Man, I very much enjoyed the games I watched yesterday. You say, ‘derp’ and I say, ‘how does a team overcome the derp’ or ‘how does a team take advantage of the derp?”. Derp is an intrinsic part of the game and I love it. Except Ereck Flowers-oriented derp-that’s a bridge too fucking far. That’s like making fun of a developmentally-challenged team trainer being given the chance to play with the starters in a high school game.
Another Observation: Hippo brought it up in one of the threads yesterday (I think) and it bears repeating to all you silly fantasy folks out there. #workthatwaiverwire Seriously, look for guys that are getting increasing amounts of touches as the season progresses-they’re working their way into the starting lineup/earning their position coach’s trust. Your wr on a potent O has a nagging hammy? Grab his backup. Them injuries tend to linger and the ball is going to end up in that guy’s hands at some point. A rook rb starts getting put into 3rd down passing packages? Grab him before someone else does. I’ll shut up now. TO THE GAMES!
Jetskis/Lions:
Don’t ask me how or why but I watched two (2!) Lions preseason games. Don’t send thoughts or prayers, just send more booze. Anywaggle, maybe Patricia The Stripper was goofing around with personnel groupings but wowza!, that D was positioned badly and seemed surprised at very obvious things that an O would run. I’ve said it recently-I’ll say it again:Stafford is going to have some awesome numbers if he can stay upright. His rookie counterpart-the object of much cautious optimism in the New York area-won’t have the stats to compare but if he gets his reads right, he’ll end up with the W.
Rammers/Raiders:
Khalil Mack embarrassed not just the Packers last night but also the Raiders. That’s one hell of a hill to climb right out of the gate Sisyphus, er, I mean, Jon. USA Today ranked qb Goff as the twenty-first best in the league just behind Derek Carr. How? What? C’mon now!
Go out there and make some friends in the comments.
Are the Orioles making up ground yet?
They’re not playing tonight. So worst case, they lose half a game.
IMPROVEMENT MUDDAFUKKAS!!!!!!!!
HI SUZY!
Joe, is that you?
In the nude! …I mean flesh; In the flesh-colored hose!
everyone needs to surf down and see Petronel’s Casselvania cartridge cover. Oh it is SO GOOD. Things get missed in Live Blog.
(I didn’t make it – just pulled it off da googull.)
REALLY? Fuck, I thought I made the term up as related to that chucklefuck.
Sorry, Hippo:
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Terminator Genisys Halftime Show?
Yes, I’m still mildly regretful I paid to see that abortion in IMAX.
Halftime means look at some Fords, right?
The NFL’s booth review is a fucking joke. That absolutely deserved a look.
Did Sam Darnold and Matthew Stafford switch bodies?
CATCH!
How long you reckon it’s been seen Matt Patricia seen his dick?
High school
even that first day after, he was like “fuck it, let’s eat another whole fried turkey”
The Clinton administration.
Aw, I’m sure he FaceTimes with B*lichick all the time, totes.
Oh come on you’re acting like the Patriots locker room didn’t have a full length body installed so Gronk could check himself out.
I had no idea he was such an Absolute Unit.
It’s crazy how badly so many defenses fold when confronting an offense running the two minute drill.
the old “bend and give up points” defense
What happened to Fat Boy and is Special Ed looking good?
fat magic wore off and YES
Nevermind, Fatty is playing.
Can you get targeting against your own teammate?
Considering the Bears tried to murder Cutler every chance they could, I’m guessing no.
PROBABLY
/suppresses snowflaek rant
//reminds self is liberal
(Emperor Palpatine voice)
No, Hippo. Give in to your darker impulses.
Howdy, folks.
This game isn’t nearly as interesting to keep me from watching the clock tick backwards waiting for Saul.
Yeah. I’m TV Troping. I’m on Futurama – Heartwarming. I expect to be crying like a baby soon.
A Jets QB did a good?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaGOhwuTfKw&t=24s
sitting down now with his Etch-a-Sketch
Well…second TD throw if were being technical.
HOLY FUCK
Darnoldown? Is that throw legal?
Retard strength? Retard strength!
That toss was impressive. He didn’t even step into it. All arm. Wow!
he gets some functional mechanics, holy shit
This game requires more bourbon
I’ma take a little snoozie so I can catch the next game.
