As we all know, there is only one game left in the NFL season. That means it’s time to find other sports and divertissements to amuse ourselves. We’ve already got a healthy Premier League-loving community but those games are all but done by mid-day or mid-afternoon, depending on which side of the North American continent you reside in.

What about the rest of the day?

I mean, fuck doing chores or housework, amirite? Luckily, the Mexican League, Liga MX comes to the rescue with a full slate of games at standard easy-to-follow time slots broadcast by every channel you can think of. Seriously, every SINGLE Liga MX game is broadcast in the United States in one channel or another and all of those are included in your basic cable or satellite packages.

“Sounds great, Balls!”, you might say, “but which team should I follow and adopt in order to make things more interesting?”

I’m glad you asked that question. Today, I will provide you a team-by-team breakdown of the 18-team league so that you can make the most-informed decision.

Before I do that, though, I need to explain a little something about the Liga MX format as it is different from the rest of the leagues around the world. The rest of the world holds a regular season that consists of each team playing each other team once at home and once away and the team with the most points at the end of the season is crowned the winner.

Liga MX says fuck that boring shit.

Mexicans and Americans are really very much alike, regardless of what Trump and the Republican party might have you think. Neither like to watch games in which there is nothing at stake. Therefore, both countries have embraced playoffs for their sporting competitions. Liga MX has taken it a step further, though.

The typical soccer season for Northern Hemisphere teams starts in August, takes a break in December, and finishes in May. México (Argentina has done this as well) breaks up the competition into two.

The first is called the Apertura (or Opening) season and runs from August until November with a set of playoffs (top 8 out of 18) resulting in a winner being crowned in December.

Then, everyone takes a Winter Break and teams can sign players like the rest of the world.

The second season is called the Clausura (or Closing) season and runs from January until April with another set of playoffs resulting in another winner being crowned in May. Thus, there can be two Mexican champions in the span of time that the other leagues only have one.

In each season, each team plays the other teams once. If Team A hosts Team B during the Apertura season, then Team B will host Team A in the Clausura season. Who hosts who first is determined prior to the start of the Apertura season.

Relegation happens after BOTH seasons are finished and is based on the worst winning percentage for all teams in Liga MX over the last 3 years (6 seasons). The formula is Points divided by number of games. Only one team is relegated after the Clausura season and only one team comes up for the next Apertura and Clausura seasons because the Mexican Second Division (called Liga MX Ascenso or Liga MX “Rising”) has their Apertura and Clausura champions play each other for the right to go to Liga MX. Of course, if the same team wins both, it automatically goes up.

This results in mostly the same teams in Liga MX from year to year and very little movement between divisions. Adding to that is the fact that relegated Mexican teams have LITERALLY bought the teams rising from the Second Division and have taken their place in Liga MX for the next year.

I’m surprised MLS hasn’t thought of this. That way we can have a true punishment for teams/owners that suck.

Anyway, there are a few more quirks, but I know you want to get to know the teams. Here, in alphabetical order, are your 2018-19 Clausura teams plus a handy map to help you find the locations:

América

Date Established: 1916

Located in: Mexico City, Distrito Federal

Nickname(s): Las Águilas (the Eagles), Los Azulcremas (The Blue-Creams), Los Millonetas (The Millionaires)

Finish in Apertura 2018: Champions. 2nd in regular season.

Titles: 13 (most of all)

Comments: Are you part of the Mexican Elite or desperately want to be? Do you think you can fix every problem by throwing money at it (it allegedly including referees)? Then this is the team for you! Truth be told, this is the winningest team of all time, so maybe there’s something to that approach…

Famous fans include pretty much every hot light-skinned telenovela and Mexican movie starlet plus all the Mexican millionaires.

Atlas

Date Established: 1916

Located in: Guadalajara, Guadalajara

Nickname(s): Los Zorros (The Foxes), Los Rojinegros (The Red and Blacks), La Academia (The Academy),

Finish in Apertura 2018: 17th

Titles: 1 in 1950-51

Comments: I have a soft spot for Atlas. They are the little brother in Guadalajara to Chivas and not only do they hardly ever get attention, they hardly win. Strange though, because a LOT of good players go through their academy (hence the nickname). The problem is they go on to play for bigger clubs and achieve success there.

When I was a tiny little Pelotas in México in the 70s, Atlas home games were always on Saturday night and always in black and white. This was after color TV was available. That tells you a lot about Atlas.

BUAP (Meritorious Autonomous University of Puebla)

Date Established: 1967

Located in: Puebla, Puebla

Nickname(s): Lobos (Wolves), La Manada (The Pack), Los Licantropos (The Lycanthropes)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 13th

Titles: None

Comments: Lobos BUAP has been around for decades, but had always played in the lower divisions. It folded in the 70s only for the team to be resurrected in the 90s, folded again, and then resurrected again in 2002. This time it stuck and the team made its First Division debut in Apertura 2017.

Do you like underdogs that don’t give up? This is your team. There is an interesting dynamic in Mexican soccer where professional teams are associated with colleges/universities and that concept is strange for Americans used to them being separate. Just remember that México thinks the term “student-athlete” is a load of horseshit.

