NFL News:
- Nick Mangold will sign a one-day contract next week & retire as a NY Jet.
- He spent 11 years with the Jets.
- He will likely spend time preparing his sister for the 2020 Olympics.
- If reports are true, we’ve been saved from Brett Favre in the Monday Night booth.
- He apparently failed his audition alongside new play-by-play man Joe Tessitore.
- Potential or actual tryouts have also been extended to Rex Ryan, Anthony “Booger” McFarland, Jason Witten and Greg Olsen, and the wish list is also said to include Kurt Warner, Matt Hasselbeck, Louis Riddick, and recently retired Browns tackle Joe Thomas.
- Peyton Manning turned the job down prior to anyone else being considered.
- “♫ No-one wants to-call bad games.♫”
- Peyton Manning turned the job down prior to anyone else being considered.
- Aaron Rodgers is reportedly frustrated at not even being notified of offensive personnel changes.
- Especially when it came to cutting Jordy Nelson & replacing his QB coach.
- The assertion is that he thinks “he should have earned a voice by now” when it comes to the team’s major personnel decisions.
- The Bucs have exercised the 5th-year option on Jameis Winston.
- It’s sad to see someone trapped in a $20.922 million contract.
- Still – it’s a lot of crab legs.
- It’s sad to see someone trapped in a $20.922 million contract.
- Adidas has signed on to become a Kaepernick ad client if he ever resumes his playing career.
- Which adds fuel to his collusion case, because he can attract sponsors but not job offers.
- He showed up at 345 Park today to depose Roger Goodell & other NFL executives.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Capitals at Blue Jackets – 7:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet360 (CBJ up 2-0)
- Jets at Minnesota Wild – 8:00PM | CNBC / Sportsnet (Jets up 2-1)
- Vegas at Kings – 10:30PM | NBCSN / CBC (Vegaup 3-0)
- NBA:
- Wizards at Raptors – 7:00PM | TSN
- Bucks at Celtics – 8:00PM | TNT
- Pelicans at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
- MLB:
- Indians vs. Twins – 7:00PM | FS1
- Royals at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
- second-half of a twi-night double header
- MLS:
- 2018 CONCACAF Champions League: Final – Leg #1: Toronto FC vs. Chivas
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA (delayed to Wednesday in Canada – hockey)
- Day 2 of the “Superstar Shake-up”
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA (delayed to Wednesday in Canada – hockey)
I find out in the next two weeks if they’re:
- Keeping my school program,
- Relocating my program, or
- Closing my program & putting me back in a regular stand-up classroom.
Dammit – I’M TOO OLD TO RETRAIN!
Bobrovsky aka the goalie not good enough to replace “Lost in the Woods”-era Bryzgalov in Philly.
The Hives playing over the PA in Columbus.
That’s cool.
Ohtani vs Price, good guys vs chowderheads, Trout vs Betts…
Should be fun. Glad I decided to happy-drink. (May abuse-drink depending on game)
In honor of Failure Tuesday, he’s one of my favorite clips and how I usually react to bad news at work. So bascially this is me every day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J1NHzQ1sgc
I should downvote this on general principle.
But I can’t stop laughing at it.
But you’re still a jerk.
😛
ha ha ha i didn’t know down-voting even worked
Oh my god
Pour me another Cuban Breeze, Gretchen…
Jeebus Caps. It’s not this fucking difficult to clear a puck out of the zone.
Holy shit.
/guzzles vodka
well, not sure I’d be so hot at it
/does NAWT ice skate
I think I’m going to give up on sports and concentrate on my real passion.
Drinking myself to death.
Do what you love, and it won’t even seem like work.
Can’t fight destiny
[grabs Destiny by her hair extensions]
Oh yeah?
[is subsequently kicked in the balls by Destiny]
RTD turned into Don Imus so gradually etc.
.
http://www.kmov.com/story/37972775/grandmother-on-the-run-after-allegedly-killing-her-husband-then-her-look-alike
[notices cat drinking out of the toilet]
“Huh, I guess her water dish is empty…”
[her water dish is totally not empty]
This trailer brings me unadulterated joy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eEed-o8fVpM
I don’t know man…those guys have been on a straight decline since Super Troopers…
Club Dread was good.
So was Beerfest.
I didn’t say I expect the *movie* to fill me with unadulterated joy.
Though I am hopeful that it will. I recently watched Game Night and Blockers and realized I had forgotten how much fun movie comedies can be.
I will be high, I will laugh, I will have an hour and a half of stupid away from real life.
I will take it.
Eh, maybe I don’t wanna drink anything tonight.
/opens fridge
//sees sixer of Sculpin wife got at Costco last night
Ok, maybe just one or six.
I like your math. I’m about to start counting myself, truth be told.
I should probably eat something first though, huh?
More economical if you don’t.
That’s a good fookin’ point.
I need to lose a few lbs anyway.
Tonight’s the last night my wife will be gone on a business trip. I *have* to drink.
Yep, tomorrow back to the routine of her cooking dinner while you play God of War.
