It’s a New Sexy Year Friday!

Sort of. Work with me here. The timing of the holiday is such that this is the last Sexy Friday of the year of our Lord 2017.

And yeah, go fuck yourselves with that CE crap. Taking away the religious angle, the commonly accepted chronology is based on the estimated birth of Christ.  We are also well into the Hebrew year 5778 but you don’t see that on a calendar.

Holy shit.  I stand corrected.

We are also about to start Buddhist year 2561.  Which is exactly 543 ahead of the Gregorian calendar, so still based on the same commonly-accepted reference date.  Anyway, I will concede that we should be using BC (Before Christ) and AC (After Christ) instead of AD.  AD made sense when people spoke Latin and that hasn’t happened since the days of Spartacus.

 

Did I mention this was Sexy Friday? You may have also noticed that this is Balls, not tWBS.  I have taken over today’s Sexy Friday post as our esteemed colleague, tWBS, needs a break from looking up hot women for your pleasure.  I felt bad for him so I decided I would take today’s post.

For today’s theme, I have chosen to let you in on a Balls annual tradition: The Balls’ New Year Resolutions Challenge.

Until my friends moved away to different parts of the country, we would gather together the week before the New Year at a bar and write down all the things we were going to do/accomplish in the new year.  There were rewards as well as punishments laid out as incentives.  We all signed and then set about accomplishing the tasks.

It was actually a highly effective thing as, while we never completed every single thing on our lists, it encouraged us to try to better ourselves.  I like to think it worked.

So, I share these resolutions with you, my imaginary Internet friends.  Keep in mind that these resolutions are in line with what my friends and I used to do.

TO THE LIST!

#1 – Read a book for pleasure

To the readers among us, reading ONE book seems like a simple thing.  In fact, my friends and I would challenge ourselves to read several.  As you get older, though, and time moves faster, it is harder and harder to find the time to read.  So, my challenge this year is to read one complete book (more than 250 pages) during the calendar year.

#2- Travel to a place I’ve never been

For some of us, this is more difficult than others (looking in Dok’s direction) as we may have already traveled to a lot of places.  For others, it may be difficult because of money or work/school obligations.  Regardless, travel is a worthy pursuit that opens up our eyes and enriches the human experience. You don’t have to go far.  Just go somewhere you haven’t been before and experience new people and places.  It’s worth it.

#3 – Have a new sexual experience

It doesn’t matter whether you currently have a partner or not.  There are always new things to do/try.  Heck, maybe finding a new partner will count!  In any case, the mantra of Sexy Friday is that sex is a good thing to be enjoyed and beauty is found everywhere and should be appreciated in all its forms.  So, whether you like black,

Asian,

Latino,

White,

or any combination thereof,

you should try to celebrate the beauty around us.

#4 – Give back

This could mean volunteering, donating to charity, or participating in a fundraising event. I myself run an event that benefits homeless children.  It doesn’t take much effort and the money raised goes to a good cause.  We all have causes important to us (Don T and the people of Puerto Rico come immediately to mind), so it doesn’t matter who you give your time and/or money to, just give.

#5 – Learn a new skill

It can be anything.  You can learn how to drive a manual car.  You can learn useful phrases in a foreign language.  You can learn how to play an instrument.  It doesn’t matter.  One of the greatest things you can instill in people is the desire to be life-long learners.  You are never too old to learn new things.  It keeps your mind fresh and your personality more interesting.

***

So, there you have it.  5 out of 5 should not be too hard, right?  If we are all here by this time next year, I’ll follow up and let you know how I did.

I hope you all are able to join in and achieve some of these for yourselves or create your own resolutions. Feel free to publicly challenge yourselves in the comments!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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montythisseemsstrangetome

All 3 flags are pass interference.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Needs three more flags.

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Unsurprised

Dan Snyder doesn’t see the problem.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d ride that.

– R. Moore

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s an old roller coaster.

King Hippo

now starting a FIGHT – that is what you do down 3 scores with 2 minutes to play!

Horatio Cornblower

I didn’t think there was anything wrong with the hit, but that’s mostly because I don’t like Sam Darnold.

Unsurprised

1,000 gfycat videos in my account “bookmarks” and I keep posting the worst ones. Sorry.

Unsurprised

This one isn’t SFW: https://gfycat.com/FrailSafeHart

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Redshirt

Uh oh.

