Your “Supplies Running Low. Only 17 Beers Left. Send Help” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

It’s about time we saw the greatness that is Cody Kessler! He actually didn’t play that badly, did he? I’m not gona actually check out what the Jags braintrust said after the game but I do hope we see a Kessler run next week. Overseas, no less. I’d go over some other high/lowlights but that would mean stepping on King Hippo’s junk and I’m not the type. Nope, not me. Definitely not a junk-stepper. One last tilt to go folks… TO THE GAME!

Bengals/Chiefs:

Kansas City is scoring at a rate of 35 per game. Cincy is scoring at a lower rate. The Chiefs have a colander-centric defensive scheme that is quite generous to their opponents. The Bengalis have a wee bit of talent on their team. Here is my prediction-

Joe Mixon? He scores.

Kareem Hunt? He scores.

Tyler Boyd? He scores.

A.J. Green? He scores.

Tyler Eifert? He scores.

Tyreek Hill? He scores.

Travis Kelce? He scores.

John Ross? He doesn’t score.

Sammy Watkins? He scores.

C.J. Uzomah? He scores.

And there you have it. The scorenami ends in the Chiefs winning because that Mahomes kid just can’t be rattled. But don’t you fret-I’ve got faith in Andy Reid and his Gawd-given ability to undermine the talent at his disposal, no matter what level. It won’t happen tonight but somewhere down the road there will be diagrams scribbled on sweaty, marinara-stained napkins. Those napkins will ensure that the Chiefs don’t even sniff the success due them. It’s The Andy Reid Way.

Smoke ’em if ya got ’em. Otherwise, treat yourself to an ice cream sandwich.

 

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Viva La Tabula Raza

It would be rather sad for Mahomes to stay in this game and suffer a season ending injury and have to rely on Chad Henne to command the playoff run. Ought to sit him.

Fronkenshteen

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH

Spur

one more drink?

Mr. Ayo

At least. The comeback is on!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

I am debating

Doktor Zymm

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Fronkenshteen

This daily fantasy stuff is hot shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

At least this bullshit helps the Ravens.
Really gon’ go zombie now.

Enjoy your night, humans.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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You too.

Spur

one month till Thanksgiving and “lazy” work days. Its the best time of the year.

Viva La Tabula Raza

The comeback is on!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Col. Duke LaCross

The fuck are they kicking a field goal for?!

Oh yeah, Marvin Lewis

King Hippo

such a Marvin move, kick a FG down 38-7

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

$12.00??? This must be in my hotel’s lobby.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

You know, Moose? I’m a tad afraid KC’s 30-point murdering is a tad more legit than ours, ahead of next week’s matchup.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Just a touch.

King Hippo

what should we encourage Romonobyl to piss on while he’s in Virginia Beach? Assuming it’s too late for him to urinate publicly tonite.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Fun fact: Jimi Hendrix opened for them in ’66.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We know which band…. member is the dick.

Romonobyl

Too late for tonight, but I have two weeks to go,

Doktor Zymm

I think I know what was going on in the Cincy locker room at halftime
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fleshwound_NPG

heheh, right in the butt

Doktor Zymm

I’m glad I tuned in just in time for the total Bungles meltdown.

I would like Andy Dalton a lot more if he acted as much like Fry as his hair horn looks like Fry

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, at least the Bengals get the ball right back.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Hai, dozo. Wakarimasen.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Marvin Lewis highlight reel continues to grow

King Hippo

I think KC just might have this one

Spur

breakout the victory ribs!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

at least Dalton threw a TD?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Romonobyl

This is what happens when you’re into anal…

litre_cola

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King Hippo

yeah, that’s awful rapey

King Hippo

and WHAT DO IT HAVE TO DO WITH TEH OIL??

fleshwound_NPG

primetime red rocket has officially arrived

Gratliff

lol

Spur

why is “Ninja” a white guy?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Cause it’s a handle for streaming video games and white guys of that age dig ninjas?

Horatio Cornblower

Clearly you’ve never played Fortnite. I’m not surprised he’s white, I’m surprised he’s over 14.

Spur

that’s on PC. it has the same pull on mobile? I cant keep up with this crap.

Doktor Zymm

Is the Kansas City Mascot a giant rat?

Romonobyl

No, that’s just the coach.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe

Spur

That Khunt is a slippery one.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

The Deuce is very much and up and down show, (especially the porn segments! Hey-O!), but tonight’s episode was fantastic.

Anyway, enough of all that pussy, back to the Khunt.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I have a feeling I’m going to check out by the end of the 3rd quarter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Unrealistic. No drink.

Spur

there is no way we’ll get a KC and RAMIT Superb Owl. We cant have nice things.

King Hippo

would be too nice a thing

Doktor Zymm

If we do, they’ll both wear the unis they’re wearing today and we’ll have the KETCHUP AND MUSTARD BOWL

theeWeeBabySeamus

“Tonight’s first half highlights are brought to you by Chevrolet”.

Oh really? I kinda thought they were brought to me by fucking Andy Dalton being a goddamned idiot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pc0mxOXbWIU

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Thought you were zombie-ing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m trying, but the zombies who came from Cincy and who showed up in KC are screwing with me.

Fronkenshteen

I need 26 points GAMBLOR. Thy will be done.

Romonobyl

$5USD for a little box of Chips Ahoy?!?! I hate hotels.

Unsurprised

Shit. You can Uber Eats a grocery store run for beer and a whole package of Chips Ahoy for only a $5 surcharge

Spur

that’s why you set the AC to sub arctic and leave the lights on.

litre_cola

Or leave an upped decker.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, that made me laugh.

