Your “WOOOOOO! GAME 7!” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

NFL News: Two days until the Draft.

  • The Seahawks, as predicted once they signed Russell to all that money, have traded Frank Clark.
    • To the Chiefs, for a 2019 First round pick, a swap of 2019 Thirds, and a 2020 Second. 
      • For the Chiefs, I guess they saw their window closing, and seemingly overpaying means Andy Reid thought it was the drive-thru window.
      • For the Seahawks, given that they had only four picks this year, it seems like a pretty good deal for a guy they could no longer afford.
    • Clark then signed a five-year, $105 million contract, with $63 million guaranteed.
      • On his way out the door, he took a few shots at an organization that drafted him despite his reputation for taking shots at women.
        • “Seattle had used me for everything I had for them already.”
        • “When you’re playing in Seattle it’s not common that they plan to have players around for the long run. It’s obvious.”
        • “I wanted to be somewhere where I’m wanted, where I’m appreciated.”
      • Or, to put it another way,

  • The reason for the trade, Russell Wilson, spent today gifting his offensive linemen Amazon stock.
    • Thirteen linemen X $12,000 in shares = $156,000.
      • In comparison, he makes $17 million this year, and another $140 million through 2023.
    • Proving he’s either a nice guy or always on-brand, he followed that up by saying:
      • “You sacrifice your physical and mental well-being to protect me, which in turn allows me to provide and care for my family. This does not go unnoticed and it is never forgotten. You have invested in my life, [so] this is my investment into yours.”
  • Robbie Gould wants the fuck out of San Francisco.
    • He has all-but demanded a trade, and is now threatening to not report to training camp.
      • His wife & family stayed in Chicago after he was cut in 2016, while he played for the Giants (2016) and the Niners (2017-18)
    • He was franchise tagged for 2019, at $4.971 million.
  • Jonathan Stewart signed a one-day contract to retire as a member of the Panthers.
    • He played 11 seasons – 10 with the Panthers & last year (mostly on IR) with the Giants.
    • He retires the Panthers all-time leader with 7,318 rushing yards and 51 touchdowns.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: GAME 7 BAY-BAY  
    • Maple Leafs at Bruins – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC
    • Golden Knights at Sharks – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Magic at Raptors – 7:00PM | TSN / NBATV
    • Nets at 76ers – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Spurs at Nuggets – 9:30PM | TSN5 / NBATV
    • Thunder at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | TNT / TSN
  • MLB:
    • Giants at Blue Jays – 7:00PM | Sportsnet1
      • Kevin Pillar’s return after his trade to the Giants.
    • Dodgers at Cubs – 8:05PM | MLBN
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown Live! – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

We’re thiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to actual NFL content. Mr. Scott?

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WCS

That’s the kind of hit that started the Red Wings-Avalanche hatefest.

Senor Weaselo
WCS

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Mr. Ayo

Sharks have found their cheat code. Hurt Pavelski, get goals.

Senor Weaselo

“Joe Pavelski” sounds close enough to “Mike Wazowski” so it checks out.

Dunstan

I’m going to have to see the replay again. It just didn’t look that bad to me; seemed more like bad luck to me.

Mr. Ayo

Agreed. It was just a push. Looks like the refs reacted to the injury and blood more than anything.

Dunstan

Weirdly, I could sort of imagine handing out minors to both Knights on the play — Eakin and the guy (I forget) who shoved Pavelski while he was already falling. Which might have resulted in the same PP explosion, I suppose.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Belch

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Belch Wringsnot; best actor from Altoona ever.

WCS

Sharks-Knights might be the next great Western Conference rivalry.

Dunstan

Dear online clothing retailers: when the only options you offer are “athletic,” “trim,” and “slim,” I’m just assuming you don’t want my business. I’m sure your marketing people can come up with a euphemism for “fat slob.”

Senor Weaselo

We are all Blue Jackets fans. It’s a simple as that.

