving corp to work with. For New Orleans, they’ve got a QB better than his targets. Michael Thomas & Willie Snead are all good, but after that it’s a bit of a drop-off – as evinced by the existence of Ted Ginn Jr. on the Saints roster. This handy graphic dates back to the Panthers, but still should suffice:

Meanwhile, being available for the checkdown is what being a Sam Bradford receiver is all about. Y’know, Alex Smith catches all sorts of shit for his tendency to dink & dunk his passes, but Sam Bradford is right up there, but with a dopier outlook of life.

AHH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING?!

His #1 receivers are the consistent mix of ebony & ivory that keeps Vikings fans hard & targeted on whom to blame. Stefon Diggs & Adam Thielen will be open on most plays; it’s whether Bradford can find them in time before he decides the third deck should have the chance to catch a pass.

The defences are both suspect, so whichever QB gets hot tonight will probably win their team the game.


Game Preview: Clippers Chargers at Broncos

So, the Chargers… [SKY FLIES OPEN]

Okay then.

The Broncos have a ton of quality receivers, a rebuilt offensive line – including DFO-previewed #1 pick Garett Bolles – and a strong defence that still includes noted chicken aficionado Von Miller and probable chicken killer Aqib Talib. To guide this team they have acquired the finest quarterbacks outside of Junior Floyd. They already had Trevor Siemian & Paxton Lynch under contract, but to really round out the competency,

  

John Elway went alley-shopping and brought home Brock Ostweiler, $34 million richer but absolutely no better than when he left. As long as the three of them can be trusted to throw balls to the right coloured jerseys, Denver should come out on top.

[Ron Howard voice: They could not be trusted.]


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Saints at Vikings – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Chargers at Broncos – 10:15PM | ESPN / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Orioles at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Dodgers at Giants – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  •  WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

That’ll wrap up Week-1. Hey games – JUST DON’T SUCK!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
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theeWeeBabySeamus
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Okie doke…Imma go get (moar) baked and watch movies.
(like real movies…not even porn or nothing)

the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

I’m glad that the kicker won’t get blamed too much for that. A block is much less of a black mark than a straight-up miss.

King Hippo
Member

his coach isn’t from the Parcells tree, right??

Senor Weaselo
Member

Rex waxes poetic about the coaches, drink?

WCS
Member

Congrats, Hippo. That was actually a lot of fun.

King Hippo
Member

I’m just glad that doesn’t proceed to DEFCON-infinity rage OT.

/those are two bad football squadrons

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo
Member

savour that one, boys. Might be awhile before the next win.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Denver hates Korea.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

They keep losing to them in Starcraft 2

Senor Weaselo
Member

dlinerush kekeke

make it snow
Member

I can’t believe the clutch timeout actually worked.

Col. Duke LaCross
Member

That actually worked?

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

O-VER-TIME

(STOMP)

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Or not

King Hippo
Member

thank fuck NEIN!!!

King Hippo
Member

this game can eat every single dick in BOLTMAN!!’s crawlspace

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Isn’t contact allowed as long as they’re making a play for the ball?

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Okay, seriously, who the fuck is calling the plays for the LAwnmowers?

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Great clock management there Lynn

WCS
Member

Hippo rn:

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Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

IN-COM-PLETE!

(STOMP)

the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

I ain’t got no dogs in this fight, but props to the LAwnmowers for keeping it interesting

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

That was a heckuva play call. When did Norv get back to town? And by town I’m not even sure which I mean.

King Hippo
Member

one first down and a good punt wins the game

Senor Weaselo
Member

/Turns on game
Is it me or does Rivers seem like he’s floating the ball more than last year?

make it snow
Member

shittttttttt

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

rut roh pt deux

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

STOMP

Senor Weaselo
Member

Lizard people. How goes it?

make it snow
Member

14 unanswered points and not one of them scored by Melvin fucking Gordon.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Holy shit am I glad I kept watching this.

WCS
Member

Hippo rn:

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King Hippo
Member

Indeed. Long season ahead. Just don’t lose at home to the Shitty Clippers FFS

the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

broken link

WCS
Member

Took about 16 tries before something actually worked. Just like my professional and love life.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

rut roh

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

“They turn the ball over on defense”

“ThEY tURn ThE BALl oVER oN dEFensE”

Jesus christ

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Donkeys gonna Donkey

King Hippo
Member

godfuckingdamnit

make it snow
Member

I’m going to score a touchdown on taunting penalties and crotch-chop in their face.

WCS
Member

Oh, Marmalard. You know it’s a sin to continue to trust in a false prophet, right?

Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo
Member

daaaaaammmmn, Wilma. That ain’t bad fo’ a cave bitch!

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

CLIPPERCEPTION!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

I only have one thing to say about all of this;
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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Member

Okay, two things:

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the Alpha and the Amoeba
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the Alpha and the Amoeba

Wow, that dude really looks like Jack Nicholson in that picture

King Hippo
Member

I could do without dumb shit like that, thanks

Duchess
Member

Hey Rovers how is this game going for you?

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King Hippo
Member

Be a little MOAR OBVS, Shitty Clippers

Duchess
Member

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Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Reproduction intensifies

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

These San Angeles Chargers of Los Diego ain’t very good I think.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Oh sorry….Clippers. I no read-y back-y first. Don’t yell at me.

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Naming that horse “Thunder” is just asking for it to make boom boom on the field

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

I think, in honor of LCSS, we should officially make DFO refer to them only as the CLIPPERS. They do not deserve the name that BOLTMAN vowed to venerate forever.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

STOMP

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Perhaps, to avoid confusion, we could refer to them as the Lawnmowers?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

LAwnmowers?

Do we have a motion?

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

Even better, I’ll motion for LAwnmowers

Senor Weaselo
Member

And then the other Clippers are the Basketball Clippers?

Wakezilla
Member

Hiw did the Saints’ linebackers look in the second half? I’m feeling confident they’ll miss a ton of tackles, leading them to call up my boy Adam Bighill from the practice roster, who should have been playing today.

King Hippo
Member

Not as bad as the secondary…but bad

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Wow. I can’t get over how hilariously inept the Chargers looked there.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

CLIPPERS!

King Hippo
Member

yeah, watch yer nomenclature!

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Keep watching. It gets better.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

That was bad footballing.

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Is it time for the semen rubbing it all over the Shitty Clippers’ face jokes yet?

the Alpha and the Amoeba
Member
the Alpha and the Amoeba

So, since the Chargers will be playing on the Ram’s field, are their home games going to be on a field with the Ram’s logo on it? Or do they have some way of changing that from week to week?

ballsofsteelandfury
Member

Did you see the Coliseum this weekend? Pac 12 pride, baby!

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

I doubt it, Nobody was there.

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Relegate the Clippers!

King Hippo
Member

For once, #ThePauls probably aren’t on anyone’s relegation contender list!

wpDiscuz