Your “London’s Calling!” (at regular EST, smh) Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

No morning game? Goddammit! Sure it made our collective eyes bleed, watching so much football in one day but it was the good kind of blood-letting. I think game-time has been shifted because the sponsors were whining about not getting enough bang for their ad bucks. Who is to blame for this? West-coasters, that’s who. They’d all be wasting their time being fed breakfast in bed by their super model girlfriends/mistresses. They’d be taking their sweet time wrapping themselves into their ermine housecoats, getting into their scale model Lamborghini’s and driving the sixty yards over to their sunken living rooms with the eight separate tv monitors suspended from the ceiling. Makes me sick! [faces West, shakes fist]

TO THE GAMES!

TB/ATL:

If you like your games with plenty o’points, the Vegas has put the over/under at an NFL season-high 57 and a half. Wr’s Evans and Green are in the starting blocks-the finish line is 150 yards receiving away. First to get there wins.

Pitt/Cincy:

The Bengali’s are a lofty 4-1 but haven’t beat the Steelers in their last six. Money meets mouth today.

LAC/CLE:

The Brownies are a lofty 2-3 and seem to be turning a corner. A league-leading 15 takeaways tends to give that up-and-down offense a few more opportunities per game that aren’t being urinated away. Browns rooks are responsible for winning 4 of 5 Rookie of the Week awards so far.

SEA/OAK:

See petty rant above.

CHI/MIA:

Dem Bears have won 3 straight after losing the season opener. They shouldn’t have much trouble here. The giveaway to me is that the Bears point differential is +46 already while the Fins are at -18.

ARI/MIN:

The Cards re-made their lousy O-line in the offseason and one of the pieces was the signing of former Giant guard Justin Pugh to a 5/45 mil contract. (you know where this is headed) Raiding one of the league’s worst O-lines for ‘talent’ has resulted in Pugh being rated by PFF as the 59th-best at his spot and the Cards are judged as having the lousiest line in the NFL. Say a prayer for David Johnson.

INDY/NYJ:

The Baby Horses are all kinds of lousy and are now missing at least 5 separate ‘impact’ (for them) starters. Jets win.

CAR/WAS:

The Cats are one point dogs despite Crowder and Thompson being ruled out. Te Olsen is back from injury but don’t throw him into your lineup just yet. Apparently the Carolina braintrust is concerned about the quality of the field and Greg will be on a limited snap count.

BUF/HOU:

One of these squadoos will reach .500 at game’s end. [yawns]

Hope you were doing your finger-warming exercises…

 

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King Hippo

Jesus Christ, Red Rocket!

King Hippo

/that was better

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck FF, Imma quit at halftime, dammit!!!!!!

(back me up here, Vontae Davis)

litre_cola

Hai! How are your squads doing?

theeWeeBabySeamus

“His squad was not doing well, and Litre-cola damned well knew it”

– Ron Howard

theeWeeBabySeamus

I picked up Sanu, and went back and forth on plugging him in this week.
As usual, I chose poorly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, that helps. Nice catch, Boyd.

fleshwound_NPG
Senor Weaselo

Not a QB, no flag!

fleshwound_NPG

there was a flag

Gratliff

Yes, it looks just like a diamond cuttercomment image

The Maestro

Man, the Raiders have to deal with this until 2028. Amazing.

fleshwound_NPG

that contract gettin paid the fuck out so he leaves early

Doktor Zymm

THIS CARDINALS DEFENSE I CALL THEM MEDIEVAL DYSENTERY MEDICATION BECAUSE THEY CAN’T STOP THE RUNS

blaxabbath

That’s also the period from which they have a knowedledge of American Gridiron Football, IMO.

Unsurprised

That reminds me of this line I’ve had in my head all week: It’s amazing that the world was conquered by western Europeans, people who spend the 1,000 years before that regressing to the point that they wouldn’t wash their own asses.

Mother Puncher

Dalton is turning back into a big orange pumpkin

King Hippo

Murray? PRESENT!

blaxabbath

“If there’s one weakness of this Arizona defense…”

Well, one is about the understatement of the year there Tiki/Rondae.

entropy

The rest of the quote is, “it’s the Arizona defense.”

LemonJello

We would have also accepted “it’s that they stink.”

Spur

We got some Panic at the Dalton. Throw it to AJ, you wanker.

King Hippo

he good

Spur

The Raiders are going to be regulated to the CFL.

Gatoraids

When the CFL lowers standards to accept them

fleshwound_NPG

PAC-12

blaxabbath

I’ve been pushing Arizona to anchor a basket-focused conference on the west coast.

Unsurprised

The Pac-12 already has the Trojans

Unsurprised

The devil comes as your greatest desire.

Mother Puncher

Browns could have used Josh Gordon on that play

Doktor Zymm

I like beers that come in steins instead of normal glasses

blaxabbath

“Oh?!”

-Bud Light King painting cans to look like steins

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh I remember doing a jello shot off Ben Stein!

The Maestro

Howdy, folks. Football will have to wait for a little bit. Lady Maestro’s alma mater women’s rugby team is on TV – currently watching all her old teammates. At any rate, as non-football sports go, this is a pretty solid one to be supplanting the usual Sunday schedule for me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Are they playing in lingerie by any chance?

