Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.
Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!
Falcons vs. Eagles:
You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together? Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.
*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.
Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.
BRING ME KNEES. I WANT ALL OF THEM.
— Willis McGhee
KNEEL! KNEEL! KNEEL! KNEEL!
NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.NoPolitics.
Nice work by Progressive making the anti-miscegenationists heads explode by putting an interracial couple in an ad.
Relax.
*extremely Jeff Goldblum voice* Will there be any Footballing on this Football broadcast?
What are we all drinking? Just broke out the Vanilla Barrel-Aged Framinghammer.
thanks to the coors and the rain delay i’m gonna be asleep by the 2nd quarter
Begyle (a small Chicago brewery ) Imperial Pajamas 2016. It’s barrel-aged but not too boozy. It’s no Bourbon County, but it’s decent.
Vodka, chased with Dale’s Pale.
And the worst part is I have to be up early tomorrow.
/Probably gonna have a shitty morning
Holy shit! 325 comments before the game? THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE!!!
We had to entertain ourselves somehow. NBC definitely wasn’t helping!
Yay, rain. And hello again.
Oh man. I miss Tiny Darren. I was so wrapped up in the whole Eagles Winning Super Bowl LII 41-33 thing that I forgot his little gnome ass was back
Just had my first bite of the Skyline chili. The paprika is strong in this one, but the combination works. It’s definitely something I would have never imagined, but it works.
I told ya. It only looks like shit.
Full post coming. I took pictures and everything.
I promise a special Sunday Gravy where I make the chili from scratch.
I pay my debts.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WQPfQvLIseA
Get pumped music!
I hungry. Anyone got any snacks?
JSD brought the jugs.
Looks like we broke it.
-This game
Come on Atlanta, shut these Philly Fucks up.
Collinsworth wants the Falcons to explode ALL OVER the Eagles tonight.
Al MIchaels makes a shit ton of money but his hair still looks like it was sprayed out of a can.
“Here we see the Eagles honoring America’s troops by forcing them to act as props and hold open the locker room doors.”
I just checked in on FF ( I have Philly D) and they’ve already given me my initial 10 pts.
Aren’t they uhsposed to wait until kickoff?
Meh, win or lose, I scored first this year fuckers!!!!!!!
I guess you had the right flavor Gatorade?
The “Fire Joe Morgan” folks should take a very close look at Chris Collinsworth.
Counterpoint: No one should have to take a close look at Cris Collinsworth
Gentlemen, Only one thing to say:
RIGHT IN MY VEINS
I despise this so much and yet remain so impressed as well.
I know right? My technologically inept ass making gifs? just a year ago I couldn’t figure out how to post youtube links~!
I’m a little disappointed there aren’t links to the fine previews of these teams. I put actual minutes into my Falcons analysis.
“Due to the weather delay, tonight we will be singing Swim Eagles Swim.”
Time to see if Nick Foles’s deal with the devil carries over into the next season.
Ron Howard voice: It did NOT carry over.
What a stupid fucking song. Fight me, you phuckers.
My team’s fight song’s a polka. By rule, that disqualifies me from criticizing.
That sound was super fucked up. Everything I expect.
Shit I missed it, and I have a friend who is working the sound at the game tonight. Would have given me something to give him grief about.
BANNER!!!!
What a lovely cacophony of sound that was.
I enjoyed that nigh 3-D tit shot
Lightning couldn’t hit Brian Dawkins?
I want to see someone take a knee to ‘Fly Eagles Fly’
wtf
Over under number of college degree holders from accredited universities in that stadium…right now.
11.5. I’ll take the under.
-3
Under
There are more on this site than in that stadium.
Paedo State doesn’t count, obvs
So Colin Jost definitely made some sort of faustian bargain with a demon, right? Is it not obvious to anyone else?
“I’ll do whatever you want. I just want to be famous.”
“Your soul will suffice.”
“I also want to date Scarlett Johannson.”
“(sigh)…..fine. I’m short on my quota this month”
I dunno. Given the guys she’s been linked to, I’m willing to bet she’ll say “okay “ if you’re famous.
YAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hey, you Iggle fucks get yer own pop country intro?
Football better hurry. I’m about to start talking about my feelings.
“Yeesh! Give it a rest.”
-Redshirt’s feelings
MEN! Help this man suppress before it’s too late!
FOCUS MAN!!!
I haven’t seen this many guys dressed in green filling up a bowl since I visited Houlihan’s bathroom during St. Patrick’s Day.
Counterpoint to Scotchy’s otherwise solid analysis up there: I drafted Devonta Freeman this year, so stay far, far away from him. He’ll be a quadraplegic by Week 4.
Ryan Shazier: Triggered!
Matt Ryan…what you get when you cross the personality of Joe Flacco with Tony Romo’s playoff acumen…
foot…baw?
can we get a camera on the wholesome shenanigans the Eagle fans are partaking in the parking lot?
GIVE ME MY FUCKING CEREMONY
Viking Funeral OK with you? Hop on in!
Is that a Matt Schaub sighting?
They showed him doing warm ups with matt ryan on NFL network.
It looked exactly what you’d expect it to
I just stumbled on, and I shit you not, international dodgeball on ESPN2.
The color guy sounds exactly like Jason Bateman’s character.
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Malaysia wins! Malaysia wins!
THE OCHO LIVES!!!
I have to say, 230 comments in and the game hasn’t even fucking started is pretty good.
Does it deserve an asterisk because 130 comments was variations about the music quality and envying the deaf?
Please don’t encourage our agoraphobia.
TOO LATE
Was listening to The Who, all Amy Winehouse during the game. If it ever fucking starts.