/wake me up before the Rams go-go.
Not watching. Did fatty get hurt? God really fucking hates Detroit.
The Spanish expression for penalty flag is “castigo”.
In Québecois French, it’s called a “mouchoir”.
In Latin I think it’s “Sic Semper Tyrannis!”
In creole it’s “Dat Yeller Raggamuffin”
How the hell is Matt Cassel still in the league????
Stonework is built to last, man.
CasselVania 4Eva!!
/seriously, did anyone ever finish it?
That game was awesome.
ETA: Not mine, just uh, borrowed off the ‘nets.
oh this is EXCEPTIONAL work, Ms. Nel!
Aw, Matt Stafford thinks he’s Aaron Rodgers!
Go birds
There are a number of things that make me suspicious but nothing more so than a fast food chain offering 10 or more so-called ‘real’ chicken nuggets for two bucks or whatever.
When they’re that cheap, you don’t give a shit. I once demolished 40 after a long night at the bar about 5 years ago. I feel like I should have regretted that decision, but I honestly didn’t then and still don’t now.
You have slow growing cancer. I’m sorry.
Worth it. I’ve seen five Super Bowl wins in my lifetime. I’ve had a good run.
call me when you get teh morphine, eh?
even if it’s sawdust, I don’t see the economics in it. Truly horrifying.
We all know heaven is when you order a 6-piece nuggets and they give you seven. And a switchblade.
https://m.imgur.com/Wtj8s
I’m presuming it was stuff they were gonna throw away, anyhow.
If ESPN is comparing Sam Darnold’s debut with that of Joe Namath, you hope that Jets fans won’t mind that he rapidly deteriorates into a womanizing alcoholic with his own personal line of fur coats.
Don’t forget the pantyhose.
I…..I….just want to kiss you……
Bring it in!!!!
Don’t forget the weed, however. I need to be high if I’m gonna be kissing guys (again).
I think you’ve described a solid chunk of the commentariat, sans the fur coats and success at womanizing.
DFO for now, KSK 4-Life!
Psh, why don’t y’all have furs?
I’m not sure I agree with your characterization of that as “deteriorating”.
Wait…does H Jon Benjamin have a gambling problem or something? Why on fucking earth is he doing Arby’s commercials?!?! The due has like at least two shows he voice acts on the air 24/7 with cable.
how much does voice acting (with residuals) really pay, anyway?
My fancy Hollywood friend was talking about his agent failing to bill for $11k, but I’m not sure if it was a voice thing.
I’m all for that man getting paid. I can’t imagine too many people are as dumb as me and bought his jazz album on vinyl.
Dammit, now I’m listening to it on YouTube. For those of you who aren’t fans of tonight’s announcing, it’s…not a wholly bad alternative.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=br0yWgjcxWQ&t=0s&index=2&list=OLAK5uy_m1WsjZGfmi3-DOtvBfox_R7TTJjveA4Zo
I’m just taking it for granted that we’ve all seen every episode of Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist.
“Hey Jon, here’s a check for $40k, all you have to do is go into the recording booth for an hour.”
Doesn’t sound like a complicated decision to me.
Plus, you indirectly support nihilist Arby’s
Check out Nihilist Arby’s (@nihilist_arbys): https://twitter.com/nihilist_arbys?s=09
What is funny is that none of these fans ever step foot into Detroit except for football games…and when they were teenagers they would tag a grade school with racist graffiti.
I have to say it kind of feels like Shan’khor phoned it in on that attempt.
I switched over to the Spanish ESPN hoping to hear some stentorian voice but they have a male announcer who is just as bad as the regular ESPN chick.
Oh thank god they got Johnson into the smelling salts tent to magically fix his brain injury.
It is like the magic spray in futbol.
Anyone else think the MNF scorebar is an eyesore?
#MeToo
Its fucking way too big. I think though they are trying to hide the fierce blue Lions unis.
Guess we know what they’ll be wearing come color-rush time.
?itemid=5294202
Why is Matthew Stafford paid as much money as he is?
He’s crucial to the midwest pork and poultry industries
Because he isn’t Kaep
Because Ford isn’t making any more cars, only SUVs?
