Your Actually Wednesday NFL Schedule Release Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL News:

  • Ahead of tonight’s schedule reveal at 8:00PM (“Only on the NFL Network!”), the International Games slate has been revealed. Remember that the “home team” surrendered a home stadium date in order to be guaranteed a Super Bowl hosting experience.
    • London Games:
      • Chicago Bears vs. Oakland Raiders, Sunday, Oct. 6, 1 p.m. ET, at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium
      • Carolina Panthers vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Sunday, Oct. 13, 9:30 a.m. ET at Tottenham Hotspur Stadium
      • Cincinnati Bengals vs. Los Angeles Rams, Sunday, Oct. 27, 1 p.m. ET at Wembley Stadium
      • Houston Texans vs. Jacksonville Jaguars, Sunday, Nov. 3, 9:30 a.m. ET at Wembley Stadium
    • Mexico Game:
      • Kansas City Chiefs vs. Los Angeles Chargers, Monday, Nov. 18, 8:15 pm. ET at Estadio Azteca
        • Estadio Azteca hosted games during the 2005, 2016 and 2017 seasons and there’s an agreement in place to continue playing games in Mexico City through the 2021 season.
As long as the turf gets better.
  • The Chargers are desperately trying to do anything they can to win over fans, and today they announced the powder blues will be their 2019 home uniform.
    • Family liar spokeperson & team bullshit artist president of business operations A.G. Spanos proclaimed,
      • “I’ve talked to our fans, and they love the uniforms and the colors,” Spanos said. “They love the lightning bolt. It’s truly iconic. It’s very special, and we have a great history. When you look at players like LaDainian Tomlinson, Dan Fouts, Junior Seau and on and on, I think it’s important to keep that tradition going.”
    • The accompanying photo caption to the story was clearly written by a Chargers lickspittle:
The Chargers’ iconic powder blue jerseys date back to the team’s inaugural 1960 season in Los Angeles.
  • Bears TE Zach Miller – he of the gruesome dislocated knee versus the Saints (where his TD catch that caused it was erroneously overturned by the refs) – announced his retirement Tuesday.
    • The Bears kept him on the roster so he could avail himself of their facilities for rehab.
      • He underwent a total of nine surgeries, and is now able to walk without a noticeable limp, but admitted that he still experiences discomfort after he jogs.
  • The AAF has officially filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy.
    • Quoting ESPN, the league — under the limited liability corporation Legendary Field Exhibitions LLC — had $11,372,298.68 in assets and $48,366,188.90 in liabilities at the time of filing.
      • Some of those assets include player contracts, which the bankruptcy trustee will try to sell to the CFL.
        • Because the league set players free from their contracts to negotiate with the NFL – where few of them have options – but figured more would make the CFL so held those as collateral.
          • Which is another reason to root against the Carolina Hurricanes in the Stanley Cup.

Finally, our old pal DrawPlayDave has his artistic take on Jay Cutler helping his wife clear her ducts.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL:
    • Schedule release – 8:00PM | NFLN
  • NHL:
    • Bruins at Maple Leafs – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC (Leafs lead 2-1)
    • Predators at Stars – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet (Preds lead 2-1)
    • Flames at Avalanche – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet (Avs lead 2-1)
  • NBA:
    • Pacers at Celtics – 7:00PM | TNT
    • Jazz at Rockets – 9:30PM | TNT
  • MLB:
    • Red Sox at Yankees – 6:30PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Blue Jays at Twins – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1

Well, now that that’s sorted out – GET WITH THE COMMENTS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Rikki-Tikki-DeadlyBrick MeathookUnsurprisedMr. AyoALXMAC Recent comment authors
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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Free hockey! And LPGA on a second screen!

Status: Pants fully off.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

AVS!!!!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Hockey and ladies golf at the same time?

YOU ARE LIVING THE LIFE

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

I’ve had to swap out the hockey for Brockmire now.

I think this is an improvement!

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

GET ME ANOTHER BEER, PANTERA, THIS ONE’S WARM!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My gym recently started offering a “gentle yoga” class two days a week. I tried it a few weeks ago and it was basically stretching and breathing, perfect. Went back tonight and it was hard fucking work. But what I want to know is how it’s ok to offer a yoga class for gentiles only?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

When they’re all Hindus?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Apollo Creed:
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Apollo XIII:
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I cannot wait for these to become standard. Especially once the dreadlock extension is added.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Justice burns brightly.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Senor Weaselo

Did anyone hear how GRONK dented the Lombardi Trophy bunting at Fenway?

Horatio Cornblower

So you’re saying he’s not retiring to take a professorship at MIT?

SonOfSpam

Not sure he could spell MIT.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower
SonOfSpam

That’s deliciously cheap-looking. It’s perfect.

