NFL News:
Richard Sherman took being Richard Sherman like a man last night, when questioned about the call that kept the Packers game-winning drive alive:
- “I can’t have that penalty … regardless of how I feel about it. I have to find a way to make that play without getting flagged.”
- Considering that exact play is how he’s made his reputation, it sounds like a man who understands you can’t get away with everything.
- For those of you who hate Ohio State, feel free to tweet a “thank you” to Nick Bosa.
- When his core muscle injury is healed up, he’s going to sit the rest of OSU’s season in order to prepare for the draft.
- PFT bravely calls it “a greater commitment to his own future, rather than risk(ing) [that future] for the glorification and enrichment of a system which treats him like an unpaid intern.”
- The new theory, because people are bored, is that Le’Veon Bell is going to return on October 30th.
- At 4:01 PM, after the trade deadline, but still during Week 8, which will allow him to gain enough credit for a full season and trigger his free agency.
- It’ll also give him more time to work on his poetry.
- The Alliance of American Football – the Ebersol version of the XFL – is scheduled to start its season one week after Super Bowl LIII.
- In case you’ve forgotten, it’s an eight team, ten week league.
- Oh, and all the teams have names now: (these are also the first week matchups)
- Atlanta Legends & Orlando Apollos
- San Diego Fleet & San Antonio Commanders
- because “San Diego Commanders” would have been TOO perfect for DFO.
- Memphis Express & Birmingham Iron
- Salt Lake Stallions & Arizona Hotshots
- Oh, and all the teams have names now: (these are also the first week matchups)
- In case you’ve forgotten, it’s an eight team, ten week league.
Finally, it appears the Patriots have…Sorry, let me rephrase this in the local vernacular:
- FACK! IT APPEAHS THAT YOU-AH CAN’T NO LONGAH SHOW THE PATS OPPONENT HOW YOU-AH REALLY FEEL! FACKIN’ GOODELL’S MAKIN’ THA GAME SAWFTA!!
Statement from the New England Patriots: pic.twitter.com/VapBDpzzdg
— New England Patriots (@Patriots) October 15, 2018
- Patriots fans, however, come out on two sides:
- Reggie Bush seems to have the appropriate take on all this:
Now if he smacked the piss out of one of you clowns you would be all over social media crying ready to sue him! Fans need to chill before somebody get hurt! You don’t have to like the opposing team but you need to show respect or don’t go! https://t.co/cdNy09AV4o
— Reggie Bush (@ReggieBush) October 15, 2018
Tonight’s sports:
- MLB:
- Brewers at Dodgers – 9:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet
- NHL:
- Canucks at Penguins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Coyotes at Wild – 8:00PM | NBCSN
- NBA:
- 76ers at Celtics – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN
- Thunder at Warriors – 10:30PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
- International Friendly Soccer:
- U.S. vs. Peru – 8:00PM | ESPN2
- WWE:
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- It’s “Smackdown 1000”, so there’s going to be returning vets & surprises galore!
- Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
Hey, without realizing it, the NBA regular season opens tonight.
As an MOT, I need some advice. When you quote a Bible verse, do you say the verse and then just say “John 3:16” or whatever? Or do you introduce it with “As John 3:16 says, go Sawx”?
“This doesn’t make any sense, but….”
or
“Well, your verse is completely contradicted by….”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=legAh9ARcaA
Okay I generally disdain Apple products but I absolutely would buy a watch that would make it possible for me to clone myself.
So you could fuck yourself, right?
Pretty ruthless (and smart) by the Dodgers to look at bunting in that situation.
I used to think a Bunt was what Patrice Oneal would call Brazilian prostitutes.
Nice.
When do pitchers and catchers report?
“Do we have any?”
– Baltimore front office
3. wedding party has dinner at a independent sports bar, with the party room, watched blackhawks beat ottowa and the patriots beat the colts. I talked to the groom’s mom for about 15 minutes for before I realized she had no idea who I was. Apparently my beard and mustache were apparently so epic she no longer recognized the kid who lived down the street from 15 years ago. Also, find out the maid of honor went to IU like myself, and we then proceed to roast the bride and groom for not coming to little 5 when they each individually had the chance.
At first I thought this was going to a Stacy’s mom story.
Appropriately enough, I did ad lib a version of that exact song when it first came out, with the groom’s name. good times.
Little 5, oy.
I serioulsy wanna go back one year, just walk around the villas, and say i’m a grad student
When you were in college, did you ever tell liberated girls “I have an IU D for you.”
Well this is boring, I’ll just mosey on over to youtube and see what’s going on…
Opening night NBA. Philly and Boston is fun.
What did you post that got “moderated” yesterday? Titties? Or Titties and Beer?
