Yes, I am re-using pictures that I deem good luck for certain “most favoured nation” sides. Wanna fight about it?
Croatia (+250) v. England (+130; draw +205) (14:00 EST, Fox)
As usual throughout their charmed tourney lives, the Cuck Liouns are favoured, despite not really being one of even the five or six best sides in the field. Plus, with Les Frogs winning yesterday, the “written in the stars” shite will be unbearable. I shall watch the match, but only the match and only on mute. Fuck right off, world. Except all hail Jordan Pickford’s badonkadonk. Too bad the one man Army that is Luka Modric will be ded-ass tired in this one, especially once it goes to extra time (sorry FOAR the spoiler, but FUCK OFF, I am angry Hippo).
Wild Ass Guess: 1-1 Draw (England advance on pennos)
Balls: Croatia has an unbelievable midfield with Rakitic and Modric but the rest of the team should not be discounted. Those guys NEVER give up. You saw it in the Russia game and you saw it in the Denmark game.
It didn’t matter that things didn’t go their way. They stuck to their gameplan, didn’t panic, and came through in penalties.
On the other side, you have the England team that has admittedly played pretty well albeit against light competition. Their toughest game so far was against Belgium and they promptly lost that one.
I feel England have taken full advantage of the opportunities that other teams have given them. Will Croatia provide any? They certainly did to Russia and Denmark.
Prediction: This will be a tight game with a possible Croatia mistake leading to an England goal and Croatian brilliance leading to a Croatia goal. 1-1 after 90. Then, Croatia scores the decider in Extra Time. Croatia 2 England 1 after 120.
Litre_Cola: So what are we looking for here? The best schadenfreude is the English getting curbed stomped in the finals. I am not sure I want to take that chance. Modric and Rakitic are world class and have more experience than the young midfield of the English. Modric looks to control the midfield and he wont shrink on the big stage. He has won eleventy hundred Champions League titles with the Madridistas. Up front Mandzukic looks like he works at the rent a car desk in Zagreb but is an effective finisher. Can the back four of Croatia keep up with the English pace down the flanks? That is the only flaw that I see going into this one for the murder checkerboards.
Here is a reason I want the English to lose. The betting houses have lowered the odds that Harry Kane, and Gareth Southgate get knighted if they win. Also, Twitter is deplorable right now and when I hear the “It’s coming home song” I instantly fly into a rage. I will admit I do like the viewing parties in England, when they score the beer showers are fantastic. The problem for me is that I really like this team. There is no Rooney, Terry, Lampard, Ferdinand, Or the two Coles. These guys are likable as is their manager who has brought waistcoat fashion back to England. It pleases me that so many Tottenham players are on this team instead of the usual United arrogant asses.
There is a Turkish referee for this match and I really don’t know who that helps.
Prediction: England 1- 1 Croatia, and it goes to kicks and England goes through and makes the local pub have a line up at 5 am on Sunday for a 9 am kickoff.
Wakezilla: As much as FIFA wants to deny that Lesser Footy and politics don’t go together, the truth is, sports and politics have gone together like peanut butter and jelly since time immemorial. Even with lesser footy being a multi-billion dollar industry, it’s still political. You cannot have players, representing a country, where their respective national anthem is played, playing against another team representing a country and then be shocked that politicians back home are using their success as a vehicle to promote their own bullshit.
I start off with this preface because England’s right wing/centre right has been the most vocal and benefited the most from The Crumpets’ success. Yes, most right wing parties in Europe have benefited, but, for the sake of length, and the fact I am currently very drunk, we’re only talking about England. While UKIP is mostly just cannon fodder at this point because the Tories—or should I say Theresa May—embraced their right wing populism, which has resulted in a blending of voters and party members. The blend in ideology is most evident in her policies towards immigration, despite over 90% of the masses in favoUr of immigration. Her hostile environment towards these people has resulted in decades long residents of Britain being denied access to healthcare, housing and jobs. That’s fucked up.
The truth is, not only do I actually like a lot of the players on the Crumpets’ side, but also enjoy the style of lesser footy that they play. I also think it’s pretty cool that 7 of their starting 11 players are immigrants or first generation players. But for political reasons, I can’t have England win. Not when it’s going to benefit a more intolerant side of society. Especially with whatever is going on in America right now (breastmilk is bullshit and any country who disagrees faces severe sanctions, America? Really?), we need a major power to not be so got damn nutty. This nutty right wing side, is the same side that talks about “Football coming home.” Pakistan is the capital of making balls for lesser footy. These same people wouldn’t even let football in, let alone play lesser footy in 2018. Fuck them with a rusty spoon.
Anyway, England definitely has an advantage as they are running on house money and they have not played over 240 minutes of lesser footy over the past two games. They have played 30 fewer minutes, and those minutes were not nearly as physical or as intense as the Croatia vs Russia match. Most importantly, their entire roster is intact.
