Your “Do What We Mean, Not What We Say” Thursday Evening Open Thread

NFL Notes:

  • Well, today was Rules Committee day, and let’s see what passed
    • 4th & 15 – PASSED TABLED!
      • Not sure what the hell happened here, but apparently there was the belief that it would be the slippery slope towards eliminating kickoffs altogether.
        • Like how electing Obama would make the US more Muslim.
        • Or, more likely, there was hesitation because teams with good QBs could erase up to 16 points off a lead with little or no time having come off of the game clock.
      • So they tabled the motion for a later meeting, in hopes of convincing more teams of their idea.
    • Make permanent the expansion of automatic replay reviews to include scoring plays/turnovers negated by foul – PASSED
    • Expands defenseless player protection for KR/PR – PASSED
    • Prevents manipulation of game clock with multiple deal-ball fouls – PASSED
      • The Belichick/Vrabel rule.
  • They also amended the rules on using Injured Reserve:
    • The number of players who may be designated for return increases from two to three.
    • The eligible date to return is now after eight “games” (rather than weeks) have elapsed since the date he was placed on IR.
      • This balances the time line for teams that may have already passed their bye week.
  • The Chiefs & Patrick Mahomes (or Mahoney, as fucking autocorrect put it yesterday) have begun contract negotiations on his first non-rookie deal.
    • He’s expected to be the first QB to crack the $40 million /year barrier.
    • The way the math will work is some pretty magical NFL accounting, so long as they get it done before the start of the 2020 season.
      • The way PFT breaks it down is pretty clear, so I’ll crib their writing: 
        • With two years left on his rookie deal (including the fifth-year option the Chiefs exercised), it won’t cost $40 million per year to get to $40 million per year, given the way the NFL and NFL Players Association values contracts.
        • A five-year, $200 million extension (i.e., $40 million per year in new money) would become, given the money he’s due to make in 2020 ($2.794 million) and 2021 ($24.837 million), a seven-year contract with an annual value at signing of $32.5 million.
      • There will also likely be language to protect his money in the (likely) event of a salary cap drop after this season, due to the corona virus.

Today’s good internet dog is Finlay Molloy, who qualified today for the Guinness Book of World Records, as the dog who can fit the most balls in his mouth, at six.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B_7U3VnJD-F/?utm_source=ig_embed

His owners have been pursuing this for over a year, and they received official notification today. The basic qualification is that the dog has to be able to pick them up on their own; owners can’t stuff their mouth. It requires video evidence, which meant stalking the dog & recording any pickup attempts. I’m not sure if there had to be an actual Guinness visit to observe, but whatever.

Good dog. Please make your pornography jokes below.


Tonight’s … entertainment?:

  • NASCAR Cup Series:
    • Alsco Uniforms 500 – 7:00PM | FS1 / TSN
      • Was rain-delayed Wednesday
  • Holey Moley II: The Sequel – 9:00PM | ABC
    • Eight mini-golf lovers from around the country compete on an all-new extreme obstacle golf course to win $25,000 and a trip to the finals on “Mt. Holey Moley.”
      • Rob Riggle, Joe Tessitore and Jeannie Mai host, with Stephen Curry as the resident golf pro.
  • Top Chef – 10:00PM | BRAVO / Food Network Canada
    • Tom makes his final decision from Last Chance Kitchen on who should return to the competition. Then the chefs take off in a Quickfire with Padma and Jonathan Waxman making a two-course Business-Class dish for an airline.
    • For their final challenge in Los Angeles before jetting off to Italy for the finale, the chefs go to Michael’s Santa Monica.

That’s it for me. We will see who has Sexy Friday going forward, and I’ll be back with something pretaped for the weekend. Adios!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Apparently the Minneapolis PD makes more preventable payouts to blacks in a year than Shallow Hal and Saving Silverman

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Holey Moley is actually how I described Demi Moore’s bush

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Fun fact: She was the model for the I Spit on Your Grave poster.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

She can spit on anything she wants at Casa Buddy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

In here nude pictorial the lips were in the dark, dark jungle….. so I am just lamenting GFs in the past. That said; this is good knowledge.

Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

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Brick Meathook

“What’s your second choice?”

Horatio Cornblower

Well Trump is now threatening to send in the military/National Guard and shoot people, so that’s awesome.