Proof 9/11 was an inside job.
“Say what now?”
— Pete. C, WA
OK, just titties then. Thx.
I didnt watch the full gif before posting. there was bonus boobs at the very end.
Bonus!!
Last time I did that I had to go with “Is that a nipple?!?!”
“No, it’s cancer.”
Shouldn’t be.
Folks.
….. did you like, just discover her IG account?
He’s prolly just wankin’.
Hey you shut up. I finished 20 minutes ago.
Someday, she and I will come (lol, come) eye to eye. Then she’ll kick my ass. Then we’ll live happily ever after.
Until I do something stupid to fuck it up.
So this is the first I’ve heard of this AAF, and the San Antonio Commanders, which shows how little I pay attention to local media down heah. Wiki tells me that they will play at the Alamodome, and that the coach will be Mike Riley, most recently coach at Nebraska, and the GM will be none other than Daryl “Moose” Johnston. I don’t see myself going to any games. And what the fuck does SA have to do with any “Commanders”? That’s a navy rank, and all we have here is Air Force and Army bases.
What does Orlando have to do with “Apollos?” Is it because Cape Canaveral is an hour away?
And there are no “Legends” in Atlanta ever, except for General Sherman.
Space Mountain. The right answer is always Space Mountain.
(I’d add a video, but youtube is fucked as has already been mentioned)
San Antonio Friars.
Folks do like the fried food hereabouts.
2. during rehearsal, I remember thinking to myself that this is by far the smallest church I’ve ever seen a wedding in. don’t know whay that stuck out to me, but there you go.
That is kind of messed up that the runner can’t advance on a wild pitch if it’s ball four.
Oh wait I guess the pitch hit him?
Are we still talking about the sexy jogger with the nice legs, orrrrrr…..
Oh, I want to say thank you to the sexy jogger who went past me and my dog today for having such nice legs.
Hi!
So i’m gonna try to write my summary of the wedding I was at last friday:
1. I screwed up the dates when I put in vacation:, I assumed it was Friday-rehearsal, wedding saturday, about a week before the ceremony I realized the wedding was friday, meaning I had to work something out at make myself available thursday night for the rehearsal.
If I read this as “I screwed my dates”, it makes me think it all went well.
Hehehehe
I’m going all Yossarian here. I see everything twice!
Yossarian didn’t see everything twice. The Soldier Who Saw Everything Twice saw everything twice.
No, Yossarian did too he just didn’t tell anybody about it.
Yossarian had a liver condition that wasn’t quite jaundice.
“After the CATCH Yossarian must masturbate the ball up the feel.” E. Smiff 22
Youtube appears to be fucked up tonight.
Yeah something’s up with YouTube
Edge is on WWE. Have to share this promo. Its mandatory.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSHSzRCLNVg
I can’t think of anything clever, but I cropped this to edge as close to legal as possible.
I also hate it when my car keys drop between the seats and I have to fish around endlessly to find them.
If anyone wants to see what East Hartford, CT looks like on a Tuesday night in October, the USMNT is engaged in a lesser footy friendly against Peru, live from the stadium built for UConn football to fill to 20% capacity during the day.
My brother lives in East Hartford.
I’m so sorry.
It’s okay, he voted for Trump, so he can still persuade himself that he’s “winning”.
My nephew is working on his PhD at UConn School of Medicine in Hartford. It’s a horrible place, but he has Asperger’s and I don’t think it even registers with him what a shit town he’s in.
Might want to tell him that the School of Medicine’s in Farmington before he writes another check to the Wallet Inspector.
Yeah, that’s where he is but I didn’t want to confuse things for any geographically challenged folks that might dwell here.
This is great. The right column marquee doesn’t get enough love.
Narrator: “He didn’t.”
Miz’s failing high five is everything right with the universe
There’s a joke somewhere about Kate Upton refusing to see Justin Verlander during the playoffs due to his “three” superstition but I just can’t get it to work.
Something something bowling ball?
I’m calling it the Alliance of American Football Alliance of America and you’d better believe I expect the San Diego Feet to hold off the Birming Hams in Alliance Bowl I: The Great Alliance.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRZzUh9hcTo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR8Ia6vyV5Q
We need a Milwaukee-Houston World Series just to see if big J Journalists still know how to write “is this small market team matchup bad for the sprot” thinkpieces,
/What’s that? Houston is the 4th biggest city in the country and Milwaukee is not very far behind Boston?
And they could marker a special beer to drink during the series called Astrobrew.
Such a product does not exist sir, I think you must have dreamed it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqDzOJYkknk&ab_channel=mauriantero
“Reports are that Saudi Authorities are going to say the journalist was killed in an interrogation gone bad.”
