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Your “Oh God – Tomorrow Will Be Worse” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL News:

  • A whole bunch of stars are skipping minicamps for various reasons.
    • Cardinals RB David Johnson, who wants to extend beyond his rookie 5th year.
      • He slated to earn $1.88 million for 2018.
    • Aaron Donald from the Rams.
      • He wants an upgrade to his rookie contract as well, which only pays him $6.9 million in 2018.
    • Julio Jones from the Falcons.
      • He has three years & $35 million left on his deal, but he’s also now the 7th highest-paid receiver, and that just won’t do.
    • As expected, Le’Veon Bell from the Steelers.
      • Channeling the spirit of the recently re-retired James Harrison, Darrius Heyward-Bey responded with, “Nobody cares. We’re out here and we have to get work done. … We’ll see him when we see him. Next man up.”
    • Odell Beckham Jr. has shown up, but will not be participating in any drills.

Tonight’s sports & entertainment TV:

I’ve decided to include other programs besides sports, because all there is at night is baseball.

  • AHL:
    • 2018 Calder Cup Finals: Stars vs. Marlies – 7:00PM | TSN2
      • Game 6; Marlies lead 3-2
  •  MLB:
    • Jays at Rays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Mets at Braves – 7:30PM | ESPN / TSN5
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
  • Futbol:
    • Women’s International Friendly Soccer: U.S. vs. China – 7:00PM | ESPN2
  • Comedy Central:
    • Drunk History – 8:00PM
  • National Geographic:
    • Hitler Youth – 8:00PM (Part 1)
    • Hitler Youth – 9:00PM (Part 2)

Oh, it’s officially the doldrums. EVEN DAYTIME SOCCER WILL BE A REFUGE!

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clint greasewood

I met Donald Trump once.

About 6-7 years ago. I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my sister got her hair done. So there I am, sitting in the waiting area of a hair salon with my niece, and who walks in but Don himself.

I was nervous and just kept looking at him as he read a magazine and waited, but was too scared to say anything to him. Pretty soon my niece started crying, and I’m trying to quiet her down because I didn’t want her to bother the Donald, but she wouldn’t stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asked what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So Donnie put down his magazine, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of the hair salon. Chill guy, really nice about it.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why is National Geographic doing a 2 part series on Young Republicans?

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King Hippo

nah, they’d never show remorse when they grew up

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Hey, Mike Trout!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

Back at FOB Sharkbait. Working from here means more booze now

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Almost made it.

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Sharkbait

Is that a LaBatt?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Not sure, even if that was the case I’d respect the effort.

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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

In all seriousness…I never thought I’d see another Baltimore team (or another team for that matter) rival the ’88 Orioles for suckage.

But holy shitballz if this one doesn’t have a real shot at it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

The 1st Moose post I see is this. Thank you and have a good night.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Best meme I could find right now that fits tWBS’ O-anger.

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King Hippo

good luck getting REAGAN SMASH! to call, too (obligatory smh)

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Soooooooooooo….Who bet on Baltimore today?

(LMFAO. Yes, I thought it was funny)

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King Hippo

hey, yinz cut it to 6-4! Surely you get to keep one thumb for that?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The thumb up me own arse I save fo’ meself.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

This month, on Halfway House Netflix:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

Scorpio Rising is an awesome short film. Kenneth Anger’s work is highly influential among later filmmakers.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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...

Let me tell you, if you ever want to insist you’re totally very much not racist be sure to:

1. Define racism in a way that excludes anything you do
2. Refer prominent black intellectual Ta-Nehisi Coates as a “blight on our culture.”

The funny thing is I didn’t even call the guy racist, I just pointed out that a lot of people on the right try to shame their opponents by saying they’re not open-minded when said conservatives do not value diversity of ideas at all.

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...

Yes, I’m back on Twitter. What of it?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ummmm…….

Don’t?

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King Hippo

just share your mutual dislike of HillyBob, and toast some common ground. 😀

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

If I’m tired of the internet tonight, and CenturyLink can suck it, and Imma just go watch space/planet/universe docs until a hot chick in California gets off work and calls me in a coupla hours…well…ummmm….

Well shit, I forgot what I was asking. But that’s what I’m doing anyway. Nite gents.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Also, if there’s any way to shove all sports up all of CenturyLink’s collective asses, douse them with plutonium and set them alight? Well I’m all ears.

(it’s just a joke, NSA…just a li’l joke)

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Spanky Datass

Joey Gallo strikes out swinging?!? That’s not something you see every day. (Because the Dirt Cowboys didn’t play yesterday.)
*sigh*

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey guys, what’s everybody doin…oh.”

[kicks rock while walking away dejectedly]

– Jason Pierre-Paul

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s only because they were playing Rock, Paper,Scissors.

