Fair warning: You’re not getting much out of me tonight.
We’ve been dealing with hurricane stuff around here.
I drove down in the middle of it overnight last night to get a friend’s daughter to safety.
(I know what you’re thinking)
((don’t say it please))
–
In today’s version of “That was unexpected”….
Both the former tWLS and Asia reached out to me to find out if the hurricane had killt me. Now granted, I don’t know for sure which answer they would have preferred. But it was nice to know they were thinking of me, even if they just wanted me ded.
But sorry girls, it ain’t got me yet.
(I am totally joking, both seemed very concerned and were very nice)
Then after Dave and myself went driving through a hurricane last night, I came home and slept a lot. Then woke up 15 minutes ago and realized I still had to write some stupid shit for you asshats. So, here we go.
–
Sports To Blow You Away 2Nite
Tennis
- 2019 US Open: Men’s Semis (hehehe) – All night but no idea who is playing – TV: ESPN
MLB
- NYY @ Boston – 7:00pmEDT – TV: MLBN (regional split)
- Toronto @ Tampa Bay – 7:00pmEDT – TV: MLBN (regional split)
NCAA Football
- Wake Forest @ Rice – 8:00pmEDT – TV:CBSSN
- Marshall @ Boise State – 9:00pmEDT – TV: ESPN2
Orrrrrr….you can watch a rerun of last night’s Packers/Bears game on NFLN
(to each his own)
–
OK, Let’s Blow Through Some Cheerleaders (so to speak)
Last week we did college girls. Hehehehe
This week, it’s the pros.
Enjoy….
And still, for three years now, still the best NFL Cheerleader in EVAR!!!!!!!!
(yes we like her)
She’s Yummy. And if you disagree, I’ll fight ya.
(After I wake up)
Have a nice weekend everyone.
Love ya’s.
–
Found another Rapid Heart Production. If the VP eats all the broccoli, Mother will let him watch.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guq25CztBfQ&list=PLJ1Mrzf9eYgnedEj8C9-ZZZNaySVPqOPs&index=5
“Where’d my clothes go?”
I’m in.
I’ve never seen that much homoeroticism in my life, and my last vacation was 4 nights in B&B two doors down from a gay hotel/bar in Key West.
I’d heard that you loved the closets down in Key West…
Nah, I stay out of the closets down there.
Wait, what?
Dallas Cowboys developmental team scores at last
Here’s a piston-engined flying wing and a lesbian smut phonograph record:
(Boise St. scores a touchdown)
Marshall: “Hey wait, you have black guys on your team too?”
Oh, it was called back.
BLEE’RGH power > Black power
GAMBLOR approves!
I’m so brain addled that I forgot I have 5 specialty channels for NCAA football. Btw, blue field is blue and Marshall #1 dude has breakaway speed.
Drinking a cocktail called the “D.B. Cooper.” A couple of more and I’ll be ready to jump out of a plane.
Because OF COURSE Eric Roberts was involved.
Or was he…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1s4zrjlzWg
Whoa. I had no idea this movie was a Rapid Heart Production.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNiurQPnodo
OK, time to go to the store and the drive thru.
I think I’m too sober to drive, but we’ll see.
These poor women that forget what their asses look like. My heart goes out to them…
Seems like a good neighbour.
If memory serves, her name is Emily Statefarm-Isthere.
So they just ran an IBM “AI highlights” sequence and my only question is whether or not the computer picked its own music.
Did it play Oingo Boingo?
The only 360 review I get is all the chicks in the office eyeballing me as I walk by.
/#uptopbro!
#BFIB winning. Bastard Man Small Bears losing. Is right.
360 eh? Doesn’t that just put you right back where you started?
Could you imagine the hijinks that would ensue if Boise was pronounced the same as “poise” and Jerry Sandusky found out that there was a job opening there?
Shit. I just woke up again and realized I gotta go buy beer.
And maybe some food would be good too.
GO TO KROGER!
