As you are reading this, it is 6:00 AM on a Sunday morning on the West Coast.
No one should be up this early to do anything unless they are completely naked and they have someone else of like mind lying next to them.
I hope you are one of those lucky few.
For the rest of us, this is the mandatory sex-ed class that you had to attend in middle school: You pretty much already know how it’s going to go, you really don’t want to pay attention, but you have to be here because it’s required.
Also, someone is going to turn what is realistically one of the best things about life and turn it into a boring shitshow that will make you never want to partake of it.
We have the (/checks listings) Baltimore Ravens taking on the Jacksonville Jaguars in lovely London. Fun fact: I was watching a porn clip yesterday featuring a “British” actress and I have to say the accent threw me off. I also did not realize the British were so much into anal, but there you go.
Ok, so who’s excited for this game?!?!
That’s tough, but fair.
Remember kids, unless you live in northern Florida or the Washington/Baltimore corridor, this game is only streaming on Yahoo. Now, drink like you know you want to. Oh, and here is the link to the 506 Sports broadcast maps. Those guys are truly doing the Lord’s work.
Which reminds me, you might want to go to church today and atone for your sins. Yom Kippur is coming too, so that’s even more atonement.
You dirty dirty Commentists!
Ok, begin!
Salt has been applied copiously to the Ravens wound.
SALT THE WOUND
Fake punt? That’s a kick in the dick.
hooooly shit
be right cheeky if they go for this
WHO CALLED IT???
Nice.
A blind squirrel. Good work.
Jaguras have they bye on an even week, so should be good FOAR 9-7 and the division title.
well fuck,,,WHO AIN’T??
Jesus christ. Who the hell is doing colour?
If he’s smart, he’s not using his real name.
You’d think these teams would get a bye week next week. Pittsburgh is going to curb stomp the Jags next week.
it’s an even week, so this checks out
Looks like somebody won’t be getting their unflavoured non-fat ice milk post-game.
The Queen gets to come out and execute the losing team’s head coach right?
For our anniversary, I bought Mrs. Wakezilla this awesome package to this spa. I even paid extra for hot stones. I can only assume by paying extra, this will happen, right?
ht
tps://images.sex.com/images/pinporn/2016/08/13/620/16358786.gif
Meow?
“I spent $40,000 to go to Modeling School for this?”
Seems timely
Flacco Completions: 5
ELITE completions.
Elite is 5 letters
Using up all my fantasy luck in one goddamned game. Nice.
Scotchy’s league mates gon’ murder him.
I guarantee this will come up next year when we get together. Mostly because I’ll bring it up.
Calais Campbell has been a MONSTER this year.
Ugh – don’t remind me.
Flacco tackling technique 10/10. So he’s got that going for him.
Hahah this is amazing
Trump is halfway right — this on-field product is shit.
Is this whole president thing just a long con against the NFL on behalf of the USFL?
This guy knows his history and is conspiracy-minded! Tell me more!
Well it all started one day in 1974 when trump finished transforming into a lizard person…
[unzips pants] Go on…
+18 small potatoes
He’s still pissed they wouldn’t entertain his offer to buy the Bills.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=pyucuehBsGA
Bort elite
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liuSbrghzmk
Sometimes you are the cat, sometimes the fucking pigeon,
I love fucking pigeons!
Norm MacDonald as Pigeon is a truly underrated gem of a role.
Trump needs to pay the NFL to have players stand for the national anthem.
And not wear Beats By Dre.
Canadia isn’t showing the al Jaguars/Dirt Birds game. So I’m stuck watching New Castle/Brighton match.
Edit: Nevermind. Just saw they are showing it on NFL.Com
yahoo.ca
Boomer will always be ok with me for this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu8q3363qTk
A Marcedes leading British Jaguars? Everything seems in order.
#AlternateHistory
#TheBlitzWorked
That’s pretty much how F1has played out the last few years.