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Redshirt

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I found a GIF for when the Patriots play or when the refs mess up.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, if we’re playing the two thumbs game….

Who has two thumbs and is bitching out everyone who works at CenturyLink tonight?

Yeah, I know what that other asshole said. Fuck him.

HughesNet can’t be any worse. Can they?

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Sharkbait

Probably. They’ll be owned by century Link soon enough.

I do not miss working for telecoms

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t say I blame you. I really do feel sorry for the techs/reps who have to field angry calls from assholes like me when they have nothing to do with the shitty service their company is providing.

CenturyLink can burn in hell though.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This has been ongoing for about two years, however. CenturyLink has their script down…fix this, fix that, we’ll come do this service call, and now another. Oh wait, buy this modem because your old one is outdated and that’s the problem…probably. But even if you buy it outright, we’re still gonna try to charge you $10 bucks a month rent on it when we’re not supposed to…oh shit you caught us on that, but now the service is still even worse….

Well, not our problem.

I repeat…CenturyLink can burn in hell.

I’ve had enough of this bullshit.

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Sharkbait

They’re the worst. Though Comcast still takes the Cake

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theeWeeBabySeamus

They’re not great.
I’ll leave it at that.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

In AZ I had Cox (don’t say it).

Never had one problem with them and the service was outstanding, fwiw.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Even now…1.86 Mbps….which is actually way better than normal.

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Sharkbait

Good Lord. Burn down the closest Central office

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Shhhh be cool, man.

Errrrr…I mean if the NSA is listening….I’D NEVER DO SUCH A THING AND UMMMM….

/runs into the woods screaming

“Damn you Sharkbait!!!!!”

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

redacted…

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Senor Weaselo

Good thing Net Neutrality’s repeal can start going into effect, they’ll definitely take care of their stuff and improve it now!

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WCS

Finally home, and able to sit down.

Unleash the booze!

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Sharkbait

https://i.giphy.com/media/GCLlQnV7wzKLu/giphy.webp

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SonOfSpam

Butt been sore? Yeah, Pride Month’ll do that to ya.

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herodotus450

Trump has a long way to go before he reaches Rodman levels of international diplomacy
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herodotus450

Kim Jong Illest met with Clinton,
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Un meets with trump. I think we know what kind of president they value over there:
[Choose the following line that best finishes the joke]
A) Is Wilt Chamberlain still alive and do we have his long form birth certificate?
B) Maybe Carlos Danger was just boning (heh) up on his foreign policy resume with all those pictures?
C) Are we sure the Un’s aren’t distantly related to the Kennedy’s?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

After losing the election, Hillary really let herself go.
(wish i’d thought of that one last night)

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Never forget; kitty PTSD.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Oh yeah?

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Redshirt

(borrowed from a non-canon comic of My Little Pony)

Arab Nations: (to Isreal): “Why do you have to play the victim? How do you know the Holocaust really happened?”
Germans (barging in the room): “Because we tried to kill them all!!!!!”

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Sharkbait

Do the Germans barging in look suspiciously tan?

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King Hippo

thank fuck my Lesser Footy bets earlier in the day (the Swedish Superettan is always good for entropy) gave me a $2K cushion even if all my el beisbol bets whiffed…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Strapped in.

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SonOfSpam

Being shipped to the Knicks for next season.

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Spanky Datass

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrBx6mAWYPU

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Sharkbait

Greetings from a bar on cape cod where the compressor for the kegs is busted. Hard liquor it is. How goes with you fine people

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

Huh. That’s not how I imagined Cookie Monster operated under the fur…

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Japan thread was yesterday, man

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herodotus450

You think if one comely fraulein had called him Hotler the whole rise to power, annexation, genocide thing could have been avoided.

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King Hippo

WOO!!! The #BFIB broke up the Dirt Charged Ones’ (combined bullpen game) perfecto with an infield single!

The Cardinal Way forevs

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SonOfSpam

By my fantasy team player Harrison Bader, no less! (shut up, I’ve had injuries)

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King Hippo

I would always play him v. LHP, plus he is a personal (and general fan, he is a fast honky who hustles – duh) favourite. Great defensive OF. Kicking myself for not drafting him last season in either of my dynasty leagues.

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SonOfSpam

Yeah, he’s solid, and I’m sure #BFIB like him more than Fowler (for, um, reasons).

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King Hippo

though Angry Black Man archetype Tommy Pham is the #1 fan favourite. But yes, Dexy is on the shit list, and we have the discussion “is it fair to say he’s candy-assing it in the field, or does he just suck at it and you’re being all Fredbird raycess?”

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SonOfSpam

Hey, having the discussion is PROGRESS.

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Redshirt

“What luck that this mayhem is over and done with.”
– German soldiers, May 9, 1945
– American people, January 20, 2021 or January 20, 2025

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Redshirt

Home Alone 6: Defend the Deutschland.

