There’s but twelve minutes left in the Vikes/Lions game as I type this and it took some time but things are starting to heat up. (much like the mashed potatoes you just threw into the microwave because you made them way too soon). Although I very much enjoy Thanksgiving I really can’t recall any sort of positive memory associated with it. Perhaps it’s because of the alcohol-based dementia cozily nestling in but family get-together’s for me are like the CIA participating in the overthrow of Latin American leaders-get in and get out as quickly as possible and hope no one notices. TO THE GAME!
LA/Dallas: Tyron “Shoelaces” Smith may or may not be playing today but the t’udder offensive tackle is out. And according to the banner injury report, so is lb Sean Lee. Along with Zeke’s suspension that’s three difference-makers out for the home team. There is a bright side that I can see though-Mr. Elliott can make that stupid “feed me” gesture at his dinner table instead of out on the field. Hurray for small victories! De’s Bosa and Ingram have combined for 19 sacks and look to add a few more today. Their target? The DAKster. He’s the guy that barfed up a godawful game last week and the leader of an O that has scored just one TD in the last two tilts. The Chargers wr Allen went bananas last week and went off to the tune of [counts slowly] many points. I’m sure that rb Gordon will get his as well. This is last-gasp time for each of these squadoos to put something resembling a playoff team together so let’s see how it plays out.
It’s getting very close to “Drink A Lot” time. I can’t hardly wait!
Mash those potatoes, er, keyboards, folks.
.
Also, while we’re discussing The Pogues, this is their best song, especially when you’re in a good mood and enjoying the drank…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvV5mryQF1I
My grandparents are thinking of getting a jacuzzi and were asking my parents about it during dinner.
After about 10 minutes, my Grandma looks at my Mom and says “Have you ever had sex in it?” for the whole table to hear.
A lack of mashed potatoes is the least of the problems at that table.
I went to the store and got some.
Man, that GIF should be marked NSFW.
chippy in Starkville!
Long time listener, first time caller?
Maker of Children’s numbers are crazy-27 of 33, 434 yards, 3 TD’s and no interceptions.
He’s fucking killing me in fantasy, and not that fantasy where you knock someone up each time you have sex
Right. I will see you Fuckers and Fuckettes in an hour.
When does night game start again? Also, I knew misogynist dickhead was a big part of the Offense, did not realize he was only thing keeping them from being the Cowpoops.
5:30 pacific. NBC
Skyfall is on SyFy…
Also — GO READ MY POST FROM THIS MORNING! I NEED VALIDATION!
Indeed. Twas magnificent.
BANNER!
alright, I’m gonna go finish deviled eggs.
later taters.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9jbdgZidu8
Respectfully, I feel that this is the best The Pogues ever offered up-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s11BuatTuXk
Fan of Tuesday Morning myself
The band played waltzing Matilda.
just 20 short minutes to the Egg Bowl, always a personal Hippo favourite.
/likes under-the-radar rivalry games that are, in fact, super-meaningful to fans and players, that usually result in pretty intense fixtures
Couldn’t agree more Your Highness.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victory_Bell_(Cincinnati%E2%80%93Miami)
huh, I learned something just now
Yeah. You should check out this years edition. Miami had a huge lead and gave it up. Its right up there with the Bengals Wild Card Cluster of ’15 in Heart Rip Outs.
Holy fuck. Oh kids, that was a mighty spectacular thanksgiving dinner. Let’s commence mit the dranking.
Woo!
Commence?
I told myself no drinking until after I finished dicing, chopping and using the mandolin to make the gratin potatoes.
The fact that I have all my digits and no bandaids on tells me that was a wise decision.
I do like this Colored vs. Colored Jerseys though. The NFL should do this a lot more with the alternate jerseys (i.e. Bengals Orange vs. Steelers Black, Patriots Red vs. Dolphins Blue) when the colors are completely different.
/killing a guy in fantasy because Allen
/getting destroyed by opponent in another league because Allen
Does Zekespension get Garrett fired?
