Your “We Are All Jags Fans Today” AFC Championship Game Open Thread

Are you ready? Last Sunday was oh-so-glorious and I’m not sure how it can be topped but the bowels of my being are telling me it will be. Perhaps that’s last night’s chili talking, I’ve no idea. What the heckfire am I waiting for? TO THE GAME!

Jacksonville/New England:

Some football fans down Florida way are talking about The Coughlin Effect transforming this team. “So what is The Coughlin Effect?”, you may ask. Well, as a Giants fan I can tell you it involves not wearing hats in meetings, setting the clocks in the practice facility five minutes ahead and treating any and all injuries with bloodletting-you know, basic crotchety old man stuff. I’ve no doubt that when he was first told that players were kneeling during the anthems his gut reaction was to foam at the mouth.

Injuries:

Tom Brady has some stitches in his paw-paw. Will he play? (yes) Will he wear a glove? (maybe) Will it affect his game? (no) Do I like question marks? (most assuredly)

Stratergizering:

Rumour has it that Adele would like to see Jalen Ramsay on the Gronkster but the Jags D usually covers te’s with a safety (Church/Gipson) or Myles Jack. Besides the fact that Ramsey is out-weighed by a good fifty pounds, what of Brandin Cooks? I can’t see the Jags pulling something special out of their game plan hat today.

Here’s a Problem:

Their names are Hurns, Westbrook, Cole and Lee. That’s not the name of a law firm, that’s the Jags receiving corpse. If the team falls behind by two scores it’s not going to be pretty. That said, I think the speedy Westbrook just might grab a TD on some sort of trickery dickery dock.

Old Adage is old:

War. Won. Trenches. You know how it goes but if Jacksonville’s d-line of Ngakoue, (another strip-sack maybe?) Campbell, Jackson, Dareus and Fowler play as they have been recently the timing that Brady & Co. depend so much upon will be jiggered and they’ll be out of their comfort zone.

Have at ‘er darlings-it’s all yours now.

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Redshirt

Screw it. Have a fight Jaguars. We’ll bail you out of jail.

King Hippo

Remember, “optimistic” is just another word for “stupid” – Louis CK (with dick in pants)

...

Gonna be great to see reporters groveling at the feet of that gross mess of a middle aged turd that coaches the Patriots as if he’s anything more than a man lucky enough to live in a time where being a fat ratfucking cheater rewards you.

Romonobyl

Quality hate…lofty hate.

Duchess

Lets not foirget playing in one of the weakest divisions for the past 20 years

SonOfSpam

Stop the whining. Jags still gonna win.

I also enjoyed President Hillary’s first year in office.

blaxabbath

Bitch shit down the government for illegals!

Old School Zero

Once gain, the Superb Owl is made irrelevant.

Romonobyl

I’m sending the coordinates to N. Korea…this ain’t over.

Gatoraids

Tell the Brady filming The Interview 2

blaxabbath

MIght be Josh McDaniel’s last game with the Patriots…

…until he shits himself as an HC and returns to cheatsville.

Spur

Viks need to win. I refuse to root for the Eagles, i’d rather turn to the dark side and root for Pats.

Dick E. Phuck

I want Jalen Ramsey to Kick Tom Brady in the head. Fuck this.

Redshirt

We deserve this for putting our hopes and dreams on the Jacksonville Jaguars.

Petronel

THAT’S an ecstatic Belichick (or as close as you get).

Smithchez

No hold on the outside there or anything.

Horatio Cornblower

On #51 for the Jags, definitely.

That said, they just gave up 15 yards on 3rd and 9, so fuck them.

Dick E. Phuck

Eat fuckin’ shit. God fucking damnit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK assholes. Time foar knees so tWBS can break even on this one.

makeitsnowondem

Josh McDaniels somehow simultaneously looks like all of the generic faces in Madden.

Spur

give the Jags Cousins

Romonobyl

I ask for so little….

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Liar.”
–God and your wife.

blaxabbath

If Rocket Man deploys, I will cheer the missile flying overhead if it is aimed at New England.

...

I’m so pissed the Jags didn’t go for it on that 4th and 1.

King Hippo

that is all of the ink Hippo Thoughts will have for Game 1

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re not the only one.

Horatio Cornblower

A million times this.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, you know what Tony? I don’t think the Patriots are looking for post-season play-off play calling tips from you.

...

Look, I know we have Pats fans here, but there is no fan base less deserving of this level of competence and luck.

Except maybe the Eagles.

ThePirateSloth

FUCK EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Banner material.

blaxabbath

Bortles is inept.

Gatoraids

Einhorn is finkle

LemonJello

There is no Dana, only Zuul.

The Maestro

THANK YOU FOR NOT BEING A SHITHEEL FOR ONCE IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE STEPHON GILMORE

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

tomsellecksmoustache

Fuck. Me. Sideways.

Redshirt

When do Pitcher and Catchers report?

Dick E. Phuck

“Every Wednesday night.”
– Aaron Rodgers

...

*sighs*

Welp, I’m like 50-50 on watching the Super Bowl now.

King Hippo

think I am 10/90

litre_cola

We can’t have nice things.

Old School Zero

Oh well. Back to ignoring the NFL.

DontHair

On to the wild turkey

Gratliff

god fuck

Dick E. Phuck

I want to shit out my spleen.

rockingdog

Bahahahaha

Horatio Cornblower

“This seems like an ideal time for a plunge up the middle”-Jags OC

Redshirt

Jags’ll kick the Field Goal

Dick E. Phuck

This game is fucking over.

...

Ahahaha. This is over.

King Hippo

great, 4 goddamned yards

...

We’re well past 1000 posts and it’s incredible how many of them are just pure bile over the Patriots.

Old School Zero

I would argue it’s perfectly credible.

blaxabbath

They’re cheaters and I will raise my kid to ignore the nfl.

Gatoraids

Connect Four the movie

King Hippo

I expect ritual seppuku at the 50-yard line

Dick E. Phuck

We live in a World where there is no Benevolent God.

Redshirt

There was a just and merciful God. We killed him for self-awareness and Bud Light.

theeWeeBabySeamus

There’s gon’ be a turnover returned, P*ts gon’ win by 11. tWBS will lose all bets on this one.
/tosses more dough on Vikes to make up for it.

(hehehehehe…just kidding. Probably)

Horatio Cornblower

I haven’t seen hopes destroyed by Vikings like this since Lindisfarne.

Dick E. Phuck

Huge P*ts defensive play is followed by a Bud Light dilly dilly commercial of course.

Duchess

Yet no Axe body spray commercial after that!

DontHair

Welp

...

Murder for Bud Light? Okay.

Spanky Datass

TWO-MINUTE BORTING!

Horatio Cornblower

Nice dive for the pass by Fournette, there.

Smithchez

“Well this is going as planned”

–Satan

Duchess

Don’t bring Jerry Jones into this.

Redshirt

(unlocked door to DFO Balcony)

“Me first.”

Horatio Cornblower

Wait, when, and why, did we get a balcony?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hippo needed a place to piss off of.

King Hippo

any competent HS quartered back hits Horny Fourny for 6 and at least makes Dreamboat score again