On these cool, crisp afternoons I like to do a bit of driving. I’m not by any means a ‘fall colours’ kinda guy but I when I do notice the foliage I’m reminded that it’s pleasant enough to look at. I spent a part of the day raking leaves and cleaning the caulking in the bathroom. I buy a hard bristle toothbrush because it really gets into all the tiny crevices. I don’t stop until everything is done. Sometimes it takes hours…
I passed by a few carparks, those little oases where folks on long distance journeys can pull over and get a little shuteye. If they only knew what I’ve done at some of those places, how very close they were to some of my greatest adventures. But I had a certain other place in mind. There’s a huge truck stop by the name of Gus’s that sits right at the spot where this highway splits to the east and to the north. It’s been around forever, longer than I can remember. My dad took me here for ham and eggs (sunnyside with a large glass of milk and a double order of toast to wipe up the yolks) when I was a kid. The place is huge-tons of tables inside and acres and acres of parking outside.
There’s a thriving but small black market economy here-drivers sell goods that are only available in other provinces, dealers know that there’s business to be had on what would otherwise be a slow Sunday night, and sexual favours are of course available. This was my angle tonight.
As I sat with my coffee I waited on the offers and it didn’t take long. A meaningful stare here and there gets the ball rolling quickly. The first was by a sharply dressed guy that stuck out like a sore thumb,
-need any coke?
-naw, looking for something else
-guy or girl?
-surprise me
The boy was young, really young and he was nervous as hell. I bought him a Pepsi and told him what I wanted. He just nodded and looked back at his ‘caretaker’. I told him I pay well and
-maybe we could chat a bit
-sure, he replied
I mean, what else was he going to say? It eventually came out that he’d been on the streets for a week. Kicked out of school, kicked out of the house by his stepmother, he was from three provinces away. The knife clipped to my hip felt warm as he talked-I had no idea why he was unloading on me. Just had to get it out, I guess.
-sorry if I talked too much
-no worries
-I don’t know why but you remind me of my dad
The cold, electrical energy crackled down my spine. My mind went temporarily blank. My hands trembled a bit. Nothing was going right and it wouldn’t go right. I knew immediately.
-you okay?
-yeah, let’s get this done with. Come out to my car
-Uh, I have to do it in the bathroom. That’s what he says
-I’ll pay double-tell your guy that’s just my thing
We got out to the car and I started up the car and squealed out of the parking lot.
-what the fuck! I’m in so much trouble
-I’m getting you out of trouble
I saw some headlights behind us but they eventually faded. I drove back towards my town and then beyond it. I drove for six hours, the kid sleeping most of the way. I dropped him near a youth hostel in a larger city after getting some money out of an ATM.
-take this, get a room and get a job-don’t do that shit again
He just nodded his head and got out. I called work and said I wouldn’t be in until noon and began to drive back. It’s rare for me, but some plans go awry but that’s okay, I guess. I’ll just have to focus a bit more next time out.
TO THE GAME!
Colts/Chiefs:
I guessing Patrick Mahomes and his Flying Circus run away with this.*
*code for “I didn’t bother to do any homework for this one, it was a long drive”
Have at it, wastrels!
My twitter timeline just exploded with WWE hate, so it sounds like they did a bad. *checks* DQ in a Hell in a Cell for being too violent. Just daring people to stop watching their product.
Wrestling is still a thing?
It’s having a moment right now with actual competition and public interest. It should last another year or so and then back to monotonous WWE imperialism.
“Of course it is! And so is ‘spectator showering’.” – Jim Jordan
Can we record them with drones? https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/2018/11/drone-brown-bear-video-russia-wildlife-harrassment-news/
Not watching it myself, but when the audience is chanting for AEW and “restart the match”, that ain’t good.
I’ve got two construction managers that are big Chiefs fans, hope I can rub their noses in it next time I see them. Go Clots.
I just realized that I took KC in the eliminator pool, kinda worried now
Same here.
Uhhh…I think I did too…
I just showed Senorita Weaselo the Mouser Mecha Catbot song. You can YouTube it, I’m on my phone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K1UMDcVgk5k
Holy fuck that was a 1 legged 30 inch box jump
I may just end up making gfys of everything in this thread
https://old.reddit.com/r/nfl/comments/de53w1/picturegifvideo_highlights_thread_week_5_sunday/
https://gfycat.com/@unsurprised/collections/jYIPNpQQ/2019-nfl-season
Am I alone in thinking Minshew lucked out and this could’ve been bad?
