NFL News:
- The NFL has cleared Carolina of any shenanigans in the Cam Newton non-concussion in New Orleans.
- League doctor Dr. Allen Sills also added, “This points out something important. That armchair doctors at home cannot make a concussion diagnosis.”
- I was hoping he’d add, “Because we’re not fucking golf.”
- League doctor Dr. Allen Sills also added, “This points out something important. That armchair doctors at home cannot make a concussion diagnosis.”
- Jerry Jones has reiterated Jason Garrett is “not on my hot seat”.
- But we know who is.
- Some Eagles fans have donated to Mike Zimmer’s charity as a way of apologizing for how some Vikings fans were treated last Sunday.
- About $7000 so far.
- As has become custom, 35 players have been replaced so far on the Pro Bowl rosters.
- This includes the 10 players skipping the game due to their Super Bowl commitment.
- A concept the Eagles website openly mocked.
- This includes the 10 players skipping the game due to their Super Bowl commitment.
BREAKING: Zero #Eagles will be attending this year's Pro Bowl.#FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/eFfisPi7TJ
— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) January 22, 2018
- Bleacher Report, the Weekly World News of online sports reporting, has a listing of the current conspiracy theories surrounding the Patriots.
- None of them, however, involve MY allegation that Robert Kraft is purposely skirting NFL salary rules by having a handshake agreement with Dreamboat to pay him millions per year for years after he’s retired.
- As thanks for the hometown discount during his career.
- It’s an unwritten Bobby Bonilla contract.
- None of them, however, involve MY allegation that Robert Kraft is purposely skirting NFL salary rules by having a handshake agreement with Dreamboat to pay him millions per year for years after he’s retired.
Finally, online bookmaker BetDSI has an introductory list of the available prop bets available for The Big Game™. Among the ‘winners’:
- the Over-Under on “Gronk” utterances: 3.5.
- Over-Under on Trump tweets during the game: 2.5
- Length of National Anthem:
- Over 120 seconds -180 (risk $180 to win $100)
- Under 120 seconds +140 (risk $100 to win $140)
- Will Al Michaels or Cris Collinsworth say “dynasty”?
- Over 2.5 -130 (risk $130 to win $100),
- Under 2.5 +100 (risk $100 to win $100)
- Will Bill Belichick announce retirement after game? (Must be shown on broadcast)
- Yes +2,500 (risk $100 to win $2500)
- No -5,000 (risk $5,000 to win $100)
The Westgate Superbook will have over 400 prop bets posted by Thursday evening.
For those of you who care (including me), the Baseball Hall of Fame announced its inductees today.
- Elected:
- Chipper Jones, Vladimir Guerrero, Jim Thome, Trevor Hoffman
- Notable non-electees:
- Barry Bonds, Roger Clemens, Curt Schilling
You can find the full list of eligible players at the BBWAA website, and the chart is here.
I’m only noting it because, for most Canadians, Vlad Guerrero is the last Montreal Expo who was eligible for induction. Most good-hearted folks still miss them. The kid in the picture is obviously his son, obviously a Vladimir Junior, and he is actually in the Blue Jays organization & expected to challenge for a roster spot this year.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Leafs at Blackhawks – 8:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
- Kings at Flames – 10:00PM | Sportsnet360
- NBA:
- Raptors at Hawks – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
- Rockets at Mavericks – 8:00PM | ESPN
- Timberwolves at Trailblazers – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Celtics at Clippers – 10:30PM | ESPN
- NCAA:
- Marquette at Xavier – 6:30PM | FS1
- Boston College at Syracuse – 7:00PM | ESPNU / TSN5
- Louisville at Miami – 8:00PM | ESPN2
- DePaul at Georgetown – 8:30PM | FS1
- Stanford at Southern California – 9:00PM | ESPNU
- Australian Open:
- Women’s semifinals – 10:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN
Leafs versus Blackhawks? HOW MANY METEORS CAN I ROOT FOR?!
Okie Doke. Time to go eat something and try to sleep a little bit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXcrEVFZOXs
I really need to find me another good bad girl.
I really fucked that Arizona hottie situation up.
