Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

On these cool, crisp afternoons I like to do a bit of driving. I’m not by any means a ‘fall colours’ kinda guy but I when I do notice the foliage I’m reminded that it’s pleasant enough to look at. I spent a part of the day raking leaves and cleaning the caulking in the bathroom. I buy a hard bristle toothbrush because it really gets into all the tiny crevices. I don’t stop until everything is done. Sometimes it takes hours…

I passed by a few carparks, those little oases where folks on long distance journeys can pull over and get a little shuteye. If they only knew what I’ve done at some of those places, how very close they were to some of my greatest adventures. But I had a certain other place in mind. There’s a huge truck stop by the name of Gus’s that sits right at the spot where this highway splits to the east and to the north. It’s been around forever, longer than I can remember. My dad took me here for ham and eggs (sunnyside with a large glass of milk and a double order of toast to wipe up the yolks) when I was a kid. The place is huge-tons of tables inside and acres and acres of parking outside.

There’s a thriving but small black market economy here-drivers sell goods that are only available in other provinces, dealers know that there’s business to be had on what would otherwise be a slow Sunday night, and sexual favours are of course available. This was my angle tonight.

As I sat with my coffee I waited on the offers and it didn’t take long. A meaningful stare here and there gets the ball rolling quickly. The first was by a sharply dressed guy that stuck out like a sore thumb,

-need any coke?

-naw, looking for something else

-guy or girl?

-surprise me

The boy was young, really young and he was nervous as hell. I bought him a Pepsi and told him what I wanted. He just nodded and looked back at his ‘caretaker’. I told him I pay well and

-maybe we could chat a bit

-sure, he replied

I mean, what else was he going to say? It eventually came out that he’d been on the streets for a week. Kicked out of school, kicked out of the house by his stepmother, he was from three provinces away. The knife clipped to my hip felt warm as he talked-I had no idea why he was unloading on me. Just had to get it out, I guess.

-sorry if I talked too much

-no worries

-I don’t know why but you remind me of my dad

The cold, electrical energy crackled down my spine. My mind went temporarily blank. My hands trembled a bit. Nothing was going right and it wouldn’t go right. I knew immediately.

-you okay?

-yeah, let’s get this done with. Come out to my car

-Uh, I have to do it in the bathroom. That’s what he says

-I’ll pay double-tell your guy that’s just my thing

We got out to the car and I started up the car and squealed out of the parking lot.

-what the fuck! I’m in so much trouble

-I’m getting you out of trouble

I saw some headlights behind us but they eventually faded. I drove back towards my town and then beyond it. I drove for six hours, the kid sleeping most of the way. I dropped him near a youth hostel in a larger city after getting some money out of an ATM.

-take this, get a room and get a job-don’t do that shit again

He just nodded his head and got out. I called work and said I wouldn’t be in until noon and began to drive back. It’s rare for me, but some plans go awry but that’s okay, I guess. I’ll just have to focus a bit more next time out.

TO THE GAME!

Colts/Chiefs:

I guessing Patrick Mahomes and his Flying Circus run away with this.*

*code for “I didn’t bother to do any homework for this one, it was a long drive”

Have at it, wastrels!

 

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Gratliff

My twitter timeline just exploded with WWE hate, so it sounds like they did a bad. *checks* DQ in a Hell in a Cell for being too violent. Just daring people to stop watching their product.

Sharkbait

Wrestling is still a thing?

Gratliff

It’s having a moment right now with actual competition and public interest. It should last another year or so and then back to monotonous WWE imperialism.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Of course it is! And so is ‘spectator showering’.” – Jim Jordan

Petronel

Not watching it myself, but when the audience is chanting for AEW and “restart the match”, that ain’t good.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve got two construction managers that are big Chiefs fans, hope I can rub their noses in it next time I see them. Go Clots.

Game Time Decision

I just realized that I took KC in the eliminator pool, kinda worried now

Senor Weaselo

Same here.

Sharkbait

Uhhh…I think I did too…

Senor Weaselo

I just showed Senorita Weaselo the Mouser Mecha Catbot song. You can YouTube it, I’m on my phone.

Unsurprised
Doktor Zymm

Holy fuck that was a 1 legged 30 inch box jump

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Am I alone in thinking Minshew lucked out and this could’ve been bad?
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Gatoraids

Seeing this Chris Berman wakes up and screams Baby I’m going to Minshew into his pillow and passes out again.

Unsurprised

The actual pick six
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Sharkbait

Manhattan #2? Manhattan #2.

Mr. Ayo

Atta boy!

Though you should be targeting 1 per quarter.

Viva La Tabula Raza

SUDDEN CHANGE to my plans. My guy came by tonight, qtr oz, and a couple of these:
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But then he laid out several of these (and this one is still waiting for ingestion):
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So instead of just smoking/mellowing out and watching the rest of this game, looks like I am going to go out and do some work on Vlad the Impala for the next couple hours, and call in sick tomorrow. It’s okay, I’m a professional.

