WTF Time Is It World Cup Open Thread

It is 2:30 AM Pacific as this post goes up. Yes,  I’m awake.  Hawthorn and Adelaide are about to have the First Bounce and in about 30 minutes,  France will face Australia in their World Cup debuts.

There will be three more games back to back to back.

Also this:

What can we expect? Here are some thoughts:

3:00 AM Pacific

FRANCE v AUSTRALIA

Balls: I, as you know, have a great love for all things Australian. I love their football,  I love their meat pies and I loved their beautiful women with their sexy accents.

It is with great regret that I will wake up super early and,  most likely,  watch the French beat the crap out of them.  I hope it doesn’t get ugly,  but it might.  Maybe at least Tim Cahill can score a goal?

Prédiction: La France Deux (2), L’Australie Un (1)

Wakezilla: I was in Melbourne, Australia for the Y2K New Years Eve Celebration. I was 17 and celebrated at a house party hosted by my Uncle’s younger brother, who was 19 at the time. I can confirm Balls’ assertion that Australian women are beautiful and have sexy accents. As an added bonus, many of them happen to find Canadian accents sexy, too! The theme of the party was “the end of the world” so we all hyped it up that Y2K was going to kill us all. It worked for me because I ended up making out with an inebriated 20 year old blonde Aussie. I never saw her after that, probably because my uncle’s brother made fun of her for committing statutory rape. So, I’ll be pulling for the Socceroos.

Prédiction: This is a weak Australian squad and les Frogs are a juggernaut ready to go on a long run in this tournament. The Socceroos are going to feel bleu when they lose 3-0.

Don T: This game is at 6 AM over here. So I slept on the couch and will have at least one eye open by kickoff.

Meh; better be honest. I stayed up all night watching this over and over:

France seems crazy stackt. They are the favorites to win the group and Australia is the World Cup’s perennial mascot. World futbol’s Leapin’ Lanny Poffo, if you will.

Via chinlock.com

Predicción: Frogs 2 : 0 Roos – four yellow cards

 

6:00 AM Pacific

ARGENTINA v ICELAND 

Balls: Iceland proved in the last Euro that they are no slouches.  It will be a difficult game for Argentina as the Icelandic defense will be tough to penetrate. Like many of Barcelona’s games,  it will probably take some Messi genius to solve the puzzle and give the win to the Sudamericanos.

Ron Howard voice: He didn’t.

Predicción: Argentina 1 Islandia 1. Yeah,  I said it.

Wakezila: Argentina is a team that many have picked to win the group, yet I’m not even sure they’ll make it to the round of 16. Their one saving grace is Messi. As we saw yesterday, having a generational player with the determination to carry his team to at least a draw is possible. Honestly, all I care about is Messi breaking Maradona’s goal total at the World Cup because Maradona is a scumbag and it’ll piss off lots of Argentinians who never accepted Messi. To do that, Messi will need to score 4 goals this tournament.

Iceland is an intriguing team because now that they are no longer the best kept secret in Europe, teams are better prepared to face them. They won’t be catching teams off guard this time. It’ll be interesting to see how they handle being a favorite on such a large stage.

Predicción: I see Messi or Aguero scoring early and then the Strákarnir okkar scoring late, resulting in an entertaining 1-1 draw.

Don T: Argentina’s warmup friendlies for Russia included two late cancellations against Nicaragua and Israel, after both governments started to murder their own civilians. More overtly, I mean.

Aside from those controversies, there are squad concerns. With Sergio Romero injured, Argentina’s goalie post is still contested between two players with almost no experience for country: Willy Caballero, 36, second string for Man City and Chelsea; and, Franco Armani, star for River Plate. I think it’ll be Willy for this one, and one mistake-free game will make him the definite starter (accurate reenactment):

I know it’s a repeat, but look at Higuaín! The cigar is a bit much, but his form is captured perfectly.

