Huzzah, I hope y’all ain’t tired of the Premiership. Because there’s a metric fuckton of it this weekend.
Bournemouth got a really good point off Arsenal on Boxing Day, so they go right back on the road to meet the ever-tricky Trashbirds of Brighton (7:30, NBCSN). My willingness to set the alarm depends on how early I gives up on Friday night JV mediocrity. Gus Johnson is calling Team Cornpone against the Troi Boiz as I type.
yeah right’s Cherries no doubt saving a Draw shall be followed by three matches at 10:00, led by Everton’s visit to take on the Barcodes (NBCSN). Newcastle, much like a K-Mart version of Leicester, have been punching way above their underlying analytics. They won’t likely be as humbled as the Foxes were Thursday night, but a fall is coming. Don Carlo won’t lose to these shits. Unless he does. Footy is hard to predict.
Norwich host Spurs in the regular Spotlight Dance spot (12:30, NBC), but you get extended ballroom time with United at Burnley next (2:45, NBC). Both biggies are away, so there will likely be at least some dramatics. But Burnley are dire, and United may have finally hit their long-awaited stride. Leicester at the Hammers are a bonus NBC Gold matchup in the 12:30 window.
Holy War action between Arsenal and Chelsea highlight your Sunday morning (9:00, NBSN), followed by the Redshite hosting shit-hot Wolves (11:30, NBCSN). Looks like they join City (who forfeited all remote Title hopes in Wolverhampton yesterday) away to Team Knifey – who can totally beat the champs – in progress. Match starts at 1p, which interferes with Mysterious NFL Week 17 anyway. I will cherish my time with Coked-Up RedZone Guy whilst I can, thanks.
Haven’t these JV exhibitions been liquid shit? You get two MOAR, before the Raging Semis start (which shall get stand-alone coverage):
Memphis (+7) v. Paedo State (Pick a Bale of Cotton! Bowl, Jerralworld – Noon, ESPN)
As if this weren’t gonna be a big enough ass-reaming (sorry for the Paedo State visuals there), FedEx is missing a bunch of starters. I don’t care enough to look up whether it’s grades, NFL prep, injury, or hooliganism. Don’t want to think of how shit-ass dumb you must be to fail out of Memphis. As an ATHLETE. Baddies roll.
Iowa State (+3.5) v. Notre Dame (Preliminary Hitler Mice Bowl, Orlando, FL – Noon, ABC)
At least I think this is the preliminary one. I get confused. Team Cornpone State has a legitimate shot here, they are well-coached and athletic. Plus, I think Big Twaaaaalve sides are better suited to exhibition “competition” where defense is often minimal, and guys don’t want to get hurt (more than usual). Plus, Brian Kelly killed a kid. Well, maybe KIDS, who knows for sure. But at least one. And I will remind the world of that (as will Horatio, no doubt) as long as he’s employed. Fuck him, fuck the Domers.
***
Balls’ Liga MX Minuto
I told teh Hippo that América had not won the first leg of any series in this Liguilla de Apertura. I urged him to bet Monterrey to win. Did he do so?
Yes, it would have been gut-wrenching as Monterrey did not score the winning goal until stoppage time, but score it they did.
Now, they go to the Azteca with a slim advantage on the scoreboard (2-1) but América has that precious away goal.
The second leg is Sunday night. I want Monterrey to win, but América has them right where they want them.
***
The end-around must have a 10% success rate.
I thought I had the day off today. Tomorrow was supposed to be the day all of the extended family came and unwrapped their free shit. Now today, a phone call comes in.
“We can’t come tomorrow, can we come today?”
NO MOM TELL ‘EM NO WE’LL MAIL IT TO THEM.
But nooooooo…
So now gotta host half of ’em today and the other half tomorrow.
I’M TRYNNA WATCH FOOTBALL OVER HERE!!!!!!
I also gotta figure out something to cook.
I HATE PEOPLE.
Steamed Hams are a can’t miss here, bucko.
Well, you should get the priority of ‘smoothing your edge’ done first.
