Testing… Testing… Is This Thing On? Your Thursday Night Football Eyegasm Open Thread

Damn right it’s on! Whew, what a frickin’ ride to get to this point. I just want to thank all the hardcore commenters that kept this thingy of ours afloat when there was so little sports going on that we resorted to Korean baseball and made the best of it. Things aren’t normal-far from it, but a veil of normalcy in the form of the return of NFL football has dropped on our collective heads. I’ll take it. I’ll take it and run with it, thankyouverymuch.

I’m curious, perhaps like many of you, about how the crowds will look/sound, the response to kneeling, coaches interactions with refs, the quality of play, how Covid will be managed, and a hundred other things. Let’s tackle all that shit down below but for now we need to go…TO THE GAME!

Texans vs. Chiefs:

-the spread is 9.5/10 which seems about right (because Vegas does what it does). The game script to me looks like the Chiefs getting on all their horses early and Watson and Co. struggling to keep up. I think he’s got a shot at it because KC’s secondary is not quite the same unit that came together at the halfway point of the season.

-Both David Johnson (play him while he’s upright) and Edwards-Hilaire should get plenty of touches in the form of catches out of the backfield. The rookie will get some because coach Reid is a master of putting his rb’s in space and DJ will do the same because even a coach like Bill O’Brien knows that the Chiefs gives up tons of yards (100 catches for 951) to them guys wandering out from behind the qb.

-what of the absence of Hopkins? What does it really mean for the Texans O? Well, in the two games they played vs. one another last year Hopkins came up with 12 first downs. That’s huge for a team. Right now Cooks is a game-timer and I would think the medical staff wouldn’t take the chance. What’s left? There’s Fuller, Cobbs and Kenny “He’s still in the league?” Stills-not much to look at. They’ll put it together as a unit over the course of the season but tonight is not the night.

-Players props, you say? Take the over on everything regarding Kelce. Due to injury he’ll be defended by Lonnie Johnson Jr, the owner of the very worst PFF score for a cb with 30. No one else was under 40.

As I always say, if you’re new to the site please say hello-we have a shit-ton of fun here on game days. If you happen to already have an account and haven’t said ‘boo’ in a while, we’d love to see your smiling text. Have at it, one and all. We’re back and I’m real fucking happy.

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The Maestro

TheSean is wearing a toque? Christ, it’s 56 degrees. Come on.

makeitsnowondem

Did he just threaten to give me Tony Dungy’s thoughts on the social justice movement?

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, I’m just hanging on his every word on that subject.

SonOfSpam

“Look, if you’re gay, just make like a dress shirt…”

tomsellecksmoustache

“The ghosts of Michael Vick’s dogs are hanging around all of our necks, choking out our futures.”

Last edited 4 years ago by tomsellecksmoustache
Spur

JJ Watt needs to kill O’Brian at halftime, Its the only way.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Horseshit horsecollar call.

Porky Prime

Obscure Disney Characters for $100, Alex.

Redshirt

The only time that woman will be on National TV, and she’s on her iPad.

SonOfSpam

You’ll all be happy to know the Lakers won and have a 3-1 over Houston.

Thanks for being such great fans of my team.

LemonJello

Relax, Ms Buss.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gatoraids

Most loses for Houston tonight since General Zod

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

Gonna hit a pothole and shoot himself right through the carotid artery, and nothing of value will be lost.

SonOfSpam

The bullet?

Horatio Cornblower

it goes out a hero.

King Hippo

Stalin will mail his next-of-kin the bill.

makeitsnowondem

Medical professionals have found that some percentage of COVID-19 patients just can’t seem to kick it.

Brick Meathook

Hippo will bet on anything, so earlier this evening we made a wager on who would die first. Obviously we had to bet on ourselves yet I made a few side bets on him. One rule was that it could not be a self-inflicted death, which would be morally wrong and cheating as well.

Here is what I believe will be Hippo’s death bed “last view” of this mortal coil:

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Beastmode Ate My Baby

Why does it look like the cat in the upper left masterminded the whole thing?

Unsurprised

Because he’s confident enough not to have to keep an eye on you. He knows he’s in control.

Redshirt

In Soviet Russia, pussy eats you!

tomsellecksmoustache

I’ve long said that if house cats were 40 lbs heavier, they’d bite you in the neck, kill you and never think twice about it.

Sharkbait

Nailed it!

–Blair Walsh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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TheRevanchist

Suck it, Houston!

Sharkbait

Oh she did. There was a movie about that.

litre_cola

I think Balls even did a 25 questions on it.

Spur

at least 500 times in one sitting

Horatio Cornblower

THAT’S MY KICKER!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

Then he should become a Trump Republican.

Spur

Reid even about to see through the fog in his mask?

Redshirt

I’m disappointed. I was hoping for a hamster ball filled with feed on the bottom.

ArmedandHammered

He has so much experience with the sneeze guards on steam tables that it is clear as crystal to him.

