Your Official DFO-CON 2017 Announcement Post

AFTERNOON – SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA – NONDESCRIPT OFFICE BUILDING INTERIOR

[An extremely pale but handsome young man sits at his desk, trying to do anything but work. Sensing a presence behind him, he minimizes his open window to a complicated looking spreadsheet and turns around.]

Low Commander: Yeah, so, that’ll be done in– Oh, it’s just you. Whew… Wait, how did you get past security? Never mind, I don’t want to know. But if anyone asks, you’re here to see Sunrise, okay? Good.

What? Oh yeah, [Closes spreadsheet] I was just looking back over some photos. Last December, I went to Las Vegas with a few of my fellow writers from different offices here around the country. It was a fabulous, crabulous time that, sadly, could never live up to the hype if it were to happen again.

???: Which is why…

[Office DOOR FLIES OPEN and a sleazy Hollywood producer enters]

DTZM: …we’re going to do it again anyway!

Low Commander: B-boss?! When did you get down here?!

DTZM: [Ignoring] Now that we’re incorporated, we’d be leaving money on the table not to charge for that kind of experience!

Low Commander: Wait, what? But this was a vacation!

DTZM: [Still ignoring] This time, it’ll be the same thing, but slightly different! It’ll be bigger and better! We’ll add more pizzazz and strip away any charm from the first one! We’ll call it, DFO-CON 2017: The Sequel! Now hop to it and write up an agenda for me, Light Commenter!

Low Commander: D-does this mean that I’m off the Jumanji reboot project? [Delighted] Oh thank you! Thank you! Overseeing that trailer was like orchestrating the rape of my childhoo–

DTZM: [Sternly] That project continues exactly as previously discussed. And we’ll talk about your opinions later. [Suddenly back to normal] In the meantime, I’d like to treat our guest here with this brief ad I prepared for just the occasion! [Taps on Apple Watch before shoving his wrist in your face]

Voice Over: Last December, seven intrepid members of the Commentist Party journeyed to the sun-baked, neon lit oasis of Las Vegas, Nevada to gather, drink, eat, drink, gamble, drink, watch football and drink some more. Attendees had a remarkable time meeting a few of their compatriots in the flesh for the first time, eating at the finest restaurants recommended by yeah right, winning and losing money at various tables, hearing the shouts of “ASS HERPES!” from Doktor Zymm at the Red Square, getting lost looking for a freeway on ramp with theWeeBabySeamus behind the wheel,  and above all, live live-blogging on Sunday at the Mandalay Bay sports book!

Come, be a part of the fun and meet various members of the Commentist Party who toil in DTZM’s Content Gulag this December in Las Vegas for another weekend of debauchery, mistakes and memories so good, you’ll wish you could forget them!

DTZM: Isn’t that just perfect? It tested really well with my partner back at our main office!

Low Commander: Hey, wait, shouldn’t I have been involved in some kind of high end marketing production like that?

DTZM: [Ignoring again] Wheeerrrreeeee’s that agenda?!

Low Commander: [Obediently] Here! Here…

DTZM: Hmm, not bad for a first draft. Ha! Let’s see our friends over at Sony pull off a production anything close to this!

Low Commander: [Eyes widen] Heh, uh, yeah… [Quickly pushes an envelope titled “PSX Pass: Care of Old School Zero” under some papers on his desk]


DFO-CON 2017 will take place over the first weekend of December at the MGM Grand in Vegas. Attendees are encouraged to stay at the Grand and arrive/depart as early or late as they’d like, but we’d like to get everyone together on Saturday (12/2) at some point, before sitting down and watching football most of the day on Sunday. I plan to arrive early that morning and leave Monday (12/4) morning. Updates will follow as the date gets closer, but mark you calendars and stay tuned!

Author’s Note: The planning of DFO-CON 2017 took place before the heinous actions occurred in Las Vegas earlier this week. As such. we understand that this may not be the best time to be making this announcement, but would like to give those of you that plan to attend as much time as possible to get the best flights and secure your rooms. Putting our lives on hold and not attending because of fear is exactly what the lunatics of this world want and we are not about to let the terrorists win. If anyone would like to contribute to a fund benefiting the victims of this horrific act, you can do so here.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers is a native North County San Diegan with an affinity for the Padres, beer, whiskey, punk rock, video games and the end of days. If you eat a fish taco with a fork in his presence, you may lose your hand.

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Old School Zero

That’s the fiancee’s birthday weekend, but I’ll make sure I send some funds along to buy a round. Please order something BOLTMAN! appropriate. Or something that resembles a bleeding cloud.

JerBear50
JerBear50

Shit. Zero chance of me getting off work this late. Yall enjoy it for me.

Romonobyl

Shit, that sounds like a blast. Afraid I’ve already missed too much work due to this meddling knee, so you’ll be light one Cowboy’s fanboy.

WCS

Can’t make. Damned kids.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Actually….you seem to be able to make damned kids very efficiently.

Game Time Decision
Game Time Decision

wow, the itinerary is on letterhead, we fancy now.
/print geek

Senor Weaselo

I will once again be unable to go, so drink extra for me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

RTD: [looks over script] This is terrific! Everything fits together perfectly. Congratulations – Low Commander – or should I say Continuity Editing Commander! We’ve got so many projects that could use your magic touch.

LCSS: Oh, good, my aunt is really sick and I’ll need the pay bump in order to…

RTD: Pay bump? [laughs] No, don’t be ridiculous! You can’t put a price on this kind of prestige.

LCSS: [sighs] Oh well, at least I can show the title change to the payday loan folks and…

RTD: Title change? [laughs] Oh, no, no, no. For tax purposes we’ll need to keep your official title as “chaplain”. [Strokes chin as he reconsiders] You know what? We had a good quarter. Welcome aboard, Mr. Executive Chaplain!

blaxabbath

I’ll probably join you guys at the tables but won’t act like I know anyone.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’ve all seen your Trent Green impression, blax.

blaxabbath

What I’d give for a framed autographed glassy of Boltman Group….

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Nicely done with the donation link, that was a good idea.

Still working my travel sked to see if I can swing this.

SonOfSpam

Just discovered I could Megabus this bitch from Anaheim for $15 round trip. IT WOULD BE SO DELICIOUSLY WHITE TRASH.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Please bring a chicken in a crate.

blaxabbath

He’s not mexican.

“Yeah, I’ll have Don_T bring it!” -DJT

laserguru

If you book in advance you can get really decent flight and room deals. Virgin America has excellent flight deals and it looks like that weekend isn’t a major event weekend so I found a great deal at the MGM Grand.

C’mon. You know you want to.

Shogun Marcus

Hmm…

litre_cola

Depending on my new job and the status of decilitre I will be there. Arriving Saturday afternoon leaving Monday morning.

laserguru

I will be present and accounted for. I’m getting in Saturday afternoon and leaving on Monday afternoon.
Still figuring out Saturday dinner but I’ve got a pretty decent idea at work.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Will I need to take out another 2nd mortgage this time to pay for it?

I keed, I keed.

ballsofsteelandfury

FYI, I believe there are at least six confirmations with more coming each day. Phrasing.

So, I’m saying you, dear lurker/commentist, won’t be the only one there at this point if you are thinking of joining…

nomonkeyfun

I came for the “Ass Herpes” and stayed to complain about the length of the substance breaks.

ballsofsteelandfury

I know, right? Too Short!

nomonkeyfun

Also not enough of them. Sad!

theeWeeBabySeamus

…getting lost looking for a freeway on ramp with theWeeBabySeamus behind the wheel…

I have no recollection of this, Senator.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Senator, we both know that when they’re dead, they’re just hookers