2019 Hoopsball – Round of 32 Saturday Open Thread

Pardon me, but I have nothing to say!

#6(E) Maryland (+3, +135) v. #3(E) LSU (12:10, CBS)

Well, two sides I didn’t expect to do anything at all.  Now one will make the Powdered Donut Round.  I don’t much care for that.  Full national game, so have a book ready.

#7(MW) Wofford (+5, +185) v. #2(MW) Kenfucky (2:40, CBS)

The Ashley Judd crowd shots get more and more meh by the year.  Such is the relentless march of time.  Oh, and Wofford gon’ die.

#10(W) Florida (+6.5, +240) v. #2(W) Michigan (5:15, CBS)

The ghost of many Citrus Bowls’ past says HAI.  First match-up of the day that should actually lead to competitive, fun hoopsball.  Or if not, at least you don’t have to watch this 2nd half.

#12(W) Murray State (+4.5, +165) v. #4(W) Florida State (6:10, TNT)

BAND MEETING!

Also, I really like both of these sides.  THIS should have been a full national selection.

#9(W) Baylor (+14, +950) v. #1(W) Gonzaga (7:10, TBS)

Stupid SillyCuse, YOU were supposed to be here, and YOU were supposed to take down Tallest Midget Gonzaga.  BayBay?  This will just not do.

#10 (MW) Minnesota (+10.5, +475) v. #2(MW) Michigan State (7:45, CBS)

Am I boldly predicting an upset here?

#6(S) Villanova (+3.5, +155) v. #3(S) Purdue (8:40, TNT)

Is it an upset if 90% of viewers and analysts expect it to happen?  A bit esoteric, but I trust y’all to handle the academic rigor.

#5(MW) Auburn (-2.5, -145) v. #4(MW) Kansas (9:40, TBS)

Will the last one up PLEASE remember to load the dishwasher and turn off the lights?  Also, FUCK KANSAS.  And FUCK BILL SELF.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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rockingdog

found a funny:
Carry yourself with the confidence of an urban pigeon

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

These refs are like my immune system in that they’re completely failing to do their job

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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nomonkeyfun

This McGee, I call him John Starks.

/No, I’m not still bitter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Re: Banner photo
The ginger. All day. Every day.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!
HUGE HAIRY SOPPING GINGER BUSH!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Perhaps I’ve said too much.

WCS

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scotchnaut

[Day 1, 9am-John Calipari’s Basketball Camp]

Calipari: “Make goddamn sure that your boosters have way more money than the other guy. Good Night!” [waves]

herodotus450

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Hoover? He sucks.

Senor Weaselo

Dam.

Fronkenshteen

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herodotus450

“Ashton Hagans leading Kentucky against Wofford” just needs “at the battle of Murfeesboro” to be a believable historical statement.

SonOfSpam

Hadn’t seen this before; women in Montana might be friendlier than anticipated.
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herodotus450

detroit porn is my favorite too

Gratliff

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SonOfSpam

I’d suck that for a dollar!

nomonkeyfun

Mexican women are very blunt with their preferences.

nomonkeyfun

Also, I always thought Utah women were metaphorically in bondage, didn’t realize that was the actual.fantasy.

Senor Weaselo

3/10, did not specifically say “surprise buttsecks,” would not bang.

nomonkeyfun

Redshirt needs to move to Idaho.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“The south shall rise again.”

-Mandingo

SonOfSpam

Arizona woman, watching porn: “Ooh, she puts the ‘ho’ in Navajo. High-five me Bootsy!” (cat walks out of the room)

SonOfSpam

Vermont/New Hampshire have the same unique kink. Is it a maple syrup thing?

nomonkeyfun

You can Bangor without seeing her in Maine AND Oregon.

SonOfSpam

Portland city motto: “If you don’t care she won’t either.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can vouch for the Colorado one.

scotchnaut

I’m not gonna lie-I wouldn’t be able to identify the state of Wofford on a map of the United States.

WCS

It’s between South Virginia and the state Springfield is in.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Most citizens counldn’t identify the United States on a map of of the United States.

WCS

I do approve of the Black Keys doing the bumper music.

SonOfSpam

Bumper music is Donte Stallworth’s favorite genre.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Me, too!”

–Chris Henry’s girlfriend

Fronkenshteen

/dies

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I think it’s funny that country music is so awful that they need their own awards show for it.

WCS

They have like 58 award shows. There’s one every week.

Senor Weaselo

It’s the Country Music Only awards. You know, the Seggies!

SonOfSpam

“Hey, we invited Hootie that one year.”

tomsellecksmoustache

Do you think the chick in the white has seen all the others naked? I like to think so.

ballsofsteelandfury

Oh yeah!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That particular movie has been playing in my head for quite some time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“I didn’t pay you guys millions of dollars to lose!”

-Calipari’s half-time speech

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

I’m eating Lasagna in 17+ minutes. She’s ready right now but it really turns her on when I make her wait.

SonOfSpam

The Pasta Tease has logged on.

ballsofsteelandfury

Pasta Edging?

SonOfSpam

Goddammit, I had forgot about that stupid thing until now.

herodotus450

Better keep an eye on it or else some roving early bird senior might eat it all

Gratliff

*smoke pouring out of the oven*
Yeah, you want it, don’t you, bitch

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

TRUE WCS FACT: My aunt was John Calipari’s third grade teacher.

Senor Weaselo

John Calipari went to grad school?

WCS

D’oh! Fixed

Senor Weaselo

…John Calipari went to grade school?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice chain of events here.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

And that was John’s first righteous boner.

scotchnaut

Wofford making this game as ugly as Kentucky step-sister wives.

Gratliff

Islanders mercifully end the Flyers season, now there are no sports until August and I am sad.