What a time to be alive, Bortles is Elite now.
Lewis with another TD. [goes to corner store to invest life savings in lottery]
Jags…good?
at least schizo
Are we sure we’re not watching a Ravens-Jags game from 1996?
Oh shit. Jags get Bro Hymn as their goal song in England
scotchy gets TWO scores from Marcedes Boy
#FantasySavant
#Crazeeluckybastard more like it.
(reads BREAKING NEWS on TV about Steelers remaining in Locker Room during Anthem to protest Trump)
Damn it, Steelers. Why do you have to do something I like!?! I’m about to go to lunch and I don’t need to be throwing it back up!
I never thought I’d see a hatred of a cheeto be this much of a strong unifying force.
Good. Trump’s supposed to know entertainment. Might as well be tweeting about how we need more commercials and eliminate the kickoff.
Ravens qb done flacc-ed up.
Your 2017 Baltimore Ravens, folks
tWBS isn’t here to tell us if that Navy guy is still around as backup QB
Has Fozz exploded yet?
Maclin on the field, despite his insistence that he is Queen Elisabeth III.
I am endlessly shocked Maclin is still in the league. He’s been consistently near death since he went pro.
This GI Joe movie I have on in the background has had about 4/5 Mexican standoffs so far.
/or is “Hispanic Deadlock” the new preferred term?
I believe the term is Hispanic mutual endeavor.
Thanks for showing the Bengals being responsible for unleashing Brett Favre on the NFL, ESPN. While you’re at it, why don’t you show the Bo Jackson tackle again. That way Bengals Hatred is at peak levels.
/also Boomer Esiason
Hey, don’t mess with Boomer! He’s okay.
Now, Cris Collinsworth on the other hand…
also Shere Khan
The Ravens stats aren’t so bad when you convert them to metric.
0 degrees metric does converst to 273 or something. That’s just too hot for me.
Thank you, President Trump. I was about type ICE into a comment and I typed ISIS. In my mind, you’ve turned a legitimate law enforcement organization into a terrorist organization.
“Legitimate”
From where I’m sitting, specifically in working with immigration lawyers, ICE is the more dangerous terrorist organization.
Penguins make formal announcement that they’re going to the white house, because it’s a Penguins tradition. No, we’ve never heard of Tim Thomas. Why do you ask?
“Trump Hosts Team of Immigrants at White House”
-Breitbart
Fuhrer needs to get his info dump from Daddy Vlad BFF “Geno”
“..then unleashes ICE on the immigrants in the most obvious trap since To Catch a Predator.”
Uhh…what is the Fox football lady wearing?
– B. Ravens
I visited the yahoo site in years and found i had 100+ emails. Only half were for dick pills, the others were for Jennifer Lawrence twat shoots.
At least they were related.
Folks
Fantastic pregame footage. I was wondering what the fallout would look like when our idiot fuck President started running his mouth. Very nice.
Fucking Goodell has actually handled this correctly. Perhaps he wants to redeem himself to the level of “mild regional shame.”
He aspires for forgettable family idiot.
My dad just texted me…
“I skipped Church for this?!?”
Kneeling during church: required.
Kneeling during football: heresy.
Can’t explain that.
Easy.
Kneeling during Church is worshipping the most powerful entity in charge of the Church, which is God.
Kneeling during football is worshipping the most powerful entity in charge of football, which is Roger Goodell.
Now, please defend kneeling down and worshipping Roger Goodell.
They are defending the right to be grown-assed men and not talked down to like 4-year olds by the so-called el presidente.
It’s the one thing that could possibly unite ownership, players, and management. Black and white, liberal and conservative, anyone who has achieved any level of adulthood (and importantly, economic power and freedom) is going to rebel harshly against that. We could actually have labour peace now.
Defense of Roger Goodell accepted. Nicely done.
It was hard to look at Shad Khan’s face this morning and not feel moved. I think this is relatively sincere.