Whether it be Thanksguiving, Columbus Day, or Indigenous Peoples Day, happy holiday Monday to you all.
And if you didn’t have a holiday today, maybe move to a better state or country.
There’s no NFL News update because I may or may not have typed this last Thursday, right before I picked up my first bottle ahead of the Thursday Night game. If the Patriots lost, I’m blitzed until Tuesday.
Game preview: Vikings at Bears.
Hold onto your butts, because tonight marks the first appearance of…
the Truth Biscuit!
Mitch Trubisky, fresh from a whole 13 starts at the U*NC, starts tonight & we’ll get to see whether the Bears laughably wasted those draft picks to move up one spot to get him. Looking at their schedule, it’s probably the best time to start him, as after this the Bears next face off against the Ravens, Panthers, Saints & Packers. If they ever wanted to get him a start & avoid David Carr-ing him, this is the game. Plus, they have a deadly 1-2 combination at running back. If John Fox is a smart man, the ratio of running-to-passing plays is 2 or 3:1.
(Ron Howard voice: he was not a smart man.)
The Vikings, meanwhile, don’t know who’s starting half their positions until they take attendance on the bus leaving the hotel. A Filipino bellhop could end up being their long snapper if he doesn’t get off in time. Current starting QB Teddy Bridgewater Sam Bradford Danny Wuerffel Case Keenum just has to copy the Rodgers tape from last week & stay upright in order to have a successful-enough game to carry the Vikings to victory.
Anyone for a 10-10 tie?
(A billion thanks to Low Commander for the awesome photoshop.)
Tonight’s sports:
- NFL:
- Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- en espanol en ESPN2
- Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- NHL:
- Black Hawks at Leafs – 9:00PM | NHLN; TSN4 (regional)
- MLB:
- Game 4 (if necessary) – AL Divisional Series – 8:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet1
Holiday Monday and a short work week?
RIGHT where Foxy likes punting from.
This young lad, Master Kissin’ Tittays, does seem to have an arm on him. Will we see him, perhaps, say “fuck it, I’m going deep!”?
By far my favoUrite KSK bit.
Pour one out for KSK
As a white hetero CIS male, I’m completely okay that everything wrong in society is my fault.
Whovever coined the term “CIS” is the truly despicable one.
/Still don’t know what it means, don’t want to know.
I have a degree in CIS. It was very confusing at first.
I think it means that you are in agreement with your gender, like I have balls and a dick, so I’m a man. And that makes me the enemy. For some reason.
The Confederation of Independent States, right?
At least, that’s what his criminal record says
That must be outside the greater Raleigh-Durham area.
We were just talking about friends who went to Riga recently, and when Latavius Murray’s name flashed on the screen, one chick pointed and said “see, he’s Latvian”
I feel like your avatar after reading that comment. 😐
Did he just yell “FEMUR”?
I thought it was “Beiber”?
No, he was saying FEMA. He wants Puerto Rico fixed stat
Wish the Rockies had won the Wild Card because it would have meant SNOW BASEBALL today.
Sox eliminated from postseason play – I could bore through an industrial vault with my boner.
Before the game was over people were yelling for John Farrell’s head.
NAWT FACKIN’ FAHHHHH YOU DO NAWT UNDAHSTAHND OUAHHH PAIN!
I bet Tawmmy didn’t even get his Szechuan sauce
“Here you go son, a play truck just like daddy! Now pardon me while I get double teamed by my slutty stepdaughter and slutty housemaid.”
That reminds me, how did we arrive at a point in society where 95% of all porn produced currently is faux incest?
Fuck you, moderation. I’ll rephrase:
That reminds me, how did we arrive at a point in society where 95% of all porn produced currently involves fucking family, step or otherwise?
The Southern Strategy isn’t just for politics anymore!
Seriously. Even I have my limits, but apparently that’s weird. I just want to see two lithe 20-year old ladies sensuously make sweet love for my private, pervy enjoyment, without making it weird pretending to be step-sisters. Just ewwwwww.
Your moderation was random, not because of anything you said. See, watch….
INCEST PORN INCEST PORN INCEST PORN!!!!!!
The whole point is I don’t WANT to watch that
Understood.
Schwartzenegger having the birds and the bees talk with his son?
Yes, but with a difficult to place Eastern European accent that you’re pretty sure it just being played up.
Twenty years from now when I’m remember Bears coaches, John Fox is going to be the one I forget and when someone reminds me of his name, I’ll say “Really? He coached the Bears?”
nah, you’ll get all misty-eyed whenever either side punts from the 37.
From the other team’s 37, you mean?
exactly
Migraine Hippo phrases jokes like poo-poo
Do you fly into blind rage whenever you remember Dick Jauron?
No, I just mope around like he always did.
I get a little twinge when I remember Wannstedt, though.