Seeing this Chris Berman wakes up and screams Baby I’m going to Minshew into his pillow and passes out again.
The actual pick six
Manhattan #2? Manhattan #2.
Atta boy!
Though you should be targeting 1 per quarter.
SUDDEN CHANGE to my plans. My guy came by tonight, qtr oz, and a couple of these:
But then he laid out several of these (and this one is still waiting for ingestion):
So instead of just smoking/mellowing out and watching the rest of this game, looks like I am going to go out and do some work on Vlad the Impala for the next couple hours, and call in sick tomorrow. It’s okay, I’m a professional.
Moderator: If it’s not allowable to post these pics, please let me know and I’ll pull them, or just do so yourself.
You’re fine. It’s a shame you aren’t in LA, though (you aren’t, are you?) because I could probably fill that entire baking pan with buds from my garden. I am not exaggerating.
Regrettably, SA (San Antonio) not LA. Out in the ex-urbs, surrounded by cars sporting Trump 2020 bumper stickers. Plenty of right-wing expats from the LA basin and Inland Empire hereabouts.
It’ll be legal there soon enough.
I guess white men can jump.
No better way to enjoy a day off work than a magnificent day of football and dick jokes. It’s now also a socially acceptable hour for drinking!
Are you in American Samoa?
Australia
I thought that since they changed the pub opening rules over there how many ever years ago, there is no time limit.
It’s a public holiday, so they open late 🙁
Ah. I forgot, but that’s even better.
8 AM?
Gaddam, it’s not even half time yet
Does that mean I’ve been drinking too fast?
Nah
Relevant to the CLOTS. When GOING DEEP goes wrong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8UwrqPpEw8
Mahomes going full sex dragon
?w=287&h=300
https://kissingsuzykolber.wordpress.com/2006/11/27/f-k-it-im-throwing-it-downfield/
RIP KSK
Pour one out for the only good website. I did happen to notice today that DFO has a heading on the KSK wikipedia page. Flying too close to the sun, we are.
Someone once made shirts.
That page needs desperately to be expanded.
He can pull it off. Size of the boat AND motion of the ocean
Have you ever had to fart, and you began the preliminary procedures for farting, but at the last minute you decided that maybe this might not be just a fart and might be slightly more than you bargained for? Has this ever happened to you?
It just happened to me. So I went into the bathroom and sat down and guess what? All I did was fart. I expected so much more.
Thank you for sharing this moment with me.
Thoughts and prayers, Brick.
On a daily fucking basis.
When I’m elected Dicktaker for Lyfe, all humans will receive their choice of either sterilization or mandatory gene therapy to ensure their offspring won’t have the vocal chords capable of singing “Sweet Caroline,” thus ensuring that within a generation the song will be wiped from the earth.
I’m a big Neil Diamond fan, but … yeah, those massholes ruined another good thing.
Not a fan:
Video w/ sound: https://thumbs.gfycat.com/GeneralGivingElephantbeetle-mobile.mp4
We can probably manufacture some sort of doomsday gene, that doesn’t activate until someone tries to sing it, but then causes your balls/ovaries to shrivel and die in a very painful manner
Honey Badger!
The two token Asians in the Colts organization are the analytics experts. Ofc.
It was some shit out of a 70’s sports comedy
I wonder how much time John Park spends explaining that he’s not Chinese.
And then how much time George Li spends following that up explaining that he’s Chinese, not Korean.
That is a position where I aspire to be token woman
I’m sure you’ve never been the token woman before in your life.
They weren’t gonna be linebackers.
They flash a stat that Anibal Sanchez is pretty much terrible the third time through the order…1 batter later a no doubt home run.
Chekov’s grundle
If I ever have a contract with the NFL I will put in a clause that says they can’t bad CGI me into magician
Ah yes, the exact opposite of the clause that Eli Manning demanded.
The accountant that had to convert Eli’s signing bonus into Lego sets and Hot Wheels cars agrees with this.
My fantasy team (The Virtue Signalers) were up against DeShaun Watson, Amari Cooper, and the Eagles defense.
[wipes away tear]
THEY NEVER HAD A CHANCE!
At least no Will Fuller?
Now that the hockey season has started, Andy Reid clearly doesn’t have time to coach the Chefs and put on his alter ego Ken Hitchcock and coach…
(checks notes)
(there are no notes)
St. Louis?
“No notes” brings me back to my middle school days as a lonely weirdo.
Pringle?
Now that he’s popped, I guess he just won’t/can’t stop??
WTF is Bud Light Platinum? Is it like regular Bud Light but for old people?