That’s clinches it. I’m going to Hell.

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Redshirt

In the Hitler Youth show, I liked how the Nazis measured that Jewish boy hiding in plain sight, only to find he’s a first class Aryan. I was hoping it would lead to Hitler at a rally pointing to the Jewish kid going, “This is what a true Nazi looks like! Aspire to his example.”

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King Hippo

me too! 😀

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King Hippo

Himmler’s called up some of the Hitler Youth to the big leagues! But will the Allies’ fastball be too hot to handle? STAY TUNED!

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Redshirt

Don’t blame the troops, they did their part. It was Hitler deciding he can fight a war better if he can surround himself with his enemies.

Its like that overruled sitcom ploy where a character has two dates at the same time in the same location. Only with more blood, suffering, and death.

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King Hippo

indeed, I just have a sick, sick sense of humour

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Redshirt

Who has two thumbs and lost a weeks pay at the casino. THIS GUY!

I was kind of disappointed, but I don’t go to the casino to win money. I go to have fun (if I win, so much the better).

Also on the way out I saw someone lose $2,500 on a hand of Face Up Pai Gow Poker. That puts things in perspective.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Who has two thumbs and lost a weeks pay at the casino. THIS GUY!

OK, show of hands…who thought the answer was gonna be Hippo or tWBS?????

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LemonJello

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theeWeeBabySeamus

See? You losers just don’t get it.

Me and teh Hippo don’t lose. Not over the long haul, at least.
Well, ‘ceptin when I horn in on Hippo’s bets and fuck them up for him….BUT YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT!!!!!!!

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King Hippo

Like Hippo would leave the house again, so soon after Yinzburgh

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LemonJello

At least you still have both thumbs…

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Pinkies? Not so much?

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LemonJello

Redshirt is Yakuza???

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Redshirt

If I was, would Adam Jones be living after what he did in the Bengals-Steelers Wild Card game? He would’ve been dead before the Steelers lined up for the field goal.

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Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I live right by the golf course in that movie.

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Redshirt

I want to be happy that a true first step may be taken in peace in Korea. But I’d just hate to have Trump get the credit.

Local Trump AM Radio has said that “if this works out, they’ll give Kim the Nobel Peace Prize and give Trump nothing.” I can live with that.

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LemonJello

“It’s such an honor just to be nominated.”
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King Hippo

to the contrary, nothing substantive will be accomplished, yet Trump will garner a shitton of credit for himself. Darkest Timeline is Darkest Timeline.

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LemonJello

The military-industrial complex publicly scoffs at your pessimism, while simultaneously looking forward to future orders for munitions and the resulting profits.

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Redshirt

As long as we’re not at war and a seed has been planted for POTUS 46 and Kim’s sister (after she takes out her brother of course) for further olive branches.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean, there *is* peace in Korea. It’s a Mexican standoff kind of peace, but nobody is shooting at each other at the moment. I don’t think Trump should get any particular credit for ratcheting up tensions and then ratcheting them back down, but the media and the American people have a very short memory for these sorts of things so he’ll probably get a fucking statue or something.

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LemonJello

“Statue? Can we make it a fountain? A golden fountain?”
-DJT

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blaxabbath

If I may embrace my inner Mooseabbath, just this once…

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SonOfSpam

God, that’s dark. And I’m stealing it.

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Horatio Cornblower

Information for Hippo: The Yankees are going to start something called Jonathan Loaisiga, which the internet tells me is a 23-year old AA pitcher who is ranked as their 15th best prospect, and who has thrown all of 20 innings above High-A in his life, against the Washington Nationals tomorrow.

Place your wagers accordingly.

1
King Hippo

Dirt Redacteds still employ that Bryce Harper fella, yeah? Better set a Blackberry reminder. Thanks, imaginary chum!

/has moneys on Dirt Jets, Dirt 500s, and #BFIB tonight

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Horatio Cornblower

Yes, yes they do. And some other good players.

Gonna be an interesting night.

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blaxabbath

Sounds like there is no video on the kid.

This is why they call him the New York Miami Wilcdcat.

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Horatio Cornblower

“I don’t have any videos, but can I interest you in some Polaroids of kids?”

-tWBS, scaring his niece straight

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I don’t need no polaroids of kids.

Niece is scared enough that she’ll now hate me for the next week or so. If it keeps her from getting abducted and killt, fine by me. I didn’t come here to be liked, anyway.

Well, you sure came to the right place.

– Everyone

1
Gratliff

With the endless waltz that is finding out my kid’s looking at porn, removing that avenue, and finding the next one he discovers shortly after so I can take that away too, my patience with children is about vanished. That being said, the horror stories surrounding snapchat and whatnot I hear from parents of middle school aged daughters is the stuff of nightmare. Never have children. Why would you do that to yourself?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

I didn’t do that to myself. I never made one. Yet this is the 3rd one I’ve had to raise, more or less.