Senor Weaselo

I mean things are already on fire, so of course the arsonist sends in more things to make it burn.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

For my own sanity I’m going to ignore this shit storm for a second:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sanity debatable, but you know what I mean.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Apparently people in Minneapolis aren’t fans of Sidney Lumet because I see “FUCK 12” all over the city now! Does no one appreciate the classics anymore!

Mr. Ayo

They must support 35 instead.

Horatio Cornblower

Meanwhile, in Faber
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The Food King is threatened!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

It was just axing for it parked like that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You picked….. the wrong pun.

Horatio Cornblower

Nice to see the people turn their attention from stores in their own neighborhood to burning down the local police precinct, (which more than had it coming), but I can’t help feeling that this is going to deliver the Midwest to Trump come November, because nothing motivates terrified white people to vote than black people aggressively protesting being murdered by pigs.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

The Midwest was going to Trump anyway. Biden’s chances are pretty slim.

Horatio Cornblower

I think they were trending up as Trump kept fucking up on live TV and having Twitter meltdowns, and not coincidentally while Biden was forced to stay home and not talk.

But this gives Trump the distraction he needs, and Biden’s starting to go out in public more, so yeah, I agree that we’re likely fucked come November.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

It really comes down to only 5 or 6 states, and of those Trump takes FL. I had thought Biden could win PA, but I’m hearing a very different story from that state, so his path becomes pretty tough. Ohio? Nope. Michigan? Maybe.

Things are chaotic right now so it’s almost impossible to make a solid prediction (especially since the Dems are second-guessing on Biden), but Joe was a terrible, bad, awful, pathetic, wretched choice. If he’s the nominee, I think Trump wins again.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

P.S. Fuck the fucking electoral college. Fuck.

Horatio Cornblower

It will depend on the economy in November. If 20+ million still don’t have jobs Trump is likely out of his. That’s how people at, and I don’t say that as a compliment. If this blows over in a week it’ll be an old story come the election.

At least that’s what I’m going to try to convince myself of as I go to bed and stare at the ceiling for the rest of the night. I’ll thank you not to argue and destroy my dreams.

Brick Meathook

This is all your fault.

Gumbygirl

Nixon won in 68 because of riots in the inner cities. I thought Biden would win in a landslide, but now I’m terrified.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Couple of very big differences between then and now. First is that the US was almost 90% white then. Now it’s 72%. Second is that the video of the murder makes it VERY clear what this is about.

Gumbygirl

I hope you’re right, but I’m afraid that we’ve become less educated and even more unreasonable since then. Look at all of the idiots who think wearing a mask to protect people from a killer virus is infringing on their civil rights. We’re doomed.

Brick Meathook

Nixon won in ’68 because his opponent was Hubert Humphrey, a nice guy and former mayor of Minneapolis, but a complete loser. In ’72 George McGovern was even more of a loser. Add George Dukakis, Al Gore, and especially Hilary Clinton and there you have it.

It’s like the Army of Northern Virginia under Robert E. Lee: he’s not that good of a general, he has no supplies, he’s fighting for a bad cause and a dysfunctional government, and he’s always outnumbered. BUT, he has very loyal troops and is blessed with the most incompetent opponents ever.

Until Grant, Sherman, and Sheridan finally arrived at the dance.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

And at this point, the Dems have no real platforms besides “Trump Bad.” That’s it.

Oh, and “Nothing will fundamentally change,” which is basically Blue MAGA.

They’ve failed to adopt M4A, they’re now bending on abortion, they approve most of Trump’s funding. Honestly there’s nothing there to vote for.

Brick Meathook

Well then don’t vote. And for God’s sake don’t go out in the field and earn some votes for your candidate. Just watch it on TV and on Twitter and then cry about it after you’ve lost. Wanna win? Go out and fight.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I did. He suspended his campaign.

Unfortunate, but they were never going to let him win in any event, quite honestly.

Brick Meathook

Who, Bernie?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Yeah. He ran a decent campaign, but not as aggressive as I would’ve liked. That doesn’t seem to be in his nature, though.

So now I’m donating to leftist candidates in the PNW, trying to get regional politics shifted to the left. It’s gonna be a hard fight, but hopefully worth it.