Memphis has acquitted itself quite well in both the basket and foot sports this year. Any guesses as to when the sanctions come down?
Folks
Your randomizer is either broken or working perfectly.
The “randomizer” is the voices in my head.
It’s a good thing I have my irony detector turned off during that description of the Cotton Bowl forbidding Black players from playing. Thing could have exploded.
Its progress than the Cotton Bowl picks the Black players nowadays.
But they love their slave owning past.
That pretty much explains the problem concisely.
heritage not hate ,, amirite??
https://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/crime/crime-and-courts/2019/12/28/teen-mall-brawls-reported-all-over-country/2762231001/
I’m not saying we have to bring back spanking unruly kids, but we may need to consider it.
The cops just need to treat them like peaceful protesters and the trend will stop.
I’m drinking this because it’s important for northern Ontarians to support Hawaiian organic vodka makers. Or because I’d never seen it before and the bottle was cute. The action starts 30 seconds in.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkrEyFn1jS8
Here’s another vid featuring a busty gal that is not good in front of a camera and a guy that dropped a toaster into his bath tub.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdwNMFSKaPU
I’m willing to bet she’s good in front of the camera in a slightly different role…..
That boob job ain’t paying for itself you know.
Football talking guy: “[Friarmuth]’s a real tight end.”
not if i have anything to say about it.
More like No Ma’amphis amirit
Overly influenced by others?
Really need some more synergy in thi Cotton-picking Bowl. Goodyear is the sponsor? C’mon, how about Hanes or Beefeater Gin?
(Last night)
Me: “God, I don’t ask for much, but please let the Bengals sign AJ Green to an extension. He’s the center to our whole defense.”
(Today)
TV: “Bengals sign their Center to an extension.”
So…. who is going to break it to Red that Green is a wr on O?
…I won’t edit it. I’ll own up to it.
I do the same when I mess up. It’s funnier that way.
Defense? Welp, it IS the Bengals.
So…. who is going to break it to Red that Green will be 32 years old when the season starts in 2020?
If he gets healthy, he should be good for four years or so. That’ll give Burrow a chance to develop, Boyd a chance to florish as #2. Even Green at 70% of his talents can transform a team.
The only question is whether he goes to the Pats and wins a super bowl and Pats fans get smug about collecting talent, or whether he goes to the Pats and retires two hours into training camp and Pats fans get smug about “The Proccess.”
Cincy Sports Radio came up with a scenario where Dalton goes to New England if Brady retires/leaves NE and Green, Bernard and Erickson follow due to their familiarity with Dalton. Probably to prepare Bengals fans in case that happens and they win the Super Bowl.
If Dalton goes to New England, I’ll become a polygamous fan for both the Patriots and the Bengals.
Cincy radio people sound even more stupid than Denver radio people.
Secondly; HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU DO THAT??
They’re Trump supporters. Seriously, do a search for Bill Cunningham and Trump. Though you should hide any sharp or throwable objects first.
Also, I’m a fan of Andy Dalton as a person. Even if he went to Pittsburgh, I still be happy if he won a ring there.
Yeah, we have some of those here.
The P*ts destroy humanity; “Andy is dead to me now!”
Boo Fake Christians!
Yay Corn Subsidies!
Pre-emptive BIG LOL of the week goes to Gus Johnson and the Fox CFB Broadcast team for hyping up Ohio State all year and, if they lose to Clamson, tricking me into thinking they were actually good.
Also, a programming note, Big LOL of the week has been cancelled and cannot be used against me in the future.
All the offspring are stopping by today for our holiday hootenanny. I’m making a baked ziti. We’ve got a lovely cheese platter and an excellent wine selection and it should be simply smashing.
Only one more holiday meal after this one: black eyed peas and cornbread for New Year’s.
Good on ya for the black eyed peas and cornbread for New Year’s.
Also, tell The Offspring I said Hi.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AltMeuPkWRs
VERY erotic.
Coming from behind isn’t usually that violent.