Dunstan

So say we all!

ballsofsteelandfury

My work buddy to our boss today: Have you ever smelled mothballs?
Boss: Sure! Of course!
Buddy: How’d you get the little legs spread?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

(Doctor Nick voice) Hi everybody!

Spent a few days in Chicago; attended a game at something called “Wrigley” for the first time ever, tried a “beer” or two, and ate deep dish pizza, which is just damn fine. Also turned 50, so I no longer tolerate dick jokes.

Penis.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Deep dish pizza is good.

SonOfSpam

Turns out, yes, it is.

Brick Meathook

I’m not watching TV, I’m just reading the comments here, and I can’t tell who won the hockey game, Boston or Toronto.

Mr. Ayo

The important thing is that we all lost.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Reds TV just said a Sad Truth: the Reds best Centerfielder is their #3 Middle Reliever.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

last funny:
Just saw Avengers: Endgame. Wow. Two observations –
1) I didn’t even know Disney owned the rights to Mr Bean
2) Bold choice to let his bumbling capers take up a full 40 minutes of the movie. Not sure it paid off

Unsurprised

Sounds better than the spoilers I read.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Dunstan

Putting together a playlist of the greatest songs of 1967 (Last Leaf Cup) and drinking 15-year-old scotch (Last Leaf playoff series win). It’s going to be a good night.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

1967 was The Summer of Love.

So get fuckin.

blaxabbath

Say what you want about Russell Wilson; ain’t no way you’re gonna find him having to avoid questions about Paul Allen being caught on video getting a handjob from a slave owned by a Chinese spy.

Dunstan

I don’t know if that was intended to be a reference to “roly poly fishheads are never seen drinking cappuccino in Italian restaurants with Oriental women,” but that’s certainly how I took it. Bravo.

Unsurprised

Did Trent Green hack this account?

SonOfSpam

Yeah.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Atlanta Bullpen vs. Cincinnati Bullpen

WHO WANTS IT LESS?!?!?!

Redshirt

Kevin Owens has replaced Big E in The New Day while he’s out due to injury. Just another white guy taking another black guy’s job.

Dunstan

The Leafs are the Team of the Future. And they always will be.

rockingdog

sheeeeesh….. way to loose leafs….comment image

Dunstan

It’s what they excel at.

Gratliff

…Are the Nets actually getting worse?

rockingdog

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Redshirt

I can imagine. Those few minutes where it looked like the Bengals won the playoff game by beating the Steelers…ah, I have no words…they should’ve sent to Poet.

litre_cola

Tortorella and the Bahston media will be fun.

litre_cola
WCS

FACK THAH FACKIN ICE SAWX

Gratliff

Just gotta feel for a city that’s gone that long without a title

Don T

Woof. These Nets can’t even score on Orchids of Asia.

Gratliff

They basically just stood and watched Embiid practice three pointers at the end there

Don T

Lotta business decisions there by Brooklyn.

LemonJello

Guys, I just don’t think this is the Leaves’ year…

Horatio Cornblower

Evergreen comment

Gratliff

I keep looking up occasionally to see the Sixers fucking something up and somehow extending their lead

rockingdog

found a funny:
Me: One of you… is the murderer

Everyone: *starts sweating*

Me: (unable to tell who’s guilty) a sauna was a bad place to hold this meeting

Gratliff

Jesus Christ, JJ

Redshirt

Its offically been six months of work without a day off and I’m starting to think that giraffe they hired in Marketing isn’t real.

Gratliff

BRENT BROWN LIKE “ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS ARE 18 AND 8’ TALL! WHY ARENT WE UP 90 JOEL GO DO SOMETHING TAUNTY!!!”

— THE KID MERO ?? (@THEKIDMERO) April 24, 2019

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rockingdog

yikes. nets not looking good…

Unsurprised

Evergreen statement

Ian Scott McCormick

Sir, no.

