Your “O Frabjous Day! Callooh! Callay!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.

Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!

Falcons vs. Eagles:

You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together?  Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.

*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.

Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.

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The Maestro

BRING ME KNEES. I WANT ALL OF THEM.

WCS

— Willis McGhee

Horatio Cornblower

KNEEL! KNEEL! KNEEL! KNEEL!

Redshirt

NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nice work by Progressive making the anti-miscegenationists heads explode by putting an interracial couple in an ad.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Relax.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

*extremely Jeff Goldblum voice* Will there be any Footballing on this Football broadcast?

makeitsnowondem

What are we all drinking? Just broke out the Vanilla Barrel-Aged Framinghammer.

fleshwound_NPG

thanks to the coors and the rain delay i’m gonna be asleep by the 2nd quarter

...

Begyle (a small Chicago brewery ) Imperial Pajamas 2016. It’s barrel-aged but not too boozy. It’s no Bourbon County, but it’s decent.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Vodka, chased with Dale’s Pale.
And the worst part is I have to be up early tomorrow.
/Probably gonna have a shitty morning

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Holy shit! 325 comments before the game? THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!!!

Redshirt

We had to entertain ourselves somehow. NBC definitely wasn’t helping!

Bogdanski

Yay, rain. And hello again.

clint greasewood

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Gratliff

Oh man. I miss Tiny Darren. I was so wrapped up in the whole Eagles Winning Super Bowl LII 41-33 thing that I forgot his little gnome ass was back

ballsofsteelandfury

Just had my first bite of the Skyline chili. The paprika is strong in this one, but the combination works. It’s definitely something I would have never imagined, but it works.

Redshirt

I told ya. It only looks like shit.

ballsofsteelandfury

Full post coming. I took pictures and everything.

yeah right

I promise a special Sunday Gravy where I make the chili from scratch.
I pay my debts.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Redshirt

JSD brought the jugs.

JustStopDude

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Sharkbait

Looks like we broke it.

Smithchez

-This game

Spur

Come on Atlanta, shut these Philly Fucks up.

Smithchez

Collinsworth wants the Falcons to explode ALL OVER the Eagles tonight.

...

Al MIchaels makes a shit ton of money but his hair still looks like it was sprayed out of a can.

Smithchez

“Here we see the Eagles honoring America’s troops by forcing them to act as props and hold open the locker room doors.”

theeWeeBabySeamus

I just checked in on FF ( I have Philly D) and they’ve already given me my initial 10 pts.
Aren’t they uhsposed to wait until kickoff?
Meh, win or lose, I scored first this year fuckers!!!!!!!

Redshirt

I guess you had the right flavor Gatorade?

Horatio Cornblower

Counterpoint: No one should have to take a close look at Cris Collinsworth

Brocky

Gentlemen, Only one thing to say:

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Gratliff

RIGHT IN MY VEINS

The Maestro

I despise this so much and yet remain so impressed as well.

Brocky

I know right? My technologically inept ass making gifs? just a year ago I couldn’t figure out how to post youtube links~!

Beerguyrob

I’m a little disappointed there aren’t links to the fine previews of these teams. I put actual minutes into my Falcons analysis.

makeitsnowondem

“Due to the weather delay, tonight we will be singing Swim Eagles Swim.”

Redshirt

Time to see if Nick Foles’s deal with the devil carries over into the next season.

King Hippo

Ron Howard voice: It did NOT carry over.

The Maestro

What a stupid fucking song. Fight me, you phuckers.

Redshirt

My team’s fight song’s a polka. By rule, that disqualifies me from criticizing.

Gratliff

That sound was super fucked up. Everything I expect.

ArmedandHammered

Shit I missed it, and I have a friend who is working the sound at the game tonight. Would have given me something to give him grief about.

Brocky

BANNER!!!!

Smithchez

What a lovely cacophony of sound that was.

King Hippo

I enjoyed that nigh 3-D tit shot

Spur

Lightning couldn’t hit Brian Dawkins?

Horatio Cornblower

I want to see someone take a knee to ‘Fly Eagles Fly’

fleshwound_NPG

wtf

JustStopDude

Over under number of college degree holders from accredited universities in that stadium…right now.

Sharkbait

11.5. I’ll take the under.

ballsofsteelandfury

-3

Redshirt

Under

Beerguyrob

There are more on this site than in that stadium.

King Hippo

Paedo State doesn’t count, obvs

Smithchez

So Colin Jost definitely made some sort of faustian bargain with a demon, right? Is it not obvious to anyone else?

“I’ll do whatever you want. I just want to be famous.”

“Your soul will suffice.”

“I also want to date Scarlett Johannson.”

“(sigh)…..fine. I’m short on my quota this month”

Beerguyrob

I dunno. Given the guys she’s been linked to, I’m willing to bet she’ll say “okay “ if you’re famous.

Gratliff

YAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

King Hippo

hey, you Iggle fucks get yer own pop country intro?

Redshirt

Football better hurry. I’m about to start talking about my feelings.

King Hippo

MEN! Help this man suppress before it’s too late!

JustStopDude

FOCUS MAN!!!
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Horatio Cornblower

Counterpoint to Scotchy’s otherwise solid analysis up there: I drafted Devonta Freeman this year, so stay far, far away from him. He’ll be a quadraplegic by Week 4.

LemonJello

Ryan Shazier: Triggered!
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JustStopDude

Matt Ryan…what you get when you cross the personality of Joe Flacco with Tony Romo’s playoff acumen…

fleshwound_NPG

foot…baw?

Spur

can we get a camera on the wholesome shenanigans the Eagle fans are partaking in the parking lot?

Gratliff

GIVE ME MY FUCKING CEREMONY

Spur

Viking Funeral OK with you? Hop on in!

Sharkbait

Is that a Matt Schaub sighting?

Brocky

They showed him doing warm ups with matt ryan on NFL network.

It looked exactly what you’d expect it to

Horatio Cornblower

I just stumbled on, and I shit you not, international dodgeball on ESPN2.

The color guy sounds exactly like Jason Bateman’s character.

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Horatio Cornblower

Malaysia wins! Malaysia wins!

The Maestro

THE OCHO LIVES!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

I have to say, 230 comments in and the game hasn’t even fucking started is pretty good.

Redshirt

Does it deserve an asterisk because 130 comments was variations about the music quality and envying the deaf?

Horatio Cornblower

Please don’t encourage our agoraphobia.

King Hippo

TOO LATE

Don T

Was listening to The Who, all Amy Winehouse during the game. If it ever fucking starts.