Cruz Azul

Date Established: 1927

Located in: Mexico City, Distrito Federal

Nickname(s): La Máquina (The Machine), Los Cementeros (the cement makers)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 1st in regular season (lost in Final of playoffs)

Titles: 8 (last in Invierno 1997)

Comments: Cruz Azul won a lot during the 70s and became one of the most popular clubs in México. While América fans are stereotypically upper class and Chivas fans are stereotypically lower class, Cruz Azul filled in the nice niche in the middle, most noticeably in Mexico City.

The club is still beloved and last season’s run to the final raised a lot of hopes that Cruz Azul would win a 9th title after all these years. Alas, América broke their hearts again, but there’s always next year.

Guadalajara

Date Established: 1906

Located in: Guadalajara, Guadalajara

Nickname(s): Chivas (Goats), Chivas Rayadas (Striped Goats), El rebaño sagrado (the sacred flock), El chiverio (the goat calvary)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 11th

Titles: 12 (last in Clausura 2017)

Comments: You know how the Cowboys bill themselves as America’s Team? Well, Chivas are Mexico’s Team. For their entire existence, Chivas has always fielded teams made up of only Mexican players. Next to the National Team, Chivas gets the most attention from all media.

As you may guess, the biggest rivalry in México is Chivas-América for political, class, race, historical, and other reasons. It also helps that they are the two winningest teams in Mexican fútbol.

León

Date Established: 1944

Located in: León, Guanajuato

Nickname(s): Los Panzas Verdes (The Green Bellies), La Fiera (The Wild Beast), Los Esmeraldas (The Emeralds), Los Verdiblancos (The Green and Whites)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 14th

Titles: 7 (last in Clausura 2014)

Comments: I’ve always loved León’s green uniforms, going all the way back to when I was a kid. León was good in the old days and then got relegated but then came back and won championships in the 90s and in this decade.

They are consistently good and have managed to stay in the First Division for a while. The city and state they are from are beautiful and deserve a visit as they are only an hour or two outside México City.

Monterrey

Date Established: 1945

Located in: Monterrey, Nuevo León

Nickname(s): Los Rayados (The Striped Ones), La Pandilla (The Gang)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 5th

Titles: 4 (last in Apertura 2010) (The three gold stars in the logo refer to three CONCACAF Champions League titles.)

Comments: Although it’s been around for a long time, Monterrey really only became good at the turn of the millennium. It somewhat mirrors the rise of the city it represents as Monterrey the city has grown greatly in population and economic importance in México.

The old México was centered on México City much like France on Paris. The new México is more like Italy in that the industrial north is leading the country and trying to drag the struggling south along with it. So, Monterrey is the new Milan?

Morelia

Date Established: 1924

Located in: Morelia, Michoacán

Nickname(s): Los Monarcas (The Monarchs), Los Canarios (The Canaries)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 9th

Titles: 1, Invierno 2000

Comments: I had to check this carefully to make sure it wasn’t a mistake but it’s true that Morelia has only won one championship in 94 years of existence. Yeah, they’ve been relegated, but they have been in the first division for approximately 60-70 years.

In 1999, the club changed its nickname from Los Canarios (due to the yellow in their shirts) to The Monarchs due to the three monarchs on the city’s coat of arms and flag which is ironic because the city changed its name from Valladolid to Morelia because of Morelos, who fought against royalists. I can tell you more about the many Spain-México tie-ins, but that’s probably a whole other post…

Necaxa

Date Established: 1923

Located in: Aguascalientes, Aguascalientes

Nickname(s): Los Rayos (The Rays), Los Electricistas (The electricians), Hydrorayos (Water-rays)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 16th

Titles: 3 (last in Invierno 1998)

Comments: Necaxa has a rich and turbulent history that is filled with financial troubles, relocations, relegations and promotions, and roots in two different countries OTHER than México.

It was founded by an electrician, was owned by the Mexican Electric Company, and the colours and crest are meant to honour the mine workers of Cornwall, England that brought the game to the New World. During years of financial difficulties in the 70s and 80s, the team became Atlético Español, which is the team I remember from when I was a kid.

It originally played in Puebla, then México City, and now Aguascalientes (“Hot waters”), hence the Hydrorayos nickname. If you like your teams with crazy histories and incredible tales, this is your team.

Pachuca

Date Established: 1901

Located in: Pachuca, Hidalgo

Nickname(s): Los Tuzos (The Gophers)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 10th

Titles: 6 (last in Clausura 2016)

Comments: Pachuca is the oldest team in México. Remember the Cornish miners mentioned in the Necaxa paragraph? They founded Pachuca. The Mexican Revolution in 1910 caused problems (imagine that sentence being written about a team you support!) and in 1920-21 the club went on hiatus.

It returned in the lower divisions and would not return to the First Division until 1967. A few seasons later, they were relegated and would not return until the 90s with a couple of up and back down years. Finally, in 1999, they broke through for their first championship and have won 5 more since, making them one of the winningest teams of this century.

