NFL Nuggets:
- Obviously, Don Shula’s passing is the big news of the day.
- He was 90 years old.
- From 1951 to 1957, he played defensive back for the Browns, Colts and [*Redacted] s.
- He began coaching in 1960, and was a head coach for 33 total years, winning 347 total games, including playoffs, and won two of the six Super Bowls he coached in.
- Records helped by the fact that he had Johnny Unitas, Bob Griese and Dan Marino as QBs.
- He was inducted into the Hall of Fame in 1997.
People mourn in their own way. The Patriots cobbled together a translation of Bill Belichick’s grumbles & snorts,
Statement from #Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick on the passing of Don Shula: https://t.co/Qx6SzsGbsw pic.twitter.com/KSARlkda4Y
— New England Patriots (@Patriots) May 4, 2020
and the internet passed their own judgement.
RIP ROD MARINELLI pic.twitter.com/M8OIJrF5ne
— ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER (@ZODIAC_MF) May 4, 2020
- All the 2020 International Games have been cancelled.
- They were scheduled to have four games in London & one in Mexico City.
- All the “home teams” will instead host the games at their home stadiums.
- This will force Jacksonville to host eight regular season games for the first time in twelve years.
- All the “home teams” will instead host the games at their home stadiums.
- However, adding the new dates is not expected to delay the release of the 2020 NFL schedule later this week.
- They were scheduled to have four games in London & one in Mexico City.
- Mike Florio is doing his damnedest to create friction in Green Bay, pointing out how the Packers could save money by trading Aaron Rodgers.
- They would still have to eat a $36 million cap charge, but would save $4.796 million by trading him after the season ends & before a roster bonus takes effect six days into the 2021 League year.
- He also engages in ageism, pointing out how they’d get more for a 37 year-old than a 38 year-old.
- Which rules out the Cowboys, because Jerry Jones doesn’t pay for anything older than 34.
- On the topic of hookers, I never thought Jim Irsay would turn one down, but it appears the Colts have declined the fifth-year option for safety Malik Hooker.
- He was apparently
jailtrade bait prior to the draft, but the Colts got no offers. - He has 7 INTs in his three years thus far, and is scheduled to earn $2.18 million this year.
- He was apparently
MXC Monday – Episode 106: Inventors vs. Ex-Child Actors
The names in this episode are some of the best from the series.
Tonight’s … entertainment?:
- Wrasslin’:
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- The “go home” show prior to Money In The Bank this Sunday!
- “Andre The Giant” – 8:30PM | TSN3
- Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
- NFL’s Greatest Games – 8:00 PM | ESPN
- From 2012: Green Bay Packers at Seattle Seahawks. The “Fail Mary” game.
- A controversial Monday-Night finish at CenturyLink Field marked this early-season matchup featuring Aaron Rodgers and rookie Russell Wilson.
- From 2012: Green Bay Packers at Seattle Seahawks. The “Fail Mary” game.
- NFL’s Greatest Games | TSN
- From 2019 – both Seahawks – 49ers regular season games
- November 11 – Hawks at Niners – 6:30PM
- December 29 – Niners at Hawks – 10:30PM
- From 2019 – both Seahawks – 49ers regular season games
- Whose Line Is It Anyway? – 8:00PM | CW
- With Guest Star Candice Patton, cast members Ryan Stiles, Wayne Brady and Colin Mochrie, along with guest comedian Jeff Davis, put their comedic skills to the test.
- American Experience – 9:00PM | PBS
- The life of George W. Bush is explored and his tumultuous two-term presidency is chronicled.
- Creepshow – 10:00PM | AMC
- A father who lives with his son develops a drinking problem because of grief; A young girl finds a peculiar toy head in her dollhouse.
There’s also a new episode of “Cops” if you’re so inclined. But since they weren’t inclined to provide a synopsis – screw them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rFrvox0p9U
Gronk is okay, people!!
FOAR tWBS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXwYJyrKK5A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aPd1-ARS-Ag&feature=youtu.be
I am, and always have been, a huge fan of the Busan KT Sonicboom.
God I miss sports.
So, Lotte Giants is a farm team for San Francisco because they are all Giants right? I have been a fan of their structure and process for decades.