Reverse those and replace “God of War” with “Grey’s Anatomy” and you’ve nailed it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21OH0wlkfbc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gzkkm_m3mVE
Dear Lord, I’m sick of all this flying #twomoreflightsthisweek
Super Troopers and Treehouse, 4/20.
You have a point and are spot on re: my weekend plans
It could be worse.
That’ll buff right out.
/considers changing air reservations for next month
BEST time to fly. What’re the odds that happens twice?
Maybe I’ll take an aisle seat just in case.
It’s missing a fan blade. This was crazy.
I read something that it’s normally designed so when things fail they go backwards through the engine, and that didn’t happen here for as yet undetermined reasons.
I say as much out of curiosity as to whether you have any insight on the incident – I heard you’re one of these guys
Nah I just seem like one of these guys.
I believe SonOfSpam introduced me to this song, which I’m enjoying as I prepare myself a Cuba Libre.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L6L1NbJuIo
Perfect drink for a great song.
Didn’t want to tempt Pence?
https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2018/04/17/gay-republican-group-banned-from-texas-gop-convention/
I’m much much happier now.
3 run tater, NC State. Suck it, Carolina.
I need to go outside. i’m being useless.
Mandatory MAD TV Kenny Rogers Jackass follow-up:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if27InJBtEI
The Yankees are losing 9-0 to the Marlins, a team that I would wager a large sum of money, (if I were Hippo), is going to shatter the record for most losses in a season by a major league team.
It is 41 degrees and sleeting at my house.
This spring can eat ALL the dicks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1f2uFf0ORCg
These dumb motherfuckers offer condolences to the Bush family one year ago. (Pic is real and currently on dipshit’s Twitter feed)
deep state trickery – Pete Carroll
Oh, dear God. Trump’s only been President for barely three months?!?!
(runs off screaming)
my favorite Barbara Bush quote about Hurricane Katrina evacuees.
“And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway,” she said, “so this is working very well for them.”
Was that before, after, or during the raping?
Yeah, haven’t heard a lot about that in the hagiographic tributes today.
NC State pitcher ahead 0-2 with the bases loaded, grooves one down the middle. Nice and slow.
Thank goodness it was Carolina’s worst hitter, but he still fought it off for 2RBI. Dammit.
THERE, NOW THAT’S HOW YOU STRIKE A CHEATER OUT!!!!!!
I’m much happier than I was 2 minutes ago.
Have you seen “Everybody Wants Some”? I’m thinking you would love it.
I have not. Having just googled it, it looks to have “At The Movies” type qualities, however.
It is a great movie. I highly recommend it. You loving college baseball would make it even better for you.
Saw it on a plane. AND THEY SHOWED THE TITTAYS. Fun movie.
2-nil to teh good in Chi****
Fucking cyclist.
I love that my city spent a fucking fortune in putting bike lanes that are completely and utterly ignored by assholes who just ride on the sidewalks.
Yeah, the guy in the gif appears to be riding in a bike/pedestrian where some asshole parked his car. People think bike lanes are for parking their cars so that their fat and/or smoker lazy asses don’t have to walk an extra ten feet.
[end hot taek on hot taek.]
uh oh, somebody give tWBS his bulletry back
The game was 2-0 last time I checked the ticker. Was there a super long delayed waived goal?
They’ll blow it.
found a good dog funny:
I made voodoo dolls of my dogs just so I could still rub their bellies while I’m at work.
Nothing like having a dog in your lap (assuming the dog weighs less than 20 lbs).
Hey, don’t be dissing my dog!
Folks
Internet Avatar
Welcome to FAILURE TUESDAY
https://thebiglead.com/2013/11/01/miami-dolphins-beat-the-cincinnati-bengals-on-a-walkoff-safety/andy-dalton-sacked-for-a-safety-in-overtime-a/
Well okay, wait a minute…DALTON GOT THE BALL PAST THE GOAL LINE! THE REFS SCREWED US!!!
I’ve seen that one of the guy in the yellow shirt going down the ramp many times and it still surprises me and cracks me up at the end.
…and I probably posted it every time you saw it. This jump is simply perfect.
In the year of our Lord 2018, Adam Wainwright struck out the side of an actual major league lineup.
And it wasn’t even Baltimore. Oh right, sorry. That was obvious when you said “major league”.
Baseball sucks as much as hockey, btw. And now I’ve learned Redshirt stole my ammo.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
y’all beat him senseless last summer!
At least the Pack9 is holding up their end so far this year.
Up 5-1 on U*NC currently at teh DBAP, btw. ESPNU.
I’m very happy you’re all enjoying your Caps schadenfreude. It’s a good damned thing I’ve got a good sense of humour about it.
/loads pistol
//opens mouth
Dear tWBS,
I pawned your bullets for beer money.
Warmest Regards,
Redshirt
PS: I drank all the beer.
Don’t go moving me to #2 on the Ded Pool sheet ,, smh
Don’t bother sucking on that pistol. It ain’t gonna get any harder.
That’s REALLY good.
I’m glad that Barbara Bush got to go to the grave knowing that the boy she raised was not the worst president in American history.
“Mission Accomplished!”
Bush: “The fight begin. It will be a long battle. Al Qeada isn’t defeated but…” (turns around to see banner) “…okay, even I know that’s stupid.”