They Ded.
Harris Teeter bought up all our Krogers. Irritated the fuck out of me.
“Harris Teeter” is what I do most weekend nights.
OH COME ON THAT’S FUCKING FUNNY RIGHT THERE!!!!!!!
Please don’t make me explain this joke and why it’s so funny.
I, for one, need an explanation.
My last name in real life is Harris.
When I get drunk, I teeter.
It’s like I don’t know you people anymore.
Is “teeter” some Marylander slang for “text women who will break my heart”?
Ah, that does make it mildly funny.
Actually, it was the other way round, then they realized people spend more at HT and decided to close the Krogers.
no shit? Just like The Pantry/Kangaroo with Circle K, then
Sheetz is taking over.
They just referenced Dez Bryant; remember Dez Bryant?
even Pepperidge Farm be all like WHO??
The dude that did sit-ups in his driveway? I’ll never forget him.
Well the good news is that this tennis match, if it’s worth watching, will still be going by the time this Boise St. game is over.
Marshall players talk a lot of shit after the plays are over
Eminem University?
I’m sure this is sexy to some.
I’m not surprised to see Women’s Health publish this. She is a healthy-looking woman.
Wow. Ana de Armas. Everybody loves a good, hot Cuban.
Now I want a sandwich.
I was drinking with my coworker and his parents just now and she said something about the brides groom. I let slip a Spanish curse word for him.
Mom and dad start rattling off Spanish to me. I’m a history nut. I’ve been learning about Cold War Era polish politics and government in Spanish.
Somehow we slip to religion. They thought I was Protestant like the bride’s family and I cussed in Latin. I said something insulting of Sola Fide.
So the conversation switch to religion history and the role of faith in the modern world using arguments involving classical Latin.
Nine hours ago the bride’s dad kept talking about golf and her mom was stoned to the tits on wine and xanex. I mean to the point I was afraid she would choke on her own vomit.
I think I live a strange life.
The weekend has only just begun.
Weddings where you don’t know most of the attendees are either the best or the worst. Sometimes it’s just dull and you sit there killing time until it’s acceptable to duck out, and other times you’re tossing back shots with the groom’s uncle and hitting shamelessly on bridesmaids because you’ll never see any of these people again.
Or…. that could be just me.
That was you. I had to tell you three times that I had a boyfriend!
I’ll tell you now what I told you then: “it’s okay, I don’t mind.”
It’s clear that you do and I find it fascinating.
Guess who’s not going to mow the lawn and instead watch the Boise State game?
THIS GUY!
Well, you will keep those two thumbs!!
BEGONE GAY THOUGHTS!
Folks
FUCKING PODIUM PEOPLE!
It’s dais like these…
About time!
Italian TV?
Actually, I think they’re called “tits”.
Dirt Stillers ain’t rolling over and playing ded like they ought.
Time for a La Femme Nikita marathon…
Well, I didn’t make it that far; it was a sprint.
Now that I’m old, I’ll probably spend a surprising amount of time checking out Madeleine, who I recall was fairly MILFy.
Saw that movie at a Sundance premiere a few years ago. It was like a two hour acid trip.
Nice choke job by Nadal’s opponent after going up 4-1 in the tiebreaker and serving, then losing 7 of the next 9 points.
Pasta goes limp when the temperature rises.
Oh, my bad, it was actually 4-0.
And here comes the predictable letdown. I smell a 7-6, 6-2, 6-2 score
dude, you are ON POINT tonight
The very rare 4 breasted nymph.
Hummmmmmmm…..
She’s got the two teats peeking out the one side. Science is forcing me to extrapolate. And math is giving me the side eye!
It’s the SHEET!
It’s the SHEET!
It’s the SHEET!
THERE SHALL BE NO NIPPLE!
THERE SHALL BE NO NIPPLE!
WE NEED TO FIX THE SHEET IN AN ODD MANNER SO NONE IS CORRUPTED BY THE EVIL FEMALE NIPPLE! EEEEEEEEEEEVIL!