That’s not how Goodell is spelled.
The only way Garrett gets fired is if he bad mouths JJ, or if JJ needs a scapegoat. He’s a shit coach who knows how to keep his mouth shut and that’s the only reason he’s still there.
This is payback for killing Jack Kennedy: losing to the Chargers.
“Hmmmm. I’ll allow it.”
-Dan Carlin
Dallas didn’t kill JFK. He was killed by the….
/ Redshirt signed out. Forever.
Goddamn Dallas PD!
So apparently Zeke being banished destroyed the Cowboys because he was the heart of the team. And the brains. And effort. And offensive line. And defense. And coaching staff. And QB’s corrective glasses. And…
Point: “Dallas getting blown out isn’t the best game.”
Counterpoint: “Dallas getting blown out is the best game ever!”
Dat td helped me against hippo chuh chuh
Guh, at least my money league opponent benched him. For CIN (v. CLE) so I am still super boned.
I’ve got Rivers on the bench for FF, which just goes to show you that, like Rivers himself, you should never pull him out.
It seems like Dak’s out. He seems have acquired cerebral palsy on that return.
That was Cam Newton-esque effort on the chasedown there, Dak.
Dakception! Dak pick six!
DAK (lack of) ATTACK!
Dak: Not efficient at teh tackling.
FACK YOU, Litre!!
PIK PIK PIK
Keenan got me a TD. Now if Michael and Key can come through on Sunday, I’ll be sitting pretty.
So what did I miss in football so far?
lots and lots of raw, unadulterated feces
/basically, if you’ve ever toured a shitwater plant for school or work, you missed nada
and to think you still have BATTLE FOAR OH to look forward to!
Don’t remind me. My fear is OSU lose to M*CH*G*N and Bengals lose to Browns. That may destroy my love of football. And happiness. And hope. And humanity. But not beer. I’ll need beer after that.
It’s hard for me to imagine how anyone is still holding onto hope at this point. Even if I am a tad more jaded than the average folk.
I’ve seen better tackling in the dispensary at the mental hospital.
So, Uncle Ed, you’re gonna tell us like the 5 most embarrassing stories involving your nephew, right?
Nah I’ll leave that to the 5 women he tried to seduce in his life. All the believability of Jim McGreevey quoting Fight Club!
My mom, knowing that most of the family is on a diet, cooked Vegetarian Stuffing. The Universe is still punishing me for my “None of the Above” vote in the last election.
Your vote doesn’t matter.
Seriously, look at the mouth breathers retweeting Russian bot account STILL.
Agreed. I live in Ohio. I’m feel like Kirk Cameron’s character in Left Behind where the Anti-Christ is being evil but I’m the only one Saved so I’m the only one that can see through his lies.
KEEENANDOWN!!!!!
I ate too much.
Now there’s no room for beer.
I hate Thanksgiving.
What’s that smell coming from the bathroom? Did Dak try to throw another pass from the pocket again?
no wait, just the Pokes secondary shitting themselves again, we good
Man — Dallas looks REALLY fucking exposed this season. Do they need to go into rebuild mode? Or is this why Jerruh wants to split off and start his own league with just teams he can beat?
As long as they remain terrible until he dies, I’m good.
How is game now? I’m ready for the night game, gonna eat me some chicken balti pie, drink some more bourbon, maybe hang up another picture. At what point should I stop climbing and using a hammer?
10:45 PM
Good advice! I will make a note, and perhaps set my watch alarm
#FacebookWatch
Enjoy your promotion.
My dad figured out that it was time to stop when he fell and broke his hip. But he’s 80.
My mom broke her hip crashing a Segway. They have really good replacement hips now. I’m hoping by the time I get to 80 we’ll all be cyborgs anyway.
Game good. Cowboys getting blown. Jake Gyllenhaal happy.