Horatio Cornblower

It may look cheap but any search for vintage hockey jerseys is decidedly the opposite of cheap.

Also if you wear them you look like Kevin Smith, so it’s not like it’s a winning situation anyway.

SonOfSpam

My goal is to look like Kevin Smith from a bank account standpoint only.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Jesus. This Jeopardy champ motherfucker set ANOTHER single game record today, winning over $131k. It’s like he WANTS me to beat his ass with the rigor mortised corpse of Ken Jennings. He’s won almost $700k in all. I hate him more than I hate seeing Tom Brady happy, which is a lot.

Horatio Cornblower

How is he doing it?

SonOfSpam

Going hard after the Doubles and then betting like a madman when he hits them.

His occupation is “Professional Sports Gambler (Gamblor?)” and he’s got just a bit of flat-emotion Rain Man going.

Senor Weaselo

SonOfSpam

The GOAT. I’d love to see a matchup between my boy KJ and new kid on the block.

Senor Weaselo

Gotta throw Brad in there, because Brad has never lost to a human.

SonOfSpam

Yeah, he’s definitely up there. He only had a chance to win 5, which is a shame. Jennings’ season was the first where they let the champ go forever.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

You know, he wasn’t wrong.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

I’d make an exception to my “Molson’s is horse-piss” approach when in a package store were I to find these:

https://cdn-blog.scorum.com/production/dddaniel/b620435186a4cc7b_1000

SonOfSpam

Those are legit cool. I MUST HAVE THEM.

Horatio Cornblower

The Avalanche need to bust these beauties out for at least one game…
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Sharkbait

I think the Devils own the rights to those. So like all good things, New Jersey ruins everything.

Horatio Cornblower

Probably true. On both points.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here I am getting worked on as we speak.

I’m feeling good and deserve nice things so I opted for the Spa Deluxe Pedicure with Preferred Blowjob.

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Horatio Cornblower

Brick, there’s a heavy breathing guy named Rex on the clubhouse line for you. You want I should take a message?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Tell him I’ll get back to him next year or so. Meanwhile, the abrasive scrub of my feet and ankles is worth the price of admission alone.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

My feet are feeling a bit dried out lately. I should schedule my next visit soon.

Gratliff

Can’t imagine getting one. These people have a shitty enough job without having to touch my nightmare feet.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Tip them well. I look at pedicures as proper monthly foot maintenance. You should try it once.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

BOTG: Here’s my feet encased in wax. Also, I’m not wearing boots nor are my feet on the ground.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

So did Nashville decide to not show up tonight?

Senor Weaselo

Shh, Ice Cowboys need to make the conference final!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Nordstrom with the empty netter to put this game…off the rack, for Boston.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

why do I find this so deliciously erotic?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Because she got some big ol’ titties, the finest money can buy.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Just a good bra.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Hockey talking guy: “Marleau right in the way on that goal”
Col. Kurtz: “Tell me about it.”

Gratliff

Cowboys announced their schedule by forcing Amari Cooper to record a series of ASMR videos. I am running out of ways to hate that team.

Horatio Cornblower

Try rooting for them.

Gratliff

I enjoy playoff success too much for that

Horatio Cornblower

That hurts, man.

That hurts.

Gratliff

But not as much as this

Horatio Cornblower

I made until JJ showed up and then I changed over to Temptation Island

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[blows conch]

Sucks to your ASMR.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Mapplethorpe Leafs score two quick ones to get back within one goal late in the third.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Why is Marlins Man at a Yankees-Red Sox game in April with neither team at .500?

Doesn’t he have a home?

herodotus450
herodotus450

Horatio Cornblower

That foul ball guy can eat all the dicks.

litre_cola

For the first responders.

Horatio Cornblower

Before I say something awful, is he raising money for them?

litre_cola

He brings it up every interview so I hope he does. If I am not mistaken he is just a rich single guy from Florida who made his money in real estate.

herodotus450
herodotus450

He employs 40 people, job creator!

King Hippo

maker NAWT taker ,, smh

Ian Scott McCormick

The Yankees are just thrilled somebody will pay for those seats

Dunstan
Dunstan

Bruins now up 5-2, which means it’s Time To Send a Message, Leafs! Be sure to injure a Bruin and get yourself suspended; it’s the closest I can come to my preferred meteor-related outcome.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Kadri falling from the rafters and landing on Marchand would be kinda like a meteor?

Senor Weaselo

Hit him with a chair for good measure?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

It appears they’ve taken the bold strategy of scoring goals instead. Let’s see how this plays out Cotton.

Senor Weaselo

Slew-foot Marchand for a change and see how he likes it?

herodotus450
herodotus450

If Canada is so great why did they make Gooby instead of a remake of Twins starring Zdeno Chara and Rocco Grimaldi?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

They’re gonna need a bigger hot tub.

