Your “That’s a Face Only a Mother Could Love” NFC Playoff Open Thread

Check out the smashed-into-the-windshield-several-times visage of Blake Jarwin. The toothfull grin that indicates that the keys shaken by the photographer please him. The too-small, beady eyes that have no doubt silently observed more than one grandmother undressing at bedtime. The throat devoid of an Adam’s Apple. The sloughing forehead that indicates him thinking, “I hate that Mr. Purrsident Trump! He ain’t bombed a single Guata-mawcallit Caravan yet, like’n he promised!”. Why do I call attention to him? He’s got himself the ‘Questionable’ status after not practicing all week. He showed what a weapon he could be after scoring three TD’s vs. the Giants and the Evangelicals are a bit worried because you know how much they love their ‘Revelations’. [Snickers to self-also, Milky Way’s to self]

TO THE GAME!

Wr Cole Beasley is in the same boat injury-wise but as everyone’s cliche-dar goes off, yeah, he’s going to ‘gut it out’ like the hero puppy he is. “Gut it out” also just happens to be the title of my evisceration-centric autobiography.

Worrying Trend: In their last four games DAK!’s QBR rating has been 4th best in the league. Goff? Before the bye week he was ranked 4th-in the last 4 tilts he’s ranked 25th. Probably has something to do with Kupp’s ACL snapping and Josh Reynolds not doing nearly enough to fill the void despite single coverage.

Just Plain Silliness: The Cowboys D is being called The Hot Boyz? Way to embrace the homo-erotic undercurrent running thru your sport, fellas.

Rams Other Wideouts: They go by the name of Woods and Cooks. That’s also the name of the YouTube channel I head to when I want to watch animal-skinning vids.

Gentlemen, place your bets. You too, commentariat.

 

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Fronkenshteen

Ok dak you can vulture Zeke now

Spur

just hurry up and score a TD Dak

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Talib had to take a stab at it

Senor Weaselo

PUSH OFF, SON!

Romonobyl

Thank God for my cast iron liver.

Unsurprised

I should pick up drinking again. What could possibly go wrong?

Senor Weaselo

That push out of the end zone is probably a penalty.

Fronkenshteen

Great play by that linebacker

King Hippo

y’all fuckers just can’t finish

Gratliff

What the fuck was that catch attempt?

Horatio Cornblower

OPI judging from the look on Cooper’s face

Horatio Cornblower

Or, you know, not.

Gratliff

More like Bigton

Spur

MOVE IT DAK!

hippofant

That was some shit option defense there.

Fronkenshteen

cmon Big finish goddammit.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s really all I’m hoping for here. Make it interesting at the end.

Horatio Cornblower

If they run it up the middle I am going to fly to Dallas and murder Garrett as he steps off the plane.

OK then.
/cancels flight

Spur

I have hope….am also Catholic
(no personal offense Spur, I like the image if I’m being honest….but I gotta take it down…tWBS)
((sorry))

Unsurprised

Whoa. I didn’t know those were allowed.

Horatio Cornblower

They’re not.

Unsurprised

(I know)

Spur

wow, sorry…picked the wrong gif

fleshwound_NPG

no, don’t be sorry!

Mr. Ayo

I disagree.

Romonobyl

I’ll be the judge of thos…I mean that.

Unsurprised

Not the wrong gif. Just the wrong text formatting.

Unsurprised

In case it was lost to the winds of Incognito browsing.

h

ttps://i.pinimg.com/originals/4f/c6/d1/4fc6d12890886cbf6f31f190685c0236.gif

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Timeouts are for losers, apparently

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whoa, that was a generous spot.

Brick Meathook

The Coliseum is the best looking stadium in the NFL. Opened in 1923.

Romonobyl

Was that when the Christians were playing the Lions?

Brick Meathook

NO FUCKING HELMETS!

Beerguyrob

Does Jason Garrett survive to next season?

Spur

Give Chris the job, please.

Unsurprised

He won’t survive supper

Mr. Ayo

He’s getting an extension of all things.

Horatio Cornblower

He better not. They need to clear the entire coaching staff out, (HC and both coordinators), and get someone new in there. They will never get past this level with Garrett and Co. in charge.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus Christ.

My only hope now is that Ian Rapoport is an idiot, which is not an unfounded hope.

Horatio Cornblower

I feel better that I wasn’t the only one who saw the obvious hold on Charlton.

Which would, of course, have completely negated Dak’s shitty play in the 1st half.

Spur

whole lot of holding on the replay. let’s see some calls for Dallas.