I think it goes Lotte, then Yomiuri, then San Francisco.
The New York Football Giants are between Lotte and Yomiuri.
KT Wiz is the team to root for! The only team that celebrates Katy Perry Golden Showers!
I don’t think my tongue’s that good, no matter what the lady says.
That is more a question for Lady Weaselo, innit?
Multiple, so it takes two at the very least.
Especially those dense protein ones, fuckers are five pounds.
Tom Petty’s Buried Treasure station on XM (channel 711 on the app) is playing this right now. Right in my late teens swim lane. I fucking love the Kinks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb1XW_9gS-w
Too much isolation.
Not enough.
1UPYOURBUTT
Judging by the responses tonight, it’s gonna be a sad, sad day when they murder The Onion, and you know that shit’s coming.
I’ve got an ass-load of National Lampoon magazines and special editions from the 1970s and 1980s that you can have for the shipping and handling costs.
The Onion peaked with their book “Our Dumb Century” (which is sheer genius from cover to cover). In 2001 they moved from Madison WI to NYC and lost all the deadpan Midwestern/USA Today comic flair that made it great. Plus, the comedy goldmine that was the Clinton Era ended and George W Bush took over, then 9/11 happened. They were never the same, and have just gone downhill, as all great things must. Like the Simpsons, they’re still hanging on because they’re earning money.
It’s like National Lampoon magazine. The 1970s editions are brilliant and are the product chiefly of Doug Kenney. The 80s editions are OK and occasionally great (PJ O’Rourke and John Hughes) but the edge of the Kenney era is absent.
I also felt like The Onion ceased being a thing for me when it went from “the site updates every Tuesday” to “we post a little bit of new shit every day.” An entire issue was always worth checking out, so Tuesdays became “kill time on The Onion” day for me, but when they went to continuous updates, it often wasn’t really that rewarding to go there and see that there was just one new item.
The Onion devolved into an imitation of itself. It became as funny as Milton Berle.
Part of that is probably related to their acquisition by the venture capitalists that destroyed Deadspin and Splinter. Alas, Anchower, we hardly knew ye.
The original writing and editing talent moved on to greener pastures and the replacements were just imitating them.
Looking back at the old 70s NatLamps, there’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t really hit anymore. A lot of the humor is pretty current-events-driven and hasn’t aged well, except in a nostalgic way. I think Monty Python’s Flying Circus TV series did a lot better job of sending up things in a less temporal way, so that a lot of the skits haven’t really become stale.
I’ll never forget the Onion’s “HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!” headline after 9/11, though.
I agree that Flying Circus is notable for being very timeless. Even when they get “political” it has no connection to real events and instead attacks pompousness, which is classic.
And when Jeffy blames “Not Me” for his mischief, and it turns out it really is a ghost named “Not Me,” well I just laugh and laugh and laugh….
Hmm? Oh, “Flying” circus? Never mind….
And fuck that Ida Know bee-yotch.
It no longer takes wit to make fun of the idiocy and it often gets overshadowed by a press conference (“SHIT! I just wrote that.”) You can’t exaggerate exasperation when your audience is already genuinely that exasperated. Both the market and the talent are conspiring to make what you say true.
[Political] satire became obsolete when they awarded Henry Kissinger the Nobel Peace Prize.
—Tom Lehrer
Fake baseball update! The first of eight Game Sevens is complete, which means we’ve got complete first round results from the Harry Carey Region:
Top Half:
(1) 1998 New York Yankees def. (16) 2007 Colorado Rockies in four games: 6-0. 5-2, 3-1, 3-0
Series MVP: NYY SS Derek “Ahh yeah Jetes!” Jeter, .471 AVG, 1.000 SLG, 1 HR, 5 RBI
Summary: The Rockies were outhomered 5-0 and pretty much outeverythinged.
(9) 2008 Philadelphia Phillies def. (8) 1954 New York Giants in six games: 3-4, 3-5, 3-1, 4-3, 4-2, 6-1
Series MVP: PHL LF Jayson Werth, .316 AVG, .480 OBP, .789 SLG, 3 HR, 6 RBI
Summary: Willie Mays (.333 AVG, 2 HR) and company took the first two games, but struggled to score in the next four.