Moderator: If it’s not allowable to post these pics, please let me know and I’ll pull them, or just do so yourself.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re fine. It’s a shame you aren’t in LA, though (you aren’t, are you?) because I could probably fill that entire baking pan with buds from my garden. I am not exaggerating.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Regrettably, SA (San Antonio) not LA. Out in the ex-urbs, surrounded by cars sporting Trump 2020 bumper stickers. Plenty of right-wing expats from the LA basin and Inland Empire hereabouts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’ll be legal there soon enough.

Unsurprised

I guess white men can jump.
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WhyEaglesWhy

No better way to enjoy a day off work than a magnificent day of football and dick jokes. It’s now also a socially acceptable hour for drinking!

Unsurprised

Are you in American Samoa?

WhyEaglesWhy

Australia

Viva La Tabula Raza

I thought that since they changed the pub opening rules over there how many ever years ago, there is no time limit.

WhyEaglesWhy

It’s a public holiday, so they open late 🙁

Unsurprised

Ah. I forgot, but that’s even better.

ballsofsteelandfury

8 AM?

Doktor Zymm

Gaddam, it’s not even half time yet

Doktor Zymm

Does that mean I’ve been drinking too fast?

Unsurprised

Nah

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

Relevant to the CLOTS. When GOING DEEP goes wrong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8UwrqPpEw8

Gratliff

Mahomes going full sex dragon

Unsurprised

comment image?w=287&h=300

Sharkbait

RIP KSK

Gratliff

Pour one out for the only good website. I did happen to notice today that DFO has a heading on the KSK wikipedia page. Flying too close to the sun, we are.

Unsurprised

Someone once made shirts.comment image

Unsurprised

That page needs desperately to be expanded.

Doktor Zymm

He can pull it off. Size of the boat AND motion of the ocean

Brick Meathook

Have you ever had to fart, and you began the preliminary procedures for farting, but at the last minute you decided that maybe this might not be just a fart and might be slightly more than you bargained for? Has this ever happened to you?

It just happened to me. So I went into the bathroom and sat down and guess what? All I did was fart. I expected so much more.

Thank you for sharing this moment with me.

LemonJello

Thoughts and prayers, Brick.

Viva La Tabula Raza

On a daily fucking basis.

herodotus450

When I’m elected Dicktaker for Lyfe, all humans will receive their choice of either sterilization or mandatory gene therapy to ensure their offspring won’t have the vocal chords capable of singing “Sweet Caroline,” thus ensuring that within a generation the song will be wiped from the earth.

Dunstan

I’m a big Neil Diamond fan, but … yeah, those massholes ruined another good thing.

Unsurprised

Not a fan:
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Unsurprised
Doktor Zymm

We can probably manufacture some sort of doomsday gene, that doesn’t activate until someone tries to sing it, but then causes your balls/ovaries to shrivel and die in a very painful manner

litre_cola

Honey Badger!

hippofant

The two token Asians in the Colts organization are the analytics experts. Ofc.

Gratliff

It was some shit out of a 70’s sports comedy

hippofant

I wonder how much time John Park spends explaining that he’s not Chinese.

And then how much time George Li spends following that up explaining that he’s Chinese, not Korean.

Doktor Zymm

That is a position where I aspire to be token woman

nomonkeyfun

I’m sure you’ve never been the token woman before in your life.

Brick Meathook

They weren’t gonna be linebackers.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

They flash a stat that Anibal Sanchez is pretty much terrible the third time through the order…1 batter later a no doubt home run.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Chekov’s grundle

Doktor Zymm

If I ever have a contract with the NFL I will put in a clause that says they can’t bad CGI me into magician

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah yes, the exact opposite of the clause that Eli Manning demanded.

LemonJello

The accountant that had to convert Eli’s signing bonus into Lego sets and Hot Wheels cars agrees with this.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My fantasy team (The Virtue Signalers) were up against DeShaun Watson, Amari Cooper, and the Eagles defense.

[wipes away tear]

THEY NEVER HAD A CHANCE!

Doktor Zymm

At least no Will Fuller?

herodotus450

Now that the hockey season has started, Andy Reid clearly doesn’t have time to coach the Chefs and put on his alter ego Ken Hitchcock and coach…
(checks notes)
(there are no notes)
St. Louis?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“No notes” brings me back to my middle school days as a lonely weirdo.

Sharkbait

Pringle?
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King Hippo

Now that he’s popped, I guess he just won’t/can’t stop??

Doktor Zymm

WTF is Bud Light Platinum? Is it like regular Bud Light but for old people?

Sharkbait

It’s 6%.

LemonJello

The other 94% is just run off from the brewery?

ballsofsteelandfury

Love the intro this week!

herodotus450

Heh, Byron Pringle. That’s gotta be the easiest sponsorship deal ever.

herodotus450

“Hey, that’s where those Pringles I drafted went. Oh and they play football too?”
Andy R.

herodotus450

Me: (quietly smothering the Byron Pringle Yahoo! Player Profile Page with a pillow)
Byron Pringle Yahoo! Player Profile Page: Undrafted.
Me: Shhhhh

Fronkenshteen

“MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA!!”

– Marlon Mack

Doktor Zymm

Macarena?

Sharkbait

Holy damn. That was impressive.

