NFL News:

• A hilarious week for new NFL coaches ends with them racking up a 0-7 record, the first time that has happened.
  • It’s also the worst since new hires went 0-6 in 2001.
    • Those coaches? Gregg Williams (Buffalo Bills), Butch Davis (Cleveland Browns), Dick Vermeil (Kansas City Chiefs), Herm Edwards (New York Jets), Marty Mornhinweg (Detroit Lions) and Marty Schottenheimer (Washington [*Redacted] s).

• Apologizing for making the Browns kiss their sister, NFL Head of Officiating Al Riveron admitted Myles Garrett shouldn’t have been flagged for roughing the passer.
  • It was the only incorrect roughing penalty the NFL acknowledged from the weekend.

• The Jets apparently knew the Lions signals.
  • “That’s called studying. That’s called studying,” new corner Trumaine Johnson said.
    • He attributed the knowledge from studying game tape, and recognizing that little had changed between seasons.
      • From up New England way, a cranky voice in the wind uttered “grumble grumble“.
  • It’s the second time since 2015 that the Lions have been accused of tipping their plays.
    • It speaks to either:
      • the unoriginality of Lions OCs; or
      • Matt Stafford can only ‘member five or six play calls.

• Doug Baldwin has a partially torn MCL.
  • No timeline for his return as yet.

I’m going to add even more self-promotion to my run of crap I’ve fed into the site so far this week and, in light of the Raiders bedshitting last night,  take this opportunity to remind you all of the serialized tome I presented over the summer.

World War G – a pre-apocalyptic perspective on what happens when a TV analyst returns to the swamp that sired him, and the bowl-cutted dingus who even contemplated the idea for longer than it was worth. Eight gripping chapters of the most frightening look inside the Oakland Raiders since Al Davis’ estate lawyers valued it for state inheritance tax purposes. Cover courtesy my warped mind & Low Commander’s photoshop skills.

It’ll likely be fact by the end of the season.

For all the new Commentists, this is the kind of stuff people do in the off-season. Read a book or watch a movie or miniseries; adapt the scenario to fit your DFO narrative; and put it on the site for all to see. One of the longest, most successful serials ever run on the site was Hard Ride To Nowhere by Beastmode Ate My Baby. Of course, a criminally underappreciated serial was Serial by Blaxabbath. However, given the fact that the individual memorialized in Blax’s Serial now gets commotion cérébrale for the Montreal Alouettes, the less said about him the better.

It’s a long way of getting to the point: if you have any good ideas, let us know & I’m sure we can find space for them. We always appreciate new voices willing to feed the #content machine.

Tonight’s sports:

• MLB:
  • Jays at Red Sox – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
  • Brewers at Cubs – 8:00PM | MLBN
  • Padres at Mariners – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
•  Futbol:
  • International Friendly: U.S. vs. Mexico – 9:00PM | ESPN / UNI
• WWE:
  • Smackdown Live! – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
    • the “go-home” show before Hell In A Cell

Sports programming:

• Comeback Season: Sports After 9/11
  • 7:00PM | ESPN
  • 8:30PM | TSN3

Sports-less nights like these make me grateful football is back. ONE MONTH TO HOCKEY SEASON!