Iceland has been on the fútbol radar for several years now. It’s a remarkable story, with a scary logo. Iceland perfected the ways of the lovable eyesore teams: take advantage of throw-ins and free kicks, field a solid defense, and kick it far AF hoping that a forward scoops it up. And nobody expects them to win, so they will be relaxed to do their thing. Which adds up to

🚨🚨🚧 0 – 0 ALERT 🚧🚨🚨

There’s a lot of pressure fos Argentina and the Messi – Ronaldo debate shifted dramatically yesterday. (Not Annoying Fact: This is a  Jordan – Lebron feud between contemporaries.) And the rest of the group, Croatia and Nigeria, is tough. Messi is expected to be harassed. So Big Shot club players Sergio Agüero and Pipita Higuaín should shine for country. Yet,

Via giphy.com

Predicción: Argentina 2 : 1 Iceland. I think we’ll see Armani in this World Cup.

9:00 AM Pacific

PERU v DENMARK

Balls: Peru is one of my favourite teams in terms of likability.  The story of how their captain was able to fight FIFA and win to get to play inspires me to go to a Peruvian restaurant and order some cocaine tea.

I’m hoping this results in a wonderful Saturday and a good result for the Peruvians.

Predicción: A nice and happy 1-1 tie.

Wakezilla: You know, I have actually tried cocaine tea before and I must admit, it was pretty bland. Little did I know I would have tested positive for cocaine had I taken a drug test. Weird! Speaking of drugs, I must have been on something when I predicted Peru was going to the quarterfinals in my Peru preview.

Peru’s defense is going to have their hands full guarding Denmark’s significantly taller forwards. If they can do that, they should get the win.

Predicción:Being inspired by their captain returning from suspension, I’ll say Peru wins 2-1.

Don T: I’ve watched Denmark in World Cups and Euros. They’re unremarkably competent, the lettuce in a salad.

Perú, however, is 🔥HAWT🔥. They had one of the worst starts in the qualifiers (4 points out of seven games). Then Perú got something sweeter than a lucky break:   doing NOTHING and benefitting from a technicality.

In South American qualifiers, Bolivia fielded a banned player for games against Chile and Perú. Chile filed a claim, won, and both teams were awarded 3 points. However, since Perú lost to Bolivia and Chile had tied, Perú got the net additional point that ended up eliminating Chile. And that’s how Perú got to a World Cup for the first time in 36 years. Give it up for bureaucracy.

More importantly, Perú started winning:  Right now, there’s a fever. A guy gained 60 pounds “so that he could apply for one of the special [easy-access extra-width] seats that are much easier to get”. Over 40,000 Peruvians have flown to Russia. There are no Perú shirts left on stores. Lok at these clean, lovely kits:

Via  umbro dot com

None left in FIFA stores, mind you. I’m gonna guess Russians are still proud contrabandists.

Predicción: Perú 1 : 0 Denmark. Perú’s got Team of Destiny stank.

 

12:00 Pacific

CROATIA v NIGERIA

Balls: I may need the cocaine tea if I’m gonna make it to Game 4. The Nigerian team has the most popular jersey in this World Cup and,  judging by the number of stickers we have in the Panini album at work,  the most popular stickers.

I do think Croatia is a very strong team and Nigeria is Africa-strong. That’s not raycess, just a commentary on the level of competition.

Prediction: Croatia wins 2-1.

Wakezilla: No matter how bad things get for them, Nigeria is going to look great in their beautiful green jerseys. That’s a win in itself, right?

Meanwhile, Croatia is a surprisingly stacked team. This is it for Croatia’s Golden generation. They should be able to build on their Euro 2016 success.

Proricanje: Croatia wins 2-1.

Don T: There’s always some “prove it” teams in every World Cup. Croatia’s got buzz, but finished second to Iceland in the European qualifiers. Nigeria is a frequent World Cup entrant with promise, but never goes beyond group play. They seem to play Argentina a lot, too. So I’m gonna withhold judgment on both teams and let their play determine my attitude. That’s an honest approach. Better yet, it requires zero legwork.

Predicción: Croatia 1 : 1 Nigeria. I think this group will be tough.

ballsofsteelandfury

ballsofsteelandfury

International Member of the Geelong Cats and recovering Steelers fan. Likes Butts. And Balls. And Boobs. Pretty much anything that starts with the letter B. Preferably together.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

UHF is a grossly underrated film.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

The “Ghost in a Shell” live movie is terrible.