(stupid stupid stupid)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_g19fCJotPc
At least you had a situation to fuck up.
True enough I guess.
But still, regrets suck.
That’s the one thing that I’m getting better at dismissing. I have gotten a better grasp on accepting that there’s nothing I can do about things I regret, and just forcing myself to stop thinking about it, or at least thinking about it where there’s a wistful hope that the past could be different.
It’s kind of disconcerting because it’s making me hate the past and not want to think about it at all, but it’s better than living in a dream world like I usually do of regret or what-ifs or all sorts of other bullshit that I’m better off not thinking about.
And to expound…
Just have some confidence my man. It’s really not as difficult as it seems.
Sincerely.
It’s not just confidence. I’m really not sure I’m in a place where I could handle it right now. Everything seems in an uncomfortable flux.
Didn’t you all used to play poker online?
Yeah. But they all bailed when football started.
Jerks.
We’ll see about getting it going again after Superb Owl.
You wanna play?
I’m game (later). But, I can’t be up all night while the family is at the indoor water park. Me sleeping through the last day didn’t go over so great.
I didn’t mean tonight. Just going forward we need to resuscitate it.
I’ve never really played, but why not.
I’m not sure I really have an opinion on Tonya Harding either way except to say that she sure could take a punch.
Ok, Tom Waits gonna take me out. Night all, and stay weird.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f7UHd7NVegE
Rest well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iAYhQsQhSY
I’ve said it before. Multiple times.
And I’m sure I’ll say it again….like right now in fact….
But if the DFO Clubhouse was a real place, this would be it and its inhabitants would be…well, yeah…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K38xNqZvBJI
I will be the fat guy in the inflatable pool. But I draw the line at tank tops. I wear tube tops.
Tops?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MenYdlF-8yw
Rebuttal, mini-Zeppelin:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zXdM1rqSlSQ
Nice
Yesterday I drank almost an entire bottle of Ditka Vineyard’s Cabernet Sauvignon. Much like the man himself, it tasted well past it’s prime and increasingly bitter the more it was exposed to the air. And also much like the man himself, I exhibited poor judgement and decreased mental faculties in doing so.
Were the mustache hairs a feature or a bug?
They would’ve made a nice filter for the cheap cigar ashes floating in it.
The wine may/may not have been good, but Ditka is a cockbite.
I have played poker with the same group for about 25 years, the the oldest guy will insult you by calling you a cockbite. I like that insult.
I like that guy. Seriously.
Tell him I said he’s a vaginasuck.
He would laugh, welcome you, deal you in, then take all your money. I can play cards, but this guy is a vicious and likable motherfucker.
Sounds like a date to me.
Dammit,. now I wanna play cards and get drunk(er) and not work tomorrow and ignore all responsibility forever.
Which is I guess like every day.
You should follow in my footsteps and just not have a job.
It’s the bestest.
I don’t wanna give up my wife, though, as she is a good cook and I am a pig.
Gotta find a middle ground.
Tough but fair.
FWIW, I’m a good cook, but I’m not sucking your dick.
Okay, the first episode of Waco wasn’t bad at all. Well directed, decently acted, very good cinematography. I guess my big issue coming away from episode one is the pacing and structure. The way they started it could have (and maybe should have) been the first part a season-long, once-off, or potential three season arc. I won’t give away spoilers, but, based on the first one, they could have made this an interesting examination of the early 1990s.
The 90s sucked. There, I saved you a season of hour-long melodrama.
The early 90s were actually pretty awesome for me personally.
By the late 90s, all that had gone to shit. Big time.
And then it just kept going for a while.
The 90s were good, then great, then awful.
Sort of like when I have sex. I mean, from the perspective of my sex vict partner.
The one thing I learned from Bill Clinton is “don’t keep souvenirs”.
Also that the crime isn’t what gets you. The coverup is what fucks you.
I, Tonya was pretty good, but they couldn’t ever have hidden the fact that Margot Robbie is the hottest woman on the planet.
She’s supposed to be a white trash teenager with braces at one point and she’s still more attractive than models I’ve met.
Yes, this is exactly correct.
Haven’t seen the movie.
Doesn’t matter.