Redshirt

Seriously. Quit celebrating getting a first down when you’re down three scores with 2 minutes to go. That’s like being happy winning a $25 hand at Blackjack when you’re already down $600.

Mr. Ayo

I bet nobody here has ever done that.

Horatio Cornblower

/shuffles feet

litre_cola

Does high fiving the table when you bust the dealer count?

Redshirt

That’s acceptable. You’re celebrating a team win. Unless you offer a high five to a guy who busted out, then you’re being a dick/bitch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The table just has legs.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Time for the next turnover

Horatio Cornblower

Who is this fucking idiot on USC talking shit after every first down with two minutes left and down 17?

litre_cola

He had someone else take Math for him

montythisseemsstrangetome

They don’t offer math classes.

Redshirt

Thank you! I’m glad I’m not the only one who noticed.

King Hippo

a guy on Washington State got a taunting penalty the other night after catching the TD that cut the Sparty lead to 35-9

Horatio Cornblower

Was it Mike Leach? I bet it was Mike Leach.

King Hippo

his pet raccoon got a little frisky

litre_cola

Mike Leach is a fucking God, I could listen to him for hours. He would make a better president.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Low bar

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Buried bar

Unsurprised

Will Ferrell.

Horatio Cornblower

Other things not in Greg Schiano’s playbook include vaccination schedules and what to do if you see a pedophile.

Unsurprised

what to do if you see a pedophile

No. That was clearly in there. It was in the THINGS THAT YOU INSIST WERE IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW chapter.

Actually, the pedophile stuff was right after basic hygiene and right before the section on vaccination efficacy

King Hippo

I guess this is wha happen when you play the Rose Bowl in Dallas on Friday 30 December. God punishes us all.

Unsurprised

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Redshirt

Well, I think I can go to bed. I’m tired and my team has this post-season game in the bag.

/ remembers end of Steelers-Bengals Wild Card game
/ reaches for coffee and anti-psychotic medicine

theeWeeBabySeamus

Take heart…..I fully expect a Bengals/Bills win parlay to screw my ratbirds.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s not how you walk a dog, lady.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If you are the dog…….

Mr. Ayo

It’s no fun if the chain isn’t wrapped around her throat while begging daddy to play nice.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Um…..okay……

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yikes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

‘Member when I got called a misogynist for posting a gif from a comedy?

theeWeeBabySeamus

We’ve all crossed a line at one point or another.
Let’s move along.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nothing to see here. I’ll just wait to get jumped next time.

theeWeeBabySeamus

smgdh
Thanks for the moving along thing tho.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

“You wouldn’t believe the day I had.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I assure you that I smgdh equally.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I understand. Trust me.
Let’s just let this one go…please.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You know a good way to do that? Stop answering.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fine, you go ahead and get the last word in. Obviously you need to.

No worries.

smgdh again.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, maybe take your own advice for a change.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jesus; lighten the fuck up; I’m giving you a hard time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Word.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There you go. Word, wordy word word…… word.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I knew you’d do this tonight. I even predicted it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Feel better yet, or still need to lash out?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Word.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also it was a leash, not a lash.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Word.

Horatio Cornblower

(did we just solve several cold cases?)

King Hippo

hypothetically speaking

Redshirt

…go on.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Buckeye Touchdown or Toucheye Buckdown?

King Hippo

if this actually drops doo-doo head out of the Top 5 (SPOILER: it won’t, because a lovestruck fool for a QB falls HARD), you’ll never see a 1st or 2nd round NFL prospect play in a bowl game again.

King Hippo

maybe Helton can put in a QB that doesn’t require velcro on his cleats, and they can get 2 garbage scores and at least cover the fookin’ spread for certain unnamed degenerates??

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The hat; it’s straw.

King Hippo

and she ain’t no turkey

theeWeeBabySeamus

Looks like she could use a good stuffing tho.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Horatio Cornblower

Hat?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I took me a while; it’s like finding………

Redshirt

What hat?

montythisseemsstrangetome

I miss the Rob Lowe DirecTV commercials.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow SC…tOSU is even trying to let you back in this, but you just won’t take it.

Time to get drunk and watch porn I guess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Murder. She Wrote ….. back in the day.

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Unsurprised

Their mascot is a figure notorious for losing a war because they were stupid. People forget that.

Redshirt

Wow. You can almost see the Browns uniform on him.

