Yes, I am re-using pictures that I deem good luck for certain “most favoured nation” sides. Wanna fight about it?
Croatia (+250) v. England (+130; draw +205) (14:00 EST, Fox)
As usual throughout their charmed tourney lives, the Cuck Liouns are favoured, despite not really being one of even the five or six best sides in the field. Plus, with Les Frogs winning yesterday, the “written in the stars” shite will be unbearable. I shall watch the match, but only the match and only on mute. Fuck right off, world. Except all hail Jordan Pickford’s badonkadonk. Too bad the one man Army that is Luka Modric will be ded-ass tired in this one, especially once it goes to extra time (sorry FOAR the spoiler, but FUCK OFF, I am angry Hippo).
Wild Ass Guess: 1-1 Draw (England advance on pennos)
Balls: Croatia has an unbelievable midfield with Rakitic and Modric but the rest of the team should not be discounted. Those guys NEVER give up. You saw it in the Russia game and you saw it in the Denmark game.
It didn’t matter that things didn’t go their way. They stuck to their gameplan, didn’t panic, and came through in penalties.
On the other side, you have the England team that has admittedly played pretty well albeit against light competition. Their toughest game so far was against Belgium and they promptly lost that one.
I feel England have taken full advantage of the opportunities that other teams have given them. Will Croatia provide any? They certainly did to Russia and Denmark.
Prediction: This will be a tight game with a possible Croatia mistake leading to an England goal and Croatian brilliance leading to a Croatia goal. 1-1 after 90. Then, Croatia scores the decider in Extra Time. Croatia 2 England 1 after 120.
Litre_Cola: So what are we looking for here? The best schadenfreude is the English getting curbed stomped in the finals. I am not sure I want to take that chance. Modric and Rakitic are world class and have more experience than the young midfield of the English. Modric looks to control the midfield and he wont shrink on the big stage. He has won eleventy hundred Champions League titles with the Madridistas. Up front Mandzukic looks like he works at the rent a car desk in Zagreb but is an effective finisher. Can the back four of Croatia keep up with the English pace down the flanks? That is the only flaw that I see going into this one for the murder checkerboards.
Here is a reason I want the English to lose. The betting houses have lowered the odds that Harry Kane, and Gareth Southgate get knighted if they win. Also, Twitter is deplorable right now and when I hear the “It’s coming home song” I instantly fly into a rage. I will admit I do like the viewing parties in England, when they score the beer showers are fantastic. The problem for me is that I really like this team. There is no Rooney, Terry, Lampard, Ferdinand, Or the two Coles. These guys are likable as is their manager who has brought waistcoat fashion back to England. It pleases me that so many Tottenham players are on this team instead of the usual United arrogant asses.
There is a Turkish referee for this match and I really don’t know who that helps.
Prediction: England 1- 1 Croatia, and it goes to kicks and England goes through and makes the local pub have a line up at 5 am on Sunday for a 9 am kickoff.
Wakezilla: As much as FIFA wants to deny that Lesser Footy and politics don’t go together, the truth is, sports and politics have gone together like peanut butter and jelly since time immemorial. Even with lesser footy being a multi-billion dollar industry, it’s still political. You cannot have players, representing a country, where their respective national anthem is played, playing against another team representing a country and then be shocked that politicians back home are using their success as a vehicle to promote their own bullshit.
I start off with this preface because England’s right wing/centre right has been the most vocal and benefited the most from The Crumpets’ success. Yes, most right wing parties in Europe have benefited, but, for the sake of length, and the fact I am currently very drunk, we’re only talking about England. While UKIP is mostly just cannon fodder at this point because the Tories—or should I say Theresa May—embraced their right wing populism, which has resulted in a blending of voters and party members. The blend in ideology is most evident in her policies towards immigration, despite over 90% of the masses in favoUr of immigration. Her hostile environment towards these people has resulted in decades long residents of Britain being denied access to healthcare, housing and jobs. That’s fucked up.
The truth is, not only do I actually like a lot of the players on the Crumpets’ side, but also enjoy the style of lesser footy that they play. I also think it’s pretty cool that 7 of their starting 11 players are immigrants or first generation players. But for political reasons, I can’t have England win. Not when it’s going to benefit a more intolerant side of society. Especially with whatever is going on in America right now (breastmilk is bullshit and any country who disagrees faces severe sanctions, America? Really?), we need a major power to not be so got damn nutty. This nutty right wing side, is the same side that talks about “Football coming home.” Pakistan is the capital of making balls for lesser footy. These same people wouldn’t even let football in, let alone play lesser footy in 2018. Fuck them with a rusty spoon.
