Your “A Friend In Need Is A Pest” Monday Night Football Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Significant injuries from the weekend:
  • The NFL was denied an injunction to relieve the injunction that blocked Ezekiel Elliott’s suspension.
    • The League will now have to wait until after the judge has reviewed Elliott’s appeal before applying again.

And in case you missed it, the big deal in LA this weekend was the Trumpian argument about crowd size.

And if you thought it was just an LA measuring contest, brother…

The League is concerned enough that they are sending lackeys from nfl.com to write puff-pieces about the StubHub experience to counter actual facts:

So all that equals the early, wild speculation about where this new LA experiment is headed. Mr. Florio?

Regardless, the question now becomes when/if someone will be making an exit from the L.A. market far sooner than planned. If the new, state-of-the-art, $2.6 billion venue doesn’t consistently attract capacity crowds or something close to it when it opens in 2021 (the same year the Raiders open a new stadium in Las Vegas), a league that spent 20 years trying to figure out how to put a team back in L.A. may need to start thinking about how to get one out, quickly.

Two games into 2017, and the carcass is not yet rotting but the buzzards are taking flight.

Good, good…it’s all going according to plan

But at least there’s free tacos. El Pollo Grill in San Diego is offering free tacos the day after a Chargers loss. The secret phrase is “Spanos taco”. Misery loves company, and company likes the taco charro.


Game preview: Lions at Giants

It was an ass weekend of football, so no one expects that to change tonight.

The last vestiges of Eli Manning’s confidence will be on full display tonight, as he once again discovers he’s got no one to throw to, and his check-down option is on the sideline eating soup. As of 7 minutes before this post went live, OBJ’s status was still up in the air.

Meanwhile, Matt Stafford, fresh off watching his defence try & kill the only marketable players Arizona has, looks to prove his new contract means he can win when he plays outside. As long as he has capable running options, it should free him up long enough to outrun Three Fingers & the rest of the Giants defence. If they replaced the chalk at the Meadowlands with cocaine, that might be enough to lure Lawrence Taylor back to Jersey to provide some insights into how to actually tackle people.

Prediction: You’re watching something else after halftime. SPIKE has a COPS marathon…


Let me tell you, there wasn’t enough beer available to make me either enjoy or forget the Seahawks game yesterday.

The day started pleasant enough, albeit at 5:45 AM so I could cross the border by 8:00 with the buddy I had to pick up. The CBP agent gave us shit about not wearing our Hawks gear, but ceased when I pointed out “it’s in the back, because I don’t want to crease the 80 with the seat belt”.

We got to Henry’s Tavern a little after 10:00, with Mac & Jack serving as our sacramental wine.

Then, we meandered over to Pyramid for some Curve Balls, where we saw “guy who owns a jersey”. See if you can spot the outlier

Then, to Safeco for some…I want to say Lagunitas? Once inside the stadium, it was a Blue Moon on the “Touchdown City” concourse, and then an Elysian Immortal IPA once we got to the seats. Toss in an Alaskan Amber after the first quarter, and I was nicely toasted.

Which was good, because that was some dogshit football. The Seahawks deserved to lose. Proof of fan discontent?

#firebevell was trending after the game.

For some reason, we ended up at the Costco south of the stadium at 5:30. It got hit by lightning, killing the power & forcing management to close it early – but not let us out until the storm cell passed. Added sobriety time!

The rest of the evening passed uneventfully. The Customs guard debated a breathalyzer, but decided my timeline added up.

School today was a challenge, but probably bought me credibility with the students… until they rat me out to their parents.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Detroit Lions at New York Giants – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
      • en español a ESPN2
  • MLB:
    • Red Sox at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • NHLX:
    • Leafs at Sens – 7:30PM | Sportsnet
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night RAW – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the “go home” show before the PPV / special event this Sunday

Of course, as Gratliff will agree, the squared circle lost one of its best speakers Sunday night, when Bobby “The Brain” Heenan passed away from complications due to the various cancers he’s had over the years. When I was a kid, his were the guts you hated, which was what made him just a valuable asset to the AWA & then the WWE. Please enjoy this compilation of his work.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKRI6MfBKMU

And never forget this key piece of advice: “Now remember this, when a man sticks his hand out to you, you shake it. Then kick him really hard when he’s not looking.” SAGE WISDOM!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

ELI: It’s funny Coach Ben said that ’cause right then DOINK showed up…

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Life is like a box of chocolates, I only eat the creamy ones.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Them kids be trippin’ balls.

Spur

Am cranking this hotel room’s AC to 50. Lady Spur can’t bitch now…..

litre_cola

Oh, she will find a way.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

See, you say that, but….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Assistant cleaner? I’ve never got him to 50!”
– Aaron Rodgers

King Hippo

very odd Giants didn’t call timeout, would have had great field position had he missed it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

that’s our Murrika!

LemonJello

MOOSE!
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

is this the art for the updated Turner Diaries?

