An Imaginary Pretend Man City Tribute…Plus MOAR!

Welcome to July (or Jew-LIE!!!! if from Mississippi), with Lesser Footy now back in full swing.  Most of the fixtures are even watchable now!

First, a tribute.  Pretend Man City (2048-49 season) just signed a shit-hot new Keeper, England’s #1 at the age of 23.  He’s 6’4″ and Black Like Me (in the game), with the first name Ricardo.  This reminded one of a certain, beloved Portland Commentist….so he has earned the moniker Big Black Ricardo!  More on how he develops as Pretend Time marches on.

Back to reality, you say?  U noe u setting your alarm for Norwich/Brighton (7:30, NBCSN).  Yes, is the Trash Birds Derby!  20th and 15th in the Table (respectively), so while it ain’t quite a “Classic Six Pointer” – is close enough.

Palace and Leicester (10:00) are your only NBC Gold matchup, with Manure/Cherries the NBCSN choice.  Fuck, how I love that the Premiership is spreading out start times better, for MOAR teevee exposure.  We need the content!

In the Spotlight Dance timeslot, you get a fun, important tie (Gooners v. Wolves, 12:30). But alas, it’s on NBCSN only.  Hey, no need to flip channels to stick with Rebecc-ur and the boys!  Moose Hornets are away to reeling Chelski (3:00, NBCSN) to wrap up your day.  It’s a good, full slate.

You also get 4 matches for Sunday Funday, all on NBCSN except City/Saints (2:00, NBC), which should be a bloodening.

Enjoy the action, even if you have to wait for Monday Night Footy for one’s Toffee fix (away to Spurs, 3:00, NBCSN).  Don Carlo Ancelotti has been an absolute wizard on Merseyside, especially after the #NuAIDS layoff.  And how one loves seeing Mourinho in his managerial death throes.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
214 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
bk109

G’evening ya pervosaur-y sods and sodettes 😀

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Whoa dude; PERSONAL INTIMATE question.

bk109

She watches them regardless of who’s coaching us, probably ’cause she REALLY loves trolling me about my bloody Gooners 😀 Ironically, she’s probably the only person I know (regardless of gender or sexual preferences) that doesn’t get why people say he’s great-looking…

bk109

Yep, that’s the sentiment in a Gooner discord I’m currently losing my shit, ’cause we found a new way to be miserable – “What IF”-ing sacking Emery earlier 😀 Not only would’ve we had a better looking sideline, but someone actually knowing how to light a fire under certain malcontents’ arses

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

rockingdog

Bow wow

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

As a non-better I also wonder.

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I should say that completely, as I have a 401k-201e.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gumbygirl

Her mind is a terrible wasted thing.

SonOfSpam

Looks like Bayern’s in good shape to win the German Pokemon Cup.

SonOfSpam

Most productive Pole since Chopin. Or the one in the Vegas Spearmint Rhino.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

Rene Magritte will insist, ‘that is not a bowler hat’.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DERBY!!
*Hippo bets on hat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, did you think Mickey would no age??

#birdlaw

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

He was 43 years old.

scotchnaut

*TRUE scotchnaut STORY- I was once offered the opportunity to purchase this company.

https://www.canmuseum.com/Detail.aspx?CanID=4985

SonOfSpam

“Orenthal, get me a Slice”

– famous last words

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

SonOfSpam

Little ashamed my fellow Yanks (so named because jerkin it) have not posted our national anthem yet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_tyWt_9Bfs

Horatio Cornblower

Definitely my favorite, (no ‘u’ for you fucking Canucks on this, the birthday of the greatest country in the world), song by ‘X’, and I do not say that lightly. Just fantastic.

scotchnaut

You forgot to italicize ‘greatest country in the world’, smgdh…

Horatio Cornblower

Tough, but ‘fair’

Horatio Cornblower

This is a solid win. Wolves are legit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Happy Fourth, People!

Fronkenshteen

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

It seems as though the ref has put a few quid on Wolves.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

He probably gets his from the same store Bruce Banner shopped at.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Stretch waist, gussets.

scotchnaut

Loose pieces of rope.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t believe they charge so much for that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

These are from Duluth Trading Post:

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

Shoutout to Tug McGraw? RIP

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

Roaring at your Amazon package is not a good look. Banner?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Package…..

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, this lead is not going to last

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Luiz…did a good?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

True Anecdote Time:

I played a shit ton of pickup basketball back in the day. One summer day in Ottawa things were going my way and I was doing well. There was a mix of folks at this park watching and during a water break a kid (he was maybe 15?) walks up to me and says, “Shit, I hope we don’t play against you guys this year. What high school do you go to?” I was 26 years old…

Horatio Cornblower

So which high school was it?

herodotus450

Scotchy kept getting older, but the punks on the basketball court stay the age!

scotchnaut

“Our Lady Of Really Late Bloomers”, if you must know.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

11th grade is very hard.

Horatio Cornblower

Arsenal with a 1-0 lead against a top-tier team. “Well, we’ve certainly got this one in the bag” I say, as I pour myself a big cup of bleach and settle in for the second half.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Fronkenshteen

Beautiful goal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

scotchnaut

Only 31 baseball players tested positive for The Covid. You’re on deck soon, NFL.

scotchnaut

Heat warning in my area-I’d better stay inside and drink. #staysafe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

ALXMAC
litre_cola

COME ON WOLFYS DO THIS. MAKE NO DOUBT BY GETTING 4TH.