Unsurprised

Josh Rosen’s deal with Satan is looking mighty good right now.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Jesus

Mr. Ayo

Where?!? -Tebow

Horatio Cornblower

These Cotton Bowl officials are so bad I’m expecting an NFL game to break out any second.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well this is just….just….I like this a lot let’s say.
I’ll be right back.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

I did a GIS for this and was surprised when it didn’t come up “hostage situation”

Mr. Ayo
Horatio Cornblower

They’re not.

Unsurprised

Oh. I ate too much. Why?

King Hippo

it was there??

Unsurprised

Yeah. Pretty much.

King Hippo

see the hill, take the hill. are we not MEN??

montythisseemsstrangetome

Was it food?

Unsurprised

Yes. Pizza.

montythisseemsstrangetome

I KNEW IT WAS FOOD

rockingdog
Horatio Cornblower

I miss OSZ

theeWeeBabySeamus

Me too. Lately I usually don’t eat ’til late. At halftime of Sun Bowl I gorged. Now I’m hungry again.

This is how tWBS gets fat.

Unsurprised

That’s how I got fat. This is basically me around food:

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litre_cola

Evening folks, how the hell are you doing?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, that guy is fast as hell.

WCS

Have I had too much gin, or, does it seem USC truly wants to lose this?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Column A, Column B?

montythisseemsstrangetome

“Too… much” ?

blaxabbath

Gin? Isn’t that more a Summer drink?

WCS

Nothing is off-limits when you have two girls under the age of two. I’m two steps away from a nasty coke habit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK Roy, settle down.

montythisseemsstrangetome

“Huh?” -Roy Moore

Mr. Ayo

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King Hippo

they certainly ain’t seem super motivated. This whole 2nd half is like a record played at the wrong rpm.

Mr. Ayo

Well the first is impossible, so bucket B.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

If you catch a ball off the upright, you deserve a chance to run it back. Hell, you deserve a point.

montythisseemsstrangetome

If you HIT the upright you should get, like, 5 points.

King Hippo

should at minimum be our version of the rouge. Hit both, a double rouge

Senor Weaselo

I’d say off the posts and in. Minimum of two, but include the crossbar. Alternately if you hit the part right behind the crossbar (which means the kick is good).

Horatio Cornblower

As long as you call it first I’m totally in on this.

King Hippo

serves those weiners right, playing for 3

Mr. Ayo

DOINK!

Senor Weaselo

Praise JV Doink!

blaxabbath

Got tix to UA/ASU tomorrow. Gonna be wife’s first visit the McKale. She shot down my offer to make her a shirt that says, “my unborn child hates asu”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ll give you $10 bux cash moneh if you run onto the floor and beat the shit out of Bobby Hurley.

I’m good for it, ask anyone.

blaxabbath

Oh man yeah. Hate Hurley. He’s the perfect rivalry villain. So hope he gets poached ASAP though.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve got another $10 if you can turn back time and beat the shit out of Sendek.

Senor Weaselo

Today we learned tWBS hates Where the Wild Things Are.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Daytight compartments.
Honor the process.

montythisseemsstrangetome

The ruling on the field was “meh?”

King Hippo

“give the special young man a break, he’s having a tough day”

King Hippo

by gum, I think he catched it

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The parrots of North Korea.

Redshirt

They don’t know! The officials don’t know!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Here we go again.
Should be a catch…prolly won’t be.

theeWeeBabySeamus

After review, they didnt’t fuck it up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

that was a sick catch! errrr no catch…. wait what?

Unsurprised

Wow.

h

ttps://gfycat.com/PerkyTenseLice

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

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blaxabbath

He’s no JEB!

Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Canada?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Did…did they bring the Goodyear Blimp to a Domed Stadium? People are starving and freezing to death, but we’ve got a blimp giving live action shots of a stadium’s roof.

King Hippo

This has always been Murrika, you just truly are a Recovering Republican ™ now!

theeWeeBabySeamus

#BlimpWorthy

montythisseemsstrangetome

Why do you think the blimp money would have otherwise gone to hungry freezing people?

blaxabbath

Blimp maintenance costs are now tax deductible!

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I understand the difference in competition, but you saw the 2nd best QB of this draft class play today. Just in the Sun Bowl.

rockingdog

you referencing Ryan Finley? the NC State QB?

King Hippo

YUP. Tore Sparky a new poophole. He’s a more mobile, 2-inches taller Drew Brees.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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