On the other side, Croatia became the first team to win consecutive penalty kicks in a World Cup since Argentina in 1990.It should be noted that Argentian lost the third game. Psychologically, going to penalties once is incredibly draining. Doing it consecutively almost makes it seem inevitable that the team will pull up lame for the third match. Add in the fact that Croatia had to fire their assistant coach on Monday for praising the Ukraine while in Russia—in order to ensure Vida wasn’t suspended—and all of a sudden, laying an egg seems the likely scenario for Croatia, especially since they are also battling the injury bug. Right back Sime Vrsaljko, a guy whom led many attacks this tournament, is likely out. Danijel Subasic is going to be a game time decision. I’m not sure what exactly is wrong with him, but, Marcelo “Come at me” Brozovic is still smarting from an injury. He may have to be a sub, again.
Prediction:
Just like France vs Belgium, there’s a result I want and a result I think will happen. Since I’ve been banging the Croatia drum since before the tournament, I’d like them to prove me right and beat England. Unfortunately, I think they’re going to show up fatigued, resulting in an uninspiring 2-1 victory for England. Kane will score the game winner on a penalty kick in the second half of extra time.
Check’d
Cheka’d
“Croatia needed that.”
-Mr. Obvious
Holy against the run of play, Batman!!
/now collapse, ye bunch of British cucks
GET IN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“That is were the sun don’t shine”? Obviously she has never been to a European beach.
Croatia, stop. with. The. Ineffective. Crosses. Please and thank you.
“Ineffective crosses? Not if you shop Pontius Pilate’s Crucifixion Emporium!”
Well, Pontius did sell at least one ineffective cross, the user was only slightly damaged after 3 days of rest.
You can just tell Croatia’s manager douses himself in really bad, Dollar Store cologne.
So that’s why my nose has been runny
Is that Nina Hartley?
The Croatian wrestling team showed up to play.
Croatia should target Walker more. He looks like he’s gon’ fuck up
7 Croatian players around the ball at midfield. Christ, they’re screwed.
When old people get together (and I presume this will happen to all of us eventually if we live long enough) they talk about the most mind-numbing shit imaginable. But the worst of it is that they talk about the exact same mind-numbing shit every single time. There is currently a meeting of the elderly going on downstairs.
Them: Hey tWBS, there you are!!! Sit and talk with us.
Me: Ummmm….I’ve got a thing about a thing I need to attend to.
Them: But you’ve never heard the story about…
Me (to myself but not aloud, and now sitting down): Trust me, yes I have. At least a dozen times. Hopefully someone will show up soon and kill me.
And yes, I’d heard that particular story at least a dozen times. Also, who wants to know what the weather did early this week and may or may not do for the rest of the week? I’ve got the inside scoop. Old folks like to talk about the weather.
Jesus, I can’t stand that shit.
Or they fixate on one thing because their world has shrunk so much.
Over a period of two months my mother would ask me every time she called, “Scotch, your dish rag doesn’t have holes in it, does it? If it does you should just toss it out.”
It ended when I said, “STOP TALKING ABOUT GODDAMNED DISH RAGS FOR GOD’s SAKE!”
/then I get to feel briefly guilty about yelling at her over fucking dish rags GAH!
THIS.
Jesus, it’s a good thing#6 on England is a decent lesser footy player because this guy is ugly as sin
Maguire? Yeah, he’s like a beefed up Crispin Glover.
He’s England’s density.
I feel like Croatia has about 10-15 minutes of good lesser footy left in them. Let’s hope it can result in a goal
Halftime is the perfect time to go read the latest installment in the Summer of Maturity!
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2018/07/11/dak-prescott-summer-of-maturity-chapter-2/
It was, and I did!
I am shocked that Croatia has had the ball 51% of the time. It doesn’t feel like that
I’ve had my hand on my balls 100% of the time and I’m losing feeling. That’s kinda the same, right?
/scribbles notes
“Losing feeling in your hand, or your balls?”
/again, nawt a doctor
Exactly!
Croatia more like the Aggravated Assault Hungry, Hungry Hippos, amirite?
u rite
Kane selfish.
“Mr. Welles, can you sum up your latest project in two words?”
This is why I love this place.
What a great defensive play
Kane missed! If there’s a chance for a change in momentum, this is it!
We switched the Croatian squad with the last 11 quarterbacks of the Cleveland Browns. Let’s see if anyone notices a difference in passing
Spergon for the Wynn!
He, like Akili Smith was great up here in the CFL.
For those of us in need of a refresher (yeah, this one’s out of date):
One can get incredibly favourable odds on a Murder Checkerboard comeback. Ain’t touching ’em.
Smart move. Though, if they can keep it to 1-0 at halftime, maybe that’ll give them a confidence boost to find their legs?
/Ron Howard voice: Bargaining stage is an ugly look.
That voice similarly answered “It didn’t” when I prayed “Please let that missed double sitter come back o haunt the Cuck Liouns.”