Bush 43 wasn’t the worst President. He’s down there, but he not in the Bottom Tier.
I agree completely; I was just saying that to make the joke work.
Understood.
Bottom tier? How big is this tier?
Let’s say he’s comfortably in the bottom 10.
43’s legacy is ensuring that H.W. isn’t completely forgotten by history
Let’s just say we had some Presidents who were fortunate not to have saturation media coverage.
Agreed. (puts on Alternate History Hat)
Theodore Roosevelt wouldn’t have been V.P. because the rich people would use media to destroy him, so he wouldn’t become President and the labor reforms wouldn’t have happened.
FDR wouldn’t have been elected President because to borrow a line from “The American President”: “If you put a TV in every home [eighty-seven] years ago, this country does not elect a man in a wheelchair.”
Abraham Lincoln wouldn’t be able to win the Civil War because the media showing the horrors of war would’ve scared the people and forced a peace treaty.
God, could you imagine a version of Fox News that served the Confederacy?
Yes. It’s called “FOX News”
11/6/1860 Broadcast: “BREAKING NEWS from Fox News. The corrupt minority of the North who wants to force their way of life onto us and seize our property has elected the (N-word) Lover to replace the Inept (gay F-word)-in-Chief.”
Go Ice Bombers go. Please beat these fucks.
On behalf of all Jorts-wearing #BFIB, I invite the Small Bears to especially get right fucked the next 28-29 hours or so.
“You may be younger. You may be faster. You may even be smarter. But you will NEVER, EVER, be crazier… than me.”
– The Honorable Harold T. Stone (and by extension) Harry Anderson
thanks for that good memory. Cheers/Night Court was as good an hour as it got
Absolutely. Thursday nights growing up.
Agreed. It was one of the best hours of TV ever. I may be dating myself, but I was lucky enough to catch the tail end of it and remember it.
Whenever I think of him I immediately think of Markie Post in a bikini.
/talk about yer conflicted ‘batin’ sessions…
Hmm. Not sure why your confused. It seems to be a simple two step operation.
Just started watching Spiderman Homecoming on this flight. From the first 15 minutes, it looks like Peter Parker likes brown sugar is the key subplot.
I really enjoyed that movie.
Is that a euphemism for black girls?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3B0Y3LUqr1Q
Barbara Bush kicked it.
that’s a shame
He had a good life.
That’s what years of coke and booze will do to you.
worth it FOAR dat figure, yo
The Simpsons can finally be cancelled now.
I saw someone on Twitter describe the Capitals as the San Jose Sharks without the playoff success, which was just fantastic.
That was said on calgary sports radio this morning as well. I agree.
BOB
Would the Blue Jackets sweep here make this the most Ovechkin-era playoff series ever?
Goddamn it. I just wanted to link the Bloge Salming Coach Killer video, but apparently I can’t see videos posted by The Score in America. What the absolute fuck? Why aren’t we bombing Canada instead?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aa1FnxMWDHQ
At least I can still watch this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRn6AslysaI
I don’t know. Blowing a 3-0 series lead against the Pens would be Peak Ovie.
nay, they will murder tOSU tonight, then roll over ded
Let’s go Ice Buckeyes, let’s go!
[home crowd shakes their ‘lucky’ gravy boats above their heads despite the fact that they make no noise whatsoever]
Wrong Columbus
https://columbus.in.us/
As a proud (meh) Canuck, I refuse to be lectured about geography by any individual schooled within the U.S. public school system.
/show me on the map where the Domino Theory actually touched you
How’s this for a geography lesson, Joe Mufferaw: 49th parallel. USA! USA! USA!
I’m glad we burnt down your White House.
/congrats on spelling USA correctly
Yeah well, we didn’t like that one anyway. And we rebuilt, with LOTS of asbestos, so just try an burn it down again!
I can’t wait until you let us over your border! Then you’ll pay! You’ll pay big time. Trust me on this.*
*we’re very trustworthy
We already KNOW your plan to go through the US and into Mexico. It won’t work, trust me. There’s gonna be a big, let’s say, wall, in the way by the time you get there.
Mexico loves and welcomes our Canadian friends and their colorful money.
NBCSN running a delicious “Caps Playoff Failure” montage. They should replace the NHL Logo with Sad Ovechkin Face.
The second part of my Ministry of Finance audit begins the first full week of May. Talking to other folks in the industry, it ain’t gonna be pretty. Basically, they’re gonna try to drown me in legal fees if they can’t get a judgement against me. The Canadian Revenue Agency tried the very same thing and failed-their agenda is ridiculously transparent.
Pro tip: make all of your meetings with them walking meetings. They will eventually get tired because of the silly way they walk and will give in to whatever your demands are!
I was wondering if I should just slap the auditors with a large fish but I like the way you think…
“Brett Favre in the box is the worst.”
–Deanna Favre
Well, looks like I’m off to the sign store to make another banner.
($50 follow up joke: “Actually Brett, 4 in the box isn’t stacking it.”)
Goddamn it. I hate when the NHL doesn’t do the one day off-one day on schedule.
this, i miss those days.
/F*** Bettman