Where did the time go? [looks inside the folds of the sofa] Nope, it’s not there. [eats week-old Cheeto] The Wild Card spots are sorta, kinda, maybe taking a bit of shape. But maybe that dead-in-the-water 4-6 team will win out and sneak in with the help of three different statistically improbable improbabilities! The Raiders could very well beat Real Madrid in week 17 during a midnight game under a full moon in Wichita! I’ve seen it happen before. TO THE GAMES!
TB/Atl: The magic number here is 20. If the Bucs D holds a team under that total they tend to win. For the Falcons the same number scored virtually guarantees a victory. Start rb Coleman again because Freeman is still out.
Cle/Cin: Well looky here, it’s “The Bourble of Ohio”! Celebrate by starting a fire in a steel drum-the hobos will come right out of the woodwork. After that? The canned beans must flow…
Ten/Ind: The Titans haven’t won in Indy since I was in my early 40’s. (I’m almost 75 now) Rb Gore needs just 89 yards to pass Bettis for 6th all-time in rushing. No, he’s not human.
Buf/KC: Shout out to the Bills coaching brain trust! After giving up 34 and 47 points in back-to-back games they came to the conclusion that, “that damn Tyrod Taylor isn’t putting enough points on the board to support our D!”. Good luvin’. Lo and behold, a 5th round rook qb is thrown into the fire and the Chargers feast on the kid. If you’ve got an issue at the wr spot you could do worse than Zay Jones for the Bills. His fellow wr Benjamin is out and wr Matthews and te Clay are both hobbled. Go ahead, roll them dice.
Mia/NE: Another week, another Pats blowout. NFL Excitement, y’all!
Car/NYJ: Te Olsen’s broken foot is finally back from the infirmary which is lovely news given that the Jets can’t cover that position. They’ve given up 6 TD’s there. The Panthers have to be looking over their shoulders as the Falcons seem to have put things back together recently. Carolina will roll.
Chi/Phi: Chicago is about to go through the meat grinder. Speaking of which, have you ever tried bear sausage? I have and it’s not as bad as you’d think. [waits for Seamus to pounce on this]
[ties bow around game intro post] There! We’re all set. Heave-ho, commenters!
Capital One beer entrepreneur girl is cute.
Plus, owns brewery. That’s breeding stock, right there.
I’d age my stout in her barrels.
You’d malt her barley? Aggressively Hop her brew? Tap her keg?
it;s liek ad wizrds do that on purpose smh
The Bears may win only three games this year but it’s possible all three will be playoff teams.
Philly-Chicago and they play…Nothin but a G Thang?
/ppl forget that
Come on eagles D. Get me that shut out!!!!!
I’m waiting for the defensive score.
Fuck you Alex Smith. Get your head outta your ass and throw it to Kelce.
But also….. not anyone else.
Da fuck. How is TE Travis Kelce the only player on my FF team with 0 points?
Because Alex Smith sucks.
Dean Blandino being a “rules expert” is like John Gruden being a “master of english metaphor.”
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce
stop fucking up my BET BET BET BET BET!!!!, Striped Pylons
Bills Kicker can go to hell. He can die and go to hell.
He already lives in Buffalo.
So, just die then.
If he stays there long enough he’ll be emotionally dead.
Does that count?
BAH GAWD, KING, THAT’S SCOTT NORWOOD’S MUSIC!
That Blount hurdle was awesome!
Blount looking to take out some aggression on this poor Bears team
Blount with a hell of a hurdle.
Gotta think that if KC looses this game, AFC playoff spots are up for grab…
Also why doesn’t Coach Reid Pepper have Smith throw to Kelce more?
Bears may cut their punter by the 2 min warning
I’m not even a fan, but watching this Eagles defense is a pleasure.
LOL, not today it’s not.
Hausch-money misses??
I wonder what Donavan McNabb is doing now.
Drooling?
I was going to say Steve McNair and realize he was murdered by his mistress.
Driving. At least that’s what he thinks. Poor bumper cars.
In addition to benching Kyle Rudolph on Thursday, I benched Rex Burkhead just this morning. I am a dumb.
my $$ league foe? Did NAWT
I even saw that Gillislee wasn’t going to dress. Of COURSE the NE RBs were going to have a big game vs Miami. What’s wrong with me?
I cut Dion Lewis because I was tired of guessing wrong
Burkhead even fumbled last week, and they went back to him like 10 more times. That’s UNHEARD OF on a Belichick team. Oh well. Maybe I’ll try DFS for the rest of the season.
Goddammit Funchess. Catch the fucking ball.
