Now that the Thursday Nighter has been wiped from our collective memories by all the weed, booze and pills that it is possible to ingest, let’s see if today’s slate can make a mark. TO THE GAMES!
Rams/Panthers:
As Cammer’s shoulder goes, so goes Carolina and it seems fine. The Panthers are implementing a new 3-4 D scheme (Riverboat Ron’s baby) so what with edge Irvin out we’ll see rook Brian Burns flash his pass-rushing ability. The Rams begin the season with the goal of finishing second behind the Chiefs in points scored. Get down on your knees and pray for Gurley’s.
Titans/Browns:
Cleveland football fans feel all funny inside because they don’t have a word for ‘positivity’. They think it’s just gas. But thar be so much young talent! And a cracking D to go with the O! Look for the Baker-OBJ thingy to get off to a quick start because cb Adoree Jackson gave up the 2nd-most catches (66) to wr’s last year. He’ll be shadowing Beckham.
Chiefs/Jags:
Hill vs. Ramsey. Watkins vs. Abouye. These cb’s give up a passer rating on average, of only 68 but you have to think that Tyreek will bust one at some point. At least Vegas does-the o/u is 52.
Ravens/Fins:
LAMAR! rushed 17 times per game after taking over in week 11. Is that sustainable? No. Will a number of his passes eat dirt/sail into the stands? Yes. Is he finally bringing excitement back to the Ravens qb spot? Hell yeah! In the Things You Didn’t Know Department: Miami’s Albert Wilson led the league in average yards after the catch with 13.3. Huh.
Falcons/Vikes:
So much chatter regarding Zeke and Saquon but Dalvin Cook might be the guy that steals the rushing title out from under them both. Old Kirkie Cousins threw for 4,000 yards again last year but still doesn’t get any respect. He should get out early against the D that gave up the most fantasy points to qb’s last year. Julio signed so he’s playing. Will he score more than 5 frickin’ TD’s this year?
Bills/Jets:
Up upstate way there’s a buzz going on that Josh Allen to Cole Beasley is a thing. The Beaser caught 7 of 8 targets and looks to be the security blanket that the youngster desperately needs as he continues to develop. Look for rb Bell to do some quality galloping this year. He’s got fresh legs and nary a bump or bruise anywhere on his bod. That should translate to some quality early numbers and Unfrozen Caveman Quarterback should benefit. Will this process translate to wins? That’s up in the air.
Potato Skins/Eagles:
Second-year but actually rook rb Derrius Guice ran for 44 yards, 28 of which were after contact. He’ll have his work cut out for him vs. Philly’s front 7. Be on the lookout for the plodding Jordan Howard to slowly cede the starting job to the much more dynamic Kilometers Sanders.
Okay, get out there and DO YOUR JOB! (Fucking Pats, smgdh)
is 32-27 also Glorious Scorinami??
Pam Oliver: Semper Eadem. (Raises glass)
Pam fucking RULES
“Not gonna win doing that.”
Announcers, on being a Jets player.
Smart of Bills coach not to risk FG block
A pickerception would be sweeter, but Bills fans take a W where they can
BILLS!
If the score holds there will be many broken tables tonight
Hope those people in the Bahamas aren’t waiting for folding tables to arrive anytime soon.
Welp, see you guys next year.
McCaffrey is a stud. Let’s get that cover!!!
Nothing quite as sweet as the backdoor cover
Or frustrating…
“oh whoops, eh heh heh heh.”
J-E-T-Suck-Suck-Suck!
Circle those wagons!
BUFFALO JUMP!
LOL, Butler at it again 😀
Oh shit. Scorigami out of Miami. They actually did something worthwhile.
Wherefor art though, ICRM??
Browns should lose their tv broadcast rights for this.
Nice toss right in between FOUR Bills (and no Jest WR)
Magary is not looking good out there.
Did that incident really leave him that retarded??
Me, finally sitting down to watch some damn football two minutes ago: Huh, ‘Dacteds. Let’s see what’s up with the Fins-DBir…
…oh.
