God is dead. So why not watch a bit of the old football? It’s not like I’m going to judge you.
-Friedrich “The Funky Philologist” Nietzsche
These two wet, stinking dogs are gonna give us many reasons to laugh and joke and cry (that’d be me, mostly). TO THE GAME!
Schmeagles/Jizzants:
Both these squadoos are looking to TURN THEIR SEASON AROUND! according to all the narratives out there. The return of qb Wentz was supposed to have given the Philly side a B12-like shot in the arm but he’s 1-2 as a starter and now he’s without rb Ajayi who is on the IR with the old torn ACL. Will Smallwood or Clement pick up the enormous amount of slack? Remains to be seen. Rumours abound that the front office will be trading for Bell or McCoy or perhaps re-animating the corpse of Wilbert Montgomery. When reached for comment Montgomery said, “I’m not dead yet!” He was promptly clubbed over the head by someone that had an eerie resemblance to Howie Roseman, general manger/necromancer of the Eagles. Philly must have this one because out of division the likes of the Panthers, Saints, Rams and Jags lie in wait. Not pretty. The good old ESPN ran a hit piece on old (so very old) Eli that pointed out that he sucks. The immobile weird face-maker is on pace to be sacked 51 times and his QBR the last two seasons averages out to a paltry 46.5. (that’s really bad) Let’s hope the Giants take this one so that the NFC East will resemble a logjamclusterfuck for many weeks to come.
Have at it, kiddos.
Eli needs to be put out to pasture. Or at least given a glass of Ovaltine and sent to bed.
“Tell me about the rabbits, big brother!”
Olivia only gives him warm milk after 18:00.
Kyle Lauletta Time?
Only 5 missed tackles on that 15 yard punt return
Too bad Ereck turned out to be more fertilizer than flowers.
Guess it runs in his family
tossing salad
Man the giants are so boring they’re trying yo make sentiment about matt millen.
and by god its WORKING
At least now it’s Janoris himself getting killed at home.
Uhhh Banner this man.
Oh, Buddy approve
The Giants are a floating barge off of Staten Island
The difference between the Giants and barge floating off of Staten Island is that the barge is only partially garbage.
And I have had drunken sex with someone associated with one of those things!
which one smells better?
Relegate the G-men
can nae even blame Fiona Apple for that one
Is Mike Tirico an NFL ref now?
impromptu hook and lateral!
*ladder
If only Artie Lange’s dad had a good one.
I disagree, as designed, tis a hook route with a lateral at the end. I believe the “ladder” version to be a misnomer. This is much argued on teh interwebs.
Correct.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt-GdLwV4dA
Usually when a Barkley cuts through Philadelphia with reckless abandon, it’s a drunk Charles leading the cops on a chase from Parx Casino.
Darby has turned into the player he was advertised as last year.
Eli can be sponsored by both Pampers and Depends after this game
The Giants gameplan seems to be give it Saquan and pray…but not too much because the Eagles might catch on to that
Eli is a sleeper agent
Eli’s favorite sleeper:
And it has a dropseat for when he has to make an Ereck Flowers.
Wow that RIP Mom handcast…how do you think Adrian Peterson’s kids would memorialize him on their bodies?
THat’s what the scars are for
They already have the welts and scars as reminders.
Appreciate you also diving into the abyss with me here
was that ereck flowers?
Odell Beckham looks like a prototype for the “Raggedy Andre” doll.
oh, u noe Hippo laugh
I haven’t been around much, but I just logged in to say that JESUS FUCKING CHRIST the Giants are fucking terrible. Usually when your starting RB has 140 total yards midway through the second quarter, you’re winning.
I’m a big old liberal and that was a clean fucking hit
PERSONAL FOULD PERFET FORM TACKLE AND ROLLING SLIGHTLY TO AVOID PUTTING WEIGHT DOWN I HATE YOU MOTEHRFCUFAKLJSFAK:LSFAKJ:LFKJ:LKJ:L
You think Eli even talks to Beckman?
They tell him he’s a black anthropomorphic Raggedy Andy doll who just runs and catches things.
So we all agree that this is Eli’s last season right?
no at least two more with, Arizona, [*Redacted] s, Miami and/or Argonauts.
Eli loves maple syrup
If you have Amazon video, I highly recommend switching to the Spanish broadcast of this game. It is WAY more fun.
Ooooh I always wanted to know how to say “washed-up” in Spanish.
Trade Saquan Barkley for two 1st rounders
Barkley dodges bigger men with the skill you’d expect from a kid out of Penn State.
You are a sick fucking genius sometimes.
He’s also used to creepy fucks like Buck ogling his calves and thighs ,, ppl forget that
Banner material!
I submitted it before it even had any +1’s.
How can a team have that dude and be SO AWFUL?
Once again ask Barry Sanders
actual quote from people watching barry sanders in the 90’s
holy shit what a timely reference HAHAHAHA
wait…… a frist round rb can do a good?
The New York Saquan Barkleys are still showing some life
just snap to barkely
Did the Giants trade for Alex Smith and just not let anyone know?
They wish they had captain checkdown at this point.
I haven’t been that disappointed in a muff since…well, honestly, I’ve never been disappointed by a muff before that.
“Muffs” how did a slang word for vagina also become a term for making a mistake? It’s like saying “He pussied that punt”.
i mean….
well, when you think about it, about roughly %50 of all words in the lexicon have a sexual connontation, there are a lot more confusing
https://memes.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/c9ea7ff5-a85a-4437-a8b1-0106716627dc
Does Eli Apple have any friends?
Isaac Newton?
We used to play this one flicking the pieces with out fingers, and by the end of the game your fingers hurt like hell.
Kids are stupid.
OBJ is gonna get fucking murdered on one of those
Can’t be any worse than this current hair style.
If she was a golf course she would be a par 3. 3 strokes and you’re done.
Why is Charles Barkley still talking? Again, he’s about as substantive as Melania.
Don’t you bully her!
I can tell that Bad Times at the El Royale movie is terrible solely based on the font size of the critics’ names, which I can’t even read on my gigantic TV.
I’d rather watch a babbling alzheimer’s patient shit into a bowl and then eat the shit and shit it out again than watch this movie.
“Four Stars!” says Khalid Sheikh Muhammad
That is fucking MONEY
bitchin’ almost 3.5 YPA!!
My cousin had this game, my parents would NOT buy it for me. And I hated them for it.
/waits for Buddy
Keep waiting, pervert!
I only play Money Shot
Is it wrong I want the Giants to win this? Once the Eagles are below .500 all the Pro-Trump crap Carson Wentz does will come out. FUCK HIM.
Pat Shurmur, ladies and genitals!
Lucille Ball endorsed this game, and it fucking ruled. I punched my cousin in the face over this game.
Real pool was a sad imitation of tabletop pool toys.
I preferred pocket pool.
be honest, you were just looking for an excuse to punch your relatives
Giants fans appear to be disappointed with that result, and would have preferred that Eli hurl it into triple coverage.
I think they’re upset about the lack of imagination with respect to the play-calling. It’s conservative by-the-book garbage.
Did Eli just not bother telling anyone he retired?
The Bobs “fixed the glitch” where he keeps winning games.
Eli loves playing Checkdown
3rd and 16 checkdown? Good jerb Elisha.
I’m not sure it was even a checkdown. He was going there all along.