Check out the smashed-into-the-windshield-several-times visage of Blake Jarwin. The toothfull grin that indicates that the keys shaken by the photographer please him. The too-small, beady eyes that have no doubt silently observed more than one grandmother undressing at bedtime. The throat devoid of an Adam’s Apple. The sloughing forehead that indicates him thinking, “I hate that Mr. Purrsident Trump! He ain’t bombed a single Guata-mawcallit Caravan yet, like’n he promised!”. Why do I call attention to him? He’s got himself the ‘Questionable’ status after not practicing all week. He showed what a weapon he could be after scoring three TD’s vs. the Giants and the Evangelicals are a bit worried because you know how much they love their ‘Revelations’. [Snickers to self-also, Milky Way’s to self]
TO THE GAME!
Wr Cole Beasley is in the same boat injury-wise but as everyone’s cliche-dar goes off, yeah, he’s going to ‘gut it out’ like the hero puppy he is. “Gut it out” also just happens to be the title of my evisceration-centric autobiography.
Worrying Trend: In their last four games DAK!’s QBR rating has been 4th best in the league. Goff? Before the bye week he was ranked 4th-in the last 4 tilts he’s ranked 25th. Probably has something to do with Kupp’s ACL snapping and Josh Reynolds not doing nearly enough to fill the void despite single coverage.
Just Plain Silliness: The Cowboys D is being called The Hot Boyz? Way to embrace the homo-erotic undercurrent running thru your sport, fellas.
Rams Other Wideouts: They go by the name of Woods and Cooks. That’s also the name of the YouTube channel I head to when I want to watch animal-skinning vids.
Gentlemen, place your bets. You too, commentariat.
You’re right Joe, that was a costly 4th down for the Cowboys; it cost the Rams 7 points.
Cooper plays so well when he is angry
GUHHHHHHH
Why the fuck couldn’t Cooper do that kind of shit for the Raiders? If that happened a year ago he’d have dropped it.
Not to mention that Cooper would have been the one who caught a flag for that shit with Marcus Peters.
Don’t worry, the Raiders will be good next ye-
/gets struck by lightning for lying
Fucking Gruden
http://isgrudengoneyet.com/
Nah, Cooper was useless for the Raiders. I’ve been wrong about how he’d be for the Cowboys, but there is no way that dropping him was a bad move.
Raiders take the lead!
/squints at TV
Oh right, they traded Amari.
Cooper!!!!!!!!!!!
If you break the agreed upon rules, don’t hold your hands up and scream “I DIDN’T BREAK THE AGREED UPON RULES!”
Fuck you this is Trump’s America!
Peters is no saint
“Hey, fuck you, buddy!”
Tell me again about denying something cock something
/prays for Venice not to flood…….again………this afternoon
Great Zeke is limping.
If Troy Aikman doesn’t like it, it’s a good decision
Oh good, Elliott’s limping.
This is one of those games where I don’t mind which team wins…well except I wish both owners were dead.
But I mean I don’t detest any of the players on the field.
I wished death on Georgia Frontiere for many years, and it happened! DREAMS DO COME TRUE!
Holy shit Norfolk is a gentrified waste land.
I couldn’t find a single one of my old dive bars. I did walk pass 8 (I am not making this up) crepe shops, 9 bistros, and 12 coffee bars.
No gastropubs even
Not even a single Olive Oil store smh
What the fuck is a gastropub? I thought that was some medical condition that I could get from taking boner pills per the commercial on my TV for said boner pills.
So did you pick up some pastries, a crepe and a coffee?
I went to wawa to pick up a 12 pack and some camels.
Aaron Donald is going to “test” Connor Barwin the way they “test” pool tables in ‘The Accused’
Love me a good “Accused” “joke”
Originally I said “Big Dan’s”, but figured no one would get it.
T-shirt once available for sale:
“I smelt the felt at Big Dan’s”
That’s incredible.
Wow!
Wow.
I thought the game started at 25 after?