CLINICAL killing off the match. <3
Andy Carroll – Princess Lea look-alike cunt
I guess he fell down the stairs or walked into a door.
he ain’t quite full Christian Bale yet, but 90% of the way there
He needs to lose an unhealthy amount of weight to play the one role.
Mason Holgate, clears the danger again. SO GOOD.
THIS MASON HOLGATE I CALL HIM RON HOLGATE IN 1776 BECAUSE HE DOES HIS JOB GENERAL… LEE.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=urgrF6OBuZc
Deep theatre cut!
My dad was in that play, local version, and I helped paint flats and move sets while wearing black clothes. It’s a solid play.
This entire Barcodes XI looks like a National Front rally
Hippo chill’uns gonna be at Donks/Raiders tomorrow!
They should bring a jacket.
snow game???
Field is covered and heated. Sunny, cold wind at most 10 mph, less in the stadium.
Good conditions for Lock training.
Let Pickford DUE HIS JERB!!!!
Book the diving cunt!!!
You dive ON the cunt (sex organ).
Has cunt lost its gender association with anybody else? I find myself using the term for males (especially in traffic) than females by a huge margin.
Indeed. That is the Lesser Footy influence changing us all.
I work with some Aussies and Kiwis and that seems to be their approach as well.
anywhere in the British Empire. The lady Evertonians use the word liberally, too.
Reminder – DCL played Every. Last. Minute 48 hours ago, and ran his socks off. Tremendous footballer.
And even better “supplements” / crystal meth.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
This too shall pass….
BAD BAD MAN!!!!!!!
(BREATHING EXERCISES)
GODFUCKINGDAMNIT
Mina and Delph on, Sigurdsson and Keane off, pretty please.
godfuckingdamnit
I hate to pile on, but toldja… Also… Thanks for letting Andy git ‘ar done… I had a tenner on him scoring the equalizer
U R VERY BAD MAN
Y’see, if just picked him for one very important reason… I thought to myself “Which one of these fuckers would make me wanna hit my screen if he scores” and there he was 😀
Andy Carroll sez HAI
You know what still sucks after all these years? Renting a car. And the customers are likely worse than the employees.
Tom Davies is master of the tactical foul. Another future captain-type.
Big Moise Kean wants to break his duck SO BADLY, he’d murder someone for it.
So, this whole AB workout at the NOLA Taints… Does it make me a bad person for hoping that he either gets the full Dez Bryan experience or … well, flips out and goes after Dougie and Breesus?
He will be suspended for jerking off on his bible study mates back fo sho.
From what I understand wasted seeds are nawt smiled upon in the Catholic church.
Which is pretty perverted. I assume he’s getting off on it.
Him going to the Frozen Tundra in the Divisional Round would be Karmic punishment
I’d like to see him get a Super Bowl ring (assuming he didn’t do what he is accused of) with Aints as it would set all the blathering heads a-pearl-clutching.
If he did do what he is accused of; may he have a terrible rusty deli meat slicer accident the cuts of balls, dick and thumbs.
Brian Kelly killed a kid? Can’t say I ever heard anything about that.
Why is your comment in blue?????
Every word is a link to a story reminding everyone that Brian Kelly killed a kid.
Ahhhh. Fancy.
ALL SINS ARE FORGIVEN!
*If you are in the football program and are more important to the program than a typical scapegoat.
I have famously been the Original Mason Holgate Truther in Everton circles, but it really is a joy to see it becoming his team, especially in defense. Toffees are blessed with multiple young players with immense leadership qualities.
I’m still giddy about Iowa’s beatdown of USC last night. How is everyone?
Head cold. No continental futbol or C’ship makes Litre sad.
It was the only goddamned JV result I got right, so I am DOA in my “confidence points” pool.
Found a funny:
Annoyed guy at the dog park just told his dog “look at the ball before you run. OK?”
“I want Monterrey to win, but América has them right where they want them.”
Somewhere, probably not heaven, James Polk has his first boner in well over a century.
ManifestDestiny
Bourne marathon on Show case. Guess I know what I’m watching today
This 100% needs Yerry Mina at the half.