Gratliff

I really need to get around to watching Unbreakable. Split is the only other movie from this franchise, right?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I enjoyed Unbreakable and was unaware of Split until Glass promos came out

Gratliff

I was aware of it, but thought it was just a straight up serial killer with split personality. The trailers kind of fuck up any surprise.

hippofant

Oh yeah, both movies are completely fucking spoiled by the trailer for Glass.

hippofant

Yeah.

I really liked Unbreakable. It’s one of my favourites. It’s very slow though so a lot of people found it boring.

Gratliff

I heard a lot of the same for the new Blade Runner, but I really liked it.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The New Blade Runner was 45 minutes too long and needed 100% less Jared Leto

Gratliff

What doesn’t?

Senor Weaselo

Unfortunately Glass hasn’t been getting great reviews.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Spur

it’s on now. Pressure is all on Rams and the wonder boy coach.

I think they’ve answered the bell.

Spur

yeah well…….Fuck the PATS!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m reasonably confident that KC will do just that.

Horatio Cornblower

Joe Buck waiting until the Rams have doubled up the Cowboys with 7 minutes left in the game to tell us that McVay is a good coach.

Careful of that limb there, Joe, you’re out there pretty far.
/Hope it ends for Joe the same way ‘A Separate Peace’ does.

Unsurprised

Deep cut of a shitty book.

Romonobyl

Risky play works:
“Smart, good head coach.”
Risky play fails:
“Not a good call.”

Spur

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whoa

fleshwound_NPG

oh yes

SonOfSpam

She ain’t perfect, but she’s perfect.

Unsurprised

Unlike Christina Hendricks, Vica Kerekes actually shows off the goods.

Horatio Cornblower

/Frantically googles “Vica Kerekes”

Unsurprised

You’re going to want to use Bing for that.

Horatio Cornblower

She is absolutely stunning.

Beerguyrob

That guy eye fucking her because he knows that’s as close as he’ll ever get.

Mr. Ayo

Pretty sure that’s what we’re all doing here.

Gratliff

Predictions for NFC CHampionship regardless of tomorrow’s winner:comment image

Mr. Ayo

CHONKDOWN 2!

Spur

come on Dallas die fighting. Score right away.

WCS

/Dak throws pick-six
//other Dak is shot by Imperial Walker

Brick Meathook

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

My nephew in law is a ‘Boys fan. I think I need to call him.

SonOfSpam

Hell yeah. Mocking Cowboys fans is awesome. Gonna call my nephew shortly.

“Mom…Uncle SonOfSpam is drunk again”

Senor Weaselo

Mr. Anderson weaving through the Matrix.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is he praying or eating?

Senor Weaselo

Eating, praying, maybe loving?

Horatio Cornblower

That’s sounds like the worst Journey reunion ever.

Romonobyl

‘Siri, find curling coverage for me.”

fleshwound_NPG

FATDOWN 2

Unsurprised

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

SonOfSpam

Playing for the MFing win. Atta boy.

Recovery Whiskey

They Rammed it

Gratliff

Game.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Shoulda taken the delay penalty, kicked the FG, and gone up two scores.

Mr. Ayo

I think they’re happier with this outcome.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Absolutely.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Or given it to Anderson on 4th and goal from the 1.

WCS

Chickenshit cockgobblers.

Spur

wasted timeouts may come back to haunt the Rammit’s

Viva La Tabula Raza

or not.

Mr. Ayo

What’s the point there? If they jump offsides you’re still at the 1 with 4th down.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Again, if Troy thinks it’s a bad idea, it’s the right call

Senor Weaselo

Ballsy by the bomber.

Senor Weaselo

Nope never mind!

Viva La Tabula Raza

You guys all talking about what you’re imbibing makes me melancholy. Thank goodness for the weed.

Spur

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

She seems nice.

Unsurprised

Hey, kids! IT’S LAETITIA CASTA!
comment image

LemonJello

How many hookers will Ol’DubbleJ kill and dump from his private jet on the way back to Texas tonight?

WCS

All of them?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

ALL THE HOOKERS

Beerguyrob

Fewer than Craig James.

SonOfSpam

Gonna say like seven to twelve.

King Hippo

in LA it is spelled aspiring actresses

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Not when they’re dead

Recovery Whiskey

Money drive by LA

Spur

give it to Gurley!

/keep that fatass off the field.

Brick Meathook

Microsoft Theater?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Didn’t it used to be the Nokia, or is that a different venue?