I feel like biting off your own finger would be the appropriate action when thinking about Jauron.
My son spilled a glass of iced tea on my Macbook and fried it. Took out the Dell PC, and I hate the motherfucking almighty hell out of this fucking piece of plastic shit.
Your son is a hero. Get a real computer.
You sound like Jared Kushner talking about his wife.
Or her husband
Sorry, Fozz, I reworked it.
But you know, with a difficult to place Eastern European accent that you’re pretty sure it just being played up.
When do the put in the Backup Head Coach?
Good evening.
Care to back that up?
Hi there, sailor.
I know we make fun of JJ Watt around here, but I am bummed he’s out for the season. That motherfucker raised a great deal of money for people who got flooded out. Karma should be on his side.
It’s 2017, karma is dead.
And Parody was shot in the middle of Fifth Avenue and no one did a thing about it.
JJ Watt seems far less creepy than Clay Matthews, but then again, so does Pennywise.
I was thinking about boycotting this game to protest ESPN’s suspension of Jemele Hill but this shitty stream of theirs is making the decision for me.
Aside from Kevin White is it safe to say Ryan Pace has done a pretty decent job at GM?
I still think you get this mongoloid at #3. Who else was seriously trading up for him?
I agree with that but he has drafted surprisingly well imho when I’ve had to suffer Phil Emery and Jerry Angelo.
fair point
Don’t say Kevin’s name out loud, or his kidneys will tear in half.
So many Raiders fans are declaring Amari Cooper a bust. Would hate to hear what they would be saying if we’d picked White instead.
Dollar Store Theo Epstein is better than Emery and Angelo thus far, but that’s a low bar to clear.
When do the Ukrainian prostitutes I have heard so much about arrive?
Is it too late to join the anthem protests solely on the basis of shitty primetime game matchups?
Yes, you’ve had decades of MNF to voice your complaint
But all those Kornheiser statues were put up years after the fact!
/If I’d said Cossell, that could’ve been dicey.
My dad watch hank and company during the preshow:
Who are these inbreds?
The Vikings Offensive Line, the ONLY offensive line approved by jerkoff white supremacists everywhere.
You’d think they’d be worried about wasting their manly essence and precious bodily fluids.
I recently called a person driving a car with a confederate flag decal a “stupid fuckhole”. Yes, my boys were in the car, but I felt like it was a teaching moment.
Actually, aren’t all white supremacists (or any supremacists, IMHO), by rote, jerkoffs?
Well I’ve seen enough to crown him king of Chicago
0 points is much better than -7
“The sausage king of Chicago?”
-A. Rodgers, with hope in his voice
Beat me to it. Nice work.
Crazy Eyez is back!
Jesus Christ, ESPN, with how much my neighbor is paying for his cable your streaming service really ought to be better.
So I am sitting in my house, in my underwear, with the AC running on full blast, in October…because global warming is a hoax…
#fakenews
I feel your pain. Been a sweaty few days ’round here too.
Hell, it felt like August here today. Guh
This weekend in the OBX was like Satan’s taint. Not even an ocean breeze to knock the heat down a little.
I was gonna head down this week for a day trip for surfing, but screw that.
Next week is fine.
Plus my black and blue ankle I rolled last week is still not great so it wouldn’t have been smart anyway….which wouldn’t have stopped me. So this is good, LOL.
I thought the same thing when I was removing leafs from my pool cover when I could’ve be vacuuming the leaves with my pool heater on.
Be a pity if you had to burn some natural gas to power that AC, hehehe…
Snowy day in Colorado today. Back in the 50s-60s tomorrow.
It’s all these rapid ups and downs. Migraines a mofo like crazy, man. Can’t wait for the colds to start their viral goodness.
Get your goddamned flu shots, it will be a brutal season.
How many drunks came here from the small Bears game?
Sassy Ref for Truth Biscuit’s debut. Oh, we fancy!
just keep it turnover free, fuckwad. I need Minny’s D not to score 29+
A Bear QB pass into tight coverage. And a Bear caught it?!
That crowd is louder than Trent Green’s waffle iron
gold, Jerry. GOLD!!
Is this a memory joke because I don’t get it
It’s time. Erection engaged!
Who are those fuckwits with Hank Junior during the intro?
“…those other fuckwits…”
FIFY
All his rowdy friends, I guess.
With all the injuries we’ve had yesterday, I’m expecting a player to explode on the field tonight.
We will remember, of course, that Carlin called for landmines on the field nigh 30 years ago.
With Drew’s luck, it’ll be Bradford in the first quarter, and Anthony Barr in the third.
Don’t forget Xavier Rhodes in the 2nd and Harrison Smith in the 4th!
On the bootleg jersey site I use there are still Hernandez jerseys for sale. Throwback!