The Maestro

Oh man, this is such an underrated comment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The woman had an “experimental phase” in college; she’s not going to make it.

JustStopDude

Kind of over kicked it there…

King Hippo

that’s more emotion than when Caldwell’s kids were born

Petronel

SHANK – wait, never mind…

Unsurprised

I think I found an IPA I like. Just pouring the Ale Smith it smells great. Tasty pretty good for an IPA.

Spur

Eli doesn’t trust Brandon Marshall yet. Brandon’s mom hasn’t met Eli’s mom yet.

litre_cola

Is there still regular lego blocks? Not all the specialized stuff that can only build 1 thing.

Gratliff

They’re almost more expensive that way

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I know, right? I sometimes wonder why the new stuff bothers having pieces at all when they could just make it with one big lump of plastic.

litre_cola

I used to have a suitcase full of blocks as a child and fucking loved it. The build one thing in my mind is a toy you do yourself which can come apart, no imagination.

WCS

I built an X-Wing fighter from the basic blocks in the early ’90s, because I’m a nerd.

litre_cola

That is good hustle.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m still shocked at how well designed the pieces were when I was a kid (80’s) – you could get those things to fit together all kinds of ways.

The Maestro

I think so, yeah. I haven’t bought LEGO in like 15 years though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

There are. One of the local malls has a Lego Store and you can go in there and buy shitloads of loose blocks. Did it for my niece last Christmas.

Gratliff

Was it one of the ones with a legoland behind it? As a person who never got into Legos and has spent just an unacceptable amount on them for his kid, the Legoland store is the shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No, I guess not. The back wall is where the loose blocks are tho. So many pretty colors.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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JustStopDude

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WCS

Well, that’s one way…

The Maestro

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

They’ve never shown that episode in full after 9/11 right?

The Maestro

I thought that was only for a few years, but I’m also not sure about that.

WCS

It was on last week.

Sharkbait

Giants bar is angry that Eli went down so easy, continues to gripe about O-line and ruining it up the middle

Gratliff

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Mr. Ayo

I was always afraid of that happening when I rassled. /nohomo

Brocky

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Spur

Question for the Group. What’s your internet speed and what do you pay.
me – 60 bps, $60

Unsurprised

Same, more or less.

Redshirt

Let me check with my neighbor. BRB.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Hmmmm… it’s good, although I have Verizon for Cable too.

I made sure the router is within distance of my computer though so it doesn’t use WiFi. That way the Amazon stick works better.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

15 MB, but not sure how much we’re paying.

herodotus450

Ha; 60 bps, that’s pathetic; I LAUGH at your peasantry with my nearly 56 THOUSAND bps; look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!

Spanky Datass

4.6 Mbps (Just ran the on-line test)
Price? Well it’s part of a bundle but I’m quite sure it’s embarrassingly expensive.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Thanks for making me feel better, Spanky.

Unsurprised
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Spanos Taco” was also the code for getting into the only Greek themed strip club in Imperial Beach.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Uncle Ed used to say, “There’s two things that aren’t funny in life: poverty and Janeane Garofalo”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

3rd and 16…. just the way McAdoo likes it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know why these anti-vaxxers are so terrified of having their kids develop autism. It’s totally the new hotness these days.

Gratliff

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Because then they can’t be a dumb helicopter parent they’ve aspired to be their whole lives.

Unsurprised

There are so many questions

spoilers

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Spur

Dude! Spoilers i had to DVR last night.

Unsurprised

Oops.

Mr. Ayo

Meh. It’s the highlight of a bad episode of a terrible show.

WCS

3rd and 23? NFL BLITZ!

Shogun Marcus

There we go!

King Hippo

where’s WCS?

NFL BLITZ!!!

Unsurprised

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You’ll poke your eye out!”

– Deanna Favre’s friends, after she asked them for advice on “technique”.

Spur

Spur is in the big scary city. Anaheim is a silly place.

King Hippo
Beastmode Ate My Baby

Between this and two WH attorneys just shooting the (legal) breeze within earshot of a NYT reporter, it’s gonna be a bad week in Trumpville.

Unsurprised

They did it because they don’t care. Nothing will ever happen to Trump.

Aside an aside, the standards and double-standards for bar discipline are fucking bullshit everywhere.

Redshirt

If the Democrats win the House and Senate, Trump will be impeached every week.

If they get around 60, then they’ll find 7 Republicans sick of Trump to get 2/3rds.

Unsurprised

The Democrats aren’t going to win back the House, most of the Senate seats up next year are already Democrats who won when they got their shit together that one time in 2006 (Even then it was more of the Republicans shitting the bed every possible way).

So, no. There won’t be any impeachment come 2018. And at this rate, not in 2020 when Trump gets re-elected.

Redshirt

Nah, Trump will overplay his hand and the GOP will convince him to declare victory and retire.

herodotus450

Tempted to bet live savings that e.e. cummings will catch the next touchdown pass.

