Your “A Friend In Need Is A Pest” Monday Night Football Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Significant injuries from the weekend:
  • The NFL was denied an injunction to relieve the injunction that blocked Ezekiel Elliott’s suspension.
    • The League will now have to wait until after the judge has reviewed Elliott’s appeal before applying again.

And in case you missed it, the big deal in LA this weekend was the Trumpian argument about crowd size.

And if you thought it was just an LA measuring contest, brother…

The League is concerned enough that they are sending lackeys from nfl.com to write puff-pieces about the StubHub experience to counter actual facts:

So all that equals the early, wild speculation about where this new LA experiment is headed. Mr. Florio?

Regardless, the question now becomes when/if someone will be making an exit from the L.A. market far sooner than planned. If the new, state-of-the-art, $2.6 billion venue doesn’t consistently attract capacity crowds or something close to it when it opens in 2021 (the same year the Raiders open a new stadium in Las Vegas), a league that spent 20 years trying to figure out how to put a team back in L.A. may need to start thinking about how to get one out, quickly.

Two games into 2017, and the carcass is not yet rotting but the buzzards are taking flight.

Good, good…it’s all going according to plan

But at least there’s free tacos. El Pollo Grill in San Diego is offering free tacos the day after a Chargers loss. The secret phrase is “Spanos taco”. Misery loves company, and company likes the taco charro.


Game preview: Lions at Giants

It was an ass weekend of football, so no one expects that to change tonight.

The last vestiges of Eli Manning’s confidence will be on full display tonight, as he once again discovers he’s got no one to throw to, and his check-down option is on the sideline eating soup. As of 7 minutes before this post went live, OBJ’s status was still up in the air.

Meanwhile, Matt Stafford, fresh off watching his defence try & kill the only marketable players Arizona has, looks to prove his new contract means he can win when he plays outside. As long as he has capable running options, it should free him up long enough to outrun Three Fingers & the rest of the Giants defence. If they replaced the chalk at the Meadowlands with cocaine, that might be enough to lure Lawrence Taylor back to Jersey to provide some insights into how to actually tackle people.

Prediction: You’re watching something else after halftime. SPIKE has a COPS marathon…


Let me tell you, there wasn’t enough beer available to make me either enjoy or forget the Seahawks game yesterday.

The day started pleasant enough, albeit at 5:45 AM so I could cross the border by 8:00 with the buddy I had to pick up. The CBP agent gave us shit about not wearing our Hawks gear, but ceased when I pointed out “it’s in the back, because I don’t want to crease the 80 with the seat belt”.

We got to Henry’s Tavern a little after 10:00, with Mac & Jack serving as our sacramental wine.

Then, we meandered over to Pyramid for some Curve Balls, where we saw “guy who owns a jersey”. See if you can spot the outlier

Then, to Safeco for some…I want to say Lagunitas? Once inside the stadium, it was a Blue Moon on the “Touchdown City” concourse, and then an Elysian Immortal IPA once we got to the seats. Toss in an Alaskan Amber after the first quarter, and I was nicely toasted.

Which was good, because that was some dogshit football. The Seahawks deserved to lose. Proof of fan discontent?

#firebevell was trending after the game.

For some reason, we ended up at the Costco south of the stadium at 5:30. It got hit by lightning, killing the power & forcing management to close it early – but not let us out until the storm cell passed. Added sobriety time!

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully. The Customs guard debated a breathalyzer, but decided my timeline added up.

School today was a challenge, but probably bought me credibility with the students… until they rat me out to their parents.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Detroit Lions at New York Giants – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en español a ESPN2
  • MLB:
    • Red Sox at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • NHLX:
    • Leafs at Sens – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night RAW – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the “go home” show before the PPV / special event this Sunday

Of course, as Gratliff will agree, the squared circle lost one of its best speakers Sunday night, when Bobby “The Brain” Heenan passed away from complications due to the various cancers he’s had over the years. When I was a kid, his were the guts you hated, which was what made him just a valuable asset to the AWA & then the WWE. Please enjoy this compilation of his work.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKRI6MfBKMU

And never forget this key piece of advice: “Now remember this, when a man sticks his hand out to you, you shake it. Then kick him really hard when he’s not looking.” SAGE WISDOM!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Subscribe
Notify of
411 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Brocky
The Maestro

What the fuck is Gruden talking about TV remotes for

theeWeeBabySeamus

I have the sound muted, but I’m presuming his is “sticky”.