Good luck with Ms. Garafolo tonight! #BreakTehGlassCeiling
Thank ‘ee kindly, sir! Maybe this will finally be ourHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah that thought was doomed.
Pick six….why the fuck not ….
Starting Matty Ice over Bakersfield is looking better now…
c’mon, Black Panthers. ONE MOAR Slye FG
Called this score at 2:31 DFO time. Because obviously.
17.5 points out of Cory Littleton today. Not bad.
I’m thinking of taking up knitting….
Too much retard strength on that’un
J!-E!-S!-T! JEST! JEST! JEST!
(Don’t look at the new thread)
NO GOING IN LATE THREAD FOR EARLY GAMES!!
I agree with this. It’s still preseason for me. I’ll be better next week.
gonna get a PI challenge in the swamps of Joisey
It’s nice to go from cautiously optimistic to pleasantly surprised to concerned to devastated to numb in 3 hours. Did I say nice? I meant……I don’t even fucking know.
familiarity is comforting??
/plus your kicker has a chance to REALLY be teh goat now
Heh, you sound like you’ve endured your first rotation to the line at the Somme
THIS [*Redacted] S DEFENSE, I CALL THEM THE INDIAN REMOVAL ACT OF 1830 BECAUSE THEY’RE GIVING AWAY THEIR TERRITORY ON THE PROMISE OF OTHER TERRITORY THAT’LL JUST BE TAKEN AWAY FROM THEM IN THE FUTURE.
I’d be more interested in this 16-17 BUF/JETS game if it were in whiteout conditions.
/Steve Bannon frantically searches his channel guide for this game
-Bette Naismith-Graham
RACIST!
Holy shit, the Jets are going to Jet this thing?!
of course, Bleeding Kansas is on my bench
Has Keenum completed a pass in the half?
…Of the century?
Pretty sure he has not.
Is Brandin Cooks ded or sommet?
Watkins really coming alive after sitting on my roster doing jack shit last year.
Once a Bill, always a Bill, I say.
He Marshawn Lynch’n it
Welp, BFC’s basically ded in the DFO survivor pool… Poor bugger actually picked the Browns 😀
I stand by my choices, no matter how bad they are
Admirable personality trait. I personally bitch, moan, deflect… basically act like a 3 year old 😀
You too can become president!
Ha! Titan Up Baby! Furthermore, ??
Your bleak outlook on the Tits is part of why I picked them to lose.
I bet PHI goes for 2 again, just because they can.
I wouldnt want to try to tackle Derrick Henry
Apparently, neither would anyone else
Tits look fun
Look at Captain Obvious over here
The Cleveland Browns profit hundreds of millions of dollars every year.
#ThePauls
RAMMMMITTTT!!!!
I told y’all I was selling mah shares!
/though Chi**** was my Owl pick to get butt-hammered by the P*ts
#ThatsOurBrowns
Skins may just pack it up for the season after today
They got a game vs the dolphins this year so they always got that going for em
Wagons are being circled. Baby Buster Busting.
Jacksonville’s suckage is so complete, the power gave out… LOL
They needed Flacco there to keep the energy levels down.
That stadium looks 20% full and, it is ALL KC fans.
ALL THAT BROWNS HYP
Something tells me I should wish I has the Dolphins game on.
I’m not surprised RGIII made an appearance today. I’m just surprised why it happened.
At this rate I expect everyone who plays the Dolphins will rest their starters and give the backups the reps, since it will be like a pre-season game.
So I just turned on the TV. Jax was getting beat so bad that they went to CLE/TEN. FIrst play is a defensive hold on CLE and who do they show on the screen? Former ARI HC and now-CLE DC Steve Wilks.
Such a retread league.
Unfrozen Caveman QB has no clue how to deal with pressure. (and sabre-toothed tigers)
“I just a caveman. Your world of technology and zone defensives confuses and frightens me.”
By the way, the survivor pool at work (and we’re talking across ALL our shit globally), a full 24% were betting on the Browns… MWAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAAA
So far, my best player in Keeper is Joey Fucking Slye.