(4) 1907 Chicago Cubs def. (13) 2001 Arizona Diamondbacks in six games: 3-1, 1-2, 12-3, 0-1, 3-1, 8-2
Series MVP: CHI C Johnny Kling, .375 AVG, 7 R, 5 RBI, 1 HR
Summary: The D’backs managed to split the four low-scoring games in which Randy Johnson (1-1) and Curt Schilling (1-1) started, but got blown out in the other two games. Sadly, Chicago benched SS Joe Tinker in favor of Solly Hoffman, so there was no opportunity for a Tinkers-to-Evars-to-Chance double play.
(5) 1967 St. Louis Cardinals def. (12) 1935 Detroit Tigers in four games: 5-1, 8-0, 2-0, 9-1
Series MVP: STL CF Curt Flood, .500 AVG, 5 R, 3 RBI
Summary: A dominant performance by the Cards, who held Tiger sluggers Hank Greenberg, Charlie Gehringer, and Mickey Cochrane to a combined 8 singles and no extra base hits.
And the bottom half:
(11) 1988 Los Angeles Dodgers def. (6) 2004 Boston Red Sox in seven games: 3-0, 3-8, 2-3, 3-0, 1-0, 1-7, 13-11
Series MVP: LAD RF Mike Marshall, .440 AVG, .560 SLG
Summary: The Dodgers came out blazing in Game Seven, torching Bronson Arroyo for seven runs in the 1st inning, capped by a grand slam by, of all people, Orel Hershiser. The Red Sox chipped away, and got the tying run to the plate in the 9th, but Jay Howell got out of the jam for the save. But my favorite moment of this series came in Game Five, when Curt Schilling had a perfect game through 8 2/3 innings. It was still a 0-0 tie, so it looked like we might have to break out the “what counts as a no-hitter/perfect game” arguments, but Steve Sax singled to break it up. Keith Foulke came in, and Sax stole second and scored on a single to win the game and turn Schilling from near-perfect into the losing pitcher of record. Because fuck that asshole. That’s why Sax is my series MVP, no matter what the Springfield Police Department says.
(14) 2015 Kansas City Royals def. (3) 1986 New York Mets in five games: 7-4, 1-5, 3-1, 3-2, 2-0
Series MVP: KC 3B Mike Moustakas, .444 AVG, 3 RBI
Summary: The Royals’ pitching staff, especially its deep bullpen, silenced the mighty Mets, who managed just two home runs. Gary Carter and Lenny Dykstra went just 3-for-20 and 2-for-16.
(7) 1973 Oakland Athletics def. (10) 1983 Baltimore Orioles in six games: 1-2, 7-4, 9-4, 1-0, 3-13, 5-1
Series MVP: OAK RF Reggie Jackson, .333 AVG, .448 OBP, .667 SLG, 2 HR, 8 RBI
Summary: The O’s outhomered the A’s 13-4 but it wasn’t enough. The Athletics won a 14-inning battle in Game Three and a 1-0 squeaker in Game Four to take control of the series.
(2) 1902 Pittsburgh Pirates def. (15) 1981 Montreal Expos in six games: 5-6, 13-0, 3-0, 4-9, 6-1, 4-0
Series MVP: PIT CF Ginger Beaumont, .500 AVG, 7 R, 5 RBI
Summary: The Expos took the opener in a 15-inning thriller that depleted the already short-staffed Pittsburgh bullpen, but failed to capitalize, getting shut out in three games and held to one run in a fourth. The oldest? earliest? most old-timey team in the tournament advances.
I only have a +1 to give for the Sawx losing in the first round, but it would be a lot more than that.
I think I actually yelled when Sax broke up that perfect game. I may be taking this a little too seriously.
My friend and I tried to start a “Yeah Jeets” chant after he hit a double. During his final week. It didn’t catch on.
Anyone watch the Dutch Doco Undercover on Netflix? (I think its Dutch)
Never heard of it. But I did decide that instead of the current Westworld just yet that I’d re-watch Deadwood first. Doing it right now in fact.
Ian McShane is one cool sumbitch.
It is Dutch, not a doco but a series based on live events, its dubbed so that is nice.
Are you sure it is Dutch, though?