WCS

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Game Time Decision

On my way home from work and go by where the Leafs are playing. 2 Leafs fans, hammered, on the train going home as they got kicked out of the game. Before the end of the second period. can only guess what those tickets cost. Hahaha

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

300 Loonies apiece, easy.

Ian Scott McCormick

15 beaver pelts?

litre_cola

A 1000 dollar Tim Horton Card each.

Ian Scott McCormick
WCS

Assholes in Philly?
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Senor Weaselo

Game 3 will be moved farther east on Atlantic Ave.

scotchnaut

“The Bruins will win tonight because unsalted saltines and egg salad.”

-Trent Green

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
Her: Do you know any dog photographers?

Me *imagining a labrador holding a camera* no but I want to

scotchnaut

The Bruins will win because Johnny Bucyk is the oldest player (35) to score 50 goals for the first time.

King Hippo

I just worked out that the 2nd cat now staying in my house is my grandson. He’s basically the bastard child my daughter had when she went off to college, then realized she lacked the skills to care for him so left him with me “temporarily” and then for good.

Kruger is now Uncle Kruger, so all know their place in the family hierarchy.

Fuck, do my thoughts get weird(er) during the long desert of baseball season.

litre_cola

At least you have French 2nd div lesser footy!

King Hippo

Really anxious for the Troyes line to go live. Them fuckers is shit-hot and gunning for 3rd.

Also, I would say “I don’t feel old enough to be a grandpa” but that’s a load of shit. Half the time, I feel old enough to be part of the greatest generation.

/you know, except with being a piece of monkeyshit

WCS

Those pills really hit home tonight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This.

King Hippo

Once one has a tolerance, they don’t always hit the sweet spot. But man, when the do, tis mighty nice.

litre_cola

Boston or Toronto? Colonoscopy or kidney stone? Dealers choice.

WCS

I still don’t completely understand the Leafs hate, but, I’m also a dipshit MURIKCAN. That said, FACK BAHSTAHN.

litre_cola

Their obnoxious fans are country wide up here. EVERY. FUCKING. WHERE.

WCS

Oh, so SAWX FAHNS (since 2004) down here.

litre_cola

Without the winning. With their history they have more older fans who have passed it on to their kids who are now all over Canadia. They haven’t won shit since the sixties and the parade route is planned every year.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

DID SOMEONE SAY MY NAME?

scotchnaut

The Bruins will win this because Bobby Orr tied his skates loosely.

scotchnaut

NFL Network’s sked reveal is sponsored by the good folks at everyonetalkingoveroneanothercontinually.gibberish.

Gratliff

There’s talk about Knights of the Old Republic being brought to the big screen, so this is a good excuse to point out that the SWTOR CGI movies are the 4th best Star Wars movie.

Wakezilla

You know what the NFL needs? Another LA team so they can have a California division. That’ll improve the attendance. I’ll even offer up Miami.

scotchnaut

Why is Canada better than the US?

At the very least, our old, badly dressed, outdated opinion-having, loud-mouthed, narrow-minded, foreigner-hating celebrity is confined to the first period intermission.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Well ours is confined to a white building in a region of the country not even deemed fit to be a state.

Gratliff

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litre_cola

Amazing.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

AlcoholPalDick doing his best LCSS impression

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rockingdog
rockingdog

LOL… guess how it ends?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

He fixes the cable?

WCS

Sweet Dee Gets Run-over

scotchnaut

He sues the good folks at “Turkey Intrusion Security Services” into bankruptcy?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Turkey Intrusion Technical Solutions.

scotchnaut

With the Bruins up 2-0 in Toronto, the crowd is so quiet you can hear the sound of an American Express Black Card being dropped by a guy sitting in the lower bowl.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Sounds like they found that card.

scotchnaut

It was a team effort, for sure.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah that would not go over well in Boston.

scotchnaut

Holy banana fuck balls! I think I’ve been gaslighted by my mother (probably unintentionally, maybe) for more than 40 years.

I had the asthma really, really bad to the point where I was hospitalized for two weeks as a kidling. I was afraid of the doctors so I would tell my mom that I had “gas bubbles under my throat”. My mom just dismissed it without feeling for them. Afterwards, whenever I mentioned it she said that I “must have been dreaming”.

Today-less than an hour ago-I learned about “subcutaneous emphysema”.

I’m in a long Tim Horton’s drive-thru lineup of emotion right now!

herodotus450
herodotus450

I too have had a few subcutaneous Zimas over the years.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did Indiana name its basketball team the Pacers in honor of the pacemakers that keep the majority of their fans alive?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Between working out this morning, attending a Dodgers game this afternoon, and watching basketball tonight, today is the sportingest day of my whole year so far.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Nice!

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

“Heck, I did that for nine years!”

-Eli