As long as it’s not the good kind of getting blown, then I’m quite pleased with that result. HAHA DALLAS STEERS
This is the kind of game that makes one almost want to talk to one’s family. Fortunately, I have a book.
Well looky here, boys…we gots ourselves a reader!
Get him!!!!
Life is just better for readers
Talk to one’s family? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Step back from the precipice, buddy.
almost being the key here
Hi. Are Horatio and romonobyl ok?
They dead.
Wanna split the wishbone?
Obviously
Mama Commander: So I didn’t get around to making the baked potatoes.
Me: That’s fine. Who’s bringing the mashed potatoes?
Mama Commander: No one. The baked were going to be it this year.
Me: I… Heh… What?………… WHAT?!
NO IRISH STARCH FOR YOU!
I’m going to the store.
THIS WILL NOT STAND!!
Potato chips?
THe next Lays special flavor should be mashed potatoes and gravy.
Done well, that could be awesome. It will not be done well.
/barfs pre-emptively
the thing that weirded out my ex-wife the most about our family was that we preferred rice to potatoes with our feasts. This passed on to all 3 of our daughters, too.
Boltman needs a new mission
BOTLMAN DEMANDS AN OFFERING OF YOUR FINEST TUBERS
This is not acceptable. The only time I didn’t do mashed I made fettucine alfredo from scratch-everyone was so confused I got away with it.
I hate my job
If it makes you feel any better, I hate your job also.
Please tell me your job is Comcast Net Neutrality Lobbyist….
I wish. I’d be getting more money for being at work now than I am currently making.
One of our customers is working tomorrow. Our office is not. I don’t let anyone work on days like the Friday after Thanksgiving because you get shit for production and people just resent being there anyways.
Unfortunately I’m in broadcasting which means 24×7 coverage. Except my role is normally exempt from shift work, until the higher ups decided to ax 3 people and bring in 3 new ones, who cant be on shift alone, and I got the short straw to do nights with a new guy all of November. Which was decided while I was on PTO. Which is the second time they’ve changed my hours/days while I’ve been on vacation.
/Rant.
What is your job on Skip & Shannon?
When I was in broadcast our company forbade anyone from taking the Friday after Thanksgiving off because it fell during sweeps. They said this after nearly everyone made plans to take it off.
Fuck every TV station owner.
I really think I’m being forced out. The PTO fuckery sealed the deal. I’m trying to get out but the 4th quarter is the worst time to change jobs. I’ve got a phone interview monday, so hopefully that works out.
Good luck. Anyone in broadcast needs it.
Thanks. I appreciate it. You’re not hiring are you? Haha
But seriously…
The best kind of blowout is the Cowboys being blown out.
This sexual harassment/assault stuff makes me so glad that I work in a male-dominated industry. It’s not that I feel the need to assault women; but Sexy Friday would definitely be held against me at the settlement hearings.
Why, yes, I have busted into my growler ($8 fill ups at the local brewery) — why do you ask?
Yeah well I assault the need to feel women.
/checks glass
/falls face first drunk onto couch
Seriously, how fucking difficult is it to view DFO on cell phones?
That seems an easy solution…
this is really fucking embarrassing
This could apply to a lot of things…
Romo crawls up JJ’s ass. I knew it couldn’t last!
Should Jerrah turn on TONY!, Goodell will gladly sacrifice Romo if he thinks it means a guaranteed private jet for life.
We got recessed lighting put in this week. I absolutely love it. Our small house is so dark and the recessed lighting just changed everything. The con is that I can now REALLY tell the areas that need to get painted (mainly the hallway). So I’m wrapping up the deviled eggs I’m taking to thanksgiving tomorrow and then gonna start prepping the hallway for paint because we’re hosting Christmas this year and I only got about four weeks to get everything ready!
Well ain’t you the Mr. Fancy-Pants! Next thing ya know, you’ll be bragging about havin’ indoor plumbin’!
What Eli takes away from this comment-
“Recess! YAY!”
Jerry Face!