Your “I Hope You Like Field Goals” NFC Championship Open Thread

Don’t get me wrong-I think this will be a low-scoring, hard-fought tilt with plenty of hits and I’m all for it. What else do I be thinking? To know that we must go… TO THE GAME!

Minnesota/Philadelphia:

At long last more than a few denizens of The City of Brotherly Love will discover what it is like to throw up with a dog mask on their face. There won’t be any whips or the like involved but there could be a police baton or two making an appearance. Jason Kelce has informed the fans that there is some etiquette involved saying, “Remember, take off the mask before you spit on your buddy’s girlfriend. Manners are important!”

Injuries:

Safety Sendejo is out of concussion protocol and Adam Thielen is a go despite having ‘tiny cracks in his spine’.(?!) When you’re made of 100% grit these kinds of injuries are to be expected.

Matchup Mayhem:

Everson Griffin vs. Hal Vaitai: Hooo boy this won’t be pretty. Vaitai was ranked 47th out of 55 lineman in Pass-blocking Efficiency according to PFF. Griffin has 13 sacks so far and 61 pressures. Foles is a pocket passer that needs some protection. Does the qb have two consecutive non-Foles-ian games in him? We shall see…

Stats That Don’t Much Matter:

The Vikes have lost 5 straight NFC Championship games. They also have a 6-2 road record this year. The Eagles are giving up an average of 10.3 points per game at home since late October. Yikes. I guess it’ll come down to which qb makes the fewest mistakes. (shudders when he recalls Keenum’s ‘toss it up, see where it goes’ interception to Marcus Williams last week)

Bring your “A” game fellas and don’t forget to do your stretches!

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Gratliff

Alshon Jeffrey is just fucking up the Vikes

Doktor Zymm

I seem to have an instinctive dislike of whatever team is going to win. Is this a side effect of being a Redacteds fan, or is just cause it’s the Patriots and Eagles?

ThePirateSloth

Yes

clint greasewood

So any Browns taking a Patriots spot inn the Pro Bowl?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m sure the NFL had the Patroits replacements lined up in late November, at the latest.

Gratliff

I can not reconcile Foles’ stat line with reality. Is there any other QB that switches between All Pro and Tire Fire at the drop of a hat like this?

LemonJello

See: Bortles, Blake.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Him too.

Mr. Ayo

Jake Jortles

theeWeeBabySeamus

/raises hand
Ahem

– C. Keenum

the Alpha and the Amoeba

Jay Cutler springs to mind

Gratliff

Ah, yes. This feels right.

Senor Weaselo

So, apparently violinist Augustin Hadelich is part cat or something?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yIl0oKt5Ek

LemonJello

Iggles may want to save some of these points for the Superb Owl.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess all that’s left is to see if the Eagles can beat the over/under by themselves.

theeWeeBabySeamus

They’re about to.

Gratliff

What the fuck is going on with the Vikings D? Not just as a system, but they seem to be going out of their way to fail on each individual play

the Alpha and the Amoeba

They’re a trash team that exists to give their fans hope and then shit the bed. Is this really surprising?

Brick Meathook

No that’s the Eagles

Romonobyl

The P*ts and Eagles in the Superb Owl. The perfect storm of my seething sports-based hatred all in one convenient location.

Unsurprised

Pray for a meteor.

Dick E. Phuck

It’s like the sports equivalent of getting kicked in the dick repeatedly.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder if the Eagles QB will puke on the sideline or on the field.

...

The more you know.

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Gratliff

BALLIN’

litre_cola

It is really tough being in this bar with such an erection.

LemonJello

The lack of pants probably isn’t helping matters any.

Game Time Decision

If it lasts more than 4 hours you may want to see a dr

theeWeeBabySeamus

– Harf Harf

Brick Meathook

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...

Things to tweet at Goodell as the NFL delivers you football you hate:

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Sharkbait

Is it me or does Carson Wentz look like dollar store Andy Samberg?

LemonJello

He looks like the least addled Gronkowski.

Unsurprised

Of course the Jags failed.

Dick E. Phuck

This is the Worst

Spur

Favorite NES Games, that most people forget

Master Blaster
Super Dodgeball
Life Force
Marble Madness
NARC
Operation Wolf

theeWeeBabySeamus

Blades of Steel or GTFO.