What this needs is a castrophic collapse in the second half… I’m a miserable Gunner? Yeah… and misery must be spread like a debunked conspiracy theory on facebook!
Beat the scum tomorrow. It is all I ask.
/that and Mighty Whitey beating Stoke
Yeah, not gonna happen… Not gonna happen to the tune of 500 bucks on Chelski
I would caution “never bet so much against your team that you are tempted to root against them” but as a multiple tank owner, I shall surmise that you’d be doing just fine without the 500 potato-quid. 😀
Given that I haven’t spent a dime of my own money on betting since I topped-up my betting account (I gave myself 5 grand to play with at the start of the year and I’ve been withdrawing everything above that sum) ,so I can lose my entire balance and still be WAY up on the year 😀
TOO SOON, Abed!!!
/we did that very collapse in front of these toothless cunts last season
I should say toothless Geordie cunts
Hippo apologizes for any ofence
2nd strangest thing – Gylfi Sigurdsson has been…GOOD??
Bets today – Norwich (HT and FT), Always Ready, and The Strongest
Hippo is addicted to Bolivian good stuff.
Always Ready is a bold bet, just checked the odds.
I just don’t care for the Potosi sides.
DOMINIC MUTHAFUCKIN’ CALVERT-LEWIN, y’all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Hippo haz a happy?
The most amazing part? Lee Fucking Mason giving Everton some calls
Damn it, the odds were just shite. I should have done, indeed. BALLS IS ALWAYS RIGHT.
Only 47 minutes left in my Bordertown series. But season 3 is supposed to land in February.
The Germans are up on the Czechs and the refs are trying to help them back into the game.
Ha! They scored on the power play as I was typing.
FTFY
“Tut tut. I offered to let them borrow my umbrella.”
-N. Chamberlain
Both Mrs. Cola and I have the start of brutal head colds. It should not be legal for both parents of a toddler to be sick at the same time. I just got up but cannot wait for naptime.
Scratch that, she has the flu and I have a head cold. We apparently like to mix it up. Variety is the spice of life.
Ah, yes, the joys of having small kids… One of which (hidden in the small print) is the perma-weakened immune system (’cause sleeping turns out to be somewhat important for it) and the weekly spin on the wheel of misery… This week, you and your wife both lost, but take heart … One of these days you’ll land on the covetted “Happy, healthy and with a kid with a goddamn normal day/night cycle”
Oh my internet friend. It has been 2.5 years and he has never slept past 6 am. EVER. He does sleep through the night but we have adjusted our schedule. I get up at 530 for work anyway but a sleep in would be nice.
I’d say it gets better, but honestly… your only hope is that your body learns to survive with less. I swear on a stack of Patriots playoff tickets that I’m sleeping 3 hours on average and have been since the first set o’ twins 😀 Only thing that changes is what you consider a sufficient amount of coffee XD (I’m up to two pots to kickstart my day with extra sprinkled through my day to sustain me 😀 )
Haha, I went to fill a prescription last week and they wanted to take my blood pressure. The nurse said oh my it’s high. Have you had any coffee?
I told her I had 6 cups already and 2 cigarettes…
I was advised to cut back the caffeine and nicotine (I have 4 a day at work none at home). I then told her my low blood pressure wouldnt help the murder charges I would have with no caffeine.
I got one even better… Thanks to some tosspot actually doing drugs in one of our satellite locations, everyone in IT had to do a piss test (courtesy of the security checks and requirements, as we do a lot of work for government types)… Unfortunately, one of the kids was battling an ear infection at the time, so I was subsiding on continuous Monster Energy intake, which led to me being sent for additional screening, ’cause apparently neon-blue piss is “suspicious” XD
Oh that is superb. So many people in management positions here take THC oil at work to get by. You can totally tell who is high.
Why am I awake this early? It’s Saturday for fuck’s sake.
Not just a Saturday, but Saturday smack in the middle of the holiday l-a-a-a-Y- z – A – Y days…..
Look on the bright side, at least you’re not so used to sleeping a couple of hours per night that you don’t even notice when you’re making your first pot of coffee at 2AM 😀