Puebla

Date Established: 1944

Located in: Puebla, Puebla

Nickname(s): Los Camoteros (The Sweet Potatoers), La Franja (The Sash)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 12th

Titles: 2 (last in 1989-90). (The other stars in the logo refer to Cup titles)

Comments: Do you like sweet potatoes? Do you like Volkswagens? Then have I got the team for you! Volkswagen has a gigantic car-making plant in Puebla and has, ever since I can remember, always sponsored the team.

Camotes are candies made out of sweet potato that come in different flavours and are made in Puebla. They are shaped like cigars and I have been known to eat one pretending it’s a cigar.

Querétaro

Date Established: 1950

Located in: Querétaro, Querétaro

Nickname(s): Gallos Blancos (White Roosters), Albiazules (White and Blues)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 8th

Titles: None

Comments: Do you love aqueducts? Then, you’ll love Querétaro! Seriously, I’ve been there and it’s their most famous attraction. Querétaro the fútbol club has a shorter lifetime than Necaxa but almost as much crazy history. The club has been sold and moved and sold and moved so much that instead of the White Roosters, they might as well be the White Slaves. As for now, they are barely hanging on to their first division spot.

Santos Laguna

Date Established: 1983

Located in: Torreón, Coahuila

Nickname(s): Guerreros (Warriors), Laguneros (Lakers), Verdiblancos (Green-Whites)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 4th

Titles: 6 (last in Clausura 2018)

Comments: Santos is a relatively new club, but it’s been very successful in the years it’s existed. It’s based in the northern city of Torreón and its successful management is reflective of the city it represents. If there is one team that is most closely tied to its city, it’s this one.

Tijuana

Date Established: 2007

Located in: Tijuana, Baja California Norte

Nickname(s): Xolos (pronounced Sholos)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 15th

Titles: 1 (Apertura 2012)

Comments: The Xolos are the newest team in México, born out of the riches of legalized gambling. Caliente is the Mexican William Hill / Ladbrokes / Bet365 combined. It’s the closest team to the US border so you may want to root for them for that reason alone.

Plus, their mascots are vicious hairless doggies.

Toluca

Date Established: 1917

Located in: Toluca, México (State of México)

Nickname(s): Los Choriceros (The Chorizo-makers), Diablos Rojos (Red Devils), Los Escarlatas (The Scarlets)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 7th

Titles: 10 (last in Bicentenario 2010)

Comments: Fair warning, this is my childhood team. I honestly don’t remember why I picked them. I’ve always liked chorizo and they make the best Jerry the best chorizo of all México in Toluca. Maybe I fondly remember family trips there?

In any case, the Toluca of my youth (late 70s and 80s) were the kings of the tie. Good enough to stay in the first division, but not good enough to win. It’s not like they didn’t have a history of success. They had won multiple championships in the 60s and one more in the early 70s.

Good times returned in the late 90s as Enrique Meza brought in attacking football and Toluca started winning championships in the early 2000s. They also have a kickass renovated stadium that makes really good use of the corners of a chocolate box. (Their stadium is called La Bombonera)

UANL (Autonomous University of New León)

Date Established: 1960

Located in: Monterrey, Nuevo León

Nickname(s): Tigres (Tigers)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 6th

Titles: 6 (last in Apertura 2017)

Comments: Tigres is, like Atlas to Chivas, the baby brother to Monterrey. However, in this city, the roles are reversed. Tigres have been more successful and have surpassed their older brothers. This makes their derbies, the Clásico Regio, highly intense.

FYI, Regio is a shortened version of Regiomontano, which is a word used to describe the people of Monterrey as the city and the region surrounding it are full of mountains. Also FYI, America’s favourite Mexican weathergirl is a Tigres fan.

UNAM (National Autonomous University of México)

Date Established: 1954

Located in: Mexico City, Distrito Federal (on the south side of the city in Ciudad Universitaria on the campus of UNAM)

Nickname(s): Pumas, Universitarios (University people)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 3rd

Titles: 7 (last in Clausura 2011)

Comments: Remember when we were discussing classes? We forgot about the intelligentsia. That’s represented by Pumas, which is the team associated with the biggest university in México. It’s also the most liberal and where most protests originate, so consider that as well.

For better or worse, the identity of the team is tied to the identity of the university and the team’s fanbase is mostly students, alums, and their families.

Oh, and the radical left, which in México actually means something.

Veracruz

Date Established: 1943

Located in: Veracruz, Veracruz

Nickname(s): Tiburones Rojos (Red Sharks)

Finish in Apertura 2018: 18th (last)

Titles: 2 (last in 1949-50)

Comments: Veracruz has the distinction of being the first team to win the Mexican championship from outside México City. Sadly, that and its other championship were in the 40s.

Since then, it’s been a struggle of relegation and promotion. Veracruz finished last in the Apertura and will probably be relegated after the Clausura. At least there’s really good fishing there!

Hope that helps you figure out which team to adopt. I’ll be happy to answer any questions in the comments.

Enjoy the games!

(16/69)