Fronkenshteen

Traore to Jimenez all day, baby!

Horatio Cornblower

Both of you go to hell.

ALXMAC
rockingdog

I present Blade Dog
comment image

Fronkenshteen

Just read that Little Feat were originally Captain Beefheart’s backing band. Sort of a west coast version of The Band. I always thought they were from the Deep South. Huh.
Speaking of The Band, the documentary on Hulu (“Once Were Brothers”) is awesome. It’s all from Robbie Robertson’s point of view, but the multitude of pictures and video clips of them playing are tremendous. Fucking heroin, man…

scotchnaut

I took that doc with a grain of salt after having read Levon’s autobiography. It certainly seemed like he had to grind it out on the road long after he wanted to because he was robbed of royalties. The passage describing him finding Richard Manuel’s body and having to untie the knot and bring his body to the ground was hard to read.

Fronkenshteen

Oof. I never heard about that. Just ordered Levon’s book. I already have Robertson’s.

ALXMAC

NoT Proven b/c he wasnt a fan of Soundgarden, but this is for tWBS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91rHFP0OtTE

Wakezilla

The Bulls just get the Old Lady the horn right before halftime. Should be a good second half.

Dybala is having one heck of a bounce back season this year.

litre_cola

Sent ya a message on slack.

litre_cola

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I LOVE THIS SHIT!!!!!!

Fronkenshteen

Winner winner, chicken dinner!

Wakezilla

Last night, I began writing something for today’s post when Mrs.Zilla entered the room and was all “my water has not broke, but things are definitely moving, so be ready.”

No water has been broke. Lesson learned.

Shit defense aside, Bruno and Pogba still being on the field when the game has been determined isn’t a good decision. Rest your big dogs Ole.

Brick Meathook

I don’t know nuthin’ about soccer or birthin’ no babies, but here’s some real bitchin’ American atomic explosions captured with all-American high-speed photography:

comment image

herodotus450

Fission for some, miniature American flags for others!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

herodotus450

Can you drink beer ironically? This case of Coors says: yes.

Horatio Cornblower

I was drinking Pabst before it was cool.

Because I was underage, and it was all we could get.

Fronkenshteen

Ours was Meister Bräu. Disgusting.

Gumbygirl

Rolling Rock or Vitamin I. When we had keggers, it was usually Genny Cream.

Horatio Cornblower

Well, I’m going outside to lay in the sun and work on my tan/melanoma.

Or, as Bournemouth calls it, “play defense”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Way ahead of you.” – Jay Cutler, stretching out in a sunbeam

Gratliff

Somehow forgot about the story arc in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where they have to change the name of the team, but they still want to piss off people for publicity, and so the Washington Gun-Takers was born.
comment image

herodotus450

2079 called, you’re dead and no one remembers you.

Col. Duke LaCross

And Ferrari engines are the new Renault engines. What a shitshow.

herodotus450

What is a catch handball?

Fronkenshteen

That was a rocket!

scotchnaut

Nathan’s should have a joint venture with the Westminister Dog Show and feature a contest to see which canines can wolf down the most hot dogs in one minute. Break it down by breeds because obviously Great Danes would have an advantage over the Terrier group. If the dogs barf within one hour they’re disqualified-unless they eat it all up again. The judges would have to rule on this.

/you know, I feel as though I’ve been very productive this morning!

Fronkenshteen

Gimme $50 on the Basset Hound.

scotchnaut

Sir Gulp A Lot is getting good odds.

Brick Meathook

Maximum bonus points if they later eat their own shit.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Terriers have jaw-speed.

herodotus450

Plus you can sell the losers to a local Chinese place to recoup some costs.

Horatio Cornblower

Considering the amount of dead woodchuck my Lab mix got down before I could haul him off the carcass last night, gimme $500 on the Labs.

/and oh yes, I did indeed get to see it again later last night
//fucking Labs, man.

Fronkenshteen

Yeah! Got the goal AND the assist!

litre_cola

There you go Fronk.

Fronkenshteen

Bruno Fernandes is amazing. He and Pogba setting everyone up is tough to defend.

Fronkenshteen

Whoa. Shit just got real. Come on, manure. I need this.

litre_cola

That was a hell of a goal.

Fronkenshteen

Made McGuire look stupid.

litre_cola

Well he is weighed down by his massive head

Fronkenshteen

After he scored with a header on a corner kick before the layoff, Robbie Earle said, “They don’t call him Slaphead for nothing”. And oh how I laughed.

yeah right

Oh jesus we’re getting relegated aren’t we?

herodotus450

If soccer had been invented a few hundred years earlier, we could have just played a soccer match for independence instead of having to convene and Declare and Constitute and all that.

Brick Meathook

And then later they had to give us their empire so they wouldn’t get conquered by the Nazis, and we took it and completely fucked it up. Yet Canada remains a colony. Hmmm.

scotchnaut

Sooo, EPL player of the year. Does Kevin The Broom stand a chance? Will the Liverpool votes get all split up or no?

rockingdog

Kevin The Boomeyr is pretty good.

rockingdog

Found a funny:

Ghislaine Maxwell showing up in the background of various historical scenes through the decades like some kind of sex trafficking Forest Gump

rockingdog

OMG
comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

So, like some kind of Highlander pimp/procurer. There can be only one!

litre_cola

Fucking Nottingham Forest. Bloody Robin Hood and his crew are taking care of business.

litre_cola

Spoke too soon. 10 man Rooneys with the equalizer at the death.

rockingdog