King Hippo

he good

litre_cola

Bears could really use a qb like that.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, even throws that should be shitty are somehow speedy and accurate

Doktor Zymm

What do Little Rock, AR and Kosovo have in common?

LemonJello

Ethnic cleansing?

Gratliff

Gotta be a Clinton joke but can’t quite put it together

Sharkbait

Don’t know (this should be good)

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, it’s not actually that good. Both have major streets named after Bill Clinton, but I just can’t bring myself to make a sex trafficking joke

herodotus450

But how do you know the one in Kosovo isn’t named after George Clinton?

herodotus450

Larger than life statues in an Eastern Bloc country, do not want; it’s only a matter of time before they get pulled down by some unruly, starving mob.

Doktor Zymm

They should really start making those statues out of chocolate or something

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe it’s about how George Clinton did a concert there and didn’t settle up with the venue before he left.

Unsurprised

And all we got in return for liberating Kosovo was for it to become the largest source of IS fighters of any country.

yeah right

Two places Bill Clinton is never welcome to visit again?

yeah right

Damn. On the right track.

herodotus450

Both have Beach Boys novelty songs about them?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Lots and lots of guns?

Doktor Zymm

Football is a silly game, but it’s cool, roll with it

Gratliff

#Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said the fact his team has defeated three opponents who are a combined 2-12 and have lost to two teams that are a combined 8-2 is an accurate reflection of his team’s early- season performance.

— Ed Werder (@WerderEdESPN) October 7, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Doktor Zymm

Congratulations to Jerry Jones for coming up with a new, complicated way to define mediocrity?

LemonJello

Gonna be a lot of sad call girls and coke dealers in the greater DFW metro area tonight.

Unsurprised

When they’re dead, they’re just hookers.

Sharkbait

Not a catch?

LemonJello

Missed opportunity to have Coach Reid’s play sheet “script” be a Denny’s menu in that graphic.

Doktor Zymm

“Does this Microsoft Surface have DoorDash on it?”

WhyEaglesWhy

Hut hut, Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity, hike!

hippofant

Oh fuck, Quentin Nelson was also a basketball player in high school? Are we going to have to hear stupid analogies for how basketball helps you be an offensive guard now too?

Doktor Zymm

I can’t wait until an ex-yoga instructor becomes a star CB or something and we get tons of dumb yoga position comments, and there’s a fluff piece where the dude teaches a yoga lesson to each of the commentating crews

litre_cola

What about that running back for the Ravens that does Irish Dance.

yeah right

Call it the downward facing dogma.

WhyEaglesWhy

So glad I benched Marlon Mack for Jaylen Samuels, who threw an interception.

LemonJello

Somebody tell the Chefs that the game has started.

Or, are they letting the Clots have some positive plays before they destroy their souls?

Doktor Zymm

Is there any oversight on what school people say? I know they can say fake universities, or use their high school or whatever, but can they just randomly say real universities they didn’t go to? Maybe do a different one each week?

Sharkbait

I’m pretty sure they can say whatever they want.

herodotus450

“Laquan Jones, Wehadababyitsaboy University. Heh, I’m really taking it to the long distance cartel now.”

litre_cola

Line is 11.5 for this one, that seems high.

Sharkbait

What’s the O/U?

Mr. Ayo

55.5.

litre_cola

Just moved to 15.5

Doktor Zymm

Moral Compass is an excellent name for a winery

litre_cola

Make exactly what they should make for where they are. None of this “Let’s see if I can grow this here” crap.

Sharkbait

So, bourbon neat? Old fashioned? Manhattan? What say you drinkers?

Mr. Ayo

Manhattan

Sharkbait

Done!

Brick Meathook

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litre_cola

Green Day is BACK!

ArmedandHammered

Shaggy and a cross dressing Fred?

Brick Meathook

Collinsworth has a total Bob Denver vibe

Brick Meathook

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WhyEaglesWhy

Collinsworth is Chris Gaines.

WhyEaglesWhy

I loved Al Michaels in Some Like It Hot.

Sharkbait

Waiting all day for sunday night sounds so much better muted.

Horatio Cornblower

Jerry Jones interview is good stuff. Someone’s fixin’ to get a fine for criticizing the officials.

Unsurprised

Who’s going to fine him?

herodotus450
Brick Meathook

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herodotus450

smh cats these days go to a washing machine concert and spend the whole time looking at their dryer.

Gratliff

Eagles take the lead in the division. You love to see it.

WhyEaglesWhy

THIS JASON GARRETT, I CALL HIM HILLARY CLINTON BECAUSE HE TOOK WISCONSIN LIGHTLY AND IT’S GOING TO COST HIM A JOB

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh, it’s funny to see the word “lightly” in conjunction with “Wisconsin”.

Sharkbait

What a twist!

Horatio Cornblower

Just shows how versatile the man is.

Also this might help at the inevitable sentencing hearing.

herodotus450

It’s just adding solicitation and grand theft to the list of charges.

Gratliff

What a good fucking day of football, folks

litre_cola

Completely agree.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Disagree.

I speak for Bears fans.

yeah right

Absolutely goddamn right.
Let’s drink things.

herodotus450

Hobo plot twist!!

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