It wasn’t supposed to be this way. There are far more knowledgeable soccer doofuses that should be doing this but I volunteered and y’all gonna bathe in my ignorance.
Nether Regions/Roger Milla’s Granddaughters:
Cameroon played surprisingly well vs. the Canucks last time out (or were the Canucks just a little too tight?) by employing a tight shell on D and showing surprising speed on the wings. Look for more of that against a team that I know nothing about.
Poutine Suckers/Nuke Zeeland:
Christine Sinclair-score a goal, dag nabit! Ya gotta pass that glory girl Abby Wombatshername. Look out for Desiree Scott, she’s the pluckiest defender that ever defended and she’s built like a fire hydrant, sorta.
Welp, that’s all on the soccer front today so… Kidding! There’s the Copa Cabanas, CONCACALF, (the lowliest of soccer’s international federations-after all it includes the Canadian men’s team. Watch them draw/lose to fucking Martinique for Christ’s sake), some African Friendlies and a shit-ton of Euro Qualifiers.
Also, thar be golf and tennis and baseball and intermittent masturbation. Really, something for every boy and girl to partake in!
So come one, come all with your witty observations, your dry sense of humour, your recounting of your activities in the real world, (ugh, real world) and what have you.
Let’s Punch That Ticket!*
*or that old lady in the express aisle at the grocery store fishing for the exact change “what was that total again?” [reaches into change purse, immediately forgets total, asks again, reaches back into purse, forgets again, I let out audible sigh because I’m a jackass that thinks his time is valuable]
Davison Sanchez is a REALLY good footballer. Best player on the pitch so far.
This is a shit game. Teh womenfolks games are more entertaining.
They actually are
That was almost a classic Argie fuckup.
you might think their boots were covered in syrup or sommet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtVnMU31nfU&app=desktop
perhaps it’s just Pirate Sounds’ strategy to conserve energy for the second half
Messi just standing around, daydreaming of his favourite tax shelters.
Like the biggest cancer hospital for chilluns. Chilluns!
/convulses with Internet indignation
Although I love Messi, it’s always fun to see the Argies trip over their own dicks.
I’m with you aside from the “love Messi” part.
Hey, soy culé y me gustan los culos. What can I say?
Let’s hope HEM-ez is on fire with passion and love.
Los Donkeyfuckers need to let someone else take the next corner, Christ.
Pirate Sounds have sooooooo many faux-hard men out there
Bad ESPN. The no commentator coverage is way better.
first match went like 18′ before commentators finished their smoke break
There might be blood.
hey, my hopes were high enough already smh
Yerry Mina gets the start, good omen seeing as Evertonian starters are undefeated this torneo.
Pirate Sounds v. Los Donkeyfuckers, aqui y ahora!!
Balls really has to double take when he hears nice ass tonite!!
esta usted ready to trip over yo’ dick, Messi??
c’mon, corrupt(er) petro-state!
merde, now 2nd place in the group will come down to who gets the shit kicked out of them less by Brasil
Juan Guaidó declares 0-0 victory. Yale alum at Rand Corporation gives thoughtful nod.
On the bright side, Leon goes down easy…
I need New Zealand to hang on these last few minutes so I can score some points in the weird pool we’re doing.
I haz 2 nil too!
Nice! Maybe we can challenge Don T…
Holy shit, Leon for Canada is a smokeshow!
Awww, Beckie is leaving!
holy Jeebus, Peru is cursed!!
The got a case of the Cody Parker’s.
NAILED IT!!
lol Peru
NICHELLE! MY BELLE!
I would expect 13 to give better head when women are involved.
keep waiting for this as a walk-out-of-tunnel song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRNh1yX5AuM
Great save by Zeeland keeper. Sumbitch.
edit: not calling her a bitch, just genuinely impressed
Peru is gonna have a national heart attack
So many ded on the pitch in each match! Viva el violencia!!
Right? So many stretchers!
wait until the REAL rivalry matches start!
Perv dilemma:
I’m watching Peru-Venezuela on one screen and Canada-New Zealand on the other. A player in white may be on the ground and I may say, “Nice ass” and I won’t know which game I’m watching.
Peru has a well-tanned Trent Green on the pitch, is uncomfortable even for the commentators.
/also multi-screening
“Hey Beckie, you’re so fine. You’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Beckie. Hey Beckie!”
-Toni Basil, 2019 remix
She really is
But does she have that gooood hair?
Perv idea: If the New Zealand-Canada game ends in a tie, we have a 15 minute fluffy pillow fight to decide the winner.
The girl who just broke her wrist is named Bott.
I like her.
You don’t play soccer with your wrist! Get back out there!
The New Zealand goalie is hot and her name is Nayler.
Sometimes it’s too easy to be a perv…
I find it comes… naturally.
Just checking in to see if anyone had made the obligatory “Oh My God, Beckie! Look at that butt!” joke.
Carry on.
Also, the New Zealanders are a good looking squad!
Beckie is a keeper!*
*Beckie is not a keeper, she’s a forward. But she’s a keeper.
So we’re (me as my wife rolls her eyes) getting blaxito patches for his backpack of places we travel. So he’s got his Orange County, Rte 66, and Meteor Crater patches so far. I took them to get sewn on (I don’t trust iron-on adhesive) and they’re $6/ea AND won’t be ready til Friday.