I am
So you have to pay half?
That is a great revisit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXYhA55s6TY
Lemmings would be more appropriate.
Aren’t lemmings driven by a biological imperative, which is driven by insufficient resources? These protesters are just stupid and selfish, I wish these people were like lemmings.
Lemmings were driven by Disney production assistants who were herding them over the cliff while the cameras rolled.
Time for Disney to step up to the plate again
That’s basically what the Republican Party is doing now.
In my youth, I lived at Fort Meade in MD during the Shula/Unitas/Morrall era. At the time I was somewhat a Redacteds fan, largely as a result of my dad occasionally taking me along to this bar where some of the players hung out and my getting to meet them. I hated the Colts, especially that crewcut bucktooth Unitas. I was over the moon when the Jets beat them in SB III, watched it on a 19″ Admiral B&W portable that my parents got as a wedding gift in 1958 and was our only TV until 1974. Even watched the moon landing on that thing (moon landing was in B&W, anyway).
Anyway, I didn’t really start hating on Shula till he moved to the Dolphins and they kicked my beloved Patriots’ ass on a pretty consistent basis through mid-1980s.
So you hated everyone in the mid-1980s?
Absolutely. Especially the 1985 Bears (at least in that SB). But I could usually find a team that was having a decent season that I could convince myself to bandwagon for a year or two so my NFL fandom wasn’t completely crushed year in and year out. I even rooted for the Bengals in their SB against 49ers.
Yeah shula always had a smarminess that always rubbed me the wrong way. I personally think its bullshit he gets so much credit for his number of regular season wins (a record set by halas) while only winning 2 championships in comparison to Halas’s six.
I know it sounds petty but he spent a full twenty seasons remebering the perfect season, while failing to get a championship with Dan Marino
Get the shit outta here!!!!! My HS girlfriend’s father was NSA at Fort Meade!!!!
You’re not him are you?
Got no sisters, so I reckon not. Unless I was your HS girlfriend. But I was only there from 3rd thru 5th grade, so, no.
My next door neighbor growing up was a CIA agent and his kids didn’t know it until he retired. And he wasn’t no analyst either.
My dad was an intelligence-gathering type, but likely wouldn’t have even been able to generate a Robert-Redford-in-Three-Days-of-the-Condor type response if it became necessary, let alone a Jason-Bourne-type reaction.
My neighbor in his early career was stationed in Greece in the 50s and planted bombs in cars. He finally shared this with his sons in his old age. He was nice guy. After he retired he took a job in the local Sears garden center to keep busy.
I always liked him, during his real heyday I was a Cowboys fan and the first SB I actually watched and understood was them beating the Dolphins. I get the thing about him not winning a SB with Marino, but he was still one of the best coaches ever. I also remember Marino having average or bad games in the playoffs. While I didn’t like the toasting thing of the last team to lose, having one thing to lord over the P*ts was almost worth it. Having been around Bears fans in the 1985 season I really appreciate the whole Dolphins organization that game. In those days it was a lot easier to hate owners, division rivals, and dirty players as opposed to the modern interwebs today where people have to hate, whine, and bitch about everybody.
Question: What is a piece of writing, on the internet (i.e. not a book), that you return to or at least consider foundational?
types “dungy” into bookmarks
http://uproxx.com/ksk/tony-dungy-would-like-to-remind-you-it-gets-worse/
Sadly the link doesn’t work anymore
“OH! OH! EL QUEERO HIT THE PYLON!” is the best line in the history of the Rex Ryan persona
Yes.
I’m also a huge fan of rex ryan hyping the jets up before the 2009 afc championship game,
Luckily, one jets fan transcribed it:
https://forums.theganggreen.com/threads/ksk-the-afc-championship-episode-rex-ryan-prepares-a-feast.53577/
You can find certain bits in their entirety if you really dig around. A lot of the Tawmmy bits survived. Never found the one with future Tawmmy visiting past Tawmmy who doesn’t know what a Patriot is because they hadn’t won a Super Bowl yet, though.