My deadbeat brother better hope there’s plexiglass separating us the next time I see him. Which will be soon.

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Gratliff

Right at the 2:50 mark. Still one of my favorite bits involving shitty children.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijg5e90qo9k

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Senor Weaselo

No, he’s pitching Friday against the Rays. Sunny Gray is pitching tomorrow against the Nationals!

I didn’t say it was much better.

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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

confidence, confidence! Dry and secure!
Raise your hand! Raise your hand if you’re (record scratch) Hitler Youth!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Soooooo….I just scared the shit out of my niece.
I feel like an asshole, yes. But considering she has a somewhat unusual name and has been telling “kids” online the state she lives in and where she goes to school? (what???? they’re just other kids!!!!…says her)

Yeah, I figured it was about time she got the shit scared out of her.

Probably too late to sink in though. But Imma kick her parents’ asses next time I see them, I can promise you that.

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King Hippo

what, told her about Marc Trestman?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe…maybe that’s where I should have started.

“Do you see that van over there??????????????”

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herodotus450

I’ll never forget the day someone showed me an fMRI of my underdeveloped hippocampus while contemplating a risky behavior. Scared me straight.

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King Hippo

Interesting article on the Dirt Charged Ones, from the only thoughtful corner of the #BFIB-verse I hath found:

https://stlbullpen.com/2018/06/11/the-sordid-shocking-cautionary-recent-history-of-the-san-diego-padres/

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SonOfSpam

But…the Chargers aren’t in San Di-

/garroted by Low Commander

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

Interesting days doing training this week. I got a Belorussian coworker sitting in the training because he is going to Israel to do the job, the two customers from Israel, and myself. I learn very quickly that I am the only person proficient enough in English to have an in depth talk about drives.

So when I talk to my coworker, I use English (our common language). He knows drives so its not critical we understand each other perfectly. If I am talking to the one customer, I am using Spanish (he is originally from Argentina and prefers it over English). The other customer is originally from Russia, so when my coworker talks to him, its in Russian, which they are both proficient. If the two customers talk to each other, its in Hebrew, which neither myself or my coworker can understand. So as we go, basically my coworker and I are explaining the stuff in two different directions to make sure the customers are comfortable with the material.

Its actually going very well.

At one point, my boss stepped in around lunch time to check up on us. I think his head started to leak trying to figure out what was going on.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This sounds like one of those dinner party seating puzzles. JustStopDude speaks English and Spanish. Customer 1 speaks Spanish and Hebrew…

3
herodotus450

…who starred in Footloose with Kevin Bacon!

1
LemonJello

THIS GUY JSD, I CALL STARSHIP ENTERPRISE BECAUSE HE HAS A UNIVERSAL TRANSLATOR AND SOME KIND OF WARP DRIVE!

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blaxabbath

How come your office didn’t just write the WC previews?

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also Khalil Mack is skipping due to contract issues.

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blaxabbath

THIS GUY KHALIL MACK, I CALL HIM JON GRUDEN BECAUSE HE DESERVES AN OWNERSHIP STAKE IN THAT FRANCHISE!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

This Winnie The Pooh remake is looking interesting.

5
scotchnaut

Lasagna Cat. You can’t!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

I didn’t know they were making a movie about Super Mario Bros. 3. I see they understand the Frog Suit about as much as they understand the Super Mushroom. Or Yoshi. Or Princess Toadstool. Or the Mushroom Kingdom. Or King Koopa. Or evolution.

0
scotchnaut

Odell Beckham Jr’s new sponsors-

1. “Look at me!” The new mirror company that delivers more.

2. “Close Attention” The new men’s fragrance from Calvin Klein

3. “Ego” The new sports drink that fills you up with yourself!

4. “Unemployable After The Age Of 33 Because of the Attendant Drama” The new production company partnered with Terrell Owens Inc.

4
herodotus450

No time to read the text, so I’m assuming that the Hiltler Youth show is an episode of that one historic battle show where they try to analyze who would win: the Hitler Lads or modern American school shooters.

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LemonJello

If they fight in the hallways, odds favor the school shooters – but if it’s in the showers, that’s the Hitler Youths’ turf…

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We throw the books in piles,
We put the Jews on trial,
We raise one hand to heil,
We’re Hitler Youth gone wild

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SonOfSpam

I’m assuming that’s not original, but if it is, you get a Pulitzer or whatever.

0
Redshirt

You gotta go with Hitlerjugend. They’re were trained as boy soldiers. They’re basically the Evil Boy Scouts.

Although they may not be trained in gorilla warfare…

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