I mean its good to the source material…its just a perfect example of how anime shit just doesn’t work with real actors. Scarlett Johansson does a wonderful job of being a two dimensional, flat, zero charisma character.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

At least she’s Asia……………….. oh, wait.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Off to a small going away party Lady BFC and I pulled together for ourselves last minute. If you don’t hear anything more from me tonight, it’s because the brewery we’re going to is tapping a new beer every hour today and I’m gonna have catching up to do.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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You guys from LA; is Stink’s right across Taint Street from this place?

King Hippo

Because why the fuck not

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

This is one of the bestest, funnest threads ever. Here’s hoping we can make tomorrow’s even better.

/luv ya silly bastards

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wait, there’s MORE soccer tomorrow?

King Hippo

Lesser Footy and sadly only 3 fixtures

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IS COMING DOWN MY STREET!
/scrambles toward door like a nine year old
/runs head first into door frame
/lies on floor twitching and bleeding

WCS

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WCS

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King Hippo

I concussed myself like that (no shit) but I was just trying to get back to bed after my old man middle of the night piss.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Koepka really undergoing a Metamorphosis in this US Open

scotchnaut

This reference? I get it.

SonOfSpam

Not bad for a Trial run.

WCS

Dustin Johnson’s third round thus far (artist’s conception):

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Not buying what the announcers are saying re Nigeria. They seem a bit shit to me.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Well, it’s sort of an island.

Fronkenshteen

What’s a draw at now, hippo?

King Hippo

off the board entirely! Agree with commentators, gutsy and correct call.

King Hippo

His name is Luka.
He ain’t choke like Messi does!

SonOfSpam

He lives on the seventh floor.

scotchnaut

Second, Spam, second.

SonOfSpam

Dammit, that’s right. Thanks.

scotchnaut

SonOfSpam

scotchnaut

Countless Lawyers Advising The President-

King Hippo

handball, I bet

King Hippo

nope, hug penno

King Hippo

Fishies got 2! Huzzah, why the fuck I only bet $100?

/like I don’t know – STUPID

scotchnaut

Shout out to Paul Manafort-

King Hippo

I was betting “Back on the Chain Gang” but this totes works! 😀

King Hippo

So…Super Iggles (extra crispy no ofence) look a bit hopeless…but it’s +550/+600 for the draw, already +4000 for the win. Tempting, but I think this is just the feels. Racist tats will surely get a 2nd any moment.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, I gotta go do some cleaning.
Later taters.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Most Perfectly-Crafted Song Ever? Probably not but I’m putting it in the top 10

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

SonOfSpam

“I mean, you’re the boss, but I’m not sure about the name for your new purse design Ms. Spade.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I did bet against the Dirt Ravens, so there’s that. Liked how the Fish relegated Dietrich to DH, he ain’t field worth a damn.

SonOfSpam

To be fair, Marlene hasn’t been the same since her car accident.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Well, to be fair, that’s really the only smart way to bet baseball this year.
19 WINS AND HOLDING, MOFOS!!!!!!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

gents, we have a LADY PRESENT today (actually TWO), so mix in a little beefcake!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, for them . Whatever you say, Pal.
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King Hippo

#safespace

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

See Yoda below.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

I don’t think it’s okay for you to assume the ladies present don’t like these GIFs. Better post more to make sure.

theeWeeBabySeamus

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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Tit-fucking-hard it makes me.

King Hippo

Croatia never scheduled a friendly with Nigeria? Gee, wonder why??

scotchnaut

*ghee*

-Indian National Team

theeWeeBabySeamus

Joe Buck is a prick.
You’ve said it four times now, Joe. You can STFU now.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Doctor, Doctor…
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scotchnaut

HALF-TIME TUNES FROM “SOMETHING WILD”!

Fronkenshteen
scotchnaut

scotchnaut

scotchnaut

SonOfSpam

Counting Cro-atia?

SonOfSpam

Latest find (for me, anyway)…little white dude can’t decide whether he’s Otis Redding or Al Green:

Fronkenshteen

I’m quite enjoying my first ever day of having a much better life than Paul Manafort.

scotchnaut

HALFTIME!

Tell me what you’d rec reading-wise.

Fronkenshteen

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SonOfSpam

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