The Ford Mustang crossover!
Because the Lions are still traumatized?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Detroit_Lions_starting_quarterbacks
doopy doopy doopy doo!
Lordy loo, what a fucking shitshow.
But did we seriously expect anything else?
Just wait til Gruden takes the field with Emo-Carr.
OWWWW
Matthew “Rex Grossman” Stafford
I really don’t get ESPN’s win probability. Lions are 63.4% likely to win despite being down three and being incompetent? Is home field worth 6 points?
Their FPI model says that the Lions better enough than the Jets that they should outscore them by more than 3 by the end of the game.
I’m 67% sure that ESPN is full of shit
Hey, they did invent the Total QBR so, uhh…. huh.
THIS BETH MOWINS, I CALL HER GIRLS FROM MY TWENTIES, BECAUSE SHE’S GOOD LOOKING AND I WANT TO BONE HER, I JUST DON’T WANT TO HEAR HER TALK
Please don’t think i’m a misogynist, but that’s a lot more women than just ones from my twenties.
I’ve been a (mostly) off-and-on kommenter for about 8 years, and when I chose my name watching Clay Matthews play didn’t make me choke on my own rage.
If I were to change my name who would be the most hilarious current Packer to name myself after in some way?
I am also considering a play on my fantasy name, McCarthy’s Left Eye’s Fishing Buddies.
Wanna be Captain Blue Bunny?
Didn’t left eye burn down Andre Rison’s house?
Green Beard Packers?
NOAP! No gay jokes.
From last night’s game, Aaron Rodgers’ Nice Dreams?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nice_Dreams
Exhuming Mike McCarthy?
If you’re white: The Cracker Packer
If you’re black: The Blacker Packer
Aaron Rodgers Glory Hole
No gay jokes!
Seriously, we should be better than that.
How about Magnanimous St. Brown
Man this is gonna be tough.
Hey look , it’s a range rover commercial that makes me want to eviscerate people who own range rovers.
The only people who own Range Rovers are suckers who’ve been separated from their money.
Lampreys have money?
I think most of us are kidding ourselves if we said we wouldn’t.
Absolutely, then I would ask for free tickets.
I wanted her to be good, I really did.
At announcing! Get your mind out of the gutter.
After boning, would she give you a play by play of the act? That would be cool.
During
Beth Mowins, kinda ok.
http://www.insidesocal.com/tomhoffarth/files/2017/09/SmithMendozaMowins-.jpg
They are being very cagey about Rodgers’ knee injury. I think there’s a very decent possibility his ACL/MCL is shredded, and he’s played his last game of the season.
If so, I think even Spur will have to grudgingly admit that was one of the most impressive individual efforts one will ever see,
Agree it’s probably a ligament. The extent of the damage and which one is the big mystery.
Couldn’t he have permanently rolled things over to Kizer yesterday?
Since it is Jets-Lions, O/U on the amount of times the refs massively fuck over either team.
Mowins does a lot of NC State games. Her vocal tone REALLY bothers lots of ppl. Doesn’t really bug me, but it is a very common complaint. Hey, it’s not Boomer.
Does she have big cans?
I do not think so.
She’s no…[checks Google]…Alvaro Martín or Roberto Abramowitz, that’s for sure.
I came up with a new way to kill Collinsworth:
You build a giant fucking magnet. Giant. Size of the hoover dam.
You force feed Collinsworth a bunch of nails, screws, carpenter’s tacks, finishing nails, etc.
You put him in front of the giant fucking magnet and turn it on.
The force of the magnet pulls all of that stuff out of his stomach, thus disemboweling him from the inside out.
You see this guy gets it.
“I like it!”
– FitzPatrick Bateman
He lives in the Cincinnati area. He’s seems the type of guy who won’t turn down a free meal.
All we have to do is have three people take him out for Cincinnati chili, Montgomery Inn ribs, LaRosa’s Pizzas and Greater’s Ice Cream. Every Cincinnatian knows you don’t have all those without a 24 hour break for your digestive system to recover.
The combination of all that food will give him both the runs and the stops simultaneously. He’ll crap himself to death!
Give him an upright piano filled with 800 lbs of dynamite that is detonated when he plays “Yankee Doodle”
Go Jets?