Brick Meathook

I’m a centrist who’s sympathies lie slightly left of center and I hate Trump, I hated Cheney, and I found W. Bush to be a joke.
Bernie was even more of a loser than McGovern or Hilary. It was like Bernie supporters WANTED to lose, like they wanted to be martyrs. Be true to your conscience, but don’t be a martyr. There’s no future in it.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I’m not even a socialist I just like crusty old Jews!

Brick Meathook

Some of my best friends are crusty old Jews.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Bernie’s problem was he didn’t talk about whitefish enough. And I know that motherfucker loves himself some whitefish.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

I cannot argue with this.

Brick Meathook

I’ve always enjoyed a good plate of fish.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

There’s some truth to that. For a lot of us, Bernie was the compromise candidate (and I’m talking hard leftists & socialists here), since there were no other candidates that supported the agenda we’re looking for. We weren’t looking to lose, but we were looking to at least force these platforms into the conversation.

Unfortunately the Dems have gone so far right in the last 40 years that these conversations get shut down as soon as they gain any traction. So it’s a matter of (IMO, at least), electing hard left candidates at the regional & state levels to keep the conversation going. No idea if it’ll work, but it’s the only option I’m seeing right now.

Brick Meathook

“Hard” anything always loses. Learn to compromise.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Nah, compromise is how the D’s became the ’80s R’s. I’ve watched the whole thing happen in real time. The Dems have compromised on every platform of importance, and have thus become compromised by PACs and corporate money.

And I’ve voted for compromise candidates for too many years, so at this point I might as well vote my conscience, win or lose.

Brick Meathook

Is the only answer for you to be a suicide bomber? Please don’t do that. Come over to the smart side.

Brick Meathook

Hell, I’m teaching you boys the most American way to approach and solve a problem. Don’t blame me if you fuck it up.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Honestly, I’m in the Red part of WA. My vote means nothing, since King County will vote Blue No Matter Who. And locally, the Rep choice is usually GOP or Tea Party (!). Which is why I’m donating to West side candidates who have a shot at getting Rep seats.

I don’t rule out anyone, though. I’m still curious if the DNC will pull the plug on Biden, and if so, who’ll they’ll replace him with.

And I also read all your comments in a Charlton Heston voice now. HRTN has broken my brain.

Brick Meathook

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

That’s the stuff!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I never compromise and that is why I take blue chew

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There are “rumors” spreading that gas lines have been cut and the 3rd precinct is now an explosive hazard. Curiously, these rumors are being pushed by MAGA bots.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hmm, I guess CNN is reporting it too.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Maybe the mysterious Auto Zone cop umbrella man is showing up with a trunk full of Molotovs.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh, aborteddreams sounds like Tim Tebow’s plan to become a professional baseball player.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wouldn’t that be Circumciseddreams?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hellooooooooo Minneapolis.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They would have been all right if they would have just protested in the courthouse with assault rifles, then went to to the Subway.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh, wait…. that just applies to a different crowd, never mind.

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

I’d infect that.

Mr. Ayo

“a riot is the language of the unheard”

Brick Meathook

“a riot is the language of the unorganized”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Warms my heart and brings a tear to my eye.

Brick Meathook

I made a batch of French Onion Soup today and it was great. Not from a packet; I made real soup from scratch, mostly.

I used the Julia Child recipe so you know it had authentic Frenchiness. Three cheap yellow onions, beef stock (I used low sodium out of a box but next time I think I’ll make my own), some butter, some oil, a little salt, a little pepper, a little flour, a dash of sugar, and that’s it. Oh and a splash of dry vermouth when you add the stock.

Add a stale baguette and some Gruyer cheese and there you have it.

Never underestimate how good for you onions are, properly cooked.

Sharkbait

Fuck yes. Onion soup is the shit.

herodotus450

Look at me so jaded, 15% off coupon codes don’t even get me hard anymore.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

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Dunstan

Stop talking about supplemental insurance, and he’ll go away.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How about Johnny Bench jokes?

ballsofsteelandfury

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Surgery of any kind is a lot cheaper down in Mexico. A little riskier, too, some would say.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe he uses an ice skate.

Just passed over rewatching that movie.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Meh. After Manziel lost his starting job it really wasn’t that much fun to rip on him anymore.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes it was.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You didn’t think that the guy who has been ripping on Ryan Leaf and Todd Marinovich for literally the entire life of this site was serious about not enjoying ripping on Yukon Johnny, did you?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I am enjoying all those.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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litre_cola

Aaron Rodgers at table 2.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, but didn’t he murder his parents?