More you dig, more you find
https://kissingsuzykolber.wordpress.com/2006/11/27/f-k-it-im-throwing-it-downfield/
The blogspot site is still up too, but you have to be quick to stop the page or it’ll autoredirect to Uproxx.
https://kissmesuzy.blogspot.com/2008/03/i-do-not-feel-comfortable-in-confines.html
/A SINGLE DOVE FLIES AWAY
I find TV Tropes gives me wisdom or knowledge. Or it kills a few hours.
Oddly enoigh, FiM was the first bit of TV tropes. Someone linked an episode, and that was that
I tried archiving the old site back on D-Day+1 but it wasn’t really working and was taking too much space and I figured all the respective authors had all their articles anyway. Maybe we can throw our 12 dollars around, get a little compilation coffee table book goin’ baby
Well, my baseball bet is in. Nice to know that if I wake up and my Korean choices didn’t agree with me, it won’t involve Pepto-Bismol.
I also just bet on the KBO!
Also there is alot here that I didn’t know about.
Question: What is a piece of writing, on the internet (i.e. not a book), that you return to or at least consider foundational?
https://twitter.com/redford/status/1255330066151718912
Gregg Easterbrook’s first TMQ (about Preston Hildebebur—the Heidi Game!) . You know, before the creepy old man ogling and anti-semitism took hold
There are some old The Onion articles that I look up from time to time. Some of the Accounts Receivable gangsta stories, or some Point/Counterpoint classics (“European men are so much more sophisticated” vs. “American tourist girls are so easy”), or the Man Blames Hangover On Everything Other than Amount of Alcohol Consumed (not that I have any reason ever to relate to that). I still look at the Fire Joe Morgan archives every now and then.
One internet humor institution I’ve never gotten into, though, is McSweeney’s. I know people love it and have favorites, but I’ve just never seen anything there that got more than a “oh, I guess that’s sort of clever” shrug from me.
Not even the essay on How to Guard Teen Wolf?
Just looked it up. Eh. It’s ok but not memorable. I guess the joke is supposed to be the straightlaced tone that this is serious coaching advice on basketball strategy, interspersed with the occasional remark about silver bullets?
Sorry — I know you can take the humor out of anything by dissecting it. But if that’s the best example you can give me, then yeah, it just ain’t my thing.
The very first time I heard of The Onion was in the 90s when a coworker emailed me the article “Walken in L.A.” It is a mind blowing moment when you discover a perfectly new vein of comedy.
Apparently it predates their archive, but here’s a transcript:
https://gist.github.com/gruber/1063574
https://www.theonion.com/i-want-to-be-a-fireman-vs-i-want-to-be-a-seven-year-ol-1819594271
The Accounts Receivable Gangsta was…Gangsta! I remember one with some absolutely filthy -mouthed girl talking about how great her motherfucking teddy bear was.
I have a lot that are “That’s fucking great! I’ll bookmark it here so I can read it again”
[never reads again.]
Found a funny:
every book now is called either like “hymn of ivory sky” or like “ok no lol”
I didn’t watch ‘Westworld’ last night because I thought last week was the finale, what with everyone a) dead, b) covered in 3rd degree burns, c) walking out of a weird factory bent on vengeance, or d) some combination of a-c.
To the TV!
I thought the ending to season 1 was fantastic, and the ending to season 2 killed most of the people worth caring about, and then the third season trailer had Jesse talking to a construction robot or something, so I checked out. Yul Brynner is spinning in his smoke-filled coffin.
Apparently, there was a sequel to Westworld I’m somehow completely unaware of. Tends to happen with movies made a decade before you’re born. So perhaps my disgust at their expansion is misplaced.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTMtu4Z5T-U
I remember that, Peter Fonda was a reporter or something. I liked it, but Westworld was better.
I haven’t even begun this season. But I plan to start bingeing it tonight after I eat something.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VIgwK6Z7wEQ
“As god is my witness, I thought motorcyclists could fly!”
So did he, guess he never learned the knack of missing the ground.
You think he would have handles instead of smooth plastic to grab onto for that trick.
I mean, it is called a Superman Seat Grab
Motorcycle: “I’m free! FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Still can’t believe Neil Peart is gone.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPBinohXHLc
Canada feels your pain.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iLsvH7_EF34
Jeopardy is apparently running re-runs this week. Tonight was Ken Jennings’ first night. And lemme tell ya, I kicked his ass in Single Jeopardy. I felt smart. Then he beat the ever living hell out of me in Double Jeopardy.