I forgot that she also has a mullet and is still ridiculous. She’s supposed to be a teenager and looks like Ginger at the end of Casino.
I have a cool Vladimir Guerrero story: DJ Taj and I decided to see a random Angel game in mid July. Day game hot as dragon balls, Doc Halladay was pitching for Toronto, pitched his ass off, RIP Doc, anyway, Blue Jays are up one going into the bottom of the ninth, Taj looks at me and says “Chone Figgins is getting on base and Vlade is hitting a walk off.” First batter is Figgins, he draws a walk. Vlade comes up, first pitch is a grooved fastball.
Way. Fucking. Gone.
We stand up, crowd is going apeshit, we watch the fireworks and I say “Let’s go!”
Walk out at a fast walk, cross the parking lot, get in the car, crank the AC and we are on the 5 north before the crowd even hits the exits.
Amazing.
I once saw Vlade hit a bounced pitch in the dirt for a home run.
Love that fucking guy.
Congrats, Big Daddy Vlade, you earned it!
That is awesome. Vlad is awesome.
You totally should’ve come over and partied with me postgame, despite the fact we had never met.
Remember you said that in a little less than 4 months.
I ain’t skeered. Drunk maybe, but ain’t skeered.
Godfather One Question: Did Tessio know setting up the meeting between Solozzo and Corleone would result in the hit?
Godfather 2 Question: Who killed the guys who tried to kill Michael?
I’m not currently watching, but were they killed or did they take cyanide?
1.) Yes, Tessio knew what he was doing the entire time.
2.) Michael’s underlings/bodyguards/soldiers
Nailed It!
GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WHY?!??
The fucking fuck???
Re, Edgar Martínez: I hope baseball HOF writers get carpal cock. Welebichos.
Counterpoint:
Brady’s health company is a Patriots contractor. My guess is the CBA covers salary cap skirting, but has a hazy “bona fide” services exemption. Under which could also fall the contract with Wilfork Alfalfa, Ltd.
Hi.
(no, sadly I’m not)
I am. Very.
Coming up on two months for me.
*sigh*
I haven’t had a drink in nine days.
Feels a lot longer.
About nine minutes for me.
Feels like at least 12.
(I broke into the freezer vodka as a reward to myself tonight)
I haven’t had a drink in
/drinks
zero seconds
Beerguy and wakezilla I am at Strathcona Brewery. Great spot. Porter is fantastic.
Godfather 2 question: Did Roth attempt the hit on Pentangeli and tell the assassin to say “Michael Corleone says hello”?
Yes, knowing how paranoid Pentangeli was he figured the guy would run straight to the FBI for a deal & protection.
Remember how Tom Hagen says “Roth played this one perfectly” right before he’s supposed to testify? That’s what led to the idea to fly in the brother.
And setting Michael up was revenge for the Moe Green hit?
Yarp.
“hymen”
Alright, time to see how awful Waco will be.
Well, the mini-series. Everyone already knows the city sucks.
“Pretty good if you’re not a lil bitch.”
–Art Briles
TFW you forgot to set your fantasy hockey lineup and one of your benched players scored a goal.
Like, half my team’s hurt. I know I’m fucked!
Holy shit! McCarthyism is alive and well.
Yeah the blaming of Russia for everything is getting really fucking annoying.
The US voting public didn’t need Russian trolls to vote for Trump.
We are the same nation that gleefully invaded both Iraq and Afghanistan at the same time.
Oh and I also love how if you point this out, this makes one a paid Russian troll per a shit load of liberals that should know better.
“liberals” of course meaning rich, white suburbanites that are all “cool with the blacks” unless one of them ends up in their kid’s school district.
I think most of those guys are also playing in the Olympics.
Norm making jokes about Steve Irwin right after he died.
http://www.cc.com/video-clips/beopn8/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-norm-macdonald
Hey, they’re building trebuchets on Amazing Race. I want one!
Moritz Böhringer feels like the title of that show is kind of misleading, and has switched back to the History Channel.
The list of players in their first year is mind boggling.
Kerry Wood, Andruw Jones, Johan Santana, and…
Jamie Moyer.
Kerry Wood fucking ruled.