Surprised any of those are still hanging around…
Are we shouting “TRUTH BISCUIT” or “KISSIN’ TITTAYS” whenever the new guy does a thing, be it good or bad?
Yes.
The Patron Saint of Kissing Tits
I don’t want to tell you what to yell during orgasm, except to suggest you go with what feels right at the time.
The Shield reunited to start Raw. So, Vince has admitted defeat and showed the ending to Raw before football starts.
Better than trying to time halftime like they usually do.
Do we get two-tone seth and his Neo-nazi mistress?
Not yet, but they are building to Survivor Series.
Seriously, this Truth Biscuit’s facial features don’t line up right. I put the IQ ceiling right around 80.
Seems high for a UNC alum
This totally legal stream has incredible HD quality.
yessir, $X thousand in law school loans, and you can lie just this good!
4-0 is good. But considering they blew an 8-3 lead (missed non-challenge or not), I will remain nervously optimistic.
As long as you’re not blowing an 8′ 3″ load.
I don’t know, for obvious reasons I haven’t checked for distance like a pissing contest.
Just get a fleshlight and apply the extrapolation algorithm.
I think you have to put it to a radar gun and do a kinematics equation in that case, accounting for air resistance and the like.
That is tough to do while holding the belt around your neck IMO.
inorite??
– Michael Hutchence
Mark it. I WILL do the DoLoThroDo. For Maestro and DFO.
I’d be willing to do it next year if I’m not working throughout. And searching for Szechuan Sauce.
“I too am interested in tasting some of this Czech Juan’s sauce.”
– Aaron Rodgers, contemplating an exotic delight
Meh. He keeps winning like that, I’ll take his sauce. Go fuck your jelly selves.
Wow, Southern California is ON FIRE!
You should see the air quality over where I work – El Segundo. I thought it was marine layer at first until I started seeing ash and shit falling from the sky. Anaheim Hills is like 40 miles from here too.
Goddamn Santa Ana winds.
I’m in Playa and the sun light is deep red!
Just moved my car to get it closer to the door at work and there’s already about 1/8″ of ash all over everything.
Every fucking October, man!
I have absolutely no ash (or wind) and I’m right on the other side of LAX.
Goddamn climate mutation, bro. You can take solace in all of us being fucked sooner or later…
why don’t yer legislature just outlaw it like North Cakalaky’s!?
Naw, wildfires are part of the natural ecosystem of California and they always have been. Every 20 years a hill should burn to stay healthy. Giant sequoias don’t spread seeds until their trunks are scorched, which indicates a burn has cleared the deadwood, opened the canopy, and left nutrients for the seeds to grow in. The only difference is that lately people have built houses in stupid places and there are cameras everywhere.
Sure, and hurricanes have always existed. And windstorms, and thunderstorms, etc. But one has to look at the intensity and frequency with which they are occurring. More + stronger = climate mutation.
I totally believe in global warming and man-made climate mutation. HOWEVER, California wildfires are not a barometer of that, regardless of how awesome they look. They only indicate that an area hasn’t burned in 20 years or more, often because of man-made fire suppression policies that are bad for the natural ecosystem yet protect rich fucker’s idiotic cliff-side mansions.
Cali is drier and hotter and has had more dramatic periodic “monsoons” in recent years with climate change; that combined with what you say here is a recipe for hotter, more destructive fires and subsequent mudslides and flooding.
“We will catch this arsonist known as ‘Mother Nature’.”
– Rick Scott
I left my wallet there in 1990
I want to die.
The good news is: you’ll get to.
Hooray!
I just wanted to pop in and let you all know I’m already laughing at what will come from one of the Quotables submission gifs. In many ways NBC SNF is absolutely horrid trash — but every once in a while they really produce.
Any and all Jets-Browns gifs just need Yakety Sax.
CUBS WIN!
WOOOOO!!!!!!
noooooooooo!!!!
/at least SAWX are out, can’t get too greedy
Beerboyreggie is the best. Simply the best.
Indeed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNU3aIJs88g
Hey, Luis Severino’s already having a better start than last time!
Well, at least we know what started the California wildfires:
“THAT’S WHAT THE LAME-STREAM MEDIA WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE, BUT IN REALITY, THERE WAS A SMALL ACCIDENT WHILE RENDERING THE FAT OF UNBELIEVERS TO MAKE CANDLES FOR THE SACRIFICIAL ALTAR!”
/ pelvic thrust
//blood sprays out of the sprinkler heads at StubHub Center
“Why didn’t we think of that earlier?”
– D. Spanos
We really need DFO Boltman shirts.
Would we need to contact Boltman?
Well we have a dozen lawyers or so in our midst.
Good thing this didn’t happen in Indy; can you imagine that conflagration?
It’d be like the Springfield Tire Fire – eternally burning.