Traffic, man.
no, it started after your excuse was posted
Jaylon Smith is gonna make that Rams QB cry by halftime
https://media3.giphy.com/media/qbUrFu9zPnu0M/200.webp?cid=3640f6095c3a534644305035364de0c9
gonna show Buster his knee MRI?
grumble grumble go ‘Boyz grumble grumble
Pussy
I’m going to say RAMmIt wins 49-14 Tonight
Andrew Whitworth is playing in the 2nd round of the playoffs. Good for him! He deserves it!
“There’s a second round?”
— Marvin L., Cincinnati, OH
can’t run on Non-Gendered Cowpersons, eh?
why they stop running?
Man, CJ Anderson put on a couple lbs. He looks like Andy Reid in that PPK footage.
P and J Anderson
Mmmm, yes, not the neutral zone discipline of a Princeton man
Surely more a Dartmouth alum, I do say.
I’d eat that
Relish is an unholy object
I want a blow out. No close game, my heart or dog watching me, can’t take it.
Well, looks like you might get half of your wish.
WTF
https://twitter.com/thecerealbowles/status/1083829078388559874
bahahaha thats a good funny
Got the under on the first game to keep the parlay alive! Need the over in this one.
Every other bet went to shite.
My hatred for the Cowboys dates back 50 years and is of an intensity that makes the rest of y’all’s hatred of the Patriots look like mild disdain. So I hope they get embarrassed tonight but expect to be disappointed.
My team got beat by the bullshit hail Mary. He pushed off! So I’m right with you brother.
You would have lost in the Superb Owl anyway.
Craig Morton approves
Alright, local FOX channel. I get it. The white death is upon us. Everything is cancelled. We are all gonna die.
But can you please uncover the score display?
No one has scored yet, we’ll let you know if they do.
“The white death is upon us.… We are all gonna die.”
What is things the Native Americans said from 1607 onwards?
Is this a Rose Bowl game?
good that rammit has ditched the stupid gold/blue st. louis jerseys for this game
Embracing the never-won-a-title LA unis instead.
Dieter Brock approves
They won their only title in Blue and Yellow.
Gratliff i have so much respect for you. You posted all Eagles/Bears game. Unlike other Eagle fans on this site you are a man.
I’ve met Litre: he’s a real man
Litre comes out when it’s safe
I have a toddler it aint always easy.
Just cram him in the closet. Toddlers can’t handle doorknobs.
Folks!
Spur got 4 Aces with a kicker..very nice
One of us!
Does she look like a giant bird?
“Joe, If the Cowboys can score more points than the Rams they’ve got a very good chance of winning this game. Herp derp derp.”
Still not sure what I want to happen here without knowing what happens tomorrow, but I suppose I’ll go for the Rams winning because I can’t abide happy Dallas fans
Someone blinded her… with science.
Someone remind me to name next year’s fantasy football team the Guatamacallits.
hey, dude. Name next year’s fantasy football team the Guatamacallits.
Sick remind
Thanks man. Good lookin’ out.
LAST Saturday footbaw we gets until August. SAVOUR IT.
Jay Glazer seems like the type who dies after getting locked inside his own car on a hot day.
dammit
https://twitter.com/BLABBERMOUTHNET/status/1084253840491212800
/
Alright, I’m on the 405 and the sky looks decent to the west. So I say Gurley gets 10 early carries and then Goff airs it out for 4 touchdowns. Who’s with me?
Probably Jason Garrett.
first kc chiefs win since montana ’93
i was in 5th fucking grade
last time a team from la made the title game was ’90-’91 raidaaahhhs, so RAMMIT wins tonight
The Riverseseses tomorrow
go ahead and believe the nfl wants:
1. pats losing a game at home
2. a title game in a 30k soccer barn
3. seriously, see #1, breathing on 41 yr old brady will be 15 yards
(EDIT: #2 cannot happen because damn clots, really wanted goodell to host a title game in a tiny house)
game in KC regardless
dammit clots, i really wanted to see that shit happen
Breathing NEAR Brady, get it right.
You’re not wrong, but he shall overcome (over and over again, right Tiffany?)
Guys, I’m starting to worry about scotchy
you gotta learn somewhere, that hobo skin suit ain’t gon’ make itself