Fucking jerk.
I mean, who the fuck knows anything about 17th Century plays??????
This just reminds me I need to get back in touch with one of my old literary professors. Guy was cool as hell
I swear there’s an algorithm about the difficulty to questions in order to convince as many people as possible they’d have a chance at the show
I actually passed the online qualifying to get on, but with things the way they are now. Nope. Plus I’d probably end up getting nervous and look like a huge dick.
As an old guy, I’d know all the answers (questions) except Bible and Opera and probably TV shows since about 1980, but reflexes being what they are I’d never hit the buzzer first.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch_hoYPPeGc&t=137s
I need to take the Anytime, since it’s available.
It’s the Ken Jennings Greatest Hits this week and next week. First win, last win, and the full GOAT tourney.
Imma kick his ass tomorrow.
He would be terrifying to play against.
…..there’s a creepshow television program now?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQh609EAVao
South Korean baseball is already loaded up on FanDuel. Hilarious.
I just don’t get why the board isn’t kissing my black ass (I am black in the game). Pretend Everton made $611M last season! Profit, nae revenue.
I agree. You are putting the competition asleep!
Too soon?
Never too soon.
If it were Italian soccer, I’d say the last part of the sentence is the reason!
/Because they’re racist.
Somebody bumping their head up against the ‘broken glass ceiling’.
I’m sure you’ll get 3/5 the credit I would.
On the bright side, we can finally settle the “controversy” over the American National Anthem (“It mentioned slavery in the third verse that hasn’t been read since Key wrote it in 1814?! Ban it!!!”) and change it to something more appropriate:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RRKJiM9Njr8
Key was also a fierce anti-abolitionist and railed against until the day he died, so fuck him in hell. Song sucks anyway. Make it Ray Charles’ version of America the Beautiful.
That or “Seek and Destroy”. Star Spangled Banner only works because it was the first moment in American History where the country felt like we had a chance of surviving longer than a footnote in history.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lPLvBO_2Gn0
Ok this IS Green Day. If you like Wembley, you better sure as hell like Milton Keynes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mmeGEbW6UQ
Just released today? Yup.
AND IT’S NOT GREEN DAY SO YOU SHUT UP!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBEEyWRJcJs
Yes it is. Don’t try to fool us.
EDIT: That wasn’t supposed to be a reply. Stupid Monday.
48 year-old-check
Singing a cover song-check
Without his band-check
From the early 80’s-check
Repeating it almost note for note-check
“Kids in America” is the tune-check
BJ thinking this is relevant-check
yeah tWBS, Billie Joe is still totally ‘rad’.
We all get old and have to pass the time without contracting a virus.
Hey, I’m just poking you. With a sharp knife. Twisting it a bit. Covering your mouth to muffle the screams. Looking for a place to bury you. Throwing your cellphone into the river. It’s all in good fun.
I mean, if we’re going to go after Billie Joe we should use the ad where they had kids arrested for downloading mp3s shilling for iTunes in a commercial with a shitty cover of I Fought the Law.
Dearest and most imaginary friends – it is 28 June 2030, and I have been offered an interview for the Man Utd jerb. Should I see what they have to say??
Maybe in Football Manager you’ll find a hot chick with nice shoulders, marry her, and live happily ever after.
Man, if I could ever get a #10 that didn’t suck and/or flake out, I would die happy.
/will I die in the game??
You should never take a job with a team you hate. I would shit on Roman A’s desk and then burn Stamford Bridge to the ground.
If the Red Sox ever offer me the manager position I will take it. And drive them straight into the ground. I’m also looking at you Yankees.
If the Steelers hire me as General Manager…who am I kidding, that franchise reloads itself naturally. All I have to do is make the playoffs three out of four years and I’m set for life.
Their interview was obnoxious. Hard-headed fuckstains.
Well, you are black…
Go on…
Of course. You could make trades to Everton and not have to explain why.
“SELLOUT!”
-Kruger
Hehehehehehe… No wonder he left for five weeks.
MXC MONDAYS ROCK!!!