Anyway, England definitely has an advantage as they are running on house money and they have not played over 240 minutes of lesser footy over the past two games. They have played 30 fewer minutes, and those minutes were not nearly as physical or as intense as the Croatia vs Russia match. Most importantly, their entire roster is intact.
On the other side, Croatia became the first team to win consecutive penalty kicks in a World Cup since Argentina in 1990.It should be noted that Argentian lost the third game. Psychologically, going to penalties once is incredibly draining. Doing it consecutively almost makes it seem inevitable that the team will pull up lame for the third match. Add in the fact that Croatia had to fire their assistant coach on Monday for praising the Ukraine while in Russia—in order to ensure Vida wasn’t suspended—and all of a sudden, laying an egg seems the likely scenario for Croatia, especially since they are also battling the injury bug. Right back Sime Vrsaljko, a guy whom led many attacks this tournament, is likely out. Danijel Subasic is going to be a game time decision. I’m not sure what exactly is wrong with him, but, Marcelo “Come at me” Brozovic is still smarting from an injury. He may have to be a sub, again.
Prediction:
Just like France vs Belgium, there’s a result I want and a result I think will happen. Since I’ve been banging the Croatia drum since before the tournament, I’d like them to prove me right and beat England. Unfortunately, I think they’re going to show up fatigued, resulting in an uninspiring 2-1 victory for England. Kane will score the game winner on a penalty kick in the second half of extra time.
So I was flipping around on the onscreen guide and found something called “Jane Seymour Exposed”. It was a misleading title, to say the least. Stupid DirecTV.
Next up, “Dr. Ho Relieves Back Pain”.
GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!
Wow have you ever read about Croatia? They were a fascist German puppet state in World War II and were so enthusiastic about committing atrocities that even Heinrich Himmler thought they went too far.
We does call ’em Murder Checkerboards!
Current Foxy president Grabar has denounced and combated fascism during her presidency.
they really seem to be about the only outpost in Central/Eastern Europe not going haaaaaarrrrrd fookin’ right.
That’s because Grabar makes another thing go hard and right.
I took a different approach at the office today and got everyone invested in Croatia. I didn’t do a thing the entire time. LoL.
Woooooo!
How many of these things are getting smashed tonight?
smashing tv’s to own the libs lol #MAGA
Hey England, just like when Dad went out for smokes, the World Cup ain’t coming home.
The proper expression for your target audience is “when dad went out for a fag…”
“when dad went out to suck a fag eh what blimey cuppa tea good show cheerio”
BANNER!!!!
The last time the Belgians and English were so sad to be in the same place was Flanders, 1915-1918.
Ypres…that was harsh man.
The last time the English were this pissed off is when Wham broke up.
Just as well. No one needed to see this anyway
Erm, someone should put the BBC Football website staff on suicide watch, ’cause they’re going full melancholy atm
So, did Balls call that exactly or did Balls call that exactly?
very, very glad about that!
I think “Balls’ Call” would be a great new feature for this fall.
We just throwing ideas against the wall?
It might be an effort to stall.
It would be like “Blue’s Clues” but with GAMBLOR. And prolly some butt stuff.
Well shit. There go all of my Battle of Hastings and Waterloo jokes.
Most Americans think the English are so smart because of their accent. They’re just as dumb as us Americans. That accent covers up a lot of ugliness.
They’re not as dumb as us. But they are certainly much closer than most people realize.
“Not as dumb”… Erm, prepare a mop and bucket and then google TOWIE or Geordie Shore or *gulp* a Boris Johnson/Michael Gove interview and then we’ll talk (after you finish retching of course)
Woooooo!
WOW!
MWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA… Football’s coming up yer ase, you fucking wankers!
All those English tears will be hidden in the rain and fog. But there isn’t much Mother Nature can do to hide the English vomiting in public.
Thames River: “You called?”
what great strategy by Croatia to save their subs till the end
the announcers are soooooooo butthurt
The ones on RTE are barely managing to conceal their boners atm and one floated the fun idea that Brussels may screw the English over for 3rd place 😀
Man, will that ever be a sad affair on Saturday.
Nothing copious amounts of booze can’t fix! And maybe, just maybe if we click our heels enough and wish on the right star Kompany will snap and just go double ankle-breaker on Kane for teh lulz…
“When you really want to make a point, stretch your arms out and make a weird face.”