Especially with the way they are playing. I am usually used to only seeing passing this bad when I watch the Browns.
Scott Stevens liked that ‘check’ at midfield.
Is there a third-place game on Saturday?
I hate to admit that I know this answer.
Yes.
I hope the game goes to extra innings… For your sake.
Hehe.
😛
We shall cover it, too!
That goal is the equivalent of an opening kickoff return for a TD. Lots of time, he says with denial in his voice
starting to wonder if this be all like 3 or 4-nil
boy howdy, am I glad I have the sound muted.
boy howdy, am I mad I ain’t bet the Cuck Liouns to win the half at +225 when that free kick was awarded
A goal? I hadn’t even stuck my hand down my pants yet!
Why are you wearing pants?
He’s a witch?
To be fair, he didn’t say he hadn’t stuck his hand down someone else’s pants yet.
It was either my pants or my brother-in-law’s.
Holy damn what a ball
What’s a professional way of saying, if you constantly disturb me during this match, I will end your shit, so fuck off?
All,
THE FOOTY IS ON SO FUCK RIGHT OFF
–Wakezilla.
you don’t have a crazy stare yet? Pfffft, amateur
What a shot
That Keeper were also unbalanced as hay-ell
ballgame
If you are listening to the nawt fox broadcast he brought up the knighting of Southgate again. I want all these knights that are “Sir” to put on armor and battle to the death.
Sir Elton John v Sir Alex Ferguson, who ya got?
Sir Elton. No way that armour isnt flashy and distracting as hell.
I’ll take Sir Alex as Sir Elton is widely known for his penchant to swallow swords.
I think Sir Elton will get Sir Alex in the end.
My favorite moment of BBC news was when a reporter was talking about the then Chief of the Defence Staff. Sir Jock Stirrup. After the first time, she kept referring to him as Sir Jock, Sir Jock, Sir Jock.
Coin flip??
#GreaterFootyEnvy
Checkerboard Tablecloth kit nowhere to be seen. Boo!
IT’S LIME TIME BABY!
I forgot who asked a while ago, but the England chant that sounds like “Dancing in September” has been deciphered:
https://twitter.com/MenInBlazers/status/1017095382063570945
Yes, I went out of my way to finish my errands/chores early today so I could watch soccer. And now I’m watching the clock waiting for it to start.
WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME?????????????????????????
OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(I blame you, Baltimore Orioles)
I got hooked in the 90’s because I would get stoned and there would be no commercials. Then I went to games over there. Hook it to my veins.
The waiting is the hardest part . . .
https://deadspin.com/adam-pacman-jones-got-into-a-fist-fight-at-the-airpor-1827513270
?itemid=4793275
Can’t help thinking his life would have turned out better if his mom and dad had named him ‘Tetris’ or ‘Frogger’ instead.
I wish my parents had named me “Pole Position”.
HELLO MY NAME IS PONG HOW DO YOU DO MA’AM
Wow Wakezilla really hates England.
Must be Irish
“Watch out, Itchy! He’s Irish!”
?itemid=5169747
Not really breaking news: Madrid has its top priorities on signing Mbappe. Apparently Neymar dove his way out of their top priority. Harry Kane is also a target, but, the English don’t exactly have a good record over at Madrid
/sulks
– Bale
Yeah, I know he’s Welsh…
“Especially when I have to work with the Spaniards. And get this damn cone off my head.”
OK, time for the next meeting.
Kidding; it should be fine.
?itok=BwBA_7Aq
“Oh the humanity!”
– Brad Childress
“Can I help? I have a van.”
-Marc Trestman
“It’s got child restraints and everything!”
Stupid sexy Valderrama…
In these hottest days cool off with the aid of water’s evaporative affects.
My gawd
She’s swell.
And I’m swelling.
Oh god Oh god I am incredibly hungover. Work isn’t going to be fun today. Death feels imminent.
Want to read some sass? Check out the responses to tweets under the search term “#FacesOfTariffs”.
It’s my new guilty pleasure, honestly,
This is amazing.
I”m sorry. Guilty pleasure? Petards are wonderful.
Great News! Ontario pickling cukes are out-only $50 for a 40lb. bushel!
That’s a lot of money to watch your wife get plowed
Especially when this guy will do it for free.
Once again, the long wait is too long.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMyCa35_mOg
Great summation of the political impacts of the Brits. Similar to my feelings on the doped-up Rooskies and the mainstreaming of Putinism.
How the hell am I third in the pool??
“Um…uh…hi Sharkbait. You’re headed to bed soon, right? Right?”
– Rikki, thinking that he and his wife had the pool to themselves
Don’t make it weird
wooohooo, I’m in the write up…lol
Rookie mistake. I left my work phone at home so no pub for me.
Lame. Call out sick then.
I already took a half day but my boss will not enter my time if I answer emails from “my appointment”
Just call in a bomb threat.
You don’t want Trudi Beekman taking your spot at the pub!