Your “Holy Crap! It’s Week Twelve Already?” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Where did the time go? [looks inside the folds of the sofa] Nope, it’s not there. [eats week-old Cheeto] The Wild Card spots are sorta, kinda, maybe taking a bit of shape. But maybe that dead-in-the-water 4-6 team will win out and sneak in with the help of three different statistically improbable improbabilities! The Raiders could very well beat Real Madrid in week 17 during a midnight game under a full moon in Wichita! I’ve seen it happen before. TO THE GAMES!

TB/Atl: The magic number here is 20. If the Bucs D holds a team under that total they tend to win. For the Falcons the same number scored virtually guarantees a victory. Start rb Coleman again because Freeman is still out.

Cle/Cin: Well looky here, it’s “The Bourble of Ohio”! Celebrate by starting a fire in a steel drum-the hobos will come right out of the woodwork. After that? The canned beans must flow…

Ten/Ind: The Titans haven’t won in Indy since I was in my early 40’s. (I’m almost 75 now) Rb Gore needs just 89 yards to pass Bettis for 6th all-time in rushing. No, he’s not human.

Buf/KC: Shout out to the Bills coaching brain trust! After giving up 34 and 47 points in back-to-back games they came to the conclusion that, “that damn Tyrod Taylor isn’t putting enough points on the board to support our D!”. Good luvin’. Lo and behold, a 5th round rook qb is thrown into the fire and the Chargers feast on the kid. If you’ve got an issue at the wr spot you could do worse than Zay Jones for the Bills. His fellow wr Benjamin is out and wr Matthews and te Clay are both hobbled. Go ahead, roll them dice.

Mia/NE: Another week, another Pats blowout. NFL Excitement, y’all!

Car/NYJ: Te Olsen’s broken foot is finally back from the infirmary which is lovely news given that the Jets can’t cover that position. They’ve given up 6 TD’s there. The Panthers have to be looking over their shoulders as the Falcons seem to have put things back together recently. Carolina will roll.

Chi/Phi: Chicago is about to go through the meat grinder. Speaking of which, have you ever tried bear sausage? I have and it’s not as bad as you’d think. [waits for Seamus to pounce on this]

[ties bow around game intro post] There! We’re all set. Heave-ho, commenters!

 

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JustStopDude

Random Brazilian shoppers have more athletic skill than the average Browns player..

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King Hippo

a’ight Bungles, go get me a rouge

theeWeeBabySeamus

Alright Cam, act like you been there before.
That’s why Kia left you for me. OK, Hollywood, not me, but still.

Spur

CAM DOWN!!!!!!!!!!

Gratliff

Carson Wentz just went Mike Vick. Holy shit that spin.

Redshirt

…those poor dogs…

Redshirt

Cedric Ogbuehi either bet on the Browns or something.

Spur

How many FF points was that sanu TD pass?

Petronel

OH FFS. And that hurt Fin doesn’t look too good either.

clint greasewood

The Andy Reid coaching tree will consume the earth by 2032.

Shogun Marcus

Holmgrasil admires it’s child.
/no Norse mythology people here?

Senor Weaselo

That was a typo, it meant to say Andy Reid will consume the earth by 2032.

Gratliff

Alshon Jeffrey looking a whole lot like Alshon Jeffrey all of a sudden

King Hippo

Have $50 moneyline on each of Fightin’ Tomsulas (I believe in CJ Cregg) and AZ. Saw the AZ line now up to +6, so I laid $100 on the spread, too. This is Even Week Jaguras, mind. And who wouldn’t bet on The Flow??

ballsofsteelandfury

You do not like money.

King Hippo

The maths are right. I not like SEA with all those secondary deaths, and SF has bothered RW previously.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m presuming that last question to be rhetorical.
LMFAO

WCS

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King Hippo

Mixon packing a punch today

Spur

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Redshirt

Crazy Legs Andy.

Shogun Marcus

Reid? Them legs is operated via a complex series of ropes and pulleys to simulate a natural gait! Dude must be on break.

JustStopDude

Fucking pushing and shoving after the play…

This is a fucking 0-10 team vs a 4-6 team. Neither team has anything this season to be proud of.

Redshirt

Battle of Ohio is being a little bit literal.

King Hippo

THERE is Scotchy’s ZayDOWN

blaxabbath

Dam fool — if you gotta kick it 35 yards for an extra point and you can’t hit a 50 yard FG, what are you good for?

JustStopDude

Cairo Illinois?

Fuck yeah. Depressing ass place. Further proof that folks up in the North are just as bad, if not worse, when it comes to race relations than the south.

...

All It would take to make Cairo southern is another New Madrid size quake to move the river.

Spur

Now you tell me. – Lara Logan

Viva La Tabula Raza

British buddy of mine owned a security company that provided her security over in the AOR. He even brought her out to the wine bar! I asked him after the Cairo incident how it happened with his bodyguards with her and all; he said, “Mate, there were two of them against 300 crazy Mooslims. They didn’t have enough bullets if they’d opened fire.”

Doktor Zymm

At least I can watch football on my phone during this pricey ass ride back to my car. Turns out I should have driven in and paid for parking after all.

laserguru

Ready for am old guy opinion?
I can’t watch the Red Zone channel. It’s way too frantic. My nephews are into it but fuck that. I would rather watch an entire game develop and unfold than this non stop shit.
Slow down!