Spur

Folks

litre_cola

How were the Texas sportsradio stations today? I bet the callers were cool, measured and not at all angry.

Spur

The fire Garrett stance peaked my interest

litre_cola

I may mosey on over to Cowboys reddit to have a look see.

Spanky Datass

KTCK Dallas has something called The Crow Line (The Cry Line after a loss). It’s basicaly a voice-mailbox where angry drunks can whine and spout off; then the hosts mock them. Most popular rants seemed to be “STICK TO THE GAME PLAN!!!!1!” and “ZEKE JUST DON’T CARE RABBLE RABLE RABBLE!!!!11!!1!”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Wrasslin’s wrasslin, but Lucha Underground is…something else…

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JustStopDude

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Sharkbait

Oh Eli

LemonJello

No Strawberry Quik for him at halftime…

hippofant

Was that a finger to the eye? No hit to the helmet call? Blech.

hippofant

GOD ELI, can you even WAIT for me to finish commenting?!

Gratliff

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scotchnaut

Football is stupid.

scotchnaut

Jesus Christ.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Ded Fat Stafford?

King Hippo

he get a nubbin in the eye? eeeeewwwww

LemonJello

Just some bologna rind that got shook loose from his teeth.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit, that’s my “Chicken n Biscuits Spottin'” eye.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen a hyphenated Cromartie miss someone so badly since Antonio Jr. found out that his dad wasn’t going to be able to make it to his birthday party this year.

litre_cola

Bravo sir, bravo.

Col. Duke LaCross

Banner this man!

Unsurprised

I assume Zodiac Motherfucker learned to make the buzzard lunch from Stafford. https://twitter.com/ZODIAC_MF/status/904036356061634560

Unsurprised

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JustStopDude

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The Maestro

This is amazing, but I’m gonna need some context on this one.

Gratliff

I’ll see your Kemonito and raise you a glitched Matrix

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JustStopDude

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Gratliff

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

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Unsurprised

Hey

Col. Duke LaCross

How many teams started this season with 5+ quarters without punching it in? Seems like more than usual.

King Hippo

Evan Engram is a good footballist. Keep giving his ass targets, with Gronk ded I shall need him next week. Just picked him up in DFO ball too.

King Hippo

SEE?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck yo’ targets, I’ll find my own.

– Evan Engram

Col. Duke LaCross

He was there just hanging on the FA list when Olsen contracted foot AIDS yesterday. Had to snag him.

JustStopDude

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

That’s Kerry von Erich, isn’t it? Poor sumbitch…

JustStopDude

Yeah I think so…

Gratliff

Replace Kerry with literally any first name

Unsurprised

This oatmeal stout is damn good.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

When you said “stout” I thought you were saying that Stafford had lost thirty pounds.

Unsurprised

Miracles aren’t real.

King Hippo

I suppose you don’t believe in guardian angels either, Mister Man??

Wakezilla

Big story coming it out of ice football: Ice Argos players accussing their team of saying they failed their fitness tests in order to cheat the salary cap. Of course, even if true, Lou Lammerello has donky pics of Bettmen? Do nothing will come of this

The Maestro

I want anything that fucks over the Leafs. I hope this is true, but I also have no idea how he’d ever hope to go about proving it, because Lou will kill Lupul in his sleep before letting another doctor check him out, ever.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THESE COACHES I CALL THEM FACES BECAUSE ONE CAN’T CHANGE HIS AND THE OTHER LIKES SITTING ON THEM ON THE CAMPUS GREEN

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Jim Caldwell, the last time I saw a black man this unimpressed, Janice Dickinson was enjoying a spiked cocktail.

King Hippo

Fiona Apple can’t cover for shit.

scotchnaut

He’s been a bad, bad boy.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah but she does have that great song she does about Pacman Jones.

LemonJello

Jim Caldwell looks concerned?
Pissed?
Constipated?
Ecstatic?

The Maestro

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Fat Stafford Sanders? Lookit that boy run.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s like watching a bunch of farm boys wearing mittens try to catch a greased pig.

Unsurprised

Fuck this. I’m not making gifs.

Gratliff

Damn it. Why do my favorite gifs exist on unencrypted hosts?

King Hippo

DET still has fat, drunk kicker, yeah?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I’m gonna be in Singapore for the Raiders game next week. It’s the Sunday night tilt, so it should come on at 8:30 a.m. – how do I lay the groundwork so that I can watch it without my wife divorcing me?

King Hippo

hey, it’s not like you would otherwise be doing something super cool and couple-y at 8:30am on a Sunday anyhoo

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not sure if it will be Sunday or Monday a.m. International Date Line and all that.

King Hippo

Just make sure you fuck on Saturday night, then.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Say you bet your life savings on the over.

litre_cola

It will be Monday AM. Either A find a Sports bar that has N. A. food or maybe something she craves. Or release her in the shopping district while you watch. In Bali my wife liked both ideas.