Gratliff

Brooklyn calls a timeout to discuss sending the Nets back to Jersey

herodotus450

When Boston makes this guy Kuraly their captain, I hear they’re gonna give him some kind of guitar-esque stringed instrument to commemorate it.

Gratliff

Even the stupid shit Philly’s trying works

Gratliff

The Federalist is officially good now

If We Cancel Kate Smith, We Must Cancel The New York Yankees https://t.co/KyL9GGG1nL

— The Federalist (@FDRLST) April 23, 2019

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Senor Weaselo

Padre Weaselo’s take: Fine, her rendition sucks anyway.
/Sweeps over Flyera taking a statue of Kate Smith down

Gratliff

Washington Admirals in top form tonight

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nets on pace to score 16 points total tonight.

Gratliff

Gonna need to go on a solid run in the second half to hit it

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They have already fallen behind that pace.

Mr. Ayo

Could NC State beat the Nets?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

At this pace, yes, they would blow them out.

Gratliff

Only took 6 minutes for Brooklyn’s first 2 points

Porky Prime

Legit question: why so much venom for the Toronto Maple Leafs? Aren’t they Browns-level historical losers? What causes the hayt?

I don’t care much about the puckball, just axing.

Gratliff

I used to be right there on the hate train. I blame Down Goes Brown and Bloge Salming for transferring that hate to the Canadiens.

herodotus450

I think they’re more like the Cowboys in terms of bandwagoner appeal and media usurpation.

Game Time Decision

They get all the media coverage, year round but haven’t done shit in years to deserve it. Lead national story mid summer: 4th line winger get hang nail. How will this affect the Leafs playoff chances. No mention of any other hockey or sports team, regardless of how they are doing.
Think Yankee type of coverage but with Bengals kind of winning history.
Also fuck Harold Ballard and his penny pinching ways

litre_cola

There are also Leaf fans everywhere up here , all transplants from Ontario. No matter what bar you walk in to there will be a Leaf fan that will tell you it is their year.

Game Time Decision

It isn’t
-voice over

Brick Meathook

$12,000 in Amazon stock is 6.23 shares as of today.

Six point two three shares.

How did he even come up with that number?

Unsurprised

Take 12, add zeroes. 12 is part of the Seahawks totem at this point.

Gratliff

Big questions for Game 5: Will Brooklyn score any baskets?

Gratliff

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LemonJello

THESE MAPLE LEAFS I CALL SHIT TICKETS BECAUSE THE BRUINS ARE WIPING THEIR ICE WITH THEM AND FLUSHING THEIR SEASON DOWN THE CRAPPER.

Fronkenshteen

this is good glue

herodotus450

Toronto losing, that’s good.
Boston winning, that’s bad.

litre_cola

Exactly how I feel.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This could be the last Nets game for the next (how long is roundball offseason?) months. Don’t forget to tune in!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You know who gets it?
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This guy. This guy. This guy. Th-this guy.

LemonJello

Weeknight at Bernie’s?

blaxabbath

This is the only dude who can afford to own Brooklyn real estate.

(I think that’s a joke. I’m not sure though.)

Porky Prime

Ron Cadillac?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You know, for all his investigations, theories, FALSE FLAGS and accusations, it’s really funny that Pete Carroll has never realized that his quarterback has been a lizard person this whole time.

herodotus450

Yeah but what’s hte best way to stop a lizard person from working with the Rand Corporation to infiltrate the Deep State and control our minds with water additives? Distract him with a lucrative pro-football career and all the washed up hip-hop wives he wants.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Keep your lizard people close, keep your melting steel beams even closer.

LemonJello

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Unsurprised

That’s the great irony of conspiracy theorists

Wakezilla

Go Ice Argos, go!

Fronkenshteen

If you could promise me ovechkin would punch chara unconscious , I’d root for boston tonight.

Fronkenshteen

Every dollar in the fucking universe should be bet on the fucking broons tonight. Replay of game 2 goon show COMING UP!