It’s 6%.
The other 94% is just run off from the brewery?
Love the intro this week!
Heh, Byron Pringle. That’s gotta be the easiest sponsorship deal ever.
“Hey, that’s where those Pringles I drafted went. Oh and they play football too?”
Andy R.
Me: (quietly smothering the Byron Pringle Yahoo! Player Profile Page with a pillow)
Byron Pringle Yahoo! Player Profile Page: Undrafted.
Me: Shhhhh
“MARCIA MARCIA MARCIA!!”
– Marlon Mack
Macarena?
Holy damn. That was impressive.
he good
Bears could really use a qb like that.
Yeah, even throws that should be shitty are somehow speedy and accurate
What do Little Rock, AR and Kosovo have in common?
Ethnic cleansing?
Gotta be a Clinton joke but can’t quite put it together
Don’t know (this should be good)
Yeah, it’s not actually that good. Both have major streets named after Bill Clinton, but I just can’t bring myself to make a sex trafficking joke
But how do you know the one in Kosovo isn’t named after George Clinton?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Clinton_Boulevard
Larger than life statues in an Eastern Bloc country, do not want; it’s only a matter of time before they get pulled down by some unruly, starving mob.
They should really start making those statues out of chocolate or something
Maybe it’s about how George Clinton did a concert there and didn’t settle up with the venue before he left.
And all we got in return for liberating Kosovo was for it to become the largest source of IS fighters of any country.
Two places Bill Clinton is never welcome to visit again?
Damn. On the right track.
Both have Beach Boys novelty songs about them?
Lots and lots of guns?
Football is a silly game, but it’s cool, roll with it
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
Congratulations to Jerry Jones for coming up with a new, complicated way to define mediocrity?
Gonna be a lot of sad call girls and coke dealers in the greater DFW metro area tonight.
When they’re dead, they’re just hookers.
Not a catch?
Missed opportunity to have Coach Reid’s play sheet “script” be a Denny’s menu in that graphic.
“Does this Microsoft Surface have DoorDash on it?”
Hut hut, Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity, hike!
Oh fuck, Quentin Nelson was also a basketball player in high school? Are we going to have to hear stupid analogies for how basketball helps you be an offensive guard now too?
I can’t wait until an ex-yoga instructor becomes a star CB or something and we get tons of dumb yoga position comments, and there’s a fluff piece where the dude teaches a yoga lesson to each of the commentating crews
What about that running back for the Ravens that does Irish Dance.
Call it the downward facing dogma.
So glad I benched Marlon Mack for Jaylen Samuels, who threw an interception.
Somebody tell the Chefs that the game has started.
Or, are they letting the Clots have some positive plays before they destroy their souls?
Is there any oversight on what school people say? I know they can say fake universities, or use their high school or whatever, but can they just randomly say real universities they didn’t go to? Maybe do a different one each week?
I’m pretty sure they can say whatever they want.
“Laquan Jones, Wehadababyitsaboy University. Heh, I’m really taking it to the long distance cartel now.”
Line is 11.5 for this one, that seems high.
What’s the O/U?
55.5.
Just moved to 15.5
Moral Compass is an excellent name for a winery
Make exactly what they should make for where they are. None of this “Let’s see if I can grow this here” crap.
So, bourbon neat? Old fashioned? Manhattan? What say you drinkers?
Manhattan
Done!
Green Day is BACK!
Shaggy and a cross dressing Fred?
Collinsworth has a total Bob Denver vibe
Collinsworth is Chris Gaines.
I loved Al Michaels in Some Like It Hot.
Waiting all day for sunday night sounds so much better muted.
Jerry Jones interview is good stuff. Someone’s fixin’ to get a fine for criticizing the officials.
Who’s going to fine him?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1hnBv12-uk
smh cats these days go to a washing machine concert and spend the whole time looking at their dryer.
Eagles take the lead in the division. You love to see it.
THIS JASON GARRETT, I CALL HIM HILLARY CLINTON BECAUSE HE TOOK WISCONSIN LIGHTLY AND IT’S GOING TO COST HIM A JOB
Heh heh, it’s funny to see the word “lightly” in conjunction with “Wisconsin”.
What a twist!
Just shows how versatile the man is.
Also this might help at the inevitable sentencing hearing.
It’s just adding solicitation and grand theft to the list of charges.
What a good fucking day of football, folks
Completely agree.
Disagree.
I speak for Bears fans.
Absolutely goddamn right.
Let’s drink things.
Hobo plot twist!!