Mr. Ayo

THIS GRUDEN I CALL HIM THE GOOD DOCTOR BECAUSE HE’S A NON SEQUITOR

WCS

It’s highly likely he has autism.

The Maestro

It was a mistake to let Jay and Kristin babysit so early on in his life.

Spanky Datass

Or lupus … no wait, it’s never lupus. /House’d

King Hippo

if there were any Lions fans here (non-BC varietal) I would say WELL FUCKING DONE. That was quite the rogering.

Unsurprised

Given that the NFL Lions did a good, wouldn’t that make it the opposite of a rogering?

Roger Goodell is a national disgrace ,,,Ppl forget that

Brocky

hank Williams, good to have him back this year

Speak for yourself asshole

Brocky

Wtf I just saw a puppy monkey baby commercial.

Time to start on my fantasy rants for this week I guess

The Maestro

OH GOD IT’S UNDEAD

Sharkbait

It throws to the Beckham

Brocky

comment image

Senor Weaselo

I’m at a bar for a friend’s birthday/going away party. They’re playing “Ballin’.” I have no idea what’s going on anymore.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is that a sex game?

Senor Weaselo

No, the song that was all the rage in… whatever year it was?

The Maestro

I wanna say… 2003? 4?

King Hippo

I had the same thought

hippofant

That was a cool high-five.

Sharkbait

Mrs Sharkbait is not pleased with the spot. Or me for saying it’s short

Gratliff

“It’s perfectly adequate. Why do you think I care?”

LemonJello

Alright, once again, I’m off like a prom dress.

Later, Taters!

herodotus450

In an alternate universe somewhere, a whole bunch of people are finally just now getting the Spiro Agnew joke that Dennis Miller made about that punt return.

Sharkbait

Bad spot is bad

Gratliff

Twitter just reacted reasonably. Derp in Giants favor?

Redshirt

Okay. First the Factory is a road favorite and now twitter being reasonable. We’re running out of Seals of the Apocalypse.

Redshirt

BLEERGH with the perfect spot!

Mr. Ayo

Great spot zebras.

King Hippo

a 2-yard route on 4th and fucking 3

Redshirt

I see Odell Beckham Jr. is in midseason form.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Brocky

Doing in the old member in the bucket of popcorn trick?

Col. Duke LaCross

Maybe other Brandon Marshall can haul those in.

Shogun Marcus

Yes please to explain. We missed the meeting.

Spanky Datass

Paul Eugene Brown was the co-founder, head coach and namesake of the Browns. They should really be called the Eugenes aroud these parts.

Redshirt

Thanks, Spanky. I’ve updated for future reference.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I say we use some creative initialing and just call ’em the PEuB’s.

Spanky Datass

Fuck and yes!

Redshirt

comment image

LemonJello

Disappointed Giants fans shot! Drink!

Sharkbait

I’m surrounded by them. Mrs Sharkbait already warned me not to laugh during the return

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Dolph Ucker

Buh bye.

Sharkbait

Lions did a good?

hippofant

Okay that was pretty awesome.

King Hippo

sheeeeeeiiiiit

Spur

Good night New York

King Hippo

Just looking over next week’s lineup…and #ThePauls are a 1.5 road favourite in Indy.

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

LemonJello

I’ve lost track, which seal being opened is that?

King Hippo

dunno but we definitely all gonna die

litre_cola

That’s some good spelling right there.

The Maestro

comment image?w=650

Mr. Ayo

Mental lapse on that catch

LemonJello

Fatty trundles over to the bench for a warm cup of gravy to recharge.