Okay. Well that’s bad, but I guess sometimes bad things happen. Maybe he had a heart attack or something.
“Reports also say the body was cut in pieces.”
Okay, unless the third report is they feed the pieces to Audrey II, their story is full of shit.
No response yet from swaths of Muslim-hating Americans, as they wait for Fox News to give them their cue on how to react to this incident.
Trump: “We must stand with the Muslim-led country.”
(Fox News viewers’ heads explode)
It would be fascinating if the Saudis did something like to this to Jared Kushner. Do you think anyone in the U.S. would actually care?
Not even Ivanka.
I’m 100% serious. I’d imagine there are a number of people who would try to use the opportunity to squeeze some money out of the Saudis (namely the Trump family) but otherwise I’d have a hard time believing anyone outside of his immediate family would give the slightest shit.
We’re still helping the Saudi government kill a million Muslims in Yemen. So it’s a fair trade.
Hang on, I thought the new season of Fargo wasn’t coming out until next year,
‘We brought an autopsy specialist and a bone saw to an interrogation and a murder broke out. Who knew?”
As I posted on The War Nerd’s Facebook timeline, MBS is officially King Murphy. Everything he touches turns to shit.
He is the stupidest world leader, which speaks volumes when Trump is still POTUS.
I’d really rather not see the Red Sox win, well, anything really, but if domestic violence aficonado Roberto Osuna were to get tagged for a grand slam here I would not he upset.
Or, he could just hit two guys back-to-back and give Boston an insurance run.
Fuck you Osuna.
IT CAN BE BOTH THINGS!
Oh. He did both.
Ha-ha. Fuck you Houston, that’s what you deserve for your holier-than-thou bullshit when you traded for him.
That shot of the couple in the crowd reminded me of the time my friends’ parents got divorced cause her dad got shown on TV with his mistress at an Astros game.
The mistress was Kim Halsey … right?
I’m pretty sure my wife would rather have me seen on national TV with a mistress than attend a baseball game with me herself.
Actually mine might too. We witnessed Clayton Kershaw’s no-hitter live and it was like pulling teeth to get her to stay past the fifth inning.
Oh you know it’s desperate tmies when we’re watching Minnesota vs. (cough-gag) Phoenix, on NBC no less.
I took a nap earlier. I woke up a li’l after 7:00pm local time, but thought it was 7:00am tomorrow.
tWBS: Mom, where are you? I overslept. Where are you? We need to get you ready for your physical therapy appt and….
tWBS’ Mom: Da Fuq is your problem? It’s still Tuesday night. Are you drunk?
tWBS: Fuck. No I’m not, but Imma ’bout to be.
Getting old and having dementia really sucks.
That’s not dementia, that’s just good old fashioned stupidity.
Yep, that checks out.
Oh Jesus Christ, Mike Martz is the head coach of the Fleet, and they employ the likes of Bishop Sankey as the only recognizable former NFL player. I have to attend one game, FOR SCIENCE (and a Boots on the Ground) but I think I’d just be better off pretending this whole thing never happened.
Hey, if this league doesn’t have bullshit rules and fans can clearly tell what is a catch and a legal tackle, it’s already way ahead.
“I think there’s a name for a mixed race person. I’m going to look it up.”
(one web search later)
“I need to clear my Internet History. With bleach. And a hammer.”
Don’t forget to include the close cousin of the hammer-a mulatto.
Son of a-! It was on the tip of my tongue. Besides, I wouldn’t use it. It only covers white-black hybrids and its feels way too close to the n-word for comfort.
You can’t go wrong with “octoroon”
Most Entertaining Book You’ve Read In The Last Ten Years:
I’m going with ‘Good Omens’ by Pratchett/Gaiman
You?
Daemon by Daniel Suarez was pretty, pretty good.
Damn right!
The first that comes to mind for me is Small Gods, also by Pratchett.
Christopher Moore’s “Lamb”
Probably the best book I’ve ever read.
Dear Guy Cutting Commerical Breaks Into Creed,
You don’t cut out of any film when “Gonna Fly Now” starts. That like turning a car off while going 60 MPH.
Not only would the San Diego Commanders have been too perfect, but kickoff weekend is the day before my birthday and the Fleet are playing in San Antonio. TRY HARDER, uh, AAF? That doesn’t sound right…
Can’t wait til little Braxtyn Spanos moves the Fleet to Reno.
Gwen Stefani, naked in a bath. Don’t even try to tell me you don’t like that.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OLUSELxFok
I mean I don’t dislike it, but there are many women I’d prefer to see in a bath, including my own wife.
Hi Dr. Mrs RTD Esquire!
Oh no it’s nothing sexy it’s just that she has terrible hygeine.
/this is obviously a joke she has wonderful hygeine.
