Your “O Frabjous Day! Callooh! Callay!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

Look at me over here, chortling with joy. Man, this takes me back to high school and my first girlie friend. After a few sessions of furtive squeezing and such she said, “this shirt is so uncomfortable”. She got up, took off said shirt and then said, “should I take off my bra too?” and turned away from me. My throat went a bit dry and I mumbled, “yah”. My first peak at real boobs was about to happen-the anticipation of seeing real, soft, milky-white chest appendages was almost too much to endure.

Why do I mention this? Well, as a jaded adult in a world not of my own making there’s very little that cranks my propellers but the start of yet another football season will have to do. Certainly, there’s no real comparison between what 15 year-old me and old-ish, drink-sodden, somewhat functional yours truly was feeling but if I’m able to take you back to a time when breasts were nude and exciting, well, My work here is done. Btw, your mom’s boobs don’t count. Perv. You know what does count? Tonight’s tilt! TO THE GAME!

Falcons vs. Eagles:

You know the old saying, Birds of a feather will play football together?  Philly is without Wentz, and wr’s Jeffery and Hollins but that d-line makes up for a lot of shortcomings. Fantasy-wise, you’ve got better options than Nick Foles but te Ertz and Ajayi should get you a few points. On t’udder side you’re starting Julio because you’re not stupid and he’s had 4 straight games against Atlanta with 100+ yards. You should grab De’vonta as well if you have him.* What say I wrap this up? I’m not going to tell anything to anyone that they didn’t already know.

*Minor Rant: Tevin Coleman has got to be one of the top 5 rb’s catching the ball out of the backfield and yet OC Sarkasian saw fit last year to give him 3 or more catches in only 6(!) of 17 games last year. This is Coleman’s last year as a Falcon and he is going to blow up with the team that brings him on board next year. Stupid rant over.

Well, it’s your time to get after it. Do it.

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Gratliff

There is zero chance that game is as good as this commercial

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Smithchez

Aww I miss Happy Endings

Horatio Cornblower

“Me too”-Rick Pitino.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dan Quinn looks like a guy who would not let you borrow his leaf blower, cause he’s just a dick like that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

He doesn’t believe you know how to properly handle a small engine like that.

Gratliff

That was certainly 15 minutes of technically football

fleshwound_NPG

is this an ACC game?

Ian Scott McCormick

It’s definitely not MACtion

Gratliff

Mayhap we see Ryan AND Foles pulled

King Hippo

THANK YOU for showing the fucking maths!

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Is this a football game or a horse breeding video?

Foles hitting the ground everywhere.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was good. Bravo.

SonOfSpam

Love me a good animal husbandry joke.

Ian Scott McCormick

“Now here’s a percentage!”

Brocky

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This game sucks and I’m hongry. Gonna go make dinner. See ya’s after halftime.

Smithchez

With the overall erosion in O-Line effectiveness, how long do you think the period of “QB looks off his first read and gets decapitated” becomes the norm in the NFL before SOME college programs start figuring their shit out?

King Hippo

Not sure the one-legged Wentz would have much less mobility.

SonOfSpam

To be fair, Foles has three.

Don T

THAT’S the Nick Foles we all knew, and no one loved.

Gatoraids

’bout time he tripped over his own dick

makeitsnowondem

So when does the preseason end this year?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

The Green zone is at fault for all of this

Sharkbait

WHERE WAS THIS FOLES IN FEBRUARY???

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s some imaginative playcalling on 2nd and 17 right there.

Sharkbait

BLEERGH making his presence felt tonight.

King Hippo

Our God will not be mocked!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

PENALTIES FOR THE PENALTY THRONE!

Horatio Cornblower

3-0 would be an exciting game if the Thrashers were playing the Flyers.

Senor Weaselo

“Who are the Thrashers?” -The city of Atlanta

clint greasewood

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WCS

Bobby Bowden’s tenth season at FSU!

Spur

Joe Paterno’s 65th at Penn State

SonOfSpam

And he didn’t see nothin

SonOfSpam

Looks like The Strongest Tard.

Ian Scott McCormick

“Not my face. That’s the franchise. Goddamn it will somebody invent a fucking mask?”

SonOfSpam

NOT IN THE FACE

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MikeWallaceAndGromit

Holy shit my namesake is still in the league?