Maybe I’m thing of the wrong one.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

*Thinking.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

To where? Cause if it’s South Korea, Australia, or New Zealand, IT WAS ME!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

I MUST HAVE THIS!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

80 proof, I hope it is. Are those donuts of the cake/old fashioned variety? My favorite, back when I could have stuff like that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Now that you mention it, Yoda is an alcoholic, it all makes sense now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BIRDMAN

I am Birdman. A lost internet traveler who’s travelled through a desert of political online bitching.

Need… dick…. jokes

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Photo of how Balls makes his PB&Js.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s genius!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t be acting like you don’t already do that!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

At least she picked the right time of the month

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s astoundingly dangerous. Why not push her up from underneath?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It me be just the start of a porno.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Wisconsin? Iowa?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Why did you forget Florida?

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I was going with the butter/corn theme and Florida did not cross my mind. Sorry…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This was the only way I could have posted this pic; thanks for the softball.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Happy to enable.

SonOfSpam

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Ghee Whiz Cola outsells that shit beverage 26.4 to 1 in most Asian markets. I’ve done the research!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Love their joint deli takeout venture, the “Dath Knuckle Sandith”. It makes a great pathtrami onth ryeth.*

*ask for extra mustarth

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Perhaps I shouldn’t have been so curious.”

-Yellow

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Shit, should have waited.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Did he …. submarine her?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I remember seeing the ads for that I Am Curious, Yellow movie in the paper when I lived in DC, late 1960s. For some reason, I just thought of it again for the first time in probably 50 years just the other day. And now you reference it. Fucking Plate of Shrimp.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4HQyqc-aVU

Senor Weaselo
SonOfSpam
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

“IF I ONLY HAD THE NERV-AH”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

“I DID HAVE THE COURAGE TO SUE NAPSTER!”

SonOfSpam

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scotchnaut

“Yeah, whatever. How long did she smoke it?”

-Hardcore BBQ’ers

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Here we go!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Okay, let’s just relax.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

The dog is from a town in Ontario called Canandaigua.

Can one of you Canuckers please explain why the town is named that mess?

scotchnaut

We’re really into vowels. Sometimes the town is spelled with a ‘y’!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

It looks like you were going for Canadian, then Native American, then Central American. It’s wrong and hurtful.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Don T

Fascists

Senor Weaselo

Actually to make it even weirder, Ontario County is in New York. And to answer your question, it’s an Iroquois word.

SonOfSpam

I apologize to any Canadian who can read. Sorry to both of you.

scotchnaut

THIS MEANS WAUR!

SonOfSpam

Uh oh…

/activates Syrup Shield
//gets behind goalie blocker

Ok, do your wourst.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Right in the PikaChute.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Anyone smell burnt toast?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Ah the Pointer, little known succesor to the Pinto.

Gumbygirl

I thought that was the Exploder.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good news, folks. I have entered DFO into a strategic partnership with these fine folks. Each commenter will be issued one (1) such device at no cost*. The best part is that they also keep tigers away!

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2020/05/5g-conspiracy-theorists-sell-350-usb-stick-to-fight-electric-fog/

*shipping and handling fee of $549.99 not included

SonOfSpam

I’ll take two, but I only use the new cryptocurrency ClitCoin. Good luck finding it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well, at least I know it actually exists, unlike that ridiculously fake FemaleOrgasmCoin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Spot on G.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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rockingdog

Found a funny:

you know who else didn’t have a hot girl summer…jesus christ

scotchnaut

“Futhing Amather.”

-A. Reid, commenting about the new tennis ball record with 38 chicken balls in his mouth

SonOfSpam

(sigh) For the last time, when they have balls, they’re called ROOSTERS.

Senor Weaselo

Holey Moley, also known as knockoff Wipeout. Itself known as knockoff MXC, which is a riffed dub of Takeshi’s Castle.

SonOfSpam

It’s mildly amusing.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But enough about that doorfliesopen website…

Gumbygirl

At least poor Joe Tessitore can feed his hongry chilluns now!

ballsofsteelandfury

“We will see who has Sexy Friday going forward”

The answer, as always, is Balls.