Photos or it didn’t happen.
/volunteers to take the aforementioned photos
//promises no erections
///probably
[unzips pajama bottoms]
[tries to fuck a jar of pickled beets]
“Your command is my wish, hero.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_shxzlTRK44
If you’re going to thank a Bosa, please make sure you do it properly so that they can understand you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEC-cVjesg8
The uniforms for the AAF’s San Diego Fleet team look sharp!
[frowns at unpleasant memories of last Motherboy event] – Eli Manning
The other Village People are always late…
So, which broadcaster will be the first after a SD TD to say, “FLEET’S IN!”?
Gotta be Aikman, right?
Troy Aikman was Aaron Rodgers before Aaron Rodgers was out of diapers.
“FEET’S IN!”
– Rex Ryan
“FLEET’S IN BRAKE FOLD STICK!”
– Trent Green
Truly awful person Dennis Hof is dead.
https://www.dennishof.com/rip/
I suppose we could quibble about the morality of legal prostitution, discuss the hypocrisy of a brothel-owner running as a GOP candidate, or the artistic merits of that awful HBO show about Dennis and his brothel, but the important thing is that Dennis Hof is dead, and by God, that means I’m cracking open the good scotch tonight.
Hear to the motherfucking hear.
Don’t know who he is. So I’ll do what I always do in this situation. Open his wiki page, skim it and get a first impression.
(one wiki scroll later)
Pass the scotch, please.
You may be too young to have watched “Cathouse” on HBO (I only watched it for possible chicks-making-out scenes, I swear), but he was an awful piece of shit. Good riddance.
Someone’s gonna have to go out and get another bottle of scotch.
I’ll take one.
I don’t know too much about this guy, was he really that bad…[reads that Grover Norquist and Joe Arpaio attended his latest birthday party]…yep, this deserves a toast or two.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/10/16/us/missouri-democrats-abortion-republicans-voters.html
Huh. I guess I’m not alone. Plus I owe everyone here a genuine retroactive thank you for being measured in your responses to my inquiry on this subject a few weeks back. While some of you did give several figurative/literal suggestions as to where I can shove my views, both chronologically and anatomically, you all said it with charm and respect.
Still I have to question the Democratic Party restricting their tent. As long as it doesn’t go completely against what the Democratic Party stands for (I assume its people joining together for the collective good), I’d think you try to open your party to as much ideas as you can. You don’t have to listen to them, but it at least get them on your side and you might be able to turn some of them over to your way of thinking.
I mean you’re earning several Republican votes this election cycle (you’ve already earned mine). But do you want these votes on a two year lease or do you want to own them for several elections? See what they can do.
Sorry, we’re busy arguing about whether one of our likely 2020 Presidential candidates is a Native American based on a blood test she took right before the mid-terms, for reasons that I’m sure made perfect sense to her at the time. Because the Democrats are fucking idiots, you see.
Yeah. You don’t listen to the crazy lunatic. Now instead of Trump, we’re talking if 1/1024th is good enough to be considered part-something and suddenly the one-drop rule is back in play.
Sigh
“If she has any Indian blood at all I’ll donate $1 million dollar to the charity of her choice.”
(she takes DNA test, shows a small amount of Indian blood)
“I ain’t payin’ shit because I’m a liar and you don’t care!”
(everyone criticizes woman who merely proved what she was asked to prove)
I’m not arguing with her doing it, I’m arguing with the timing of her doing it. The test would have produced the same results on November 10th. It just gives the idiots something to get riled up about and rush off to the polls to stick it to the libs.
If you are set on renouncing the Republican Party, become an Independent like me and vote your particular opinions, not whatever a stupid dysfunctional political party tells you to.
I’m going to vote for the less stupid asshole. Either that or turn in a blank ballot and get a free ruler, pencil and sweet tarts when I vote.
Seriously? All we get is a sticker…
One of the interesting things about Tommy Lee Jones’ character in The Fugitive that didn’t make the final cut is that in his younger days he had tried out to play quarterback for his hometown Chicago Bears.
And he couldn’t beat out Jack Concannon in the contest to hand the ball to Gale Sayers. He must have really sucked.
Day 3 with Decilitre. Close to snapping. I could not be a stay at home parent. At least my weed order arrived today.
“Daddy! Daddy! I planted the oregano in the garden!”
I am very responsible. Except for the glass blown bong I use as a vase. ITS A MAGIC VASE OK!
Here’s a tip: When he really starts yelling, pick him up and drop him about 3′. The baby loves the sensation of falling, and you get to relieve some frustrations by dropping the screaming little shit.
What am I forgetting?
Oh, CUSHIONS!! You have to drop him onto soft cushions.
-phew- That could have been awkward!