Redshirt

This game has been pretty clean with no mistakes. Good bye, Preseason Games.

litre_cola

Praise Bleergh!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ballsofsteelandfury

Dallas 1 Vegas 0

jjfozz

all about them doritos, boss

LemonJello

New Beast Mode Doritos

Unsurprised

They plow through your colon like it’s the New Orleans D line

Last edited 4 years ago by Unsurprised
LemonJello

They hit your taste buds like they were a safety in the open field.

Redshirt

All hail the stale chips coated in orange powder that makes a spectrometer go “..the fuck?”

jjfozz

What, what do they taste like?

Wait, don’t tell me.

Skittles?

King Hippo

I still hope Tom Brady fucking dies, and I now feel strangely almost-neutral about the P*ts. Did they move to WICHITA??

Last edited 4 years ago by King Hippo
Redshirt

I’m the opposite. I’m now slightly indifferent to Tom Brady, yet I want the Patriots to crash and burn in a way that will make Super Bowl XX feel like a day at the park.

Wakezilla

Nah, fuck the Patriots. As for Brady, meh?

Sharkbait

Wouldn’t be football season without the NFL giving the military a nice handjob mid game.

Wakezilla

Hey, that’s the American tax payer’s money paying for the handy. Show some respect!

Fronkenshteen

The TV guys sometimes know to not talk at all. You ain’t even on TV.

Unsurprised

Trying more vodka this time.

Mr. Ayo

SMRT

ballsofsteelandfury

– tWBS’ ghost

Beastmode Ate My Baby

What’s the over/under on the KC COVID spike over the next two weeks?

WhyEaglesWhy

I would love to know what the tailgate scene looked like if it was allowed.

Spur

Making a Rootbeer float at halftime. Can’t remember the last time i heard one.

Fronkenshteen

31 31 31 31

King Hippo

My guy gets a carry from the 6 inch line, gets stuffed.

Horatio Cornblower

Thanks, Mrs. Favre.

King Hippo

true, he wouldn’t have made it from 4″ out, neither

SonOfSpam

(different league) Same, AND going against Mahomes. So that’s cool.

Spur

I though those guys were excellent at stuffing 6 inchs.

Horatio Cornblower
SonOfSpam

Nick Saban is quite the commercial thespian.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

Fuck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Wakezilla

Hurrah! I finally got into this thread!

How about Collinsworth being a pussy and not calling the NFL out on Bieniemy not getting a job?

ballsofsteelandfury

You could have stopped at “pussy”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Naomi Osaka rulez.

Spur

Bill O’Brian has zero idea what he’s doing.

SonOfSpam

NAWT A TOUCHDOWN, THE SEQUEL

Gatoraids

Mahomes so on fire must be in California

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

Some dick did it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

You’re sorry for going in her room without permission?

Last edited 4 years ago by LemonJello
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh I didn’t know that Andrew Yang also did cheesecake photography.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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jjfozz

What flavor did Reid choose for his super bowl ring: ribs, onion rings, fries, or gravy?

TheRevanchist

Yes

litre_cola

Its like one of them BBQ flavoUred ring pops.

Horatio Cornblower

Ah Cris, blithely dismissing the NFL’s institutionalized racism with a chuckle. Never change, Cris, you mealy-mouthed chucklefuck; never change.

Gatoraids

Can’t wait til here praises Bellichecks piss boy coaching the Giants

Horatio Cornblower

It’ll be 42-3 (Los Gigantos, of course, having the 3), and Cris will still compliment him for something.

tomsellecksmoustache

The Patriots are so fucked if coordinators just keep wearing masks. Talk about building a wagon wheel empire just before the car comes out.

tomsellecksmoustache

This makes no goddamn sense. Fifth bourbon, you have cut me down in my prime. I’ll see my way out.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

/walks into room
/raises glass

Gentlemen…to us!

/falls over

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Edwards-Hellaire got him some burst.

Horatio Cornblower

I think he went 2nd in our FF draft, which pissed me off, because I intended to take him with the 4th pick.

King Hippo

I bought him for $74 at auction. Was very pleased.

ArmedandHammered

Mr. Richardson?

King Hippo

his NAME is now TOBY!!!

King Hippo

I am enjoying this fine FITBAW product. In the context of Our Timeline, not sure I will ever complain about FITBAW again.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

HAWT

herodotus450

“Me Coal, Hard Man,” also Trump’s West Virgina campaign slogan.

Fronkenshteen

David Johnson will be the difference maker here.

WhyEaglesWhy

Nobody has ever said that outside a medical clinic’s financial office.

Sharkbait

I was very happy to see a Mahomes down. I was less than thrilled to see it going to Kelce. Mrs. Sharkbait has him and we’re playing each other this week

tomsellecksmoustache

Has football always been this boring? I feel like we should be in stoppage time already.

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s insane how many commercials they show. That drags the game down.

Fronkenshteen

This is taking for fucking ever.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yup

jjfozz

Travis Kelce has taped at least two people’s buttocks together, he got the idea from Breakfast Club

WhyEaglesWhy

I thought he learned it from Nick Bosa at the Pro Bowl

WhyEaglesWhy

Looks like Miley Cyrus is starring in a remake of Labyrinth.

clint greasewood

A baby napping goblin.

Gumbygirl

Hoggle.

Horatio Cornblower

Would.