LemonJello

BLEERGH is an insatiable god!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Nope; conspiracy theory. My exGF was from earth.

LemonJello

Alien/Demon in the background has the “Can you believe the shit I’ve got to put up with?” look about him.

Redshirt

Alright. WWE finally honored Heenan. What’d I miss in the 1st Half, er 1st Two-Thirds?

WCS

Fatty Stafford’s actually looked not awful.

King Hippo

especially by comparison

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Gratliff

They waited forever to do it, but that was a good ass Heenan tribute

Sharkbait

scene at the bar:

comment image

King Hippo

hee hee “soft box”

litre_cola

When I hear “Perkins inside”, I think of Tiger Woods.

Spanky Datass

+15% gratuity. Just the tip.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Giants have not shaved for a while…..

Duchess

Dear lord folks we are living in a world where the Lions might be the best team in da norf!

Shogun Marcus

I…buh…wuh…yeah could be.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmmm….it’s spelled Liouns, duh?
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

Shogun Marcus

I didn’t know that’s how felonies was spelled in canadia! How’d they know my thoughts?

Mr. Ayo

Your roots are showing honey.
And most of everything else.

Unsurprised

Fuck

litre_cola

Due to this ridiculous site, I say it LioUns now too, that and incoherently yell RAMMIT when I see an LA highlight.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I say Rammit (lovingly of course) every time I see that B.C. Cheerleader.
She looks fun.

herodotus450

Is this game good enough or bad enough yet for me to care?

litre_cola

It is better than Young Sheldon is going to be.

King Hippo

Even Tomsulas season tix will beat THAT

Mr. Ayo

Of course not

Spur

Manning face

King Hippo

follow your inner Catler, but keep watching anyway

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

LemonJello

Ook-Ook, OOK!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spanky Datass

comment image

Spur

after ever sack, Eli asks if that guy was related to Cecil too?

Doktor Zymm

Also, I’m totally digging the LA schadenfreude. Because no one knew this would happen except for EVERYBODY

Doktor Zymm

I was tennising. Worth turning on the second half?

litre_cola

Not bad, but not spectacular.

Doktor Zymm

That’s good enough for me!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re half right.

King Hippo

Either the Lions are seriously competent, the Giants are total shit, or perhaps both.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

THE CLOWN MACHINE WILL BITE YOUR COCK OFF WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING.

LemonJello

That’s not nightmare fuel, at all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, I have failed then. The goal was to get Hippo to sleep on his stomach; i.e. “Butt Up.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

If I had a nickel….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I know, not that tight anymore.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ya gotta donkey punch him at just the right moment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Or if the Donks do good; he HATES that. Similar reaction every TD pass.

theeWeeBabySeamus

And apparently you have to pay 1 cent for the privilege.

trollsoharduniversity

THIS MATT SCRAMBLE, I CALL HIM SCRAMBLE BECAUSE HE SCRAMBLED THE SCRAMBLES ON THE SCRAMBLE SCRAMBLE. AND I MEAN SCRAMBLE…SCRAMBLE.

LemonJello

“Thanks Coach Corso, now back to you guys in the booth!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He obviously loves scrambled eggs, he doesn’t like scrabble that much, but will play it with hi grandma ’cause she likes it. Odd, but completely true.

Spur

I thought Coughlin wasn’t allowed in the Meadowlands anymore

JustStopDude

comment image

Spur

Clooney really is a men of the people.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Eli Manning goes through love/hate periods with New Yorkers like he’s Rudy Giuliani.

Unsurprised

Eli only cums on 9/11 too?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Bill Cosby has a board game.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn you Moose, I was gonna make the Cosby joke until I read your text at the end.
You damned tease.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

litre_cola

OOOHH RAMMIT ON THURSDAY.
THIS THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL I CALL IT RETRO PORN, CUZ IT’S NOT GREAT BUT STILL THE SPORT.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

AND I CAN STILL JERK IT TO IT.

JustStopDude

comment image