-Soccer For Dummies
“Also, for one on eleven tutoring on the finer points of diving like a Ju87 – call Neymar Jr now”
Those plucky Tito-suckers might just pull this off.
Cheer up English people you have Trump to riot against still.
Good point.
And if you Limeys could “help us out” with that little situation we’d be very appreciative.
Should tell the English fans that this loss is because of Trump’s unpopularity in England, so Trump asked Putin to make sure the officiating favored Croatia (yeah I know I am reaching). Trump won’t make it off the plane.
And now,
Huge kudos to the BBC fella-he’s in the moment and he’s not homering it up.
Suggested soundtrack for England fans:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0YCeXldvu8
Or this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TEIYHRxbk4k
Go the Fuck home English twats!
Potential Hundred Minutes’ War averted?
John Stones at fault, too. PERFECTION!
I sense that you still haven’t forgiven him for discarding Everton like an used condom?
or just generally being a weak noodle of a cunt
Yes, but he was your weak (but purrrdy talented) noodle of a cunt
“Heh heh, ‘weak noodle’.” – Chad Pennington
Sidenote: Doesn’t speak well for the J-E-T-SUCK-SUCK-SUCK that he’s statistically speaking top 3 of their greatest QB of all time….
He was always overrated, even with Everton. He doesn’t have it between the ears to be a true top CB.
I know, frankly – for such a “hot commodity” he never really struck me as that good in actual play (but then again, my team used to pay AND play Senderos and Cygan in defence, so … who am I to judge XD )
We absolutely rinsed City in that transfer, most Blues even said so at the time. Compared to what we got for a beast like Lukaku?
Evenin’ gents… So, we’re on to penoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAL
Boom goes the dynamite.
CROW OF ASIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Has a team ever won 3 straight penalty kicks before?
Never mind? 😀
Rashford or bust for Engloids here.
I call that English attack “Charge of the Light Brigade”.
http://www.internetmonk.com/wp-content/uploads/broadway-danny-rose1.jpg
“Get that post a bloody knighthood.”
-J. Clarkson
I thought the ’18 logo was kinda stupid looking before. After reading this, I think it’s really stupid looking.
It’s a typical looking logo: something I could make and charge $50 for, but they got some asshes who did it and charged 3 million to do
If I see this out of context, I’m thinking weird sea monster with odd red pigmentation and three eyes coming to eat me.
I haven’t seen the English get ahead of themselves after an early success like this since Isandlwana
Man, having New England, then Original Flavour England blow it on the big stage in the same year? Nice respite from Darkest Timeline.
Yellowcard for that hair
Folks. That’s right am shit posting from work. Go to hell England!
Or buy me Bonestorm?
Can’t you just share the copy she got for Caitlin?
No. Get two, stupid.
I have no idea how Aggravated Assault Hungry, Hungry Hippos will make it through extra time standing up, let alone moving about.
You can’t say Jordan Pickford ain’t brave. He’s got bollocks the size of grapefruits.
If I’m a soccer coach, every time my kids raise their arms to call for a foul or stand there running their hands through their hair after a missed chance while the ball is still in play I make them do pushups.
Unless I’m Mark Trestman, of course, in which case I make them do…something else.
Go on – J. Sandusky
“I didn’t see nothin.”
– Rep. Jim Jordan
“Me neither” – J Paterno
“Me neither. Ouch, that’s hot!”
-JoePa
new from that front:
https://talkingpointsmemo.com/edblog/former-jordan-staffer-and-protege-had-history-of-harassment-and-assault
Shocked! (Well, not that shocked.)
Boy, howdy, I hope these missed opportunities don’t bite Croatia in the arse.
Ron Howard voi….”SHUT THE FUCK UP RON!!!”
Did Hippo bet the exact 1-1? No Hippo did not. I did put a lousy fucking $40 on the draw last night, so WOO me. It was late, dunno why I didn’t think “hey, betcha get much better odds if ya bet the exact scoreline”
Fun Fact:
Rashford’s favourite band is The Hives.
You’ve just been itching to use that joke.
tick, tick, tick, BOOM!
Feels like England is the skinny kid on the seesaw-they have no control over the situation and are hanging on for their lives.
Holy shite, if England loses on PKs…….HaHaHa
Would it hurt more to lose to the Frogs or the Wogs on PKs?
My boss who is English said “I am so glad we don’t have this hang up about PK’s anymore. Glad we got that monkey off our back.” That is why I want them to lose on PKs. I do like my boss, but I would just love the future existential dread of future PKs.
CLOSE!