Come on Bears, steal those picnic baskets and shit down Dakota boys throat.
Insurmountable lead in Philly
I’m curious when Fox will switch to another game.
14-yard punt by the Browns kicker. The camera did a double-take.
I’m jelly now. LOVE watching emergency kickers. Elway was Denver’s, but he was actually pretty good, could regularly get around 35-40 yards, at least.
How do I not remember this?
also quick kicked several times. Dan Reeves especially liked to do this faking like he was going for it on 4th and short inside the 40.
at least Julio is giving me a chance in DFO ball, and CIncy giving me an early GAMBLOR edge
We gotta a placekicker punting in CLE/CIN! We gotta a placekicker punting!
And now your daily dose of “That’s racist”:
Red Audi, with Chief Wahoo on the vanity plate which says Redmen.
I look forward to hearing that explanation. I mean, really?
take two
Except Chief Wahoo was next to the text on the plate! I mean how do you let that go in the first place?
Maybe the Reds are embarrassed to root for the Reds.
#heritage
They have a red friend.
who swears his wampum and firewater jokes are the tits!
Holy shit. Kenjon Barner dragging a down teammate from a rolling punt was fantastic.
Alex Smith has more attempts than yardage at this point.
This is just fine.
LOL
Man, if it wasn’t for the fact that I’ve been a fan of the team for almost fifty years, I would fucking hate the Patriots.
“Wasn’t the league formed in 2011?”
-Seahawks fans
You shouldn’t let that stop you.
Nevah! If Belichick had a pentagram installed at midfield, sprouted horns, exposed his cloven hooves, and exhaled fire and brimstone at his press conference, they’d still be my team.
If?!?
They’ve really toned down practice lately
And it would surprise nobody, as it would explain many things.
INearly fifty years for Mr. Nel, too.)
THIS GUY gets it!
There is room on the Cowboys bandwagon.
I’m officially okay if Ginger Hammer bans all celebrations again.
Its getting moronic at this point.
BOO THIS MAN!
I’d be okay with a panel of judges grading them afterwards, and if it gets above a certain score, the team gets bonus points, and if it’s below a certain score, it’s a 20-yard penalty: 5 for delay of game and 15 for being a dumbass.
Should i go to the bar for the afternoon games? i haven’t left the house since Thursday.
Me neither. I’d advise against it.
Not sure. Did you already call the crane to lift you out of the bed?
Special Olympics Bowl: Browns vs who?
Reality TV contestants.
The band.
whichever side drafts Sam Darnold, natch
I like how the NFL Shop is too cheap to use a genuine Khalil Mack jersey in THEIR OWN AD.
Dat Burkhead, he gritty.
(grumbles)
/ not a Belichick joke. Just pissed he’s a Patriot.
Pats center gonna get chewed out today…
But I’m not even in town!!!!!!!
– A. Rodgers
This is the derpiest I’ve ever seen a team with a positive turnover difference look
a baby Pac-Man is on the way
That’s Pac-Man Jr.
/even if a girl
Hey, AJ Green is still around. Good for him!
He’s been getting fat off those weekly fantasy football checks for putting up scat for my FF team.
Starting the KC defense is looking smrt so far, huh?
Oh shit, I should have warned you that I was starting them too. Sorry to jinx you.
Probably complementary. We probably screwed each other.
I mean…wait….
Oh shit…penalty on Adam Jones’ return for a TD.
Somebody gon get shot.
Nathan Peterman is wearing his helmet on the sidelines like he’s ready to go. #OhNathan
#thatssonathan
TD Pacman…being called back. But the Punter may be dead.
Chuh chuh?
BULLEEE DAT?
NELSON AGHOLOR: ACTUALLY GOOD
Oh good…Cody’s in…been a while since I have seen him thrown a pick six…
Bears are cheating like crazy to try to stay competitive and it’s not working
“Cheating, like crazy” is the description on Donald Penn’s secret Tinder account.
Dude, you’re winning. Complaining about this is like saying the kids jumped the start at the special olympics. It’s ok.
Heh heh, this was good.
Not a complaint. It’s just humorous that they’re doing it, getting caught for it, and when they don’t get caught, it still doesn’t work.
There’s a reason they don’t hold the Special Olympics in Philly
Too many applicants….we ran out of numbers.
Could just throw random pictures on there. They won’t know the difference.
But instead a bear.
WOO HOO ANDY REID DRINKING GAME TAKE TWO DRINKS!
Stop me if you’ve heard this one. Kizer is being replaced by Kessler.
Ded again, or just shitty?
Concussion Protocol