/ shakes fist

Spur

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Roy Moore would like to subscribe to her newsletter.

rockingdog

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Truly the best Giants fans.

blaxabbath

Red Zone doesn’t show me MOMENTUM!!!!!

JustStopDude

I agree. My older brother should just move to Red Zone but he has like all the games at once so he tries to do it himself.

Its so fucking irritating.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I did the NFL Ticket for one season, but found myself trying to watch everything and therefore missed just about everything trying to zap back and forth

theeWeeBabySeamus

For me it all depends on my mood.
But I get where you’re coming from. Some days it’s just too much for my brain.

Shogun Marcus

Our gambling hippo (bar/band name!) Would disagree.

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s like trying to keep up with the comments here.

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I want to watch football like Marty McFly’s son did in Back to the Future 3: Eight screens sven of which have football and one that’s either the Weather Channel or the Scenery Channel.

rockingdog

Damit Blunt y u gottta fumble!!!! Shit!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dammit blunt, why won’t you light?

Shogun Marcus

Too much spit on your ends. Duh. I mean, so I’m told.

blaxabbath

Like, just the most obvious block in the back ever.

rockingdog

Browns miss a field goal?
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Gratliff

I applaud Philly’s sporting attempts to avoid running up the score on Chicago

ballsofsteelandfury

Can someone tell the Eagles that the Bears gameplan today is to strip the football?

blaxabbath

“All we gotta do is win the turnover battle.”

-Bears coaches

Shogun Marcus

I win daily. Fuck draft kings. -a reid.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also Andy Reid’s relatives, hoping he’ll fill up on bread and ensure that other folks get a share of the Thanksgiving feast.

Shogun Marcus

Fill…Up? What is this Fill up?

JustStopDude

TAUNTING?!?! FUCKING TAUNTING!?!?!

0 and MOTHER FUCKING 10 and we got a fucking moron with the balls to taunt. ABOUT WHAT?!?!!

blaxabbath

Based on my limited experience in high level athletic competition, the other dude is being criticized for “being a fag.”

Spur

Wrong way Cam.

Spur

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rockingdog

That bouncy booty is bouncy….

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh Spur is in good form today.

It’s gonna be a good day.

theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s always been one of my fav gif series. Have used her often.

No, not like that. Sadly.

blaxabbath

Want to die out in the Pacific for no good reason and have the President publicly attack your next of kin, turning a cultish faction of the country against her because her son died?

JOIN THE NAVY!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Boy, the Chiefs look terrible.

Gratliff

Andy reenacting his entire Philly career in a single season is quite the spectacle.

Spur

I told them not to accept those blankets.

King Hippo

yet still likely to win AFC West by default.

Petronel

…I do believe I just saw Jeremy Clarkson on my TV advertising Emirates stupid-awesome first class…

Guess I need to start drinking then.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Always the right answer.

ballsofsteelandfury

You did. I wonder if the 100 or so people that can afford it were impressed.

Petronel

Gotta say, if some miracle of lottery / misbooking / getting a much better job, I ended up in one of those suites, I’d probably be far too absorbed in enjoying my solitude to even turn on the TV. (For a while, anyway.)

litre_cola

This is always the sunday answer.

Senor Weaselo

Did he call it the best airline… in the world?

Gratliff

Please do not try to run against the Eagles

Shogun Marcus

Keystone Cops descendants gonna sue for that fumbliness Phi/Chi…

The Maestro

The thing about not wearing pants is that it’s ideal to let my erection stand free as the Pats continue to run up the score on Miami.

litre_cola

May be some shrinkage later at Le coupe grey.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, I am all for this. Brady should be entitled to like 6 passing scores, plz.

ballsofsteelandfury

Maestro is going to die of priapism.

Spur

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blaxabbath

Intercepting For First Downs: The 2017 Chicago Bears Story

Gratliff

HERPA DERP

Senor Weaselo

Well, I just ate an entire (small) thing of Cajun fries from Five Guys. Well at least I can’t lose another gallbladder, right?

Gratliff

I’d like to make the second diagnosis of CTE in a living patient

rockingdog

Patriots got me feeling like…comment image

King Hippo

Thought that 17-line in Masshole-land looked heavy, but they was a reason I no bet it

Spur

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She seems… confused.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well that was almost a rear ending when my Lyft driver was ready to run a light and the truck in front of us was stopping on yellow. Hooray NYC!

JustStopDude

Best part of the Browns is the run defense…so naturally the Bengals run it down their throat with abandon.

7-3…insurmountable lead.

litre_cola

I do enjoy your commentary each week being a fan of the factory. I wish we had a Bills fan here as well purely for the violent mood swings.

ballsofsteelandfury

Hey, where is Rev?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Very busy with life when last I heard.

rockingdog

Oh SHIT!!!! ASJ should have caught that. for the jets.

Redshirt

TD Not Green

blaxabbath

I’ve gotten a lot of PHI games this year. It’s a nice break from weekly non-market games of DAL/PIT/NE.

Shogun Marcus

I’d kill for one week of no p*ts.