Yes, it’s time to do to Jose Mourinho what we did to Davey Moyes (what, like 5 years ago?) and finish the walking ded off. Everton (in 8th position on 15 points, +3 GD) only need a draw at Old Trafford to stay above Manure (10th, -1), and the Blues come in hot and looking for all three. Damn it, but Lukaku is still on the opposite touchline, and a force to be reckoned with. It should be a real cracker of a match (especially if Ademola Lookman gets a start for the Toffees), sadly it comes on the weekend where the Colonies’ Daylight Savings Time differs from tha Muthaland, moving the kickoff to noon EST on Sunday (NBC). Palace and Arsenal warm things up on NBCSN (9:25), if the London Jaguras/Iggles match gets too dull. Burnley/Chelski too, but you needs NBC Gold for that.
Warning: watching Lesser Footy on stream whilst following multiple blog comment feeds AND watching RedZone will likely kill me. HUZZAH!
So that’s me hitting Sunday before the Saturday slate. What of that? you may ask. Nothing before 10, so get your beauty rest.
Seriously, Redshite/Cardiff is the main offering (NBCSN). Just fuck right off. And let’s hope you have Gold, because that’s the only way you’ll see anything else. I’d recommend the DFO Derby of Litre’s struggling Fulham v. yeah right’s surging Bournemouth (no shit, 6th position!). It has bananacakes (which the Brits would STILL call a pudding) 4-4 draw written all over it. A savvy live bettor (i.e., NOT HIPPO) could make much coin on this. Brighton and Wolves also feels mildly interesting.
Lester is having West Ham for tea over on NBC (12:30), but that is nae JV NFL skipping calibre in my book. But we wish Fronk all the best anyway.
The entire weekend slate is thrown off by the Blue Mancs taking on Spurs on British MNF (4:00, NBCSN), presumably to draw attention away from how shite a matchup Dreamboat v. Horse Balls will be later that evening. Nice cross-network friendly gesture!
Oh, there’s also some Classic Coke fixture that weird Scottish guy will be squealing about (10:55, BeIn), but there will be no Messi nor any strike force whatsoever for Real Madrid, which will make it sort of seem like Atleti is playing an intra-squadder.
Hmmmmm, ya like that one, Balls? 😀
Our Young Boys will lotion up back in the comfortable confines of Wankdorf this Saturday, against sommet called FC Sion (1:00, some stream that surely won’t get you on any MOAR watch lists!). Fresh off an encouraging 23 Oct Champions League draw v. Valencia, Young Boys will look to rise up, take a hard line early, and pound Sion’s back end into submission.
On to the JV!!!
Clemson at Florida State (Noon, ABC)
Rarest of rarities, the Semenholes being good guys? Nah, they both can get fucked straight into the Atlantic, and I have no hope for Dabo!’s boys losing even once, let alone the necessary twice. Until Bama turns them inside out, that is.
Texas Tech at Iowa State (Noon, ESPN2)
Guns Up!! has started doing it with some defense? Way to STAND UR GROUND, fellas. Team Cornpone State can be awfully pesky at home, thus the 5.5 point spread in favour of the 3-3 side. Probably a trap bet, but I wish I could bet it.
Purdue at Michigan State (Noon, ESPN)
Sorry, Cancer Boy. Your miracle ticket was good FOAR one week only. Welcome back to reality, as if the cancer ain’t remind you of that plenty enough.
TCU at Kansas (3:00, FS1)
Moneyline I wish I could bet, as this is likely KU’s best chance to get a Big Twaaaalllllve win this season. Bloodeyes don’t deserve to give 13 on the road against a MAC school this season.
Florida v. Georgia @ Silky Gerard’s Place (3:30, CBS)
Oh yeah, the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, primed to see some Bulldog Vengeance! Unless it turns out they just ain’t worth a fuck, in which case the Gators will take control of their destiny in the race to lose to Bama by 30 in early December.
Iowa State at Penn State (3:30, ESPN)
Holy shit, will this be a slog. It would make your ded, racist grandpappy pretty hard (if only he were still alive), though. Also that creepy paedo uncle.
Kentucky at Missouri (4:00, SECN)
Here comes another trap line (Mizzou -7) – I get that the Tiggers’ve had a tough schedule to be 0-3 in League play, but Kenfucky has played legitimately decent footbaw to get to 6-1, including last week’s tricky fixture in the wind against Vandy.
NC State at Syracuse (7:00, ESPN2)
We shall see if Clemson beats the (back to shitty) wolves twice, as you have to be mentally right playing SillyCuse. They hit ya in the mouth, and one best be ready to respond. State ain’t good enough to be dazed and confused for a half before getting its scat together. Line opened at Cuse -1.5, is Pack -2 as of Friday night. Fuck, that makes me itchy. Another DFO Derby of sorts, since scotchy mildly claims the L’Orange JV NFL side now.
Washington State at Stanford (7:00, PAC-12)
This is a really good matchup between two 3-1 (in-conference) teams, both coming off emotional wins, and I can’t believe it’s not on a real network. I guess Fox has to show that dumb based balling.
Texas A&M at Mississippi State (7:00, ESPN)
Cowbells went and hired Paedo State’s offensive “guru” and since that decision, have had no discernible offense whatsoever. Whispers are that a QB change could be afoot (bad pun in memory of last Egg Bowl’s gruesome injury). Still a trap game for the Aggies, who I still think are poop.
Oregon at Arizona (10:30, ESPN)
Another week, another apology for the bad tweaker selection. But hey, at least Bear Down FOAR Midterms won last week’s White Power Bowl – though they still need 3 wins out of their last 4 to go bowling. Oregon could be deflated after their wet fart on the Paloose. Or pissed off. Fuck if I know, this League is weird, man.