Jamie Moyer is no longer pitching???
Seriously, how the shit is Edgar Martinez not in the Beisbol hall of fame? Numbers aside, he has an award named after him!
That should be enough of a reason right there!
Queens of the Stone Age in a few hours boys! Pretty fucking stoked.
They’re coming here soon. I’m bummed that I missing them. Have fun!
I am in Vancouver they are tonight
This is a good tweet.
https://twitter.com/jowrotethis/status/955664769641426945
She could just stay home and take care of my dick.
/boom roasted
“I got a dick she can hold accountable right here.”
[points to crotch]
– Jets fans
The world is fucked up.
Why is Dirk Nowitzki still playing ball? My god the Mavericks are hot garbage and he has to be tired of running the boards on a 16 and 31 team.
Wait what? $25.9 million just for 2017?!?!
Okay…that make more sense…
Nice to see Roger Ailes memorialized in snow.
Ooh, I’m an *active* member now!
You been working out?
I’m going for the elusive “drunk” member.
I found a funny:
(In a Golf Cart)
ME: *Vin Diesel voice* It’s all about family.
SPOUSE: Please don’t.
ME: *drives golf cart into the lake by the third hole*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czWLEbNwjCI&ab_channel=smiffjam
Spotted in the wild: someone wearing a distressed LA Rams hat
Not spotted in the wild: Chargers paraphernalia on anyone distressed or otherwise
Are you near a Skid Row in DTLA?
That was at LAX
“None of them, however, involve MY allegation that Robert Kraft is purposely skirting NFL salary rules by having a handshake agreement with Dreamboat to pay him millions per year for years after he’s retired.”
For the longest time, I’ve wanted to do a Robert Kraft kharacter where he interacts with Tawmmy and The Ging, which essentially explains why the P*ts get away with everything but murder.
I’ll write* a dream** sequence where Kraft sends Brady on a reverse LotR-esque quest to Russia to reclaim his lost ring, and keep your eyes open cause some of his friends might pop in to wish him luck.
*: by write I mean I’ll write only the above sentence, and collect 20% of all future revenue deriving from it.
**: a non-dry dream, in the Russian presidential suite, if you know what I mean.
Curtis Pride was gonna get into the hall but he never heard about the invitation so the gave it to someone else.
Schilling’s impending tweetstorm will place the blame on the communist deep state and people who believe in evolution.
Replace “Dan Marino” with “Curt Schilling” and you get exactly how I feel. Including wanting the cookie.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=GfVB2S5-oOQ&feature=youtu.be
Misread that as “the communist derp state”. Autocorrect wants to fix that back to “deep” as I’m typing this, but, as usual, autocorrect is quite wrong.
Big shout out to my Lyft driver playing Forgot About Dre on my way to LAX
9 hours of training about training should be used to interrogate high value prisoners, especially when the entire class is made up of HR people with the exception of the prisoner.
That will get the fucking codes out of them.
Its only day one of three and I am exhausting from having to have conversations, but waiting for the kush ball or talking stick to make its way to me.
Perhaps it would be more interesting with actual kush instead of a kush ball.
HoFfman!!!
http://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/sports/padres/sd-sp-padres-trevor-hoffman-elected-hall-of-fame-20180124-story.html
I hope his speech goes really slowly and fools people anyway.
DOPE!
I had a poster of him posted on my wall in my room growing up.
That’s nice, but why call Low Commander a dope?
or
You mean you held up his poster with one hand a lot.
Edgar Martinez not getting in is still a travesty, and next year is his last on the ballot. Which seems hilarious then that him and Mo will go in together.
/What, Mariano Rivera’s not going to be a first-ballot 90-something percent Hall of Famer?
//Moose is also a travesty, but he’ll be in eventually.
Mike Mussina will have 100% support until about 2/3 of the way through and then blow it in the last set of ballots.
Agreed
Love the Vladx2 pic. He was a joy to watch and great to have on a roto team.
As for Schilling…LOLOLOLOLOLOL fuck off you piece of shit.
Vladimir Guerrero was the tits.
Best garbage ball hitter ever.
“It ain’t garbage if you can hit it.”