I gotta get in the sewing business.
Oh! And it’s prepay!
AND THEY CHARGE TO USE A CARD!
Go nail gun.
We do the refrigerator magnet thing. It’s tacky in more than one way.
Stupid question: you don’t know how to sew?
Who cares if it’s sewn tightly? Blaxito is 1. He ain’t care.
Jesus, it’s just patches, dude. It would take you fifteen minutes to sew yourself, and you’d learn something new.
/Christine Sinclair, during a staged interview, is wearing a plastic thingy that reminds me of this-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgrpqHHSI-M
I love whenever Jared Leto gets fucked up.
Serious question for the soccerheads out there. Ukraine just won the U-20 World Cup. Is it fair to say that this is a good indicator that the country has a core of young players that will propel them to success (not “win a World Cup-level” dominance) going forward? My question is specific for lesser soccer powers that win the tourney.
It means RUSSIA has a good young core.
This
Yes, but the lack of good coaching at the next age group could derail them.
That’s usually what happens to countries that win the U tourneys.
If the stars align, it means they’ll likely be a tough out in the 2024 Euros and 2026 World Cup. But as others have said, money could be an issue down the road, same as politics. The development of young men becomes such a stupid political tool that it causes many countries to trip on their stupidity and causes them to lose a generation that could have been great.
/Glares over at Hungary
Jesus H. Christ my body is in tatters right now. I am afraid to do laudry because I won’t be able to hang it, or even move the wet clothes to the drier without serious pain.
The worst thing about the US women’s beatdown of Thailand (aside from Kylyn Kyle’s death threats), is that when it got to 8-0, none of Thailand’s players started to tackle for torn ACLs.
SMH. If they were men, we’d crucify them for that
If the Thai players had only removed the “Good Luck” ping-pong balls from their vaginas at halftime, I think the score against the U.S. would’ve been much closer.
I’m watching (sort of) Deep Blue Sea 2. And the shark is getting started up.
But the funny part to me, and remember I’m a horrible person….. Is that the black guy looks like he knows he’s the black guy and is the next to get eaten.
Oooops somehow they all ended up in the water while I was typing that.
Probably the black guy’s fault.
OK seriously. We now have 3 lucky white people in an inflatable dingy sitting still like the genetically engineered shark isn’t about to come eat them.
OK, stupid ending.
Time for Terminator Salvation.
The black guy WAS the shark!?!
Youngest right and littlest right are coming up from San Diego for a visit today. Looks like I’m headed downtown again. Probably do the Science Center, rose garden, natural history museum thing then to Chinatown for…
Yang Chow!
There will be slippery shrimp!
Oh yes.
Fun fact: Slippery Shrimp is Robert Kraft’s nickname at the Asian Massage Parlours
How’s this for a badass name? I am tracking a Lithuanian match (HAIL GAMBLOR) and my side just got a goal from a fucker named Ovidijus Verbickas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5hIrH908ZU
Try and name a better rock n roll song featuring the bagpipes.
Go ahead and try….but you can’t.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cNv52sFZx5k
In A Big Country ,, obvs
Oh shit, forgot that one.
Gotta side with AC/DC on this one.
This Canadian women’s side is pissing me off with how they never look good, but just good enough to win their matches. This has been a problem for about 4 + years. At some point the media has to call them out on it. Or they could at least get one emphatic win.
They miss Kaylyn Kyle badly. OK, Hippo misses Kaylyn Kyle badly.
They definitely could use her as a veteran sub.
Don’t hold your breath on that media thing.
I’ve got killer Ukraine/South Korea U-20 soccer action going on. The game sponsor is Trestman Enterprises.
Having seen most of the teams play only once, my completely uninformed pick to win the WWC is England.
“As my mother used to say, ‘I love a man in an uninformed’!”
-Emmitt Smith
Raging hangover, at work, urge to kill dumbasses rising.
Oof. Condolences. Fill a giant travel mug with iced Pedialyte and go to sleep under your desk.
I wish. Have to tell eejits what to do.
Hmmm. Can’t seem to upload GIFs anymore.
the Pedialyte thing is a good alkie trick. I hate that I learned it so late in my liver’s life.
More so than Gatorade?
oh yes, Gatorade was the college remedy, followed by Red Bull + Vicodin. Pedialyte puts them all to shame.
Isn’t it because Pedialyte doesn’t have all the extra sugar Gatorade has or something?
Who knew that scotchy was a secret soccer lover?
Great job!
Just don’t ask what the balls are made from.
#HoboSkin4TehWin!
It’s just the right combination of tough yet pliant.
this guy gets it!!
Portland is an excellent laboratory because there is always plenty of test subjects.
Cameroon 12 Netherlands 4
Cammy’s running away in the personal fouls game.
and the booboo on the counter! We’ve gone bananacakes!!
Holy crap! That developed so quickly.
yup, super cross and header. Stern-even-FOAR-Dutch coach still looks stern.
We’ve got ourselves a game.
and no doubt, the Cameroon supporters are who you want to party with!
Lovely previews! Would be nice for the Afrikan side to get one over on the slave traders.
They don’t seem to know what to do with the ball once they get past midfield but it’s usually 2 or 3 vs. five defenders.
Little early for the ref to be losing control of the game.