Wakezilla

No one forgets Blades of Steel

theeWeeBabySeamus

You have a point.

Romonobyl

Duck Hunt, I think I managed to kill the snarky dog once.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dig Dig is fun when one is really fucking high.
But not otherwise.

Gratliff

Master Blaster is alive and well thanks to the Switch reboot thing. Super Dodgeball and Life Force were my shit. Marble Madness was my hell.

Mr. Ayo

Marble Madness was the shit.

Doktor Zymm

BUBBLE BOBBLE 4 EVER

ThePirateSloth

Wizards and Warriors
Star Tropics
Ryder

Gratliff

Wizards and Warriors will fuck your day UP.

Spur

i hated Star Tropics

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He looked like he was pontifidrinking

Doktor Zymm

Oh, THAT’S what Fuck Doctors is!

...

The wine has mellowed me. Thankfully.

ThePirateSloth

I will drink up all the Hennessey ya got on yo shelf… a wise man once said before he introduced himself

LemonJello

Did this sage once get busy in a Burger King bathroom?

ThePirateSloth

He even had his own dance!

Doktor Zymm

It’s amazing how much I actually like Philadelphia and the people who live there considering how much I dislike the Eagles

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d turn this off, but it’s the last football I intend to watch this season, so I’m milking it for all it’s worth.

Dick E. Phuck

Really!? You don’t want to watch Collinsworth and the rest of the NBC crew fellate the Patriots? I’m shocked!

Unsurprised

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Next Snapchat includes the hashtag #birdgangbang

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I enjoyed last weekend’s brief respite from the darkest timeline. I just wish it could have lasted a little longer.

Doktor Zymm

Aww, let it stand, just for giggles

Gratliff

THIELEN IT

King Hippo

ok, teevee goes off. Lovely day indeed.

hippofant

Why would Peterson challenge an incomplete call, Aikman you dumb fuck?

Dick E. Phuck

Should’ve taken the field goal.

Senor Weaselo

That’ll be called a catch, because what is a catch?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He’s wearing the wrong uniform for that to count as a touchdown.

Spur

no TD

Gratliff

NAWT A CATCH

Romonobyl

Nawt a catch.

Mr. Ayo

WHAT A CATCH!

Mr. Ayo

Or not. Stupid Vikings

Petronel

Shit, really?

Spur

Thielen was wide open

Gratliff

Dumpster Fire Pumpkin mode; ENGAGE

Romonobyl

Pokey the Hungry Hedgehog dislikes this game.

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...

Hehehehe. He un-rounds himself for food!

...

I follow a Twitter account that is nothing but pictures of round animals and I suggest you do the same.

Romonobyl

Afraid I’ll find myself on it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well, at least this frees up my schedule two Sundays from now.

clint greasewood

I hope this comes back to bite them in the ass.

https://imgur.com/a/Nq9ot

Mr. Ayo

This game is really going to hamper my enjoyment of tonight’s hotdish.

Redshirt

At least we can finally put the idea of “Case Keenum – Good NFL QB” to rest.

Dick E. Phuck

Here lies Case Keenum’s Good QB play:

September 2017-January 2018

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m kinda disappointed that Peter King’s phone number doesn’t have a Wichita area code.

Dick E. Phuck

That’s Andy Reid phone number, which is the same phone number as a Mission BBQ.

Gatoraids

Andy’s ring tone is the sound of a deep fryer

Spur

March Madness?

King Hippo

I don’t think I can survive that long plus fucking Duke or U*NC will just spoil it and win anyway so FUCK IT

MikeWallaceAndGromit

THIS GAME I CALL IT MY UNCLE COOKING THE CHRISTMAS TURKEY BECAUSE IT WAS DONE A LONG TIME AGO BUT WE’RE ALL STILL SITTING HERE WATCHING IT AWAITING THE DISAPPOINTING RESULT

King Hippo

die in a fire, Keenum

Doktor Zymm

Is Crisco flammable at high heats?

Claymaker

I found what I think is the right MSDS and the flash point is listed as 600F, so it should be alright.