So I spent most of today driving my morbidly obese, diabetic, painfully racist uncle, who by the way is dying of Alzheimer’s…. Anyway, driving him around to calm him down and try to give my Aunt a break.
I’m tired.
You’re a good person.
Thank you Redshirt. But no, I really am not. But I do have a conscience I suppose.
If he was a great person, he’d leave the racist uncle on the Outer Banks and dare him to get home on his own.
He couldn’t find his way home from across the street at this point.
You know it’s funny. When my mom and I were dealing directly with folks dying of dementia of one sort or another, everybody disappeared until time of death. It’s kind of annoying.
Your uncle is Donald Trump?
theWeeUncleSeamus would be better.
He’s definitely not “wee”. Fucker nearly fell several times today, and fortunately I caught him before he went down each time. Had he hit the surface, I would not have even tried to pick his fat ass up.
Maybe next time, you should drive to the nearest COVID-19 ICU?
“That’s worth two 17 year olds”
— M. Sanchez, showing off his USC math skills
Purely hypothetical question: If the NFL Season doesn’t happen, does that mean the Bengals draft #1 next year again?
This is a great fucking question. Maybe a complete or weighted lottery??
Yep, lottery seems right.
What kind of idiot pays a Hooker for four years?
Wait…how long have the Trumps been married?
For some stupid reason, this immediately came to mind.
“Much like Mr. Shula’s coaching career, the ‘Shellfish Trio’ at his steakhouse is very good in season, but tends to suffer badly afterwards.”
-Yelp review
Jesus just popped a bottle of champagne to celebrate that he still has the only undefeated life in history.
THERE’S the joke I couldn’t cobble together. Bravo!
Unfortunately, Don’s contribution to football is counterbalanced by the negative contributions of his son, Dave, and so his application to the Hall of Fame is rejected.
/In my dreams, at least
Speaking of MXC, has anyone seen “What’s Up, Tiger Lily?”. I caught it just one time when I was a kidling and I laughed my ass off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQLdyBU0xqI
Woody loved it so much he married his daughter!
I loved that movie, but have never run into anybody else who remembered it. I should watch it again.
Chef Wong’s recipe for egg salad!
“He who controls egg salad controls the world. Don’t ask me why, I got enough aggravation.”
The Rod Marinelly thing kill—
[laughing again]
Instead of knocking Twitter, follow better folks! Daym ?
Exactly. No one is forced by law – unless the 30th Amendment passes – to follow the Orange Huckster on Twitter.
A hooker transition! #ChaucerWouldBeProud
Exactly. Sometimes I love to put those little things in there for people who are paying attention. Like the GWAR reference last week.
#WhyHaveAnEnglishDegreeIfIDontUseIt
Just two days ago I was looking at this book on Amazon and thinking of getting it.
“In their seven years together, quarterback Johnny Unitas and coach Don Shula, kings of the fabled Baltimore Colts of the 1960s, created one of the most successful franchises in sports. Unitas and Shula had a higher winning percentage than Lombardi’s Packers, but together they never won the championship. Baltimore lost the big game to the Browns in 1964 and to Joe Namath and the Jets in Super Bowl III—both in stunning upsets. The Colts’ near misses in the Shula era were among the most confounding losses any sports franchise ever suffered. Rarely had a team in any league performed so well, over such an extended period, only to come up empty.”
“Collision of Wills” was also a documentary about the settling of the Howard Hughes estate.
Collision of Will is the ballad of that other Mr. Rogers
/not looking it up
Was it Willy Post?
Will Rogers died in a plane crash
Yes, but didn’t he die with someone else?
edit: his name was Wiley Post, so close!
Oh no. Looks like youtube’s making it a night of unfortunate crossovers. Here’s Sum 41 Guy cosplaying as Chester Bennington.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2Po_BHvLlI
So far, my experience with satellite radio is that it exists to remind you that Limp Bizkit was once king shit of the rock landscape. Did you remember that they did a Mission Impossible theme song? Sirius XM remembers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FddEPqcw6Nc
Shitty bands doing shitty songs?
/Pepperidge tWBS Farms remembers…
OH COME ON!!!! I do it for the humour factor.
/intense judging look/ Really?
“Pants are on fire.”
-tWBS’s current status
LOL