/asking foar a friend

Unsurprised

I’d rather watch that.

JustStopDude

I’m calling it now. The Browns are going to run all the way down to inside of the 5 yard line and then Hue Jackson will call three pass plays in a row.

King Hippo

Deshaun Watson is sooooooo full of horse tranqs

theeWeeBabySeamus

Lucky bastard.

Gatoraids

Or a single drop of Rodgers blood from his comeback game

entropy

Jets tight end actually makes a play… unpossible!

Gratliff

INVERTED GUT WRENCH EXPLODER SUPLEX ON AMENDOLA

Spur

captain insano shows no mercy

Gatoraids

Brick bringing wrasslin back to miami

blaxabbath

He did a stint in Ne, no?

Should have been on a sword then.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Uncle Ed once said, “There’s always 10 men on the FBI most wanted list and one of them is Frank Reich cuz he fuckin stole that game from Houston in ’93. I bet my foreskin on that game Buddy!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Damn, another O’Leary tearing up Chicago

blaxabbath

Which WR do I NOT want to get the ball to in space, Fox D-Team commentator?

JustStopDude

Ah the Browns…making the Chargers look good since 1960…

Gratliff

Atlanta and Arizona wins would be very helpful. We’re doomed.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Bruce Arians is Caitlyn Jenner’s name to sign into hotels.

Spur

Melvin Gordon is a beast.

LemonJello

Throw a TD, Tiny Hands-er!

blaxabbath

Acura with a subtle nod to the Evangelical crowd covering a song about satan.

Senor Weaselo

Ppl forget in that scene in The Lion King if you look in the dust it shows an NSX.

Gratliff

Love that the Minnesota highlight was Cousins failing to get a first

King Hippo

very Cap’n Dingleberry

Gratliff

But it was an impressive failure!

blaxabbath

Is fortnight the game on the Samsung commercials?

Gratliff

Ah, yes, the Jets.

Mother Puncher

4 minutes and the steelers-bengals is getting chirpy

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep.

LemonJello

What took so long?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Harf Harf almost just fucked up big time.

entropy

C’mon, Andy. You can give the ball away better than that.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

THIS GUY ANDREW LUCK I CALL HIM THE RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS BECAUSE HE’LL GIVE IT AWAY GIVE IT AWAY NOW… and the fact he’s not as good as people think he is.

herodotus450

AND he’s always talking about how he’s from (Stanford) California

Gatoraids

Can’t believe I’m streaming the right defense this week. The greatest love of all is happening to me

Brick Meathook

Oh snap!

Doktor Zymm

Kirk cousins really is a perfect guy to live in Minnesota

Brick Meathook

He’s from Bumfuck Michigan

Brick Meathook

Which is a delightful place, if there are any commenters from Bumfuck Michigan

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

It’s not so much a place as it is a rest stop

LemonJello

I thought Bumfuck was in Iowa?

JustStopDude

I’ve had to work in Bumfuck Michigan.

Its racist as shit. Plenty of Coney Islands though…

Gratliff

Actually from IL. He lived in Holland, MI, which is actually less bumfucky than you might think. If you make your hand into a mitten, and point your finger towards the bottom of the outside of your palm, you can then smack yourself in the face because that’s a fucking terrible way to teach kids geography and they need to stop doing it here.

entropy

Let’s give Andy another chance to give the Jets 7 after this commercial break.

Doktor Zymm

It’s almost like Kalil Mack is really fucking good and Chuckie redux is an idiot for trading him

Gatoraids

gruden the opposite Chucky story of a man turning into a wooden dummy

blaxabbath

Cards three and out.

They sick.

Senor Weaselo

HODOR pick six? Okay.

entropy

JETSCEPTION

Gratliff

Take Hodor out behind the barn

Gratliff

Wasn’t his fault. Sticking with my comment.

fleshwound_NPG

oh fat humps

King Hippo

PEAK HUMPIN’

Doktor Zymm

Brock Lobster!

King Hippo

BOIZ IN BIKINIS!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Matt Slauson was almost paralyzed last week. FOOTBALL PLAYERS ARE TOUGH DOE

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Brock Osweiler time baby!

Mr. Ayo

BROCKTOBER!

King Hippo

DFO now has teh merchandizing rights WOO!!

Gratliff

And now to forget the bad because SEVEN HOURS OF REDZONE BAY-BAY

King Hippo

it really is the only good thing left in life

entropy

Serious question: do you think anyone actually watches “The Neighborhood” and laughs? I mean, I haven’t seen anything in the commercials that qualifies as a “joke” yet, but they are doing everything they can to make this show happen.

And Snoop Dogg doing ED commercials… inspired.

King Hippo

ah don’t even noe what that is!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Serious question: do you think anyone actually watches “The Neighborhood”….?

You coulda stopped right there. WTF is “The Neighborhood”?

/googles it

Oh, CBS. That explains it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Holy shit Quentin Crisp is part of a 3 man booth for the Jets – Colts!