Whether it be Thanksguiving, Columbus Day, or Indigenous Peoples Day, happy holiday Monday to you all.
And if you didn’t have a holiday today, maybe move to a better state or country.
There’s no NFL News update because I may or may not have typed this last Thursday, right before I picked up my first bottle ahead of the Thursday Night game. If the Patriots lost, I’m blitzed until Tuesday.
Game preview: Vikings at Bears.
Hold onto your butts, because tonight marks the first appearance of…
the Truth Biscuit!
Mitch Trubisky, fresh from a whole 13 starts at the U*NC, starts tonight & we’ll get to see whether the Bears laughably wasted those draft picks to move up one spot to get him. Looking at their schedule, it’s probably the best time to start him, as after this the Bears next face off against the Ravens, Panthers, Saints & Packers. If they ever wanted to get him a start & avoid David Carr-ing him, this is the game. Plus, they have a deadly 1-2 combination at running back. If John Fox is a smart man, the ratio of running-to-passing plays is 2 or 3:1.
(Ron Howard voice: he was not a smart man.)
The Vikings, meanwhile, don’t know who’s starting half their positions until they take attendance on the bus leaving the hotel. A Filipino bellhop could end up being their long snapper if he doesn’t get off in time. Current starting QB Teddy Bridgewater Sam Bradford Danny Wuerffel Case Keenum just has to copy the Rodgers tape from last week & stay upright in order to have a successful-enough game to carry the Vikings to victory.
Anyone for a 10-10 tie?
(A billion thanks to Low Commander for the awesome photoshop.)
Tonight’s sports:
- NFL:
- Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- en espanol en ESPN2
- Vikings at Bears – 8:15PM | ESPN / TSN
- NHL:
- Black Hawks at Leafs – 9:00PM | NHLN; TSN4 (regional)
- MLB:
- Game 4 (if necessary) – AL Divisional Series – 8:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet1
Holiday Monday and a short work week?
It occurs to me that the Vikings have been tearing through players like the Vikings who were trying to get back home in the cold open of the American Gods pilot, and the only way they can ever win is to fucking go balls-out and have a war to the death between two sides like they did in the series.
I didn’t know they made a series of that, how close to the book was it?
Pretty close, but heavily stylized in Bryan Fuller’s style. It’s the best series on TV, maybe I’ve ever seen. Plus, it turns out that Emily Browning can act when not in a Zach Snyder movie.
But seriously, Ian McShane is a great Wednesday, Orlando Jones kills it as Mr. Nancy, and Gillian Anderson is wonderful as Mass Media.
I love/am confused by seeing players looking up at the scoreboard to see the penalty they just committed, like just to confirm that they had.
It needs to be official before they can mark it off on their penalty bingo cards
“I looked cool committing that penalty”
562 comments? This can’t be that good of a game. It’s fucking Truth Biscuit vs. whatever’s left of the Vikings.
It’s not a comment thread, it’s a support network.
it’s the last game before the “Suicide Temptress Desert” of Tuesday-Wednesday.
Remember, this kid can’t read
if you could adjust for that in net YPA, he’d be doing pretty good!
Doesn’t get old. (The girl, I mean, because the dog killed her)
Good dog.
The best part is that the kid’s eyes telegraph what is about to happen.
Poor eye discipline, smh
Y U No throw to Diggs?
Is he back on the field or are they still tending to his groin on the sideline? Has to be easier than working g with Shiancoe.
Looked like he was out there.
This game might prove the impossible theory that two teams in the same game can snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
There’s always the beautiful possibility of a tie! :ooray, no one wins!
That’s what these two teams deserve.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRRIjldrNok&ab_channel=AdultSwim
Im still disappointed the Stone Cold Lock Of The Century, Of The Week is no more
Air China gave me an Air China sticker to wear on my shirt during check in. This is a new one, no idea what the point is.
You’re going “camping” in Xinjiang.
https://youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=mShbYPgLiCk
To make sure you don’t end up at Pyongyang International Airport?
“Crowd fully engaged…”
Aw, they went to Jared.
He meant to say “engorged”.
Yeah, but I told ’em not to come back until they have kids.
Slogan on shirt is missing “To a bull queer for a pack o’ Luckys”
I’ve seen heavily-decorated vans with less airbrushing. All aboard the S.S. Date Rape!
Coach Zimmer putting a call in to release Mr. Winkles AND his family into the locker room before the end of this game.
throw to Thielen, shitass
No way that pistol was concealed there.
We need to dig deeper.
I either had a Trent Green or a Strokey Kubes moment. This game is TIED?