Horatio Cornblower

Gromit? Yeah, linebacker for the Bears.

herodotus450

Didn’t even know he got back from his grandma’s place upstate…
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King Hippo

Now we just need Foles to doink a 30-yard completion off a Falcon LB…

fleshwound_NPG

This Atlanta offense lemme tell ya I call them William Tecumseh Sherman because they burn through a ton of yards and break the souls of Southerners

Senor Weaselo

I liked New Amsterdam! The Fox show. About the guy who was immortal.

Claymaker

Coming soon to NBC, DOCTORS WHO DON’T CARE ABOUT MONEY BUT ONLY CARE ABOUT DOCTORIN’

Spur

which self storage unit do they work out of?

Ian Scott McCormick

15 year old Scotchnaut did a better job of sealing the deal during a scoring opportunity than the Falcons.

SonOfSpam

And the priest wasn’t half bad lookin’

King Hippo

shame 15 was just a wee bit too old ,, smgdh

Ian Scott McCormick

Like fine sacrament.

King Hippo

chuh chuh

Horatio Cornblower

Hey, you pay for college your way and let Scotchy pay for it his way.

herodotus450

ppl forget current, elderly* Scotchnaut remembering 15 year old Scotchnaut is litrerally child po rn godbless
*:sorry

Horatio Cornblower

Finally, a TV show about a doctor who doesn’t play by the rules.

herodotus450

But is he a misunderstood genius!!?

SonOfSpam

Just how autistic are we talkin?

Horatio Cornblower

It’d be great if they did a show about a rebellious doctor who’s also an absolute moron.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I bet he and his colleagues have plenty of time and energy to fuck too!

Spur

you think those salmon sisters have a stinky box?

The Maestro

Sark is gonna be left in some casbah in Morocco for the rest of his days if Atlanta can’t figure their red zone shit out.

SonOfSpam

“We’re the salmon sisters!”

Maybe people wouldn’t call you that if you douched every so often.

Sharkbait

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Claymaker

Julio is going to go 96 catches for 1265 yards and 2 touchdowns.

Gratliff

8 fucking plays inside the 10: 3 points

Spur

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herodotus450

“Things that unreasonably reject my insertions no matter how many times I try to jam it in”

Horatio Cornblower

“The ageless Matt Bryant, 43 years old….” is a thing Al just said.

Gratliff

Wow, Atlanta. Just, Wow.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dumbass been lining up too close to neutral zone all game, figured that was gonna happen eventually.

Gratliff

QUESTIONABLE BLEERGH

Sharkbait

I don’t know how far Atlanta needs to go. Can they make the field greener?

Smithchez

I hope the entire game us just the Falcons fucking up inside of the 10 and the Eagles failing to capitalize on it and punting to midfield.

...

*eyes turn obsidian black*

T H E R E I S N O C A T C H

Gatoraids

There is only Zuul

clint greasewood

Throw Batteries

King Hippo

especially not worth 3 yards NOW

Redshirt

New year, same question: What is catch?

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Need to bring this back as a regular feature. https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2016/02/25/is-this-a-catch/

Gratliff

Back to not knowing how my favorite sport works. Huzzah!

SonOfSpam

Well, the judges give points based on how well the skaters dance together on the ice.

SonOfSpam

Do we know what specific drugs Lewis Carroll was on when he decided frabjous was a word?

Because I would like some of that. MAYBE.

Senor Weaselo

I believe the word is “many.”

yeah right

He was a morphine fan, laudanum in particular.
God bless that man.

King Hippo

good for him!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That Coke ad succeeded in making me hungry. If only I hadn’t already reheated and eaten that leftover Western bacon cheeseburger.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure there are other Western bacon cheeseburgers that deserve your attention.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have to go to Costco soon so I’ll get a chicken bake.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or maybe a whole chicken.

The Maestro

Four fried chickens and a Coke.

yeah right

I recommend an entire rotisserie chicken and a six pack. All you need is a roll of paper towels and no shame.

SonOfSpam

CHICKEN FUCKING BAKE

Gratliff

5 minutes to go in the 1st at 9:30 pm. Ugh.

...

NFL primetime baby!

King Hippo

snort a line and all is fine!

WCS

Round One of 3492855469870365018985 of this season’s “Is it a Catch?”

JustStopDude

Hot Taek!

Challenge flag should become a challenge bean bag…and the coach has to hit a target hole…like a corn hole board.

yeah right

Cosign!

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