WCS

You can watch the Phillies squander Bryce Harper’s career!

Gratliff

Phillies need to be in the world series with a 2 game lead for me to muster up enough interest in baseball. The last one made up for Joe Carter ripping my heart out as a 10 year old, and now I don’t even have that to care about.

SonOfSpam

Damn, that’s a rough memory to relive and relive and relive and relive
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Gratliff

Mitch Williams replaying every alternate timeline that doesn’t involve him ducking under a Joe Carter homer in a millisecond was the pinnacle of Philadelphia sports during my lifetime until 2008

SonOfSpam

Poor Mitch. Wasn’t his fault he sucked and his manager let him pitch anyway.

Gratliff

I don’t think I ever heard him called by any name other than Bitch Williams until the day I moved away from the area

WCS

A little late, but….

BAHAHAHA EAT ALL THE BUTT MARYLAND

SonOfSpam

It’s good that I’m not in charge of such things, but I’d have no problem with this as a banner quote.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

I don’t care about your opinion-I’m very much against the banning of AK-69’s.

scotchnaut

I’m not your coach but Wofford? Cut it out with the off-balance jump shots.

herodotus450

More like Woff-balance jump shots amirite

nomonkeyfun

A bit esoteric, but I trust y’all to handle the academic rigor.

No U*NC alumnae here. We good.

litre_cola

Flight delayed 4 hours. Where the fuck is my compensation????

nomonkeyfun

Ask the nearest flight attendant for a handy.

Bonus, if they say no, you don’t have to fly ever again.

SonOfSpam

And you may not even have to pay him much.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sandpaper handies are free.

SonOfSpam

Sandies?

Senor Weaselo

Musical guest, Sandy Handy?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You’ll get your 5 dollar peanuts just like all the other snowflakes, smgdh.

Senor Weaselo

That is of course $5 per peanut.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgct3Jn8pFA

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Spur

Money well spent LSU. Buy players not beads.

Senor Weaselo

SHOW ME YOUR LAYUP DRILLS!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Movie KARMA!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“This Maryland/LSU tilt turned into a good game faster than I turned into Caitlyn!”

-Bruce Jenner

herodotus450

Didn’t LSU’s Bigby WIlliams used to be a silent film star or something?

scotchnaut

My favorite silent film star is Heath Ledger.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Mine’s Marlee Matlin.

SonOfSpam

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Gratliff

….Is the sign for motorboating pantomiming the titty version?

scotchnaut

Just finishing the last ten pages of Genghis Khan and the Making of the Modern World-interesting read. They didn’t impose their values on conquered regions and allowed trade to flourish. They introduced the concept of diplomatic immunity and thought that the concept of torturing to extract confessions was barbaric. Next up is Marco Pierre White’s “The Devil In The Kitchen”.

/what you reading at the moment?

yeah right

One foot in Eden by Ron Rash.
I’m full on in the southern noir shit.

scotchnaut

“One Foot in Eden” is the recommended porn vid on Redtube that I refuse to click on.

SonOfSpam

The sequel involves two feet and really stretches the premise.

yeah right

He is indeed. Not as fierce but worth a read. Try Larry Brown as well.

herodotus450

Trying to find a good biography of George Washington (non-Carver version).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just started the Wee Free Men.

herodotus450

Timeouts should be veto-able by some kind of viewer vote.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

[Vetos own time out]

— Andy Reid

Senor Weaselo

Oh, and good news, after last night’s adventures, my car is back home with a shiny new tire. Unfortunately only one new tire, but at some point soon I’m gonna have to change the set because the treads aren’t great.

Senor Weaselo

Michael Kay just called Masahiro Tanaka Hideki Matsui. Wow.

Ian Scott McCormick

I’ll buy you a beer if you can get Hideki Matsui added as a nickname on Tanaka’s baseball reference page.

SonOfSpam

“Are we sure the sneaky bastards didn’t change places???”

– B. Parcells

scotchnaut

Every once in a while I listen to 50’s music on Sirius-it’s about identifying which artists are looking back to the 40’s or looking ahead to the early 60’s. I happened upon this the other day and you percussion fans might like it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBotlTI4BUk

scotchnaut

But… it’s so early?

Fronkenshteen

Nice Carlin quote at the top there, AS ADVERTISED.

Brick Meathook

Are we set for Glendale today starting at 2 PM? The Morrison, followed by Tam O’Shanter?

yeah right

See above Heisenberg quote.

“You’re goddamn right.”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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OOOOHHHHHH YEEEEAAAAHHHHHH!

SonOfSpam

You guys are gonna make a Carson stop, right? Lots of legendary places around, um, Cal State Dominguez Hills.

yeah right

The Tam O’Shanter makes the best fucking haggis. Their deviled eggs are legendary also. Hell yes!
Pub crawl!

scotchnaut

I think Naz Reid will do just fine in the NBA.

herodotus450

His cousin Riley did the NBA well, too.

Spur

Present

scotchnaut

I think they got lucky when Yale missed all those open 3 pointers. Wasn’t their D making that happen. Now they look just fine.

scotchnaut

Hoosiers at a definite disadvantage because they’ve no three point line.

scotchnaut

Jimmy Chitwood got this joke…. smgdh

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

My train is late. Not sure how that happens when there’s only 2 stops between here and where it starts from.

scotchnaut

Damn it! Would some folks pitch in and run a train on this guy already?

scotchnaut

Some of these matchups don’t seem to be eye friendly but I’ll power thru them like the hero that I am.

Senor Weaselo

Scotchy’s a retired aircraft carrier? I KNEW IT!

scotchnaut

I’ll show you my flight deck if you show me your propulsion system. [winks in semaphore]