Romonobyl

Considered that, but I’ll prolly dry-dock one instead…in honor of the nearby shipyards.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Now, now, the housekeeping staff doesn’t set those prices, nor do they profit from them.

Doktor Zymm

Gotta stop for snacks on the way home from the bar

Romonobyl

Would have, but I’m on foot. Not risking anything on the company’s dime.

Doktor Zymm

No 7-11 between bar and hotel? Lame.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This red-on-red uniform makes the Chiefs players look like they are covered in barbecue sauce. I don’t think that is a good idea.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spanky Datass

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Horatio Cornblower

So I guess the Cowboys lost on a garbage call? Well, I look forward to the NFL justifying it at great length by Wednesday and Tony Dungy never speaking of it again.

Putting his feelings about in the closet, so to speak.

Doktor Zymm

Eh, the Cowboys lost because they’re the Cowboys and the entire NFC East is a shitshow

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

True dat.

Romonobyl

I’d like to disagree, but I just can’t.

King Hippo

stop triggering me you two!!!

/non-gendered Cowpersons, PLEASE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Hubris meets reality.
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LemonJello

Why is The Dunge yelling at Tirico? Has he displeased him in some way?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably found out that Tirico bought a house next door to a gay couple.

The Maestro

He isn’t publicly proselytizing for Our Lord And Savior Christ Eternal, so…. yes.

Redshirt

Alright. Going to turn off the lights and stare into the darkness whilst I slowly go insane(r).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Does Dwayne Johnson realize that there is an NFL team called the Titans?

Mother Puncher

The Rock presents: What if Sports . . . Were Metaphors?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I really am going to go watch zombies now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClyIvwVjPj0

Unsurprised

But … Why?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Because I’m a good sport, and I always congratulate my opponents, even in defeat.

BUT I STILL FUCKING HATE LOSING AND I’VE LOST FIVE STRAIGHT FUCKING WEEKS.

more or less

Unsurprised

I meant, why watch zombies?

theeWeeBabySeamus

What may or may not happen in a post-apocalyptic society, and how the societal “norms” would be altered, has always held interest for me. I’m a psychology nerd.

The zombies aren’t the attraction. Just the tool.

LOL, I just said “tool”.

Viva La Tabula Raza

What may or may not happen in a post-apocalyptic society

Give it a year or two and you won’t have to watch TV to see this, you’ll just look out the front door and there it will be..

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Isn’t this from the photo montage in Goodfellas?

Doktor Zymm

I really wish every end zone was equipped with that dog from Duck Hunt who would point and laugh whenever a kicker misses. Like some sort of canine Priests of Shank’lor

Doktor Zymm

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Could you please throw it to Tyler Boyd at least once you soulless redheaded spawn of Satan?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Hello LAAAAADIES!

Spanky Datass
Doktor Zymm

So…if Andy Reid wins a super bowl, instead of Disneyland I bet he’s going to a Cracker Barrel

LemonJello

Golden Corral is hurt by your dismissal of them as the “Official Home of Andy Reid.”

Unsurprised

As a fat fuck, yeah, he’s taking over an all-you-can-eat place.

Although to be frank, the ultimate would be the Bellagio buffet all to himself.

Doktor Zymm

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Unsurprised

Exactly

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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The Maestro

Let’s be real: Andy Reid has an entire Cracker Barrel already built in his garage just for him.

fleshwound_NPG

a ranch in montana, were he just eats the herd

fleshwound_NPG

two timeouts used before one play is run, and it’s NOT andy reid doing it?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe it’s some kind of Bene Gesserit mind control thing.

Romonobyl

Andy Reid has a beautiful mind?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is a plate of ribs, look up.

Spur

is it Friday yet?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, overreacted.

Gratliff

That woman deserves a second Mercedes

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

–The Legal firm of Bernard and Bernard

litre_cola

That right there is special.

Romonobyl

There are two things in that pic that are out of my price range.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So you can afford the car then……

Romonobyl

Three things…

Romonobyl

Evening campers. Staggered back from some shithole but pretty cool dive bar here in what is apparently Redacted country after watching that abomination of a “football” game by Dallas. At least there was one other Cowboys fan in the place, but she’s married to an Eagles fan. I’m so confused…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Where you at? There are a weird number of Redacteds pockets across the lower half of the eastern part of the country, left over from before there were expansion teams

Romonobyl

Virginia Beach. Two weeks to go, it’s a work thing.

Doktor Zymm

Virginia Beach is fun, I almost got arrested there once for being on a roof I wasn’t supposed to be on

Viva La Tabula Raza

Car or building?

Romonobyl

They have a train that goes to the downtown bars. I will be using that to my advantage.

Redshirt

Dalton: “Dammit, I can’t get it to Green. He’s double-covered.”
Green: “Why don’t you throw it to someone else occasionally? Keep the defense honest.”
Dalton: “I have other receivers?!”
Other WRs and TEs: “Yo!”
Dalton: “Why don’t I throw it to the other receivers? Keep the defense honest.”

litre_cola

So if KHunt goes down this whole facade collapses on itself correct?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Prego-puncher gets hurt? Yes, they are not as good, but Better Mahomes and Gardens is running the show.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All it took for them to fall to pieces in the playoffs last year was Kelce going down.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Alex Smiff.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Just feeling homesick’s all

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice.

Horatio Cornblower

Mom snapped back into shape right proper.

King Hippo

holy shit, Red Rocket

The Maestro

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Beat …… me to it.

Doktor Zymm

Oh for fuck’s sake, Sling TV, you have ONE JOB. Play the damn football already!

King Hippo

Lookit that SCRAPPY white kid, knowing teh rules!