Drugs are bad, okay kids!
They are great nipples, though.
This guy gets it.
(I don’t get any)
More like “dropped the ball” shot right there.
Looks as if Rice’s QB may be in some serious shit right now. Beyond just playing for Rice.
Jesus, his parents are on the field now. Fuckety fuck fuck.
Yikes! And straight into the waiting ambulance.
Any updates Hippo?
sound is off, but looked like he at least re-gained consciousness. They resumed playing.
RUB SOME DIRT ON IT
Even Brian Kelly thinks that is cold blooded.
put a rittre moneys on Team Plane Crash tonight. Boise State will be thinking they all Bobby Big Bollocks after FSU.
Jeeeeeeebus. Even the shitty ankle tattoo is not a detraction.
She looks exhausted.
I was considering live-blogging about the bowl of fresh blueberries in Greek yogurt I just ate, but I can’t because I ate them all up.
I may do a BOTG feature, and if I do I will spell it yoghurt just to sound like a dickhead.
Yes, that spelling is what will finally make you sound like a dickhead.
oh my…
Pour a drink and relax.
Nice room, but the hunting trophies scream “impotent asshole”
Horns, painting, and a human skull? Sure, whatever you say.
Glad you and the rest of Alabama is okay. Montgomery still stands!
And he danced, he danced so far away. Couldn’t get away…
FUCK!
Considering my original expectations, I think you did incredibly well, tWBS. Glad you’re still with us and didn’t get carried off to Oz.
[raises glass]
as far as hurricanes go, this’un was kind of a pussy
Um, no it wasn’t.
Yeah, but that’s not where white people live, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#onlyAlabamamatters
I think he would’ve liked Oz. Because of the buttsex and other sex all the prisoners have.
“Dong secured – let’s drive.”
Drunk in a hotel room. I am best man for a coworker and a good friend. I like his bride. Bit after dealing with her parents, I have no fucking idea how she is normal.
My friend is marrying into the white trash version of the Ewings from “Dallas”.
We had to have this wedding and reception at a fucking golf course in Charlotte. I fucking hate this city. So instead of Europe or literally any city in the US, we have to do it here.
The prep practice diner, her dad does his speech which is basically a rambling joke which the punchline is about calling INS of my coworker ever pisses him off. He also had two jokes about Catholic priests touching kids.
My coworker and his family is agreeing to do this at the golf club he is a member of just to be insulted.
The dude is acting like he has clout here and pulled strings. We are paying the same fucking rate as anyone would.
Even better, her dad decided tonight to tell my coworkers family that they won’t be making th e reciprocal ceremony in Warsaw.
This is like having a drunk Jim Belushi at a wedding. Not funny, in appropriate, and everyone hates him.
Fuck I hate Charlotte.
Is your coworker on a green card? Once he gets his citizenship he should start trolling his in-laws by pretending to be all done with the marriage.
Fuck I hate Charlotte.
Yeah, I had you pegged as more of a Samantha.
Or sober Jim Belushi.
I’m still pretty tapped out from the Balls thread this morning, but …
I like that tied off t-shirt look
also, wait until you get old like Hippo, that recharge ability…is just sad. I barely look at…Balls-friendly sites twice a week, FFS
I don’t want to go into it, but my dick is worthless junk
One of us! ONE OF US!!
/yet it still gets one in just as much trouble as it did in one’s prime, nawt FAY-uh!!
The NFL should hire Raphael Nadal to mentor the wives and girlfriends of the league, he could teach them how to avoid backhands at all costs.
Janay Rice apologizes for this post.
She is smoking hot. She could spit in my face and I wouldn’t even give her a concussion.
“Don’t forget the players’ children!” – Roger Goodell, glancing up from where he is hiding a file labeled ‘Tyreek Hill’ under a rug in his office
“Just teach them to avoid video cameras and we’ll be fine.” — R. Goodell