Could be a lot of tittays kissed tonight in the Chicago metropolitan area.
/not counting Sanchez cruising high school parking lots
Still debating over text if that was awesome or stupid. Either way, it was entertaining af.
doinking the TD off the safety?? I’d say both, really.
Sure that or the reverse counter option 2 pt attempt
Hoooleee Shit! Maybe all those trash plays were just setting up that 2 pt try. After all, if a competent team did something like that, you’d know it was a trick. But when the Bears do it, it’s like, “oh TE reverse. That sounds about right.”
I could not have been more certain the ball was going to Howard, fo sho
Exactly.
Green bay has supposedly the best quarterback of all time and get praised for those fake extra points
Two eggs, sunny side up look sorta vaugely like tittays
Uh oh, the good Dok is high as fuck again.
Nah, I’m just trying to make the best of an unappetizing breakfast buffet
Oh, that’s right, you’re in Somalia or something. Try the wildebeest.
Fair.
A link sausage in teh middle would look like….ummmmm….never mind.
You can also make a sort of bikini out of bacon
LMFAO. I think SOS might be right. You do sound a li’l high.
That was Peak Vikings.
Nice to see the 23-skidoo for the conversion.
This Witten commercial inspires me to hate the Cowboys more.
your moment of Biscuit Truth
Sigh.
flukeDOWN!!
Oh fuck off. If that was brady and gronk the announcers would be knob gobbling
https://gfycat.com/TornQualifiedBaboon
Source from before: Isla Fisher in lingerie in Keeping Up With The Joneses
Gracias
“He’s been known to get off early…”
Haven’t seen a Cohen reverse field like that since they started charging for a schmear.
wait, did Keenum leave too?
Yeah, but only cuz he was gonna be late for his shift at CVS.
Never get high on your own supply.
Alice in Miami?
Alice Coaches The Offensive Line
Seems like the new Dolphins O-line coach will fit right in!
Oh for fucks sake
DFO’s unofficial tagline.
Two more qb injuries? I have Orlovsky and Dan LeFevour in the “QBs hired befor Kaepernick” pool.
Why not Trent Green? He’s forgotten more about football than anyone has sailed a Chrysler.
Tim Rattay is still on the board, great value pick
http://www.nfl.com/draft/history/fulldraft?type=position
Lost interest in this contest, in it’s stead I devoted a portion of my allotted time in this existence towards the searing of the flesh derived from innocent barnyard creatures utilizing my preferred utilities (grill) that were provided by my life partner upon her return to our shared domicile.
In other words…fuck this game, burgers and brats are on!
Branding?
ohz, ded ones.
Very much died.
I’m embarrassed to admit I really want to know whats in the bag.
Lube.
MOTHER …
I go out of my way to avoid seeing brady and Rodgers, yet they’re referenced multiple times.
A Justice League Mercedes ad?
How many safetys did I miss in the time it took me to get to the airport and check in?
These teams are exploding like Malaysian jets.
Surprisingly not exploding like Malaysian jets? The Jets.
Yet.
Are there going to be shreds of jerseys washing up in the Maldives?
You have no proof.
Look, it was either that or aliens, and I don’t think the aliens thing is more than 38% possible.
We’ve replaced Vic Fangio with Bernie Lomax, let’s see if anyone notices
Suddenly, this is a shoot out…?
(Jason Aldean scurries away)
Well, they’re in the right city for it.
I will never not be proud of the fact of how easily I can recognize her form.
Disney’s making a Sandusky biopic!?
That’s some rhythmic slapping.
Anal Prolapse Mouse would be a great punk band name.
Gwenyth Paltrow thinks it would be a great name for her next kid.
Wow, maybe Gruden might actually say something positive about the Bears…. I don’t know why he hates the Bears so much. Maybe they didn’t give him as much as he wanted when the rumors were swirling?
That was the most nonchalant pass I’ve ever seen.
Its the Jay Cutler of passes.
……..not going for two there is why even the most loyal of fans want fox gone
Yuuuup
YOU’RE NOT JORDAN HOWARD!
Since Sanchez isn’t playing. Whose their emergency qb
Apparently it’s the punter.
The kissed tittays?
Can we just take a second to recognize the YOUSTON Astros for eliminating the FACKIN’ SAWX today? This fills me with great joy.
YOUAH FACKIN FACKS! WHAHT THE FACK?! WE DESERAHVE A WINNAH FOR FACKS SAKE! WE HAHHVEN’T HAHHD A